One step closer...

[Sean]

Hello,

WOW! Some things just happened to me this morning that just... wow...

So I've actually been flowing a little bit for a few days now. Been getting more energy now. Listening to some music driving along and realised it. Nice to feel again! Welcome back! I then saw myself floating in the center of a stone chamber underground, maybe like a water system. And all these gates where there but they were all closed with stone blocks and iron bars. I was flowing pretty good now and I just looked at one and said,

OPEN

The stone crumbled away and instead of water rushing out this nice light poured out and started to fill up the floor. Cool. I looked around at all the other different gates blocked off and I just wanted them to open too. Crash, there they go spilling out light and filling up the chamber more. There are some that are rusted and barred shut and are not easily moved. I go over and rip it all away with a thought, now the chamber is filling up and surrounding me. Can't drowned in light hehe. I use my feelers to go up and cut away at the stone roof above and below. I realise I'm grounding in some way but this is new. I feel pretty good.

Later on I'm reading this book that I didn't want to get, and didn't want to read. But I got to this great part about sensitive people and decharging from negative energy. About sending any negative energy that you get into tree's and nature, they eat it up...And it hit me. This is exactly what I used to do!!! But I didn't know I was doing that at the time! Thats how I never had a problem with it before. Thats why I like nature and go there all the time. So I find the closest tree and send a little out, and ask if the tree is ok with that.. Yup... Ok, more.. Ok lets flow this... And almost imedietly started feeling new good me energy start flowing around. COOL! This is it! So I run out of the cafe and hit the road and get out to the more forested area's and reach out and start sending them everything I picked up. And I felt SOOOO good! Of course I do it more and more till I start getting nervous from the sudden change. But I get it now. You let this all flow out. To Goddess, to Nature, I was keeping it all inside! NO! If you flow it out, you get more good in! The nice things can get to you then. I understand!!!!!

So I'm so charged up and all excited about the underlying energy that I am seeing that I can't sleep and wake up in the middle of the night. Then I start thinking about things. About the blackness in me. Random stuff. I am back talking to my councilor again..

C: What do you think it is?

Me: I don't know, its black, and it sticks....

C: Oh, guilt..

Me: I dont know...

Then I realised it. It finally came through. I asked the black stuff, "Are you guilt?" Everything changed, a big part of the black stuff just disapeared and I could see it for what it was, and how it was effecting me. I was so stunned. Evidently I see emotions and feelings and things as images, things, music and pictures. Not what they are under that and how they relate to me. So just understanding this, I felt things in the very center of my heart open up and let go. Whoa... Then I started talking to it and seeing where this started, how its effected me till now, and I just started to let it all go. Telling myself that its all ok, I dont have to feel guilty about anything anymore. Nothing. Resolving so many things at once. Feeling things moving around inside, letting go.

This took a while, but after a bit I saw everything so clearly. It was guilt that cut me off from Goddess so long ago. And me not understanding that. All that suppression, and lies, making me feel bad for just being me, who I was, who I am. Blocking me up. Killing me. I was so angry...

So then I started to heal what I sent away and talked away. A girl dressed in a black dress and with black hair walked up to me when I was doing this, kissed me on the cheek and said, "Send me away now" Ok, here you go..  After that I got the feeling to do some entity clearing. Did it a few times, had my archangels look around for anything that might be hiding. Things in both my feet areas left. I felt them go. Cool.

So then I am absolutly stunned at what had just happened. I've learned so much in one day. Then I start playing a bach like keyboard peice in my head automatically, and I see hearts like valentines day hearts come drifting down like snow around me. Then this pink stuff started flowing down and started to surround me. I was listening to the music when it suddenly hit me. What am I doing? How? Then.. I know what this pink stuff is!!! This is the stuff I had lost a long time ago! It used to surround me all the time! I loved it! And now once again it's here without me actually knowing how I am doing it. Hello again! I missed you! I felt it flow around me and started to use my feelers to pull it into me and around my heart. It built up and stayed there.  Ok, this is a lot for one day. This is incredible. I finally understand. And things are starting to go back to the way they used to be. I evidently do things without knowing how to do them and I like it.

I'm going to work on this more later.. Heh...

What a day...

 Sean