some funny things!!!

[von]

Hey everybody,

I have really had alot of funny realizations about myself and life and i just like to express them here for the sake of just expressing them here!!!!! Its really funny when I have been struggling with myself about something and finally just say "who gives a shit" i guess thats my way of surrendering!!!! It works for me!!!! You know  I have been interested in metaphysical stuff for some time and have read countless books on just about every subject and at this point i am just really annoyed with all of them, they seem so stupid to me. Like just a bunch of airy fairy crap. Its like i am tired of reading about things. I want experience. I seemed to read as a way of resisting actual life. To jump into books that talked about enlightment and all this stuff and then be done with it and feel worse because my life wasn't like anything that. Well enough of that bullshit!!! I think that i was trying to escape to another world by denying my body and myself. No wonder i was pissed off alot!!! I was not allowing myself to do the things i really wanted to do because they were so called "not spiritual". Like some days just wanting to curse all day. and some days just felt like punching something or some days just felt like having sex with every woman i saw!!!! Well that last part was more than just some days, ha,ha!!!! My point is that i wasn't allowing myself to just be me and feel these things. I am not saying that i am going to be running down the street cursing and punching people and jumping on everygirl i see, i am saying that i was repressing these feelings and it was like a prison i built around myself. I feel a sense of freedom since i started this course. At first i thought to myself, What the hell is this, a dominatrix talking about spirituality!!! Well i read the website and it made more sense than alot of the other stuff out there. And then i joined the FST, because i saw something in  Angeliques writings that i thought were cool and clicked with me!! So thanks for being you!!!It made me realize that i had to go and experience the things that i really wanted to do even if those things were so called "taboo" that is when i would experience all the things i read about in those books. Not by sitting inside meditating all day and chanting some ancient scripture!!!! I am discovering so many different sides to myself and they are all equally good.I feel like an actor playing different roles and allowing myself to have fun with them all!!! Well thanks for letting me express myself. I am running off to the gym...peace!!!

von

[Shara]

Hey Von,

  Three cheers for ya...

Hurray for the damned cursing!
Hurray for the aggression!
Hurray for wantin to get it on!

  Feels good to just be, and not judge yourself on all those things your being.  I'm working on that one myself.  I've had a long history of molding myself to others expectations, but realize that I'm really just giving my power away to other people...what a drag.  But old habits die hard, and I discover new layers of it...so, well, your letter made me laugh and reminded me that sometimes you gotta say...fuck em', I gotta be me!  Shara

[Sabrina]

Hi Von,

May I say, what you wrote about is what I've been experiencing for the past few months. I used to feel guilt over everything! Now I just say fuck it, what I'm feeling is natural and has a purpose, and I'm just going to sit back and see where it goes. The problem is not getting caught up in the emotional havoc of cursing and swearing, but to just feel the aggression while noting the patterns behind it. I'd like to say I'm in the Witness State when I'm doing this, but at times I get caught in my own black hole, so maybe not! Anyway, congratulations on letting your emotions flow.

Sabrina

[Mystress]

  I did not respond to this sooner because it needed nothing. It is complete and perfect, just as it is. I decided to write to tell you that I really enjoyed reading it, and I'm proud of you. Thanks for sharing! I'd actually like to add this to my testimonials page, it is that perfect. Cool! Blessings, blessed one!

: Hey everybody,

: I have really had alot of funny realizations about myself and life and i just like to express them here for the sake of just expressing them here!!!!! Its really funny when I have been struggling with myself about something and finally just say "who gives a shit" i guess thats my way of surrendering!!!! It works for me!!!! You know  I have been interested in metaphysical stuff for some time and have read countless books on just about every subject and at this point i am just really annoyed with all of them, they seem so stupid to me. Like just a bunch of airy fairy crap. Its like i am tired of reading about things. I want experience. I seemed to read as a way of resisting actual life. To jump into books that talked about enlightment and all this stuff and then be done with it and feel worse because my life wasn't like anything that. Well enough of that bullshit!!! I think that i was trying to escape to another world by denying my body and myself. No wonder i was pissed off alot!!! I was not allowing myself to do the things i really wanted to do because they were so called "not spiritual". Like some days just wanting to curse all day. and some days just felt like punching something or some days just felt like having sex with every woman i saw!!!! Well that last part was more than just some days, ha,ha!!!! My point is that i wasn't allowing myself to just be me and feel these things. I am not saying that i am going to be running down the street cursing and punching people and jumping on everygirl i see, i am saying that i was repressing these feelings and it was like a prison i built around myself. I feel a sense of freedom since i started this course. At first i thought to myself, What the hell is this, a dominatrix talking about spirituality!!! Well i read the website and it made more sense than alot of the other stuff out there. And then i joined the FST, because i saw something in  Angeliques writings that i thought were cool and clicked with me!! So thanks for being you!!!It made me realize that i had to go and experience the things that i really wanted to do even if those things were so called "taboo" that is when i would experience all the things i read about in those books. Not by sitting inside meditating all day and chanting some ancient scripture!!!! I am discovering so many different sides to myself and they are all equally good.I feel like an actor playing different roles and allowing myself to have fun with them all!!! Well thanks for letting me express myself. I am running off to the gym...peace!!!

: von