Essay Submitted

[AnandDaan]

Namaste

I just wanted to check in and follow up on the submission of my graduation essay. It was emailed on October 12th, 2008 following the directions in the lesson and I have not received a reply. Has me wondering if the net goblins are holding it for ransom lol.

Om Shanti
Anand Daan (Bryce)

[Mystress]

  A few efforts to respond to this have gotten waylaid.

  I did get your essay, what I wanted to know is whether your experience of unity is ongoing?

  At different times, students have written a grad essay in the midst of a peak experience and I have graduated them on that basis only to discover they really were not ready when the peak passed.

  Your essay is lovely, thank you. Repost it here if you wish.

   Blessings...

[AnandDaan]

Namaste

There is nothing to lose or to be changed, that's the simple truth. I am pasting my essay below at your suggestion.

Anand Daan



"The Queen of the Universe resides within the flower of my secret heart. Mother, I seek refuge at your beautiful feet, delicate and fragrant as the dark blue lotus. As my body dissolves into earth and my mind into space, may I dissolve into you." -- Ramprasad Sen (trans. Lex Hixon)

Maa, you are my refuge and my strength. I give this to you.  

I have been on the path of the Goddess for fifteen years. For as long as I can remember I carried a burning desire to know Her. At a fairly young age I turned to Wicca and then Irish folk religion as I sought to find any glimpse of Shakti that I could in the world of patriarchy around me. For many years I found myself labeled an outcast because of my beliefs and this forced me to go within and search for my own truth and to confront my own demons and conditionings. Through those years I became intimately familiar with many of the practices that Mystress has presented through the course of Fire Serpent Tantra. While bhakti has always been a part of my nature I was still driven to find a oneness with Maa. I needed to feel her presence, I needed to understand her nature. At that time in my life the Wiccan construct did not fit my needs and through some act of synchronicity the universe engineered a meeting between myself and Maa in the form of Bhavatarini Kali and I knew that I had found "home". 

In the ensuing years I studied Vedanta and tantra at an academic level and began to adapt my lifestyle toward the ideals of sanatana dharma. During this time I came across the science of Kundalini and became intimately aquainted with theories of nadis and chakras and tales of the grace of Guru. I accepted initiation into maha yoga from an Indian spiritual master a little more than two years ago and began practicing his prescribed sadhana faithfully. These practices brought periods of ecstatic bliss and the classic kundalini symptoms including the beginnings of various siddhi and intense kriyas. As I continued these practices I found myself at a sort of plateau. I was having all sorts of flashy experiences and warm and fuzzy feelings but I still did not feel the union with the universe that I knew was within my reach.

At that point, a little less than a year ago, I came across Mystress and her brand of Kundalini Tantra. I had a flash in my mind of this woman must be mad, teaching Kundalini science in such an accessible manner and western context, but the small voice inside told me to shut up and keep reading. As I devoured the FST site and the Kundalini Teacher site I had another little hint of that "welcome home" moment. Despite my uneasiness about purchasing online products I popped my money order in the mail and waited to start the course.

As I began to read the course I found it to be a wonderful refresher of the searching within and confronting the shadows that I had done in my earlier years. As much as I wanted to think I already knew all of the teachings, I decided to humor this lady and work through her excercises. I understand now that this was an ego reaction trying to protect me from losing the attachments I was clinging to at the time. As I worked through the course I found the activity of Kundalini was rapidly accelerating within me. I was experiencing long periods of full body kryias, seeing blinding lights behind closed eyes, hearing pranava in every sound for hours at a time. These experiences really began to peak around the lessons on opening the third eye and the heart chakra.

Again, I found myself having ever more intense experiences, but sitting on a plateau. At that point I decided to take a page from Mystress's book as ask for guidance from the Guru within. The heart voice which speaks on behalf of Shakti. I came to understand that based on several near death experiences in previous years ego was preventing me from advancing on my spiritual path out of fear of losing myself to the unknown. I was afraid that "I" would cease to exist. I pondered this both in waking state and in meditative state for several months. Then in September I experienced a turning point. Words cannot do justice to the experience at this point so I will copy and paste something I wrote shortly after the experience below:

"On September 9th during morning sadhana the thought of death came into the mind along with a terrible fear for a brief moment. As quickly as the mind was taken by fear there was a thought that there is no death, there is no here nor there, there is no difference. The awareness of surroundings fell away and the mind became still, there is no concept of time. When the eyes eventually focused the world was changed, filled with a new beauty and light. The sensation was as if there was a thin cloth veil obscuring the senses and this was gently lifted away in a second leaving only consciousness. There are oceans of peaceful bliss and I find myself laughing at the simplicity of the oneness. The stillness of mind remains and consciousness seems to rest not only in the head and in the mind but spilling out into the universe."

In that moment I was able to let go of my fear of death and surrender fully to Goddess. I gave her my fear as an offering and she allowed me to see the truth I'd always known somewhere in the back of my mind. There is no difference. Goddess is within me. Goddess is brahman. Aham Brahmasmi.

Fire Serpent Tantra is a pure manifestation of Shakti in action. Praise to Maa and her vessel, Mystress Angelique Serpent for showing me the way. In my heart I know that I have "graduated" from this course of lessons but that this path is eternal and will not end.

-- Anand Daan

Full rights to this essay are granted to Mystress Angelique Serpent

[Jackman]

Very beautiful essay...

[maggie777]

The energy from your essay beams off the screen. absolutely blissful. Thank you for sharing.

Bliss,
Maggie