power

[Lady C]

Hi folks,

I haven&8217;t posted in a few months due to some growing pains that have been difficult to
express and examine.  I&8217;m getting there, though...I haven&8217;t caught up with all the posts,
but  I did read some of those referring to hate, parents, church, etc..  They are part of
these changes I&8217;m dealing with, too.  I&8217;m at a place where it&8217;s incredibly uncomfortable
to even talk to my parents and family - the relationship is so dysfunctional.  I can feel my
energy being sapped even thru emails.  The dynamic is very unhealthy - I&8217;m in the
position of &8216;scape goat&8217; or &8216;black sheep&8217; - whatever you want to call that one.  They have
these needs that they fulfill by passing the buck to me, and/or labeling me unworthy,
incapable, at fault, whatever&8217;s in that mirror they&8217;re reminded of at the time.  I&8217;ve felt the
need to just step away from all of that, so I can concentrate on trying to get my power
back.  It has taken awhile to find out where I&8217;m messing up.  I think it&8217;s in finding and
setting limits.  I also know that I need to get better at forgiveness -  the one-sided, internal
stuff that has to happen when you want to get passed issues that Other won&8217;t help you
resolve.

I see now that I have a lot of energy, and I can feed Other with it.  Could I have *more*
energy than someone else?  I see how in the beginning of a relationship - the energy
transference is fun and strong and enough for two.  Other soaks it up and gets high,
begins feeling like he&8217;s something he&8217;s not (which is true, because it&8217;s my energy he&8217;s
high on) and tries to own it.  Meanwhile I&8217;m presuming the energy high is a joint effort
but most times I find after the fact that I&8217;m incorrect.  It&8217;s all mine and becomes
something Other wants to need.  After awhile, I quit doing what I do to maintain my
energy, and combine that with the need to replenish - now that I&8217;m consistently trying to
sustain two, then comes the crash.  Clear as mud, right?  Anyway, I&8217;m trying to learn how
to maintain boundaries so that I don&8217;t allow it all to be sapped away.  I&8217;m finding that this
has been a huge problem for me in relationships, whether it&8217;s my parents or lover or
whoever.  My codependent critter I guess.  ; )  

Mystress, I haven&8217;t been posting for a couple of reasons.  One was because I had stopped
considering this board a *safe space*.  I think I&8217;ve been able to get passed that.  Thank
you, btw.  The other is because I knew my subscription was up and though you were
being gracious and allowing my continued access, I didn&8217;t like the &8216;freeloader&8217; feeling I
was having.  So I re-upped and now feel sufficiently legit.  : )  lol  

Peace,
Carla

Rebeckah, how are you?  I think of you often.

[Monquie]

 
Hi Carla, I'm a newbie.

I''m wondering about your post:

I had stopped
: considering this board a *safe space*.  I think I%rsquove been able to get passed that.  

I wondered about this remark, and why you came to feel this way...Maybe I should just go through the archives to see if I can come up with my own answers.  In any case, you certainly don't have to tell me if you don't want to.  I'm just struck by this remark, mostly because I can't see Mystress tolerating anyone being abusive to anyone else on this board.

It's nice to hear from you!

Love,
Elizabeth

[Lady C]

:I wondered about this remark, and why you came to feel this way...

Hi Elizabeth, welcome.

Abuse is in the eye of the beholder, maybe?  : )  I, like many others, have empathic
tendencies, and sometimes it%rsquos difficult to filter stuff, ya know?  A few months ago it
became incredibly hard.  Trying to process all that pain and shock mixed with all the hate
and ignorance was overwhelming, and when comments were made here and the other
k-lists, they hit me like kicks in the gut.  (I can%rsquot seem to integrate politics and
spirituality.)  So I had to step away and try to understand the mentalit(ies) that came into
my awareness from those posts.  Now that I%rsquove done that to some extents, I%rsquom not as thin
skinned as I was for awhile there.  Then as synchronicity would have it, the opportunity
to chat with Mystress about it came up, which helped.  

So - no one was being abusive, but I had become quite sensitive.  I still haven%rsquot gone back
to reading the k-list, so I know I%rsquom not %lsquoover it%rsquo (being sensitive), but I%rsquom starting to poke
my head out of my shell to see a little bit of what%rsquos going on. : )

I really appreciate being a part of this board - it%rsquos so incredible the way Mystress has the
ability to help us focus in such a straight forward, no b/s manner.  For me it%rsquos not only an
effective learning approach, it%rsquos very refreshing.  : )

:It's nice to hear from you!
:Love,
:Elizabeth

You too!  : )

Peace,
Carla

[Mystress]

: Hi folks,

:
:I%rsquove felt the
: need to just step away from all of that, so I can concentrate on trying to get my power
: back.  It has taken awhile to find out where I%rsquom messing up.  I think it%rsquos in finding and
: setting limits.  I also know that I need to get better at forgiveness -  the one-sided, internal
: stuff that has to happen when you want to get passed issues that Other won%rsquot help you
: resolve.

I have found, that such conflicts are often better resolved at a higher self level. My method is to ask my angels to arrange a meeting with my higher self and the higher selves of everyone concerned. I trust the Angels to resolve the balance and find a solution of greater peace for everyone.

  I pretty much stay out of the meeting itself, aside from sending some gratitude for them showing up at the negotiation table. Instead, I am watching as if from a distance and getting clues from the body language I am observing in the group. Like watching two people talking from across the street. Cannot hear what is being said, but watching them tells you a lot about how they feel. If the body language of one of the people's higher self is showing resistance, I just love them, send energy of love to that higher self to lift it past whatever limit or fear it is getting stuck on.

 As the meeting resolves, the higher selves leave... anyone left still hanging around, needs more love. Thank them all, and the angels for agreeing to meet.

 This may seem a bit sneaky, but higher selves do have free will, and asking for a meeting is not disrespectful of that. Angels play fair.

 It is funny, some religions speak of sins being a stain on the soul... to my mind, the soul is the Self, Goddess... and nothing we can say or do in this lifetime, can possibly harm it.
 Yet, while the Higher self is usually also conceptualized as being so pure, I have encountered many higher selves in need of healing, love and acceptance. Karma does affect the higher self. The HS is much closer to the Truth, and so they are more receptive to love and willing to accept a solution of peace, than the ego personalities of the same people, but they also reflect the individual.

 I have not really mentioned this before, because having faith in your own higher self and loving it, clears it just as powerfully. By the time someone becomes aware enough to consider their higher self to be a guide, it is clear enough to be a good one.

: I see now that I have a lot of energy, and I can feed Other with it.  Could I have *more*
: energy than someone else?

Yes, of course. That is the point of this karma clearing process. Most people are plugged up with karma, only a trickle of life energy gets through, just enough to keep them alive. The more clear you get, the more abundant your energy becomes.

: I see how in the beginning of a relationship - the energy
: transference is fun and strong and enough for two.  Other soaks it up and gets high,
: begins feeling like he%rsquos something he%rsquos not (which is true, because it%rsquos my energy he%rsquos
: high on) and tries to own it.

No, it is your ego that is trying to own it. Then you go into scarcity,  and try to hold back, and the whole system fouls up. Energy must flow.

: Meanwhile I%rsquom presuming the energy high is a joint effort

Where two or more are gathered, Goddess is there. In da house! The energy of you both together is higher than you feel you can attain alone, otherwise you would not reach out again and again.

: but most times I find after the fact that I%rsquom incorrect.  It%rsquos all mine

Whose? Goddess in you blows his mind, and your ego wants to take the credit? Does it own Goddess?

:and becomes
: something Other wants to need.  After awhile, I quit doing what I do to maintain my
: energy,

Why do you do that? What part of yourself are you giving away, when you do?

:and combine that with the need to replenish - now that I%rsquom consistently trying to
: sustain two, then comes the crash.  Clear as mud, right?  Anyway, I%rsquom trying to learn how
: to maintain boundaries so that I don%rsquot allow it all to be sapped away.

It is not being drained by that. It is being drained by your attitude of ownership and scarcity. Goddess will always provide for your needs, but when you try to hold onto energy because you are afraid there is not enough to go around, then that makes a blockage to more coming in.

It is not the inflow you need to worry about, Goddess provides. It is managing the outflow that is the trick, and that is were you are getting bent out of shape.

Stop taking responsibility for how your Shakti pokes people's stuff, and getting bent out of shape about what other people think and do, and your problems with boundaries will be over. It is not that they are insufficint, but that you are trying to build your fences beyond your property line, and install them in other people. You have drawn boundaries  wider than what is really your business.

 What does it matter, what other people think? Pay attention to what Goddess in Carla thinks, and stop making the other stuff more important than that. You give your power away, reaching out with your beggars cup for love and approval. Wanting others to fill you up... and they do, with their junk and then you complain about the empathy... fill Carla up with Goddess in Carla, keep your eye turned inward to your own heart and there will be no room for other people's stuff.

 Here is a trick I will teach you, that is properly part of FST level 2... Level one is the mirror, getting clear enough and out of the world enough to have a higher chakra perspective of the world of duality.

 You might say, that FST level one is to get you looking in the mirror enough to have a sense of non-duality, and open up those perceptions to get you clear that you are the Goddess of your own life. Taking the stone from your own eye. Gazing into your navel till the light comes on in there...

 Once the connection to the Divine has been cleared enough, through surrender so that your conscience will not allow you to get away with blaming other people for how you feel, you are ready to reverse the game, and look outward, to find Goddess in them, too!

 So the second level looks at tantra for couples, relationships, and seeing Goddess perfection in whoever is in front of you, regardless of what their ego is up to. Bringing the higher chakra perspective of non duality down to the world of individuals and free will.

 I call this stuff karma vampire judo. When people poke you with their negative judgments, they are giving you a gift of their stuff. Giving thier power away to you. Usually because you have asked for it on some level, by poking them with your judgements, or because your Shakti field is poking it up in them, and unconsciously they are surrendering it to Goddess within you.

 You can resist it and try to change them, which will leave you stuck with the stuff and feeling victimized, or you can surrender, be goddess for them and accept the gift,... grab onto the thread of it you feel in yourself, and pull! Suck the whole stupid karmic issues that makes them act like that, right out of them. Their poking was really, offering you their neck to feast on.

  Take a punch at a Judo master, he will accept your momentum and redirect it to his own intention. sHe will grab the arm that punches, step out of the way and pull on it so you end up flat on your face. Redirection, not resistance.

 The gift box may not be pretty, but when someone is blaming you for how they feel, they are making you be Goddess for them. Giving you responsibility for their karma, "Goddess Carla please take this it is a gift for you" but not in such nice words. That means you can be Goddess for them and eat it for lunch. It may not be very appetising, but when lunch is over the issue is done with. The underlying issue that was why they were poking you is gone, and any resonant stuff within you is gone too!

 I used this technique to eat my beloved druid's clinical depression, one day. The first symptom of his discontent, was that he would blame me, or our relationship for how he was feeling. I ran out of patience with this behavior one day, and ate it. Took me all day to process the layers of emotions and get to the still point of silence at the center. I found it radiantly peaceful, amazing.

 I told him what I had done and he did not believe me. I did not resist, I said wait and see... six months later at dinner, he suddenly realized he had not experienced depression since that day I'd told him I ate it. I cried for joy. He has not experienced it since, and that was four years ago.

 That is the Goddess power of feminine receptivity.

 Detach from your personal emotional involvement, except as the thread of pain within you, that you are pulling on... and rip the whole issue out of them and eat it as a nice light snack.

What does Goddess do with the stuff we surrender to Her? Snack food, like Kali munching the Buddha's guts. Goddess does not judge the snacks we give Her, it is all tasty.

 The emotional release may be chaotic, but will be very self limiting. You are not accepting all of their stuff, just what is on the other end of the poke they gave you. The feeling of their stuff transmuting within you, and the miraculous results are so intoxicating as to be addictive... it is strong medicine to be used in the short term, to clear some old relationship junk and set people who have known you for a long time free of your past projections. Clearing your ego out of them, so to speak. Your ego spewed on them for years, or moments, with your thoughts and actions... the stuff they are handing you is your own stuff back. Accept it... surrender it, and be done with it.

 This process will teach you a lot, and that is its purpose. Be selective, because you do not need to train the people around you to use you as their trash receptacle... and you do not want to get attached to being Goddess for people. Use it to clear stuff out of the people around you that your own actions probably put there in the first place, or they would not be aiming it your way. You and your too big boundaries. It is a way of shrinking your boundaries so that they fit you properly. Quite taking responsibility for stuff that has nothing to do with you.

 The emotional process of their stuff moving through you will take some time, and it is best to wait to practise the Judo till you can sit in meditation and let it move through you, and keep pulling till you get to the place of stillness that tells you there is no more left, to eat.  

: Mystress, I haven%rsquot been posting for a couple of reasons.  One was because I had stopped
: considering this board a *safe space*.

You need to go back and read the series of posts that were written a few months back, on excessive empathy. We were all processing the same stuff, from the same world events and turning constellations.
  I know, when empathy is overwhelming, the impulse is to isolate yourself and try to tough it out on your own... but Goddess made more than one of us, so we can support each other. When you pull inwards to honor your fears, you block your own flow.  

: I think I%rsquove been able to get passed that.  Thank
: you, btw.

Not sure what you are thanking me for, but you are welcome!

: The other is because I knew my subscription was up and though you were
: being gracious and allowing my continued access, I didn%rsquot like the %lsquofreeloader%rsquo feeling I
: was having.  So I re-upped and now feel sufficiently legit.  : )  lol  

I have not unsubscribed any of the students whose memberships expired, and I do not plan to, anytime soon unless they ask me to remove them. My partner who hosts the videos may decide to delete the password after the memberships expire, if he chooses but web access will remain.

 Even so, I really appreciate that you renewed your membership, Carla. Thank you for coming back for another year.

Recently, out of curiosity I calculated my wages for FST since I first started working on writing it 30 months ago. It was a pretty rough calculation, but it made me crack up laughing.

 $88.88 x 55 members divided by 50%~ my share of the tuition, minus .. eh, call it $1000 for expenses like the lights for my studio, web hosting, etc. divid the remainder by 30 months, comes out to $48. usd per month! Whooo hoooo! Pack yer bags honey, we're buying the farm!

 Funny as that may sound, I am not complaining. I started thinking of FST as a hobby, quite some time ago and stopped looking at how much I am earning from it. My healing sessions and occasional spontaneous donations from students and listmembers pay the bills. I just do what I love...

 The truth is, it is normal for new businesses to take 5 years to pay back their startup financing and begin to make a profit. FST has no debts, except to me for the time invested.

 For a new product for a very non mainsteam market, that is only advertised on the internet it is doing fabulously!

 What I am really saying is, what it says on the members index... Thankyou for your choice to engage in this beautiful journey with me.
  Blessings!

: Peace,
: Carla

: Rebeckah, how are you?  I think of you often.

Rebeckah wrote to me recently that her Mom is staying with her helping her, and she is now getting better! Yaaaay!!