2getheragain

[2getherAgain]

It has not been my intentions to share this journey on this blog for many reasons, but mainly because i was planning to just kind of passively go through each of the weekly sessions and just "see what happens" as I am kind of being kind to myself in the spiritual growth world.

However, so much beautiful and wonderful things have been happening to me that i feel so grateful and wanted to just share this journey in case it can help anyone who might be going through the same struggles as me. I would prefer to stay anonymous so just please address me as 2getheragain if you write me. I also feel a pretty loud calling to share this on this blog and have been resisting this for several days now, but the gratitude of what has been happening to me lately..i just can't help but surrender it.

Writing helps me to understand what i m going through and to acknowledge the good and bad about myself, so here we go..

The first week of the lesson, i felt ALOT. (please note, i was supposedly given a shak ti pat twice in my lifetime, without knowing/realizing/consenting to it as i had no idea so it's truly been a journey of just surrendering for me. I had come out of another organization that dealt with a lot of energy work etc, so when i left, I was quite deflated, beaten up, down, and alot of the "joy, strength, comraderie, friendship, daily/weekly practices had basicly left me, even my muscles felt extremely weak. Went from like 100m to 0. Prior to joining the organization, i was a very healthy, active, social, girl who love life, excited to "save the world" etc..etc..20 years later, i can barely think, i mean that literally. i remember having my mind "invaded" by negative suicidal thoughts and not being able to get out of bed, etc..and this constant "attack" like a rubber tire around my chest. i could barely breathe. Earthly, i was in a pretty nasty legal battle and it seems like even my lawyer was taking advantage of me. (I was advise to do business with this person who was in charge of the organization i was in). I have been so desperate for help (i usually was the strong one) but i was quite broken and felt like a beggar just trying to get help from anyone. I am leaving out a lot of details, but again, this is for me to see how far i have come to give thanks where gratitude is due.

Fast forward, first week of FST, and i felt alot of energy. I also notice i had trouble sleeping though. An old friend (i felt guided to contact this person) to do some morning prayers with me as i felt i needed a "support" person to help me get up in the morning. This has been continuing on every day and i am very aware how much it helps ( i went from meditating every day, to just flat out zap in bed and can't even get up, all i wanted to do was sleep). I felt what felt like kundalini fire roaring in my back and was a bit scare of what was happening (i had a lot of stuff happening to me in my previous organization and was never really educated on what was happening--this site has offered a lot of information that explains so much). Woke in the middle of the night with light in my ajna, that was really cool! though scary at first because after my first shaktipat happen, i saw light and that left me scare as i had no idea what that was.

I felt stuff progressively each week but not as intense as that first week, i was also kind of in "shock" from Mystress response and was wondering if i had just join another organization similar to my last. So i think i was more on guard as the weeks progress.

More energy again but nothing major, until i reach the grounding lesson. I didn't think it would be possible to do the 8x/day for 45 days as that's practically every hour of my waking life, etc, but surprisingly after watching the video, i was able to do it, every day. I had tried it before that but it seems difficult until i got to the actual "video."

I started to feel a lot of help and solidness and "support" and "calmness" and started to feel ok again. I dont know how to describe what i was going through, but there was reasons i left the last group but it seem like after i left, the only thing i had guiding me was that guidance in side. Nothing else made sense. I didn't even want to be spiritual anymore (i had attempted to live a normal "human" life but that backfire pretty quickly--this happen several months prior to joining FST). It was like i was in survival mode without a brain and no sense of time or goals etc..just this "guiding and this ball inside of me becoming stronger and wanting to take over me.. but i wanted to live a "human life"

Fast forward to just about 3 days ago and again i was caught in a "victim mentality" where i got scam again (fyi, i have a history of being scam and am extremely naive and vulnerable, someone would tell me the sky is green and i don't know why i would believe them).  Now my normal tendency when i get scam is to blame the person who did that to me and say what a horrible person that is to do that to me and play the "victim." but oddly, i heard this other guidance inside of me kind of teaching/guiding me that it was "my fault" i let him scam me. I was guided to reflect on why did i do what i did (transfer money to him blindly without anything in writing cuz he told me to) and i realize i was in a sense desperate to do something and thought he would help me go the easy way out. I reflected and concluded that i knew ( my heart also clearly told me no when i was wanting to ask him for help but ignore it thinking this was my only option) so..why did i do it?? i dont know...i seriously dont know what's wrong with me.. if anyone has a clue, please let me know.. im ready to own up to my tricks on this one.

So..using the "Goddess this guy, this situation and everything related, my hurt, my revenge, my resentment, my anger, etc, is all yours, please take it.. thank you Goddess.." line..and i didn't feel the effects right away, and i did it several times after my grounding..but wow!!! i truly feel the "awareness of how something about me did it and i pray for that part also to be as a gift to Goddess..and to not let this happen again and i feel so much "stronger!!!" and grateful that i m now acknowledging my role in this (even though i was not consciously aware that i was doing this).  There seems to be something empowring about owning up to your role in the mistake. I know i have a long way to go still with this topic as it seems like something deep within me, but something inside me shifted.

I dont know if this is related, but the "rubber tire" feeling around my chest left when i read on the power chakra (this was about 2 weeks ago once i realize that rubber band feeling around me was probably put on by the previous group to control me, "Goddess..it's a gift for you..please take it..it's yours.." it like got zap away immediately and i felt soo super free!

for whatever reason, this tire feeling came back when i had realize this guy had tricked me and i wont see that money again.

I still feel the tire feeling now, but for some reason, my joy/gratitude/and this "strong feeling of feeling accountable for my actions and not blaming someone else is so wonderful. I still get these thoughts popping into my head that says, he "trick you, he did a horrible thing" and i just say back, Thank you Goddess for getting him out of my life! It's like im prioritizing the results over the obstacle..this is huge for me.

Maybe this is what's giving me the strength to share also, as i notice with some of the other stories, when you put yourself out there, you can get "attack" lol...but i get now that it's for my own good and i'll try to not be too sensitive to what is said and try to see the meaning/message behind it so that I can learn and grow and not hide behind my own "tricks."

Thank you Goddess. Can't believe i m sharing this..but i do feel so grateful for not playing the role of the victim anymore. Thank you Mystress for providing this support and your honesty (though sometimes painful) and everyone on this spiritual journey with me.

[2getherAgain]

Just finished my 8th grounding for the day, and don't know what happened, but normally i would just feel good, calm, solid, peace etc ..but this time, there was something very different about how i feel connected to the center of the earth and was just enjoying how nice and liquidy the core felt, then there was this domino effect and blockages feels like it just broke up, blown away or dissolve or just dissappeared and more liquidy flow started to flow up and down my front and i can even feel the back blockages breaking up, and i m just super duper joyful and grateful..even that rubber tired feeling that i had been feeling dissolved and dissapear and i m just feeling really good and so so grateful..don't know what happen to me but i m super grateful, fearless, happy, content..free..loved...and present..whatever that was..Thank  You Goddess!!!! Amen!!

Did NOT expect that!

[2getherAgain]

Holy Trinity Lesson

So, it seems like a long time ago since i last wrote here and so much has happened. I try to write each week to document and maybe get insights from others if they are going through something similar. This site is a sacred space and shakti charge, so i apologize in advance for my rambling, but hopefully some clarity can come of this, especially this weeks lesson.

This is a lesson i am quite curious about as  i have always "talked to myself" and gotten answers back. I remember from an early age (maybe even since i was born), i would listen to this "guidance/voice" that would teach me how to roller skate, help me make decisions in life and even at one point, return home after running away from home. I have started to recognize this guidance and had trusted it quite blindly, (until one day some other human figure advise that we shouldn't listen to it, to which i stop listening to it and started taking his perceptions on..this was mention in the lesson, and creepy how it even said, it can be very dangerous to ever allow someone else's perceptions become your own).


In reading this holy trinity, it seems like the "female (that i m in this lifetime)" has lost a lot of its voice in my life since i started my spiritual journey 20 years ago" is the "ego" part of me. It use to be a competition of which part of me gets to decide what i do next, do i do human things, or do i do more spiritual stuff? i say use to, cuz of late, the spiritual part of me seems to have won.

This spiritual part of me that seems to become stronger and most recently has kind of "came out" came out pretty loudly and quite strong. I never understood what it was, other than referring to it as the ball of light, but in further checking it feels to be a "male energy" or is that my imagination? that is no nonsense and very assertive as oppose to my female physical form which is shy and insecure and timid. This other form when i spoke to other people about it, who are sensitive to energy have acknowledge this energy to be quite "strong and powerful." It has been quite difficult living on this earth as that other form of me, it's very direct and gets to the point and show very little mercy to others who try to be dishonest etc.  It doesn't even like to interact with others and actually prefers to not be disturb and just do it's thing, which is to just radiate and exist..and it's quite annoy it seems with the "needs and desires of my ego self."

It's been hard dating and being in any kind of normal human relationship with this other form taking control. I am now guessing this other form of me would be the "spirit" or where the male and female of myself unites? and out comes this "child?"  but then again, i m so grateful to be able to go to this beautiful peaceful place any time i like..

Then i have this other intelligence that i have constantly refer to as my body has a "mind of it's own." i would literally want to eat cake or some junk food every so often, and my body would say, no it will make you feel....blah blah..and sometimes i do it anyways, only to feel extremely crappy afterwards. So my diet has pretty much been control by my body. However, interestingly enough this week has been really crazy with me having extreme cravings. I slept 12 deep hours of sleep last night and could barely wake up. I felt different when i woke up and not sure if it's cuz of the next upcoming lesson in this course or the changes that's happening in the understanding of this "Holy Trinity" course. 

I am happy to have labels to what i have been experiencing all my life and it has been this guidance/voice, spirit?

My life pretty much resorts to me talking to myself, meditating, and doing work for income. I feel in general people are a lot of drama. Though i see the need for them for the human part of me to keep coming. I m not sure what part of me is in charge, but it doesn't sound like the "ego" part of me. But aren't we suppose to live in balance? or are we really suppose to resort to just living as our "spirit self" since ego is very limited and not connected to the infinite wisdom that is from our body and spirit?

Is this normal for others who have embark on this spiritual path or who have finish the "Holy Trinity" course?

I have noticed that i need to "ramble" on for awhile to hear myself speak so that i can give myself answers"  or answer my own questions. For some reason, i can't seem to do this silently (i use to be able to do this instantly) until i had embark on this "spiritual journey" where i took on someone else's perception. Just putting this out there, so maybe some clarity can come of it.

Someone once said, it's okay if you talk to yourself, only when you answer yourself you should be concern. lol..  should i be concern?

btw, grounding has been quite helpful, though i feel my quality this week hasn't been as good as last as i been all over the place with my work schedule..

[2getherAgain]

Chakras

I been excited to learn about the chakras as there seems to be a lot of information out there.

Most exciting for me was learning about the power chakra. The lower chakras seems to be most lacking for me, so this week, seems i am more solid and grounded and look to living a more "normal connected" life on this earth. VERY NICE...i embrace the "duality of this world" i feel nourish..and it seems my power chakra or heart? just seems so free..

I had a jump start on learning about the power chakra before this lesson and i have literally been feeling SOOO much more stronger. Even in my sports game, i have had people tell me I look so much stronger and i play so much stronger. Amazing! i am also very aware of how much of a difference i feel when i walk. I think my ajna chakra also seems to be in connection/communication with my other chakrasf as i feel it becoming more active and involved also..

I use to have a very strong "rubber tired around my power chakra" but since i read up on it, it kind of got weaker and eventually disappear. whatever it is/was seems to be gone now and chest just feels so much freer and at peace.. Having said that..my heart chakra which the video says you can see the whole existence...something i have felt/saw for many years..so it's nice to have the explanation that this is normal and that we all actually have this in us...

I had been condition to not living in the world of "duality" but since understanding the difference between duality and nonduality... i m embracing a lot of things that i had consider taboo before...

so liberating..................to understand good/bad boundaries...me/you...mine/yours... lolol...it's all good and bad...lolol..