Depression, K, and other stuff

Sabrina · Apr 05, 2003, 07:25:11 AM

"I have been engrossing myself in the material... yet, it is spiritual. No separation. The relationship with the DB is a marriage, I consult every decision, get feedback on every thought and emotion. Never alone"

This is great!!! It's the perfect relationship; you can always talk to DB about anything, and you will ALWAYS get an answer of some sort - maybe not the answer you had hoped for, but an honest answer. And the more I talk to DB, the more the heart and throat chakras open, and life becomes a thing to enjoy, not to 'get through.' Now, if only I could be a better housewife......*grins*

"I enjoyed a nice period of freedom of letting them be whatever: from being an ecstatic sexpot to a lazy sack of shit to a tantrum she-devil (as long as nobody else had to pay from being around me! - which I think may be relevant?) until I truly didn't care anymore. "

I went through a similar period, and the end result was that I LIKE being an ecstatic sexpot, tantrum-throwing she-devil and lazy sack of shit......God/dess is in everything, and all is perfection.......the thing I try to stay mindful of is to not get to caught up in the emotions and thoughts of these times....to observe myself throwing tantrums, being lazy, and being flirtatious. Hard to do when you're screaming, making a mess and pissing off the extreme right wingers. Hee hee.....stirred up a controversy in my local pagan society recently for all the above. What was it you said about being a provocateur, Mystress? *grins* Unlike you, I am not sure if it's a basic need....further soul-searching needs to be done.

I've enjoyed listening to everybody express their thoughts on why depression happens. For me, the old adage sums it up; before God/dess can fill you with something better, She has to empty you out first. The depression occurs as a response to this; I don't want to let go, and refuse to accept the interim state of emptiness, because it feels too much like emotional death. To be at a point where I don't care, am emotionally numb to the outcome, and completely passive while everything fades in front of me is frightening. So I make emotional drama for myself as a form of resistance, and the resulting despair and grief is my way of fighting what is and what is to be.

The other night my friend and I were really, really depressed for no reason whatsoever. So we decided we'd just cuddle and ask God/dess to empty us out completely so we could be refilled. And damned if it wasn't one of the best nights I ever had!!!! I walked in a lazy, provocative she-devil throwing tantrums *grin* and walked out peaceful, calm and joyful......not that I don't enjoy the she-devil episodes as well *'nother grin*

"I don't know why I need validation... because I can't find it within myself right now"

You will never find without that which is not within is one of my personal mottos...but the need for intermal and external validation is normal. When I feel the need for validation, I usually do a Tarot spread and ask DB to give me whatever feedback and knowledge I need. And typically the cards tell me what I have already been feeling, with a little extra advice to carry with me. Although you may not be into Tarot, I'm sure there is some other way you can receive validation from the DB....unless what you want to have validated is not in your highest good. The DB makes a great sounding board!!!

I, too, have been feeling the need for interaction and community. Where two or more are gathered, there is God/dess.....although at times the synergystic energies become too much for my nervous system and I get fried!! At such times, I fel the need to pull back or affirm only to use my own energy...but the group dynamics can be quite enjoyable at times.

On a side note, today I taught someone how to get grounded, observe their thoughts, ask the body questions, and open the heart chakra......and it took her five minutes to learn what took me almost a year!!! *grumbles* Apparently, people with confidence are faster learners......but it was fun to see someone get it so quickly. Ah well, I guess I made it unnecesarily more complex than it had to be......but I am still happy to be a part of FST. It has most definately enriched my life.....and as my social life is becoming overwhelmingly tantric, it is good to have this kind of information and support available.

Hugs and love to all

Sabrina

Jade · Apr 05, 2003, 02:27:04 PM

Hello Sabrina!

I find the 3rd chakra exploration very interesting as well! I like that I am insisting on providing myself with the stability I require at this time.

May I e-mail you directly?

Namaste,

Lady Jade

Sabrina · Apr 05, 2003, 05:46:10 PM

Hi Lady Jade,

Go ahead, I'd love to hear from you!! Looking forward to it.

Sabrina

: Hello Sabrina!

: I find the 3rd chakra exploration very interesting as well! I like that I am insisting on providing myself with the stability I require at this time.

: May I e-mail you directly?

: Namaste,

: Lady Jade