Divorce and Kundalini

[Crystulle]

Hi,
My name is Crystal and I'm here to advance on my spiritual path and if I must be honest Goddess led me to this course.  I'm on the third lesson.

I have a question about something that has become a dominating issue in my life.  My marriage is broken and I'm ready to move on.  I'm married to an unawakened man who doesn't even pretend to have any spiritual values.  Even the mainstream Christian "love thy neighbor" values that are fairly easy to grasp, he doesn't really understand and of course he doesn't practice in our day to day lives.  I don't want to go on and on about him because at one point six months ago I was having serious trouble controlling my negative thoughts about him and I honestly probably created some problems there.  If I say too much it could start spiraling I just want to give some background about my point of view.

I am wondering what living with some one like this will be like if I have to wait until the summer to leave.  Will it hurt me to be in such close proximity to some one I don't have a good relationship with?  Will it hurt him?  With the second lesson, I experienced a lot of energy entering my torso, and after that I have had stomach pain, vomiting, and other symptoms.  Also, whatever armor I had built to make my midsection numb, is at least partly gone and I feel everything.  Well probably not everything, but it's like shards of glass ripping me up on the inside just being in the same room with my husband.  And once, after I cleaned up my kids' playroom, my husband walks into the room and started doing his "You missed a spot!" routine, and it felt like some one jammed a finger in my side.  Later that night I had a "counselling session" in my dream to go over what happened there.  I now always have at least a dull ache in my stomach.  After the third lesson, I spent all night (it felt like all night) with the energy coursing through my body, my heart beating as wide as my shoulders.  It was quite overwhelming and I don't know what is in store next.

My question is, is there a way to smooth out the rough edges until I can move out in June, and maybe help the divorce go as smoothly as possible?

[Sigmund]

Hello, Crystal.  Being in a tough spot like that is so distasteful and diminishing what with being guarded and armored and not being able to share emotions and values.   

Surrendering the situation for Goddess to handle comes to mind as does doing the grounding.  That will let you safely let out held emotions. 

Likewise, asking your higher self to negotiate with your husband should bring benefits, with the understanding that he may interfere with solutions, given his free will.

   http://kundalini-teacher.com/karma/hself.php?searchresult=1&sstring=higher+self 

     Blessings

[Gopi]

Dear Crystal,
I can relate with some of the things you have described here.
In my case, it was my dad and it was during my entire childhood.
A lot of what you're feeling seems to be about tangled boundaries.
This is why when the other person walks in to the room, we feel like we have no more control over how we feel, act, and think.

During my childhood, I read a story about Buddha in one of the children's comic books.
After enlightenment, Buddha wanders as a bikshu.
(Sidenote: This word is usually translated as beggar. However, the spiritual lesson behind living as a bikshu is to simply take the attitude that the universe provides. One does not need to worry about where the next meal will come from because That which feeds the plants, trees, animals, birds, and all of Life in universe will feed this little monk too. So being a 'bikshu' is about placing complete trust in the universe and not about renunciation or lack of material wealth as it is usually misinterpreted as.)
Anyhoo... Buddha wanders as a bikshu.
One day he walks to a rich merchant's house and asks 'May I have some food?'.
The merchant gets angry and starts yelling profanities at Buddha.
And Buddha just stands there.
After some time, the merchant tires out and finally screams at Buddha 'I called you all these offensive names and you still stand there. Do you have no shame?'
Buddha smiled and said 'Sir, you can't give me what I choose not to accept. May I have some food?'
The merchant fell to his knees and begged for Buddha's forgiveness.
Buddha smiled and said 'Sir, I can't give you what you cannot give yourself. May I have some food?'



A lot of stuff comes up during K awakening. It can feel very overwhelming.

• I would suggest dumping overload and staying grounded as things to do for immediate damage control.
• Having some sort of regular creative outlet also really helps. During difficult times, what we feel and go through just needs to be let out.
• Pay more attention to what your body wants. Massage, yoga, running, swimming, any form of exercise really, and good food immensely helps the body while we go through difficult life experiences.
• Bless your food and water. Gratitude is alchemy. Seriously. Try it for yourself. See how you feel in your body after a week of eating food with gratitude.
• Do one nice thing for yourself everyday (this can be as simple as waking up whenever you want or taking extra long showers).
• When you feel like you're hitting rock bottom or spiraling towards it, remind yourself that you don't have to figure everything about your life and your spiritual existence right now. All you need to know and do is the 'next thing'. This 'next thing' can be anything you want. It can be as small as taking a shower. So on a really bad day when I feel anxious about my existence, I simply tell myself 'I don't have to figure out the purpose of my life before taking a shower. I don't have to figure out what I should do after taking a shower. I am going to take a shower.' I have found this to be very helpful to live my everyday, both good and bad ones, with gratitude.
  

Hope that helps.
Hang in there.

[Mystress]

That pain near your stomach is a secondary chakra of the power chakra and it represents martyrdom and self pity. Keep feeding it you might grow an ulcer eh?

  Part of the goal of this course is to help you discover you are the God of your own life and your thoughts shape your experience of reality.

  Some content on my other website might be useful food for thought. 


http://kundalini-teacher.com/chakras/power.php
http://kundalini-teacher.com/chakras/ethic.php
http://kundalini-teacher.com/lessons/project.php

You are being given a wonderful opportunity to reclaim your power back and get out of victimhood, and that is essential for attainment. Not easy but the rewards are so worthwhile!

  I also would like you to google pages about reclaiming power and dealing with bullies and narcissists. Bullying being such a media issue these days there are loads of these empowering sites offering advice.  Get some new strategies to help you shift out of this pattern of making someone else responsible for anything you say, think, feel or do. You have the power to choose how to respond to adversity.


“The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance.”
― Viktor E. Frankl

  Viktor Frankl became enlightened, as a work camp prisoner of Auschwitz. Read his book online, be inspired:

https://ia800205.us.archive.org/27/items/MansSearchForMeaning-English/ViktorFrankl-MansSearchForMeaningpsychologyPsychotherapyPhilosophy-o.pdf

[Crystulle]

Thank you for all the wonderful replies.  I spent several weeks away from home, trying to sort myself out and now I am in a better place.  Not perfect by any means, but I made progress by leaving, taking the lessons, caring for my children, and trying to develop a relationship with Goddess.  She has kindly showed up for me in dreams as my mother, and both of my late grandmothers.  Much less intimidating than the dancing nude seductress that brought me here. 

Sigmund,
Surrendering the situation to Goddess was what was needed.  I tried the higher self negotiation, however in the state I was in it seemed way too complicated.  I was too close to the situation, as a matter of fact it was the first time I had considered that my husband even HAD a higher self and guardian angels of his own.  Blew my mind.  I'll get there eventually...

Gopi,
You have to excuse me because I can be incredibly dense.  It took a couple of days for me to even realize what your story had to do with me!  Your advice was right on point and even more insights were brought to me concerning this same theme while doing Mystress' suggested reading.

Mystress,
Wow, I never considered that this problem was mine.  I always thought my husband was the one playing victim.  But I can see clearly that a) living in a tough situation was my choice, since we have quite liberal laws surrounding divorce and separation and b) my main insight that came to me just this week:  I CAN control how I respond to my feelings.  Now, not every deep feeling has been tested yet, but that angst I get when I become triggered by my husband challenging me, that I promptly bury in my very damaged solar plexus, doesn't have to be accompanied by an endless string of negative thoughts that get out of control so that I end up furious.  Once I realize it is a challenge, I can actually ignore it and if I'm feeling uncomfortable still surrender that feeling to Goddess.   And the bonus to that is since I'm not going to end up furious, and I know that I'm not (as opposed to always bracing for the worst) my anxiety levels have gone down, I'm not drinking alcohol to get through the evenings, I'm not hiding behind the children's routines.  Now, if I do get divorced it won't be because of a silo of painful memories that I don't want to die with, it will be because the divorce is needed for growth and I can accept that.

Goddess again reminded me that I can heal myself, so I took the opportunity when it came up on Monday to direct as much energy as I could into my midsection.  I could feel the outline of my stomach and part of my intestine light up.  Later, I noticed that my solar plexus has taken shape as a tight small bowling ball, it sort of reminded me of the feel of my uterus a day or so after birth.  At least it is something now.  The pain is mostly gone now, certain thoughts can bring it back but it feels like a phantom pain, or a memory of pain, not actual pain.

I am still working on reading through the book, it is quite heavy reading material.  I have to turn off the outrage reaction, which is deeply embedded in my habits, and read it as if I were him having this experience instead.  Quite an amazing level of detachment, looking down from above, analyzing things he participated in as if he were an anthropologist from years later doing a study.

[Mystress]

my main insight that came to me just this week:  I CAN control how I respond to my feelings.

  Yes, absolutely you can. Free will is the choice to love or fear and fear is illusion. Surrender it, see whats real.

  Do not take the hurt energy reaction for granted either, energy is energy. Your judgement is what makes it feel good or bad. How you are receiving the barbs is also, your choice.  Instead of resisting, judging and stuffing, try shining unconditional love and acceptance onto the energy *gift* when its in you. Watch it transform into something yummy... or just shoot it out your crown.

And the bonus to that is since I'm not going to end up furious, and I know that I'm not (as opposed to always bracing for the worst) my anxiety levels have gone down, I'm not drinking alcohol to get through the evenings, I'm not hiding behind the children's routines. 

   That is awesome!

Now, if I do get divorced it won't be because of a silo of painful memories that I don't want to die with, it will be because the divorce is needed for growth and I can accept that.

  ok, next step. Here is how relationships work. Unresolved issues pile up between people, and when the pile gets so big that you no longer see each other, only the issues.. divorce follows. Visualize what I am describing, the pile of unresolved issues between you and your hub, and surrender the pile. Then you will be able to see him more clearly for who he is, without the filter of your issues with him.

  I think you have probably been sticking it out for the sake of the kids, and that is a noble motive. Kids are better off with two parents, but they are not better off in a home full of discord. I don't have an opinion about whether you should get divorced. Supporting you in coming to a place of greater peace and clarity to make the right decision for yourself and your family, as Goddess wills.

  ahh the bowling ball. The old childhood, "stick my soul in a vault so no-one can hurt it" trick. Doesn't actually work because nothing can hurt the soul, the barrier just diminishes your experience of it. You made it, you can crack it open with a thought, anytime.