Further Funny Things

[Sabrina]

So I'm sitting in psych class, completely bored and tuning out the instructor. He's going on and on about the last test, which I didn't write, and therefore his lecture is completely irrelevant to me. So i decide to take the time to get grounded. I'm noticing some eerie parallels between the stuff I manage to catch from the lecture and my thoughts processes. He's talking about projection, the collective unconscious, ya know, relevent stuff to FST. And I'm getting all zapped with k-fire, tummo fire and tantric energy. Shivering and twitching and hoping no one notices. And I'm thinking about how I came to FST to fulfill my ego needs, and how I am still rather hung up on ego stuff like money, my looks, health, etc. Feeling kind of guilty for being more concerned with 'stuff' than enlightenment. So I bring my attention back to being grounded, and suddenly there's a vision of me down on my knees, with a carrot dangling from a stick in front of me, with a sexy leather boot kicking my ass down the path. Realize the beauty in that image, start shaking with silent laughter, hiding my face behind a notebook, hoping the prof doesn't notice me and point me out as an example of someone who has lost touch with reality. So I'm simultaneously laughing at my absurdity and getting aroused at the SM connotations of the visual image. And the prof starts talking about Freud!!!!!

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So I'm talking to a friend about how you can lead a horse to water, but if he doesn't want to drink it, you're kinda forced to watch him dehydrate and die, and you need to respect the horse's desire to not drink, and not force the horse to drink water.

Now, thisfriend is having a hard time. His roomates went psycho and threatened to kill him because he owed them money, so he's homeless, broke and in debt. Now all is not lost; he is staying with a friend for free and he has a full-time job. In addition, another friends' roomate just moved out, and has a free room. Problem is, the available room is in an apartment building right across the parking lot from aforementioned psycho roomates. So the homeless friend turns to me and says 'What am I going to do?'

I say 'Save up lots of money from your job, offer to give the present roomate  a little cash to pay for your keep, get a restraining order against your psycho ex-roomates, and move in with the guy with the free room. Problem solved.'

He looks a little taken aback, and rather like he had expected/hoped for a diferent reaction. Then I visibly see a 'poor me' expression fall down over his face. He says 'But what am I going to  do about my emotional situation?'

I say 'Dude, WHAT emotional situation? There is no emotional situation.....just some mundane stuff to take care of.' He gives me this poor, misunderstood expression. I take a deep breath, and say 'That's tough...gottta go out for a smoke. BYE!!!'

I relay the story to my boyfriend. And his objective take on the situation was nothing short of hysterical. Here's his imaginary conversation with the aforementioned homeless friend.

Friend: *sigh* I haven't eaten in days....I'm SOO hungry. What am I going to  do?'
BF: 'Dude, there's a pizza in the fridge if you want some.'
Friend: 'What did I do to deserve this hunger? Why do the gods hate me?'
BF: 'Dude, there's a pizza in the fridge.'
Friend: 'I just don't think I can cope with these awful patterns anymore...I guess I'll just have to be resigned to being hungry.'
BF: 'Dude, there's a pizza in the fridge.'
Friend: *sigh* Still, I wish things could get better.....it's a hard, cold world and no one wants to feed me.'
BF: 'DUDE, THERE'S A PIZZA IN THE FRIDGE!!!!!!!!'
Friend: *sighs, tears, looks for sympathy*
BF: *visions of kicking friend to floor, pinning his hands over his head, and cramming pizza down his throat to shut him up*
BF: DUDE, THERE'S A......fuck it, starve.'

As he put it after that little imaginary role-play; 'Our friend has fallen into a hole he dug for himself by being in debt...and here he has friends handing him a shovel to dig himself out, but no, I guess he'd prefer to wait for someone to throw him a silver spoon.'

So I'm starting to see where people are enlightened; 'cause when my boyfriend did this monologue, I swear I could hear Buddha laughing faintly overhead.

Sabrina