Pointless

[Jeremy]

It's all totally pointless.  None of this is even real! I AM all that is so there is nothing that can stop me waking up anyway.  No karma, that is another illusion I'm sure.  I will wake up, eventually.  Why would any separation ever have been created.  That first thought must have been intentional.  I guess if I don't wake up  in this place Jeremy will never know.  He is going to die anyway so what's the fucking point.

Everything is creating attachments to keep me here.  If I become totally uncluched then I will have to lie and contribute to the illusion of separation to everyone unless I show them we are the same thing.  Is this a mistake? am I here to help correct an error? that sure sounds like psychosis.  If there is such a thing. 

To think that murder is anything but liberation seems like an attachment.  It is only removing separation.  If we all died at once wouldn't that be what were moving towards anyway? or are two heads really better then one.  I AM will always be but Jeremy will die.  He does not understand why you did this to him.  He can't, he could never comprehend.  Of course he wants to live, you gave him life all be it temporary.  Nothing has meant anything, memories, feelings, thoughts, people.  Its all an illusion. 

Perhaps separation creates more? is that blasphemy? I can't insult myself! but Jeremy is not infinite, he is  the separation that is going to disappear.  Now he is aware of this he realizes there is nothing he can do.  Its all a game.  Perhaps ignorance is bliss.  Am I wasting my time trying to understand more then I am capable of? I am like a shark in the sea.  Of course I am going to keep moving! I don't want to die.  If I stop moving I will become the sea.  Perhaps I should stop moving, thinking.  It is pointless to carry on.  Everything I have written is pointless.  'I' did it to myself.

[Jeremy]

...... You want me to choose, you want me to surrender.  You want me, to kill myself.  To offer myself to you and give back what you gave to me.  Thank you Goddess for this life and for making me aware.  If I don't surrender I will stay and you will let me keep coming back.  I think I understand what you have given me.  Let me be a mirror of you and not myself so that everyone can see your love.  Surely everyone will want to come home.