Changes

[Sean]

Hello,

Been going through a lot of changes. Things that I used to like. I can't do anymore. I used to avoid the news on tv, but still it was ok just to watch. Now I just can't watch anymore. Brings me down. Same with music. I can't listen to my metal anymore. It used to make me feel better, now after a few track's I have to stop it. I just bought a new cd yesterday that I thought I liked, or used to like, and now I have to give it away, can't listen to it. This goes for everything. Movies, games, etc.. I've been smacking myself trying to do the things I used to like and getting hurt. Just realised that I'm going to have to find new things to do. that I like.

Now I feel drawn to do things that I've not done before. I have this urge to read romantic novels with the silly pictures of the pirate guy holding the girl with his shirt all open. I dont want to watch action movies anymore with guns and explosions, I want nice movies with nice things in them. Been watching a lot of nice anime lately... Also I found the new Blink 182 cd is really good. And I've been looking more into world music.  A big change from thinking Carcass was a great group.. Which I still do... But I can't listen to there cd anymore...

This is pretty hard to do. Its like starting a new life that you have to figure out what you are, and what you like all over again. I like it, Its new. But its not fun hurting at something that you used to have lots of fun doing.

Anyone else have this going on with them? I feel like I am being led to a new place eventually. Driven out of the old way's. Maybe thats where I belong really...

Also I've been seeing and dropping things inside like crazy. I forget most of it. Happens so much now. Whatever I let go, I get back new feelings. I can ground really really easy now, and stay grounded pretty good. And I can look at people's faces. Before I could never do that, seems silly, but its a whole new world opening for me. I just feel pretty good around other people now. Not so closed off. Like I'm a part of them now, in a small way. New possibilities are now available, I can see them forming.

Cool,

Later

Sean