Might be in Trouble, Might not be

[TheFifth]

Phenomenologically speaking I did have an exposure last week and been feeling fine, but today I do notice some tiredness but could be from drinks the previous night. But, interestingly, I notice K fire rising which seems to occur sometimes in response to infections. Most of the time, it goes like this though - minimal symptoms, k fire sensations, I supplement with zinc and quercetin and it is gone in a couple days.

I think I notice things in my body mind most people would miss, which normally feels like a flood of tmi but when it comes to noticing asymptomatic infections in myself, pretty keen.

Most likely, it’s the drinks because this happened a month or two ago and it seems my body mind cannot really handle alcohol anymore over 3 cocktails. This is not new; I had to give up cannabis seemingly indefinitely about a year ago because it started triggering uncomfortable ego dissolution tripping symptoms. I enjoyed having my social inebriants but I suppose I can give them up too or reduce which may or may not be indefinite. 

[TheFifth]

Negative result just came in despite all my exposure, so probably not covid. Probably spiritual cleansing illness

[TheFifth]

Illness and muscle aches and kriyas has passed and now I feel dead, like I never existed and my life was a dream or a hallucination. Semi uncomfortable but moving with it. I've had this before but this iteration is quite strong

[TheFifth]

It feels like I've been in this place for a while now, there's just this part of me that's very, very good at clinging to these somewhat superficial identity overlays and resisting.

[TheFifth]

And it’s back to music as art as salvation. Been sitting on this really dark droning project for a few years now that seems to have spirit in it and wants to develop further. Wanted to move away from making this sort of intense heavier music but at the end of the day, it’s still what calls to me and just kind of what feels right and zen right now. At the end of the day I don’t seem to pick what genre I get to work in. Darkness, forests and solitude both as statement and aesthetic is just what feels most comfortable to me, always has. Probably a vampire thing, some gothic spirit heretofore unawakened to itself.

Anyway, thank Goddess for art! It’s both a love and a necessity

[TheFifth]

Developing a personalized method of keeping sane involving simultaneously grounding and tuning into someone for feeding/healing. I’ve realized that I have basically no attention span especially when I’m in the weeds and having some very straightforward way of getting out like this seems advantageous.

[Mystress]

Developing a personalized method of keeping sane involving simultaneously grounding and tuning into someone for feeding/healing.

  You were feeding without getting grounded first?

  Teaching is such a crapshoot sometimes, no matter how complete the info presented, it is impossible to guess what memo might be overlooked.

  Always be grounded, and especially take time to ground before any sort of magical or spiritual action. It is harder for vampires but no less important. It is at the top of the grounding page and the start of every instruction.

  Grounding acts like a heat sink, sometimes. Plugging your individual mind, individual energies into Goddess Planet grants resilience. It is the safety net.

  Eh? My laptop sits on a half-inch thick, black marble tile. Helps keep it cool by absorbing and dissipating the heat from the fans beneath.  That sits on a metal breakfast-in-bed tray that raises it above the table, more heat conduction/ dissipation and ventilation. Machine crashes hard if the graphics card overheats, like if I turn the view distance up to 1200m in secondlife to snapshot the whole sim.

  Machines and people, have to provide the support they need to do the work. Goddess provides for you.

   A  lightning rod, sends the massive voltage down a wire to a spike driven deep into the earth so the building is spared. Literally, grounded into the Earth. Need that, for safety with high voltage.

Working with the high energies you do, without being grounded? OMFG!
  Explains a lot... don't do that anymore, ok? It is too much stress.

  Funnny thing, a while ago. It occurred to me to ask some students if they ever talk to the planet?  Most of them said they had never thought of it.

  I am trying to work out how, the idea of developing a personal relationship with the planet became overlooked?

   One of those things that is so natural and obvious, to me?  Since age 2, 1965:  "You are My child..."  She told me, face to Faceless dazzling white light. FST came out of me asking Goddess Planet about the path of Kundalini that She designed in our DNA. I talk about talking to the planet but never actually tell students to try it for themselves. Weird.

  She speaks through the Heart, through the DB but these are specialized manifestations. It is through the planet, I got a path that adapts and enhances the practical challenges of our modern daily lives. Grounded in the physical daily reality. Goddess manifest as Earth.

  Goddess Planet designed you, vampire. Gave you an absolute imperative, gifted you with a quantum guide that is aligned to Her will, and led you to the only teacher in the world who understands it, She has got your back... so why would you leave Her out, when it comes to actually doing the work?

  Working with the huge energies without being firmly grounded makes you a leaf in the wind. Tossed around by the karma flowing through you, losing your sense of self, even to the point of completely depersonalizing from overload.

  That is not how it is meant to be... karma keeps unfolding for sure, but these intense swings? ... leaf. Is there some attachment to the drama makes you try to go it alone? Some insecurity?

  You do this work by Her will for you, (as I do, training you)  and She is completely involved with every bit of vampire purpose. She is there supportive heat sink, the flow of grounding as She blows the lint off.  Your work, feeds Her, you got that movie? Most of the energy you transmute goes to Her, it is too much for you to handle.

  You have connected with Her before and probably have a mental bookmark of how the Presence felt. Remember how it felt, remember you are only the vessel, and if the vessel is taking the hits then you are doing it wrong, getting in the way.

Meant to be a fun sleigh ride, surfing on it, not a scary rollercoaster. Reconnect, get the movie, vessel vs doer. A clearer job description, purpose.

At the very least, anchor in your roots before feeding. Roots are like a comfy custom bunker, an underground storm shelter to hang out with your essential human self, while the vortex eats a torrent of grief from Brazil.

  Always interesting to read your posts.  Not always moved to respond.
   

[TheFifth]

Oh definitely an insecurity thing. I also seem to have a “part of self” that vehemently resists grounding or doing this work, just wants to live normal. But yeah, makes me a leaf. Tired of being a leaf. I guess the equation, or sequence, is ground, then feed, then, well, relax. Simple.

Since doing my ground and feed routine noticing less unsolicited negativity from others and, interestingly, super charged and astute senses of sight and hearing. My awareness of environment and the feeling states of people around me feels almost superhuman. Such a difference between my scattered slacker hungry side and the present, fed aware side. So far, so good. Hopefully this will be a routine that works and I can stick with, found my groove

[TheFifth]

Also seem to be playing out my “failure” pattern but at this point it’s just getting old and getting me beat up, ain’t nobody got time for that. Antiquated model

[Mystress]

 Grounded is normal, natural. Grounding sets your energy back to how it is meant to flow.

  You can check with discernment, Goddess and guides about that. Anything else is un-natural... even if it may be relatively "normal" for most.

  Ground, feed, stay grounded while feeding, rest, do art.

  The supernatural awareness is also natural, for you. 

  Dog's nose. 30% of a dogs brain is dedicated to it, it provides an ocean of info not just of the present, but of the past. Not just the outside, but the inside of things, from detecting tumours to sniffing out contraband, even identifying our emotions by the chemical signatures of pheromones.  Nearest analogy I have found, to a vampire's awareness of energies. Yes it is a super power!

  Your energy is less pokey to people if you keep it turned inward, giving to Goddess in your heart... the entire universe is in the heart chakra.

   Your vortex guide will probably disagree lol because it prefers to poke karma to the surface for snacking, lol.

  Most of the vamp training so far has been remote work... quite different from training FST lineage where they sit in on the chat and observe.  FST is not healer training so it feels very weird to be explaining it here...

   Directions for working with people, one-on-one and real time.

   I think for some of this I will offer examples from someone who is no longer lineage.

  A lineage member was doing a session with Sigmund's sister and was having trouble connecting, gaining trust. Called me in.
  I said "I am so honoured to meet you!" and just like that she relaxed and became receptive.  People want to feel seen, they want to know you are interested in them.

  The ex-lineage member later admitted to having no interest in people and not caring about them enough to be bothered with setting them at ease.  Narcissism is a bug in some shaman lineages, compassion is not their motive.

  I set aside everything I think I know about the client, to be a clean slate. Go into a state of selfless listening and mentally, ask Goddess in them, why She brought them to me, what is required of me.  I might ask the client the same but more casually, "So, what is on your mind?" Then there are two conversations at once because Goddess uses their mouth and provides insights.

   It is amazing what people will tell you, when you are in a selfless listening state, not projecting anything.  If you watch, peripheral awareness,  while they talk, it is like the related karma in them lights up like a pinball machine to show you where the blockages are. 

   Trigger & vamp technique can feel like an interrogation if you are not selfless. While they pour out their troubles they are gifting them (not always! Some people just want attention, vortex knows the difference)  and you can feel the stuff flowing as they share.

  From a selfless place, the heart will provide comments or questions that lead them to share more, that is the trigger part.

  It might be a sympathetic comment ("that must have really hurt")  or a question ("What did you do then?")  that moves the story along, to share and release the next level of emotional information. Accepting what is shared with no judgement, is the vamp part.

    If you are very tuned in you might get the movie of their memories as they reminisce... this is actually a quantum effect, you have time travelled to be with them in the moment the trauma happened. Since loneliness, or feeling unsupported is a big factor in trauma becoming post-trauma syndrome, your supportive presence changes their past. They were not alone.

  You can also do this with your past self. Not in your memories, as such because you travel back to sit with your past self supporting the boy as he goes through the hard stuff.  One of the nicest perks of time travel. 

[TheFifth]

Yeah I’ve been wondering for a while why I’m such a natural counselor, imposter syndrome feeling like why do ppl generally open up to me so easily. It’s the perfect role for me, I think my issue has just been one of cleanliness on the personal energy level. I’m going to try to be more conscious of what is described here this coming week.

Last week I was kinda feeling really low energy and ended up really tuning into a client and eating up whatever came up and she definitely seemed to notice. Could see the storyline of her life and a bunch of info that to me was very abstract. Didn’t feel like it was intrusive with a capital I, but I prefer to fly below the radar and do not like messing w/ ppl to any extent that they notice even if it’s healing. My intuitive sense is I shouldn’t have to work that hard and not to use that approach again, somewhat intrusive. Learning.

Which, I think brings me back to receptive listening at work and personal cleansing. My job should provide me the snacks. If I can figure out my rhythm with this it should turn me into a superstar counselor.

I’m starting to suspect our frontman may be an unawakened vampire but I don’t know. Melancholic temperament and triggers a lot of hostility and aggression in people that, to me, seems kind of disproportionate and uncalled for. But he does seem to feed a lot on negativity and his creative alchemy seems to be triggering people then proving them wrong. I’ve been calling it the “Gohan effect.” I don’t know, my first thought is it’s his journey and if he needs to know, the info will find him. But I also want him to be okay. Maybe I can eat some of the more toxic stuff sticking to him regardless.

[Mystress]

Last week I was kinda feeling really low energy and ended up really tuning into a client and eating up whatever came up and she definitely seemed to notice. Could see the storyline of her life and a bunch of info that to me was very abstract. Didn’t feel like it was intrusive with a capital I, but I prefer to fly below the radar and do not like messing w/ ppl to any extent that they notice even if it’s healing. My intuitive sense is I shouldn’t have to work that hard and not to use that approach again, somewhat intrusive. Learning.

  Hmm... not sure you took the right lesson from that event. So quick to close the door?

  Getting that sort of info is absolutely normal. I think maybe it is your comfort zones, need adjusting?

  Did you remember to ground her? What did she notice?

  Please keep in mind that we see what Goddess and guide wish to show us. They respect free will so if you are being shown the buffet,  then it usually means dinnertime.  That it is hard work is a foreign idea to me... it can be tiring but we need a mix of remote and real-time connection.  You are not so experienced at this, that you know and have seen everything... at least, not consciously so it would not surprise me at all if your new grounded state opens you to a training phase where you are being shown biographies like that, to grow knowledge and experience.

  For Shamans, that sort of wholistic snapshot of an issue is quite normal. We don't see everything about someone, that would take a lifetime but the pattern, and the sense of how it evolved back through time, is pretty normal. How karma begins, then goes on repeat, hitting harder each time is usually the essence of the pattern. The original trauma and all the hits that came after... usually in reverse order, tracing the pattern back through time to point of origin. Understanding the influences and how they shaped the individual.   

We go through Hell Road to gain the keys to all the gates, to be able to free people and lead them out. Hell search and rescue, on call.  Vampires sometimes go through the abyss, they fear it because so many go insane. (ones who do not know me.)

   There are similar elements but the paths are not the same.  Defining the difference is tricky, but it is like shamans get trained and cleansed at the same time, gaining the keys, each one an insight into human behavior... what investing in fear does. Training is lifelong but it is the keys that open the doors of insight into the patterns. 

   Vampires seem to get the abyss to shake up the ego and then the training if they make it through.

   I had been wondering why you had not stabilized in the usual post-ascension time frame. Concerned.  That you were feeding without grounding never occurred to me because I don't expect smart people to do really dumb things. Laughing, relieved to have caught it.

  You had a new experience, it was outside your comfort zone, you went into resistance.  Resistance is for surrendering. Comfort zones are for expanding. It is a big thing, to open your heart so completely to knowing someone. Yes it feels very intimate.  Yet, from a selfless place it is also, as impersonal as looking at an x-ray image. No judgements. Letting them creep in later is just stuff rising to be cleared. Let it all go then take another look.

I’m starting to suspect our frontman may be an unawakened vampire but I don’t know.

  Well, vampire detection... the emotional scars are often the first clue.

   Looking for the vortex can be unreliable as often it has been boxed or hidden. Shamans can talk to anything so what I find most reliable is to call for their vortex guide, see what, (if anything) shows up. Vamps can do it too... calling up a shaman guide is not recommended but other vamp vortex guides are friendly even if they are not known to their person. For sure your guide knows if they have one too. Egregore, they all party together.

  The guides respect free will but I am not sure they have any, themselves. Such beings tend to be ruled by imperatives of purpose. See if he has a vortex guide, ask it how you can help.


 

[TheFifth]

I think I’ve stabilized. Finally getting a sense of what this ascended business is about, the riding a wave of synchronicity metaphor really does describe it. So many synchronicities.

A lot of work to do right now. Mother back East may be developing covid (going to ground her for a few days).

Yeah I have this tendency to recoil in the face of new experiences but more than that, I think I’m just paranoid about digging around in peoples business. But yeah, ever since that healing I did on that person I’ve been feeling great, heavier healthier, more clear. Going to continue experimenting with this.

When I tune into my friend I get a rush of excitement in my belly, what do ya know? Wouldn’t have thought. He’s not spiritually awakened to my knowledge or interested in that stuff. Interesting to feel in touch with his vortex. Feels like all is well, maybe just the vortex POV.

Anyway, in the zone, stabilized, happy to be here. And I would be the smart person to do the dumb thing, lol. Can laugh now.

[TheFifth]

Healthier *not heavier unless that’s some kind of synchronicity message too lol

[TheFifth]

He’s been describing having paranoid fits and generally jokes about being mentally ill, most of which I feel is rooted in real experiences. Seems to enjoy internet shouting matches with strangers. Very proud and isn’t going to hear something like this from me anytime soon, lol. Has a good heart, just young.

[TheFifth]

Guide is saying somewhat humorously admonishingly, “they’re paying you to help them.” Will explore it.

[TheFifth]

Think a lot of my issue with this goes back to high school when I realized my mood states can effect people around me. I realized I cannot get mad at anyone in particular without it effecting them or if I took too strong an interest in someone empathy would emerge fairly effortlessly. I think it makes people feel momentarily unplugged from the matrix, as it were. I shut off my emotions, but interestingly enough, when kundalini awakened I no longer really got mad or caught up invested in social games anymore. Kinda just dropped away.  Little did I know what was right under my nose, or that I’d come back to it one day, no longer feeling like some kind of enigma. I do have a place and a role in this world.

I don’t know necessarily what proportion of vampires become kundalini awakened or if this was what raised the ante for me so much. Honestly, I think it’s what saved me. Among other things.

[TheFifth]

Tried the technique described here today in session; the session went extraordinarily well and the client clearly seemed to notice and share much more than normal, lots of warmth in the room. It wasn’t until I got home and laid down to relax that I felt a connection with him and the substantial feeding took place. There’s some heart involvement. This is actually pretty interesting and a beautiful phenomenon. Something interesting to explore

[Mystress]

Healthier *not heavier unless that’s some kind of synchronicity message too lol

 Fixed it for ya.

 Glad you decided not to close the door... like I said, we need it. Shaman imperative too.

 Before xmas I took a little break from working on the 2020 edition of FST, and offered spiritual healing as a gift in my local fb "buy nothing" group. Somewhat to my surprise,  25 people responded, some requesting on behalf of others.  What I expected to be a few hours ended up taking 3 days but zero complaints because Goddess provides, and I needed it. It gave me the clarity, energy and inspiration to meet my self imposed deadline of NYE.

 Shamans do not identify as vampires and with that work I was not pulling karma so much as intervening with identity splinters but we need to do the work.

 Along the way I got an insight about how to do mass remote clearing of trauma sock puppets along with depression and the self created demons that drive the illnesses.  Calling all the types of splinters from the shadows at once, then sorting them, demons on the left for their resolution, and puppets on the right. They require different attention.

  I told the sock puppets I was requested by their CEO to intervene because (their person) does not know how to throw a retirement party and their work is done. Then I lined them up for handshakes and gold watches, watched them dance out the door.  I am a little surprised it worked but at least one person reported a mind cleared of obsessive trauma thoughts.  

 Being Goddess, in the moment, you do what seems obvious... and sometimes She shows new tech that is shareable. I have been postponing coming out of retirement and returning to public session work, reconsidering my lineup of available services.

 

When I tune into my friend I get a rush of excitement in my belly, what do ya know?

oh,... below the navel? Male sex vamps are quite rare but have delicious charisma.

Mother back East may be developing covid (going to ground her for a few days).

 Bilocate to stand at her bedside while she sleeps, get deeply grounded and fill her with love projected from your heart until every cell is saturated.

Guide is saying somewhat humorously admonishingly, “they’re paying you to help them.”

 LOL, yup. There is no clearer consent than bribery, and it gives a lot of elbow room.

I realized I cannot get mad at anyone in particular without it effecting them

 Is true... but, wings wrapped is a better way to contain your emotional projections as well as providing insights that dissipate it. If you try to flatten one emotion you flatten them all. World goes grayscale. Roots bunker is good for sorting emotions too, they are very direct. Emotions are human, just take care not to aim them at others.

I do have a place and a role in this world. ...  This is actually pretty interesting and a beautiful phenomenon.

  So joyous to see you finally settling in and finding your place, the beauty in the gifts that have caused you so much trouble in the past. The work is fascinating and rewarding on so many levels. It has been a wild ride but it seems you have come home, to your true self and it is beautiful.

[TheFifth]

Yeah today is the first time in a while - maybe decades - I’ve woken up bright and early with a clear head, excited to face the day. It’s an unfamiliar feeling.

[TheFifth]

Lots more restlessness in my limbs, arms and legs today. Feels almost like a light kriya. Maybe just dynamism and stuff moving

[Mystress]

 Yup. Dump overload and get some exercise. For that sort of restlessness I like sprints... like, alternating cycling as hard as I can, and coasting. 

[TheFifth]

Makes sense, I’ve been feeling fried since yesterday, not able to sleep the past four nights. No dreams, just experiences I end up not fully remembering. Hard to sit still in my therapist chair today, surviving lol. I’ll dump overload and get myself moving when I’m done.

Too much energy.

[TheFifth]

More improvements, notably, much less socially timid. I mean it makes sense how I was before considering I was starved of life force. Feels like seeing the world from a different angle than before. Better work/life balance, doesn’t feel like just trying to survive like before. Nice quiet head.

[TheFifth]

As an update on the client that “noticed,” I think it was her higher self or some higher aspect that took notice. The only difference I notice now is the therapy has accelerated and there is much greater depth. Which is good because I didn’t want ppl to notice anything supernatural going on and I suppose all they’ll likely notice is feeling better.

Mothers cough and headache disappeared. Who knows if that was it; she didn’t get tested and thinks now it may have been from shoveling snow. Headache, cough sounds like it was possible and either way, in these times I’m not risking anything.