First I would like to give some thanks to Goddess for a lot of things:) I thank Goddess for sending me people that are helping me with my spiritual progress, for the Yoga class that seem so beautifully synchronized etc...

Last week, I had a kinesiology balancing and it did wounders for me... Always coming up with stuff to surrender and let go of. What I don't understand is the feminine/masculine imbalance I have or had... 3 meridians out on the left side when it comes to taking in more shakti, creative and spiritual energy from the macrocosmos... I started thinking about it and realized that I had been feeling that for some time, and it still feels like they get imbalanced at times... My bladder meridian and two others that I don't remember now, get imbalanced on my left side when I'm opening up to shakti... I think the container didn't hold the energy from above and the enrgy flows out instead... And on the yoga class yesterday I realized that it's propably easier for me to give than to receive...

I don't know what it's about or what's causing it, so here, Goddess, I surrender it to You. It's all yours, a gift for you! Please take it and do with it as you think best:) Thank you very much!

I am feeling my kundalini a lot these days...

Some nights ago I was up, and doing the grounding meditation before going to bed, and I started feeling like my spine was expanding energeticly to get wider:P And then the warm shakti started rising up. Pleasant sensations, just a little weird. Like points on my body were being widened before the shakti rised. After that I felt very balanced.

Some months ago (I have had a lot of these sensations) I felt like my normal conciousness/ego got "drowned" and I sort of went into the state of pure being. I actually got a little nervous from that, as I felt there was something about my throat, and all the sudden I felt like the cobra had been rising up into the troat and it got widened. And then I had the impression that there was something about my thyroid or parathyroid gland. And then I did some research on it and found out that it regulates hormones and that kundalini affects that. In the moment I felt like I was in my throat entirely.. Not sure it the stuff was physical or energetic as things tend to get stuck in my throat too. Surrendering this to Goddess:)

About my spine and it being straight enough for kundalini... About a year ago or more I was in a very strange place, very empathic and could sense a whole lot of things. One night there was like energy came on to my back almost like into my etheric body, and raging upwards and downwards fast, that was very painful. not in the spine but on both sides of it. I then told it mentally very strictly to stop and then it did. Before that I tried to relax into it but couldn't as it felt too uncomfortable. I never experienced it again. The pain subsided right after the sensations stoped.I've generally had more pleasant k. experiences, and wonder if all of it was just collective stuff and not actually anything to do with my own process. I have no idea:P Surrendering this too...

I just feel so loved... And I'm starting to see Goddess wherever I am.. Remembering that I am where I am because something in me wanted to be in the exact situation ground me even more into loving the moment... I feel... And I see love:) And it's almost like I am attracting from my environment that which I need and like... It's like something in me either sais yes or no beforehand to some situation. Surrendering things become very easy too. I see myself reflected everywhere... I do try not to think too much, but I do see the universe responding to my thoughts, and emotions... I also try to go more to wherever my body feels like going, and that seem to be synchronistic... Intuition works great and I'm starting to trust it more...

Thank you Goddess for everything...

I was at a bar ordering a beer yesterday, and as I faced the bartender the name "Tingeling" just poped into my head, and I started gigling.

Today I was at a meeting and he (the bartender) showed up beside me in my inner vision.

And later a stranger approached me, and just happened to say that I looked very similar to some girl they (don't know who "they" are) call "Tingeling"!

Then the bartender guy walks by... LOL

I didn't remember at the moment that "Tingeling" (don't know the english name) is a faerie in Peter Pan! LOL!

And funny, because I often do feel like a faerie... And I once wrote a poem called "Prince Of Faeries" because my DB once showed up kind of like in my poem.

Hm.. Maybe I do look similar to this girl or maybe it was me... Who knows:P

Goddess it's yours a gift for you...

And some more lol! I let my mother read the poem and she suggested I use that inspiration from the fearie world into children's fairytales etc lol! Maybe worth a shot...

Surrendering this to Goddess Shakti!

Okay here's something for you Goddess...

Both times I have been close to some stranger while out, I have seen a spirit attatched to him.

The first time: I was going to a local concert, I was going to buy a beer and then saw golden light as if it was overflowing from my heart:S Puzzled at this I let it go, I also notice a guy around my own age looking at me. Don't know if he saw it lol. Then this stranger walked on to the side of me, and seems like he wants to communicate. I was really grounded, and suddenly felt uncomfortable, and saw this spirit attatched to his right side as if it was drawn into my aura, and as I noticed this my body reaction was something like "hey, no I don't want this, please Goddess no unwanted empathy or similar stuff" lol and my aura just sort of pushed the spirit out of my field again... Back to the guy it came from. I don't think I was empathizing/projecting anything either, but I don't know.

The next time: a few weeks ago I was out and he walked by again (he seems like an okay guy, don't get much impressions from him) and the same thing happened with my aura again, I saw a spirit and propably attempted to boot it into the light (this has sort of become a habit) however then, I suddenly felt the spirit's reaction to being booted, and so then stoped and felt his confusion... I didn't think about this any more, and just went off with my day.

But then a few weeks ago, (I'm pretty sure it's the same spirit, and I hardly ever deal with spirits who haven't already crossed over in the first place) I was sitting out on the terrasse, and I observed him slowly getting closer to my appartment (he propebly wouldn't have gotten entry in the first place because of my house spell, no ghosts or spirits who aren't already in/of the light allowed) and then he noticed me. He seemed unsure and rather shy. I just wondered why he didn't go into the light when I booted him this time too. How did he find my appartment anyway? Strange. I've been trying to get him into the light but it doesn't seem like he goes. Goddess please take this... Don't know if I have misunderstood things here, as might happen with these kinds of things, but I feel it is none of my buisiness to deal with! Surrendering...

I had a meeting with a psychiatrist, to discuss whether I would take medication for my attention disorder or not. My gut feeling sais that it's not the right option for me, as it's not a mental attention disorder, but more generally because of empathy, sensitivity etc. A bit too open at times on the spiritual. Like it's always there in the back of my mind. But doesn't usually affect my abilities to be social unless I'm dealing with a ghost of some kind demanding my attention etc.

However... As I sat there I noticed that my fairies went crazy in the corner of the room, they must have found a lot of karma hanging around there, and I figured that since it is a place people come to release a lot of stuff, and unless cleanced there must be a lot of karma there:P The air felt a little dense and thick... My fairies really seemed to love it there! I had to go a few blocks away to take out cash to pay for the session, and I just left them there. Because their lunch time wasn't finnished. lol. And then I came back and they still wanted to be there. So I went a few blocks away to visit a guy I used to work with, and after a little while, my fairies came back really happy. Lol.

Funny day... Thank you Goddess...

It's been interresting days... So many childhood memories are coming back to me in vivid visions etc. There was so much repressed memories where I dealt with metaphysical stuff! I realize even that as a child... I was sensing decreased spirits and helped them into the light, I communicated with animals telepathicly etc. At some point in time... I got angry and mad about all of it, and repressed it, in order to fit in at school and socially... But with that came such a serious depression that I started cutting myself... Hurting myself for having repressed and closed off my connection to my higher guidance.

I'm working on healing and accepting the child who was searching for something that she could not remember what was...

My child self started visiting my dreams, back in 2009... Looking for my future self... Searching. Time-travel healing going on:)

Thank you Goddess... This is all yours... A gift.

Just sharing... For Goddess to eat!

I figured out something today. A while ago I put up a note, seeking a band or people to play with in a band. There was a guy that responded. First gut reaction felt bad. That we didn't have the same interrests in expression but there was also something else I didn't go more into. But I went with it. But then as I chatted with him, I felt this darkness about him. Then I felt something shadowy. Fist I thought maybe it was his shadow self, but rather felt it was an entity. A dark, sneaky one that was sort of checking me out. Now I feel like this was someone who this guy perhaps channel through his lyrics and music. And I just know that I don't want to be channeling that. It is totally different from the shakti charged music that I really want to be singing and working with! And the music is really dark and melancholic too, and that's also totally different! I just can't relate to that. (my natural state is pure joy and extacy from shakti) I found that, if I were to sing stuff like that I wouldn't be able to put my heart into it... (plus what I focus on grows)And then it wouldn't be worthwhile for me. The only song with melody I've created that is sort of melancholic is expressions of my dark night of the soul experience, and even there, it's not completely "dark" So what is, is that I don't want to channel this entity. The guy also seems to be into stuff I don't want to go into. What I want to be singing is stuff while being grounded, and it just doesn't seem grounded or right for me. I want to express love. LOL! And spiritual things while singing which seem like a goddess gift of mine. (Thank you for that!) That's what I will be focusing on. Not channeling entities in my work. I just asked my guardians as well, to not allow any entity to contact or communicate with me, even for channeling purposes. I just don't want to go into that. This might be related to the difficoulties I've had lately. Just, that, setting some boundaries...

Goddess it's yours...

"Not channeling entities" that may be a bit wrong, because I may sometimes channel spirits, but only those of the light... But mostly, just my own heart voice and DB. Feels much more right to me!

There was also something weird, this guy said, something about wanting to create an entity. That also something I won't go into. Not what I do!:P

If there are unfinnished stuff or energetic entanglements connected with this stuff and those involved, Goddess, please clear them. Thank you very much!

So much for trusting my GUT...

I am just thinking about how kundalini seem to have altered my DNA... For example it has been discovered that if a child is adobted into a family with cancer genes, and the child originally comes from a family with no history of cancer, it is just as likely that the child adobted gets the gene, so is this that the child is adobted into the family karma, and not really about the cancer gene at all? It seems so. The cancer gene itself is the karma? I'm wondering because k really have seemed to clear out the karma I inherited by birth from my family. And on my mother's side there's a history of ovarie cancer. Maybe the gene is some form of entity or meme:P lol...

Even more spirit stuff heh.

There's one spirit. I was sitting around a table at a bar with some friends, and I noticed a diembobied spirit noticing me, I saw the image that he suddenly saw the shakti/light coming up from above and into my feet, I got the impression that he was surprised/astonnished by that. Since then, he has been coming ang going to try and attach to me. I feel that he wanted that light for himself. But he can't have that, through me. He has been reluctant to go into the light and rather wants to get shaktipat from the energy of my attention. But he is a negative clutch for me. I can't focus on daily things with him around, seeking my attention amongst other spirits. I don't want him or the other ones to connect to me again:/ So I ask Goddess to please take care of this situation for me. He came back a few hours ago, after I had finnally regained my grounding to a good degree. And he ungrounds me. And I ask Goddess to clear eventual misunderstandings etc. Thank you very much!

So, I found myself spontaneously feeling the urge to walk outside in the middle of the night, to an area right outside my home. I stood for a while, feeling the grass under my feet (shoes were on), feeling the earth energy rising. It seems to really strengthen my connection, and I got a more elemental feeling of the earth energy. I reached out to a beautiful tree, standing alone (it's a very beautiful spot, almost magickal) and I could feel empathicly how the tree was being fed with life energy from the soil. I fell in love with that... I later went out to it again, touching it, I asked that it help me a little with grounding as I had been feeling ungrounded lately, and then I had the urge to turn around, and looked straight at an almost full moon in front of me. (A pattern here, apparently lol!) It was also my period, so I feel an urge to just spend some time in nature visually offering my blood to the earth. I then, placed my tailbone to the trunk of the tree and got a real kundalini rising! I then saw my sushumna channel, lightening up, it has become very wide! And just stood there for a while. Then I felt a connection to a woman, perhaps the area deva spirit? Not exactly sure, but she seems nice. Then I offered thanks to the tree and the nature around me, and headed off home. I felt the shift, when entering my appartment, it is like walking into another dimension/vibration... I'm hit with a blast of shaktipat, just by entering my home... Very lovely lol! I then sat down, feeling golden light and blissfull sensations all around in my body... Shaktified and amrita sweetness in my mouth... No wonder folks loose their "heads" when entering my space lol. Thank you Goddess!

Had a forthplay last weekend, and a friend, whom I have been experiencing as if been trying to make love to me on the astral plane or higher self level, came a little earlier than the others. He have me a hug, and suddenly I felt as if I was his Divine Beloved (really cute girl, a lot of orange about her..) hugging him back, and I just realized it, I was giving him his Divine Beloved back through the hug! Finally.. I hope he has accepted it and taken her back now. I believe he was convinced that I wanted that kind of relationship, but I don't, and my higher self just wants to love anyway, so I'm the one having to set that boundary I guess.. Then he commented on that I always keep my hands on my chest, and I said "yeah, cause that's where my heart chakra is, I touch it a lot..." And then I saw his divine beloved doing something on his heart chakra, as if she was opening it for him etc. So beautiful! Don't know why I see these things, but I seem to be able to see people's Divine Beloveds! I already know I can see people's higher selves and sometimes people's souls.... And shadows. But the Divine Beloved thing is cool...! Funny how Goddess has it handled...

I've been in a very depressive mode lately... Just about everything that's hard for me in my life comes up, like the empathy overloads, like my attention disorder, like how I've had difficoulties in the past with stuff, especially energetic sensitivity etc, my social anxiety/difficoulties.. I feel like I just hit bottom! It's just that I have to focus on people at times, but then, if I focus one them for too long, my empathy is triggered and they get shaktipat and I get karma... And just aarg, so many things are just pounding up! And I still have post traumatic stress! not just with certain people, but the memory my body has from having been knocked out with karma from people before I realized that my attention was so shakticharged, and from that I get so easily distracted! Aarg... I thought I was handling it well, that I had found ways to deal with it effectively, but now, it feels like it's all gone! And with all these shadows moving in, I just feel trapped... I feel like I haven't been myself lately. Goddess this is for you.

I know I've already been having the grail opened, I gave my heart to the crystal before I even through of beginning on the tantra, and I experienced the volcano Goddess coming up from underground, giving a new heart back... but it's been on and off, and I didn't really recognize it as the grail! But I believe it is..... I see and feel the mechanism in it, or at least that's what it seems like! At first I thought it was an entity, because it sais "I love you, mouah!" and with the mouah, sending out a white flash, repelling whatever karma there is or is incoming! And sometimes it's like it transmutes whatever stuff into golden light... I just thought the grail was a natural aspect of the grounding... But now I can feel and even see the standing wave! And the "I love you mouah" comes whenever there is something that might disrupt the standing wave, opening the heart completely again with the mouah lol. Pretty cool... I see this as been given an amazing gift, thank you Goddess.... I'm amazed by it!

That is not the grail. If you check your discernment, you would know it is not the grail. Why not check before posting this absurd claim?  Do you think skipping over checking whether what you say is true, before posting, is respectful of this temple?

  I do that white light karma blast to cleanse myself after every chat party, sometimes during. I call it "going nuke." I have demonstrated it to students, even taught it at a recent chat that was mostly grad students. I skip the "Goddess coming up from the earth" movie. I don't need to draw it from the earth, it is centered in my heart but it is not the grail.

  I cannot imagine the still small voice of the heart making "mouah" kissy noises like some cheesy b movie starlet, it feels so wrong. You think that is Goddess?

  Too much focus on the phenomena just feeds ego, its not enlightenment, it is a distraction from enlightenment. Getting a lot of phenomena is not a sign of advancement, its a sign that your karma is deeply embedded and Goddess needs to bring out the jackhammers and dynamite to bust it loose.

  What part of your ego wanted to believe you have attained the grail, when you do not really even know what it is? Do you know what a standing wave is? Nuke does not have one. Nothing can distrupt the standing wave of the genuine grail. You diminish the true power of the grail in your mind so you can believe you have attained it. What use is that?

Wherever did you get the idea that giving your heart to the fiery crystal is a way to attain it? It isn't! You just made that up.

  Most of the phenomena of kundalini is just karma clearing noise. If you focus on it and dissect it and pat yourself on the back because your ego wants to promote the identity of your "specialness" and attach to its own limited interpretations, do you think it effectively diminishes the ego? 

"Look at me, I am the special magical one, everyone else takes years to attain the grail but I get it as a noob because I am so specially gifted and blessed!" Arrogant, quite disrespectful and a cover for insecurity and lack of self worth. Feeding the ego does not build healthy self esteem.  Your grounding is still kinda flaky and you have said your discernment is unreliable. One day you claim to see Goddess in everything and the next you are going ewww at some entity not wanting it to touch you. Do you see the contradiction?

  You post saying you want to be a healer,  and then list all the reasons why you are obviously not ready and will get stuck, but still asking for opinions, (attention) as if you are not even listening to yourself. Then you want to be a rock star (look at meee!) but only if the music is shakti charged. You do not give a single thought to the karmic feedback of spewing shakti on people who did not ask to become enlightened just want to be entertained. Are you suicidal? If your music awakens someone, then you become their "root guru" and their karma flows to you for about a decade, and all the worse if you did it out of ego. If they go into resistance as people always do, then kiss your liver goodbye "mouah".

My liver is aching now, your resistance... have it back, keep it if you enjoy it so much. I really don't enjoy delivering the sharp smack upside the head to a hysterical person to get them to snap out of it. You kept telling us how advanced you are, so I waited for you to figure it out for yourself... but ...



"I know I've already been having the grail opened"

Bullshit.

With this claim you try to place yourself above every other student here, both the ones who worked hard to attain it and those still on the way.  Are you here to cleanse your ego or to feed it by trying to persuade us of how specially blessed and magical you are?
   Have you noticed the absence of validation for that?

Ever heard of humility? Try it sometime. Soon. It leads to Grace that is genuine.

  One thing surprised me about attaining self realization. The total absence of any kind of specialness. Feeling absolutely completely plain jane ordinary, nothing special about me, at all ... and totally happy about it. Oh I am Goddess, of course lol, what else could I be? She is all... and..  so to be Goddess, its really nothing special at all because everything is Goddess, it is normal and ordinary. No use calling me Goddess because its meaningless, everything is Goddess and so what?  Duh. Shrug at it and go make lunch.

I have a left side power chakra issue, that I am working on releasing. I also have tendencies for self-sabotage,, and have post traumatic stress for some old stuff.

This thing in my heart, I believe is because I have been getting a lot of karma incoming, and it's working to sort of uphold the flow. I begged Goddess to intervene. Went into the shower the other day, it got activated, and some huge black bricks just kind of bumped off. I know this is the standing wave. I know my discernment on this is right. It's just not active all the time, I asked that it be and so this thing seems to be of assistance to that, because I have some resistance to being in that flow all the time. I also have social issues of truly being who I am around others. All these things are stuff I am working on clearing.

A couple of years ago, I hadn't yet learned the karmic feedback effects of giving energy. I have learned that now, and so I don't do that. Or at least I don't offer energy by free will, anymore. I also know that no one needs anything from me. I do not feed my ego. I just have fun with experiencing. I take my relationship with DB above anything, and he guides me.

I am not trying to put myself above anyone. I am just sharing, my experiences. I am not special. I'm just me. I don't want to be special either, or seen of as special. Everyone is anyway. I am not looking for attention.

One of the main reasons I post in this tea room, is because I am redirected to Goddess in myself, and often get insights on the stuff as I write it. I am not really open or closed for comments... I just appreciate a place to post, where I am redirected to Goddess in myself, if I have been "off" track.

"Too much focus on the phenomena just feeds ego, its not enlightenment, it is a distraction from enlightenment." I know that, I don't get why you think otherwise. I experience something seemingly amazing, ponder on it for a while, give thanks for it, and let it go. I usually don't get caught up in it, and let it go before I realize I have made an attachment.

"I cannot imagine the still small voice of the heart making "mouah" kissy noises like some cheesy b movie starlet, it feels so wrong. You think that is Goddess?"

But isn't it all Goddess? I have done entity clearing on it.

"Look at me, I am the special magical one, everyone else takes years to attain the grail but I get it as a noob because I am so specially gifted and blessed!" Arrogant, quite disrespectful and a cover for insecurity and lack of self worth. Feeding the ego does not build healthy self esteem.  Your grounding is still kinda flaky and you have said your discernment is unreliable. One day you claim to see Goddess in everything and the next you are going ewww at some entity not wanting it to touch you. Do you see the contradiction? "

I do not see myself as specially gifted. I know we all have gifts. I feel blessed though. But that has to do with my Divine Beloved. I do see the contradiction. I do see Goddess in everything, but does that mean I have to let an entity touch me?

I'm sorry if I have offended you, Mystress. I respect you. And I appreciate this Tantra you created. I will try my best not to resist whatever you try to teach me.

I foresaw this situation. But did you empathize me? Since you say you're giving stuff back to me, and the liver stuff. If you are keeping anything that does belong to me, I'm glad to have it back, if I have been resistant to letting it go. I don't want you to get stuck with it.

This discussion moved me to realy think of what the resistance is.
Im moved to theoretize a bit about it here since I dont really understand the idea fully. It is a bit paradoxical subject because mind can say I don wish to resist or Im not resistant or say this or that but it might not be so.
From my view even after the many weird spiritual experiences. Always when I close my eyes and I ask what is real for me right now. What is important. I always find there is not much there.
I mean real, like that what is not of the mind..  All memories, past and future, old teachers everything just mind. Floating around, vanishing.

And to be resistant as I understand it, is still clinging to the mind content. Mind can play ideas in many forms but they never change their nature. One can change the content of the mind to be of that of a saint or a holy man. And repeat words of god every day. But that is a play of mind. Words and images of mind are not really that nice, Godess is much nicer.

Salvation is that mind usually will admit that its just mind. Mostly when faced whit a colapse and pain due to some stuff happening. But where for a common mind crash and pain are healing and teachers. For a mind that is filled whit spiritual ideas sometimes even these life teachers are just played around and dressed this or that way in mind so that is fits the belief system.

And that is not ultimately bad by itself, it can be fun. Lots of creative mind content and strange things happening. But the real karma is not being resolved, then in fact under this layer of mind content is still bubling and growing. Sometimes one finds a vent of how to release bits of karma here and there, when it threats to overspill. But not clearing it once and for all, cutting the root of it. Resisting the cutting of the root because mind content is so nice, not to mention addictive. (mostly if energy systems are not managed well, and one accepts any food even junk food)
And when with guru, one can try to imagine the poor guru who gets a karma from such student. He works and works, clearing what is incoming to him trough many channels he established, but nothing moves in his student nothing changes. Only occasionally student asks for a more content for his mind and some patting on the back for his ego.
So a guru has a dilemma: If to give student more content so he can play in his mind and eventually realize the fact its all just mind and change. And in meantime to receive lots of pointless karma that is not moving student anywhere. Or to smack him hard, that might or might not work. But can make student leave and leave him to play captured in his mind maybe until end of his life. Natural kindness would point towards smiling and waiting as many gurues do. But I can not imagine how such waiting feels to him.

Anyway, this is how I see meaning of the word resistance.

More reality reflecting mind content, spiritual mind content, grail mind content, ufo mind content.
Its just mind content. And some mind content can make clearing karma and path more easier but also complicate it, if one forgets oneself in it. So wildly embracing mind content and believing in it is a double edged sword.
Wild forays and embrace of mind content can mean a continuation of resistance to reality and it is therefore not a pleasant news for the committed teacher. Since for a teacher it usually means more waiting and smiling.

This is my theory as to the subject and is open to discussion.

greetings
Duu

Your thoughts are interesting Duu.

On one hand I would prefer that Mystress gives me good spanking (smack upside the head) when I'm on some ego-trip, instead of smiling and waiting with the result of her becoming frustrated and burnt out.

But I think for the Guru/Teacher, a spanking to the student would still inflict karmic feedback to the Guru/Teacher.

However, as you write,  if the spanking is too hard, the student might run away from the Guru/Teacher.

The balance is not easy to find, especially if you're a spiritual teacher.

However, becoming frustrated with the student because of the waiting or giving a spanking, is still a part of the job of being a spiritual teacher, I guess- just as any other job.

For instance, in the job I have (banking), I am no spiritual teacher or a guru for my colleagues, but I still feel other peoples crap, and that seems to be a part of the job (and yes I know, if it's stick, it's mine anyway, but trying not to project when having a human mind seems to be impossible).

My boss has been degraded from having his own office, and is now sitting right in front of me, with the result that he's swearing, cursing and emptying his frustration right into my face. I have a hard time coping with it, because I try to keep my energy inwards, but still it seems to impossible to be totally unaffected by other peoples stuff when one is awake/empathic and holding a job. It's a part of being human I guess. Luckily, Goddess seems to reward me with a otherwise envious life for being her karma shit waiter.


Edward

Hi Edward,
I mean that Guru/Teacher can also be your innner self and Godess.
So, if you feel frustration I think it is just a lesson in progress.
Not a longterm pleasant life situation. And it is simply that for the moment
Guru/Teacher is yourself and people around you.

Just some time ago I had a tough situation that was frustrating and not pleasant.
And in a inner way I could feel that it was me, my inner self that was
deciding whether to wait (and stay frustrated) or whether to ask for a spanking
so to speak and create this life situation. And ask other people in a hidden way
to play the opposite parts of play. (Or just missuse them for a moment)
So In a way Guru/Teacher can be Godess, Inner guru. But in that case one
will perhaps also resist even that. In that case I think one inner organs and liver will
get tense and strained. And if one is in the body and loving it one will notice it and act in better way.
So being in the body is more than important for this reason.

But is it not a strange thought that all lessons, spankings around us could
be created by us by asking for them in some way? So its not Guru/Teachers wishing to really be frustrated and spank anyone. But perhaps its us, we are asking, pushing our environment, people our Guru/Teachers to do it. (and than we as ego do complain instead of thankfulness).
Godess spanking can be much much harder that that of Mystress.
So it would make a sense to ask Mystress for spanking since she is strict but very kind.

And I think in a way that frustration and other emotions are only ways that will
build a proper situation around us, in us, so spanking will be realy felt. And if we just play it, aware, and dont resist much, lesson will be quick and not hurt the body. And all sides then happy to play.
But if one asks for a spanking and that is not so easy to deliver and then at the same time complains, resists. It can realy be a genuinely frustrating thing.

This theoretizing texts are so long, I appologize.
And maybe nonsense.


With love

Duu

It's easy to fall into ego inflation, when one is having a tough time, after having non-dual experiences.

It is good to know that there are other people also, outside of this board, that are "enlightened or "self-realized" too.

A couple of weeks ago I was very reluctant to go to a party, because I was afraid of getting empathy overload. However I went to the party, and met a girl who started talking to me about how she was empathic.  Then we discussed the Jungian model of consciousness, and concluded that we both were pretty normal, and not any special.

I few weekends ago my friend and I had planned to go out on town and have some drinks. I almost cancelled the date, because I was having paranoid thoughts about getting too much empathy.  When I finally met my friend, she told me that she had been worrying all day about how she would cope with feeling everybody. That made me think that I'm not very special too

Today I asked my psychologist why she seems to be so open when I talk about kundalini and chakras. She told me that she has been working with Stanislav Grof (a psychiatrist who's studied how one can use LSD or breathwork for consciousness expansion), and that she has and still have her consciousness expanding now and then.

So having a psychologist who apparently seems to be going in and out of non-duality, and who's handling that as the most mundane thing, that makes me feel very ordinary and very little special too.

And that is good, because then I don't feel like I'm alone, or on some ego trip.


Edward

Quote from: Mystress on Dec 27, 2011, 06:29:23 PM
One thing surprised me about attaining self realization. The total absence of any kind of specialness. Feeling absolutely completely plain jane ordinary, nothing special about me, at all ... and totally happy about it. Oh I am Goddess, of course lol, what else could I be? She is all... and..  so to be Goddess, its really nothing special at all because everything is Goddess, it is normal and ordinary. No use calling me Goddess because its meaningless, everything is Goddess and so what?  Duh. Shrug at it and go make lunch.

I’ve been pondering over this too and thinking out load... I wonder what it actually means to be enlightened and have no ego. Is it another experience? If so is there someone still there who is experiencing so called non-duality? I get the feeling that enlightenment is not an experience and therefore whoever is enlightened has no way of even knowing that they are enlightened or telling themselves that they are enlightened. So I’m not sure what experiencing non duality is, or if that’s even possible. From my ego point of view, it seems that this would be a permanent death, not the experience of death. Can I truly be interested in this?  Most likely, I am seeking an extension of my pleasure moment and maintaining some form of continuity through seeking spiritual experiences. It can be like that, a way of experiencing higher forms of pleasure when everything else gets boring.

It’s still the ego that experiences stuff, whether than be great sex or some kind of Holy Communion, perpetual ecstasy, what’s the difference? Perhaps only in our perceptions and in what we place value to. The Holy Communion, perpetual ecstasy is perceived as being more valuable, it’s put on a pedestal, we feel special and make a big deal of it. Preach about it etc. I’ve come to believe that all experiences are the same, nothing more than dead phenomena, BS and nothing to do with enlightenment.

The other thing that comes to mind, is that most enlightened people seem to emphasise that when there is truly no-self, there is nothing to do and no desire for anything. The person’s full attention is in the here and now. Hence the saying “after enlightenment, chop wood, carry water”. Everything else, including running around chasing after and having silly little spiritual experiences is just avoidance to that. Another way thought has invented to stop itself from being dead.

Robin