FST Pre-Graduation Essay - Sandy

[SandraC]

The way my higher self directed me towards this course was really interesting.  Before last year, I had no clue what Kundalini was until I became interested in Meditation.  I saw a Kundalini meditation audio-cassette for sale at a local store and I bought it.  I never imagined that I was going to take this course because of that.  I decided to take Kundalini Yoga classes because it was hard to understand the instructions on audio.  I really didn%rsquot like the classes mainly because I didn%rsquot find it relaxing at all.  I did a search on the Internet and I learnt that the purpose of Kundalini Yoga is to awaken the root kundalini.  Then mystress%rsquo website came up in my search and I started to %ldquodevour%rdquo everything that was on the site because it resonated true to me.  After that, I realized that what my Higher Self was giving me clues so I could get to the kundalini-gateway site.

I then booked a session and my life started to change...in a good way .  I realized that I used to look for situations to be a victim, and I still do, but not as much.  Even when I was getting mad all of the time because of what %ldquoothers%rdquo (the mirror of all that is lesson explained it) did to me, she saw the good in me.  I think she showed me how to look at the good side in people.  I thought that the new age stuff was only for people that are %ldquoadvanced%rdquo and I didn%rsquot think that I could do it.  Because of mystress%rsquo real world demonstrations of faith, I started to be mindful and have more faith.  I%rsquoll always remember the %ldquofaith is like a muscle%rdquo expression that is used in this course.  And now I know that this process of spiritual enlightenment is something to be seen as a beautiful adventure and not as a cross that I have to carry with me all the time.

I really liked the section of siddhis, specially the part about bumping into other people.  And the explanation that it%rsquos because we are all living in different worlds really hit the nail.  Right after I read that, the security guard of where I was working at told me that I was so quiet that he never knew when I was getting near the entrance.  And I was perplexed because most of the time I wear high-heels that make lot of noise over the ceramic tile of the building I work at.   I used to

I came to a look of neat conclusions or insights as I was going through the lessons.  I learnt that I ask people for their opinion and then I used to get mad because they told me what to do.  Now that seems so silly and every time I%rsquom about to do it again, I%rsquom aware of what I%rsquom doing.  It seems that I%rsquom not looking for the approval of other people as much as I did before.  I%rsquom finally realizing that what they think about me are only their opinions and nothing more.  I realized that just because somebody calls me an idiot does not make me an idiot.

In meditation I used to feel heaviness in me and I thought it was an illness.  I didn%rsquot use to see it as karma that can easily be transmuted when given up to goddess or a higher power.   As I let go of more attachments, I feel clearer.  This past week, there was a night when I was giving stuff to goddess and I could literally feel the stuff lifting away from me, almost like the session I had with mistress almost a year ago!  I was perplexed and now I%rsquom more aware of the power I have.  Now, I know that I have wings and that I do things because I want to, not because somebody else wants me to do them.

I learnt that all of us (humans) perceive things differently.  I have an old friend that every time she was describing a place we went; I used to think that she was lying because it was completely different for me.  Books in regards to perception began to appear for me this past year out of the blue. I now know that she is not lying when she describes things or people.  She is only telling her truth and explaining how she views things.

Above all, I learnt that as simple as her teachings sound, they are really profound.  I%rsquom learning to let go of my attachments to people and things, I gain way more things than I could ever imagine.  I feel clearer as time passes by, and people seem to want to talk to me more because they can pick up the clearer energy I%rsquom carrying as time passes by.   And I know that this is only the beginning, a magical beginning%hellip