I've been learning for a year and a few months now, and I'm only half way through. At first, the energy download was really intense and I loved it. A few months later, its more steady and I was able to absorb the materials better.

When I had read the third eye lessons, even before I read that the materials, I could feel the energy tapping into my third eye to activate it, very strongly. That was amazing.

Hello bachmai,
Good to hear from you.

bachmai said: "I've been learning for a year and a few months now, and I'm only half way through."
Everyone's journey is unique and people make progress at a pace that Goddess wills.
There is no external timetable or schedule for your personal spiritual growth.
The earlier lessons are about establishing a spiritual foundation for life - better to go slow and steady instead of trying to rush through.
Also, tantra is about life experience and insights (and less about theology or philosophy) - not to be read and understood but to be lived and experienced.
Tantra lessons unfold over time depending on what you are open to receiving.

Trying to control to pace of growth or having expectations about how you should grow in itself is an ego game.
With K awakening, it can be dangerous to go into resistance - either trying to slow down or speed up things.
Better to go with the flow - Goddess has it handled.
When we go into resistance, our bodies can feel physically tense and cramp (headache if crown is closed in fear; digestion issues from power games; etc)
When we allow fear to take over, cynicism and paranoia will set in because it is comforting for ego.

A cynic is an intelligent person who cannot have hope because they hold hurt from past trauma.
It can be terrifying to remain open to life and stay humble - easier to say 'I know everything is bad'.
As Eve Sedgwick says: "Paranoia requires that bad news be always already known."#
Paranoia (the world is plotting against me so I don't trust anyone) and cynicism (I know for sure that everything sucks so why try?) often reinforce each other.
Both paranoia and cynicism are ego-affirming - 'I know better than others'.

Remaining open does NOT mean unquestioning faith (which is what religious cults demand).
The DIY part of FST means we do the lessons and find our own truth.
Doubts and questioning are integral and necessary part of spiritual growth.
It is OK and healthy to be critical but also important to not slip into cynicism.
It is OK to take your own time with your lessons.

bachmai siad: "At first, the energy download was really intense and I loved it. A few months later, its more steady and I was able to absorb the materials better."
The more grounded you become, the lesser the resistance and smoother the ride.
We may face setbacks and challenges but when we remain grounded, it becomes easier to navigate difficult situations.
Kundalini growth is not a linear path - that's why the chakras are often portrayed as blossoming lotus.
This means even when we finish reading earlier lessons and move on to next, insights from lessons unfold over time depending on our receptivity.
So it is a bit inaccurate for me to say 'I finished reading FST' even though I am a graduate.
You feeling steady means you are well grounded.
Glad to hear you are enjoying your learning here.

Namaste,
Gopi

# Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick. 1997. Paranoid Reading and Reparative Reading; or, You’re So Paranoid, You Probably Think This Introduction is About You. In Novel Gazing: Queer Readings in Fiction, Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick (editor). Duke University Press, 1-40.