Interface between sleeping and being awake and meditation

[Iris]

Hi Mystress and everybody else,

during the last week or two, interesting things are happening in the interface between being asleep and awake and during my meditations.
Few days ago I dreamed (but I was kind of conscious at the same time) that I have an incredible beautiful, muscley and soft brown back. My skin was kind of sun brown, and my back felt much more male than it usually does. It was a very strong back and it felt so beautiful and free. It was clearly my back, but it felt much more male than usual.
As I woke up I sat in meditation position, and the feeling of this beautiful back was still with me and it suddenly felt like my wings are growing- big, big wings. I was bathing in that feeling the whole day.

This morning, in this interface again, everything felt so easy, it felt like everything I want is available with no need for effort. Simple, easy (of course it was not there anymore, as I woke up  ) Than, as I meditated, all kinds of energy movements were happening. It felt like I was growing a penis and a tail!!?? My mind immediately said: tail =bad, but it felt really good. Again, there was this feeling of being male and female at the same time. During the whole meditation, I was knowing that I am sitting on my bed and am meditating, but I couldn´t say anymore, which wall in my room I am facing. Saw a lot of colours, from purple to bright blue to velvety black (which is not unusual) and I felt very loved and cared for.

Lately it feels like energetic strings are being pulled out from some painful knot I feel is in my back and that feels very good.
Have done a lot of ho'oponopono lately and the karma clearing exercise (Lesson:Using the Grounding to Clear Karma) , this feels kind of connected to it.

If you have comments on this, I would love to hear them.

Thanks, Iris

[Vyana]

The interface between being asleep and awake is a key to deeper experiences. Yoga is sometimes said to be about widening our scope of awareness, so that we can be aware not only of what is normally available to our conscious mind but also of what is in our subconscious mind (and in some way also of what is in the unconscious, which although cannot be experienced). When we open up to the subconscious we tend to have extraordinary experiences, which are often symbolic representations of what is going on in our mind. This happens in dreams and in meditation. Many meditation techniques are designed to take us into this relaxed state of conscious, where we can be aware of the subconscious and still be awake (and not being scared). When we go there, we go close to the state where we tend to fall asleep. Therefore, at some initial stages of practicing meditation, the practitioner often tends to fall asleep.

When we become aware of and perceive the structures of the subconscious mind, which much often seem to happen when we are just about to fall asleep or just after waking up or in meditation or during lucid dreaming, we get information of what is stored there and of what is going on, eg as a result of our spiritual practices. This information is often in symbolic form.

The tensions related to the blockages released by yogic practices often manifest (or are caused by) physical tension in the body. In my case, the body is a major key to release and really get rid of the blockages. Therefore I benefit a lot from physical exercises and yogic exercises such as sat kriya and kirtan kriya. I also often have experiences from the body which are, I believe, of the same kind as some of those you describe, such as body  growing really big, arms and legs growing longer and so on. I think these kinds of experiences are rather common.

I have also had experiences of female (or "girlish") energies (as well as of male or "boyish" energies) being released in my body and energy system, but I have never experienced growing a vagina. The integration between male and female qualities in our psyche is an important part of yoga and is dealt with in some important lessons in this course. (In kundalini-yoga there is a meditation for this integration, called yoni kriya, which I have practiced for a few months.) I would guess what you experienced is at least partly related to this integration.

Immediately when I read what you wrote about having a tail, I felt a similar sensation. Somewhat later, during meditation, this sensation grew stronger and I realized that the "tail" I felt was actually some kind of energy structure connecting my base chakra with the crown and also disappearing upwards, I think. This is somewhat confusing. I have never even heard of anything like that before.  Maybe it's some kind and grounding cord or a sensation from the central channel in the spine or part of the aura? But I suppose the sensation of having a tail might also come as a sign of integration of animal qualities deep in our psyche.

[Iris]

Hey Vyana,
what you say about growing a tail might be a symbol of integrating animal qualities, is a interesting theses. never thought about this before. It is also interesting what you saw after mapping the tail. I must admit, that I have no idea where the tail ended, I just felt the part of it, where it came out of my body in the cocsix area. I will  explore it a bit more.
the word *integrating* resonated strongly, seems that is happening at the moment, integrating lots of parts that I was not aware of, at a deeper level than usual.
I´ve done a lot of regresion work- maybe around 1000 hours in the last 4 years on the giving and receiving side, so it is not new to me to perceive myself as a a male or big mama with huge brests  , but I thought I  share my experiences with you all, because they seem to be important for this part of my process.

[Vyana]

If integration resonates strongly to you, I guess that is probably what it is all about. The human species have developed from animals and at a very early stage the human fetus actually has a tail (and also gills – just wait until you have to integrate those!  ). Therefore, I wouldn't be surprised if these are not also somehow represented deeply in our subconscious too.

Personally, I perceive these representations as basically energy movements. Suppressed energies are set free to our disposal. What we actually do experience is most often symbols. There might be a connection between the symbol and the cause of the blockage, and sometimes we get up memories, but this is not necessary. It might be more important what the energy means to us right now, when it is set free, than what it meant when it was once upon a time suppressed.

[Mystress]

Along the road to sleep, and again on the way back to wakefulness you go through the state of hypnotic trance, where a state of surrender is natural and communication with the unconscious is easy.  The Kundalini process makes use of this time to work with stuff that needs a conscious awareness to surrender, even if the symbolism is vague to the conscious mind. The tendency to awaken around 2-3 am is part of the same mechanism.

  Don't have much to add to the other comments, they are excellent. Thank you all for sharing your experiences.  Blessings! 

[Iris]

Thanks a lot Vyana and Mystress for your comments!! 

Vyana, I´m not at the gills-integrating stage yet 

Mystress, it´s interesting that waking up at 2-3 am is part of the process of surrender and conscious awareness. some friends of mine from the meditation school I am in, where reporting this happening to them lately.

Iris