Hello Mystress,

Been keeping with what I understand now. Everything else I put off for another day. Things are changing a little at a time. But its pretty strange. I feel like a different person every day. It can get a little ungrounding. Staying on the middle path and all of that too. Its really amazing how you can surrender something and then feel the instant change in how you see things. I've also started to rub me down every day and just let my body know that I love it unconditionaly. Its cool because now I can start to see little pink threads connecting all of my body to my heart, I'm working on making these stronger. But here are some questions..

Ever since after I was in the chat with you. Whenever I go to ground I get all these erotic visions and thoughts. Whenever I even think about the sun shining down on me from above.. I can't even ginish grounding. Gets really, really distracting. I stopped ground for a bit just to see what would happen. But even if I put my attention on my heart, same thing happens. And if I am grounded I get these visions all day. Its cool, but not something you want going on all day. This also brings up a ton of issues which I'm working on, but I can only do so much in a day before I start getting close to the stop point.  
Before Goddess to me would be somone who would care and tell me thing about me or show me things. Now I keep asking Her to put some clothes on so I can finish grounding. This is pretty strange to me. Especialy since I'm in un-set jello mode. I tend to look at beige things, or grey things, not to white, not to black. Even flower books can be too much for me now. Makes me nervous. So this is a strange time for me.

Also I've been running into things that explain in one way or another in another light, about what I've just learned. I feel like my head is expanding like crazy just because those old ideas are going away. The world is changing. I dig it, even though it can get really strange, really quick. I did something last night when I was half asleep, something that was big, that was bigger inside than outside and I was all power, Iside my heart was a dimentional space of things that could only be seen from there, much bigger than inside or outside of my body. I liked it, but it was confusing me so I sent it away for a later date hehe, I'm doing this now...

Ok, I guess I just need to know about the exotic women in my heart.  Thanks.

Sean

:  Hello Mystress,

:
:  Been keeping with what I understand now. Everything else I put off for another day. Things are changing a little at a time. But its pretty strange. I feel like a different person every day. It can get a little ungrounding. Staying on the middle path and all of that too. Its really amazing how you can surrender something and then feel the instant change in how you see things.

Yeah, I know how you feel. Sounds like you are handling the changes really well. Better than me, maybe. Kewl.

  Well, I will tell you a story about me.

 Earlier this month, a few weeks ago, huge part of who I thought I was decided I was boring with my attachment to peace, and fucked off. Splintered away, went visiting people without me, and nobody could send her into the light or persuade her to re-integrate. She was/is a pretty amazing being, incredibly powerful like only Archetypes manifest. I am amazed at her too... but without her, I am in a very odd place.

 I do not know what was hers and what is me. I thought I was her, and never wondered till she splintered and left. What I told you about growing a new self from within is my advice for myself this month. I don't know who I am, but I am finding that I don't mind not knowing. I have a feeling, that I may never know, and that not knowing might be a very great blessing.

 I am finding that part, kind of peaceful.

 I don't know what she is. I can see beauty in her, and her creations and it seems like it would be a bigger attachment/resistance to tear them down, than to let it be and go with the flow... but at the same time... the life I inherited from her feels a little like a hand me down suit that does not fit too well.

 I am trying to discover if that is true, or just a judgment of restless dissatisfaction that will pass, and trying to make it into a better fit is just ego.

 That life includes my healing and teaching work, and my committment to FST. Her creations that I inherited.

 Writing fits... I am finding I really enjoy writing. Goddess gave that bit back, not sure about the rest. I dunno if what I am writing makes any sense or has any value beyond my pleasure in doing it, but that is OK.

 I am spending today, considering if perhaps all of my last few years creations was my/her own personal "road to hell of Good intentions." Very interesting to contemplate whether writing an essay on the road to hell of good intentions, is itself a road to hell of good intentions... and mny similar thoughts that have given me a headache. I think I will stop trying to think and go find an aspirin.  

 I am mostly just sitting with the feelings, even though they are pretty ungrounding at times. I do not know how much of it is hormones speaking. Some, for sure. I know, if I just keep surrendering everything, eventually I will see perfection in what Is.  When I get there, I will know what to do... if there is anything to do.

 I have been through these kind of odd trips enough to know not to make any important decisions till the inner landscape stabilizes... and that is why I have not even mentioned this current phase of growing to anyone but my Tribe and a few others, before this. I really don't want anyone to tell me what they think about it. It just Is... and is not. Passing phenomena.  

 I have no idea what the end result will look like, or if it has an end, but I trust Goddess has it handled.

 In the meantime... chop wood carry water. Trying to be gentle with myself, and with the people around me... with some success. I imagine that even the Buddha had a "bad hair day" now and then. He was human just like we all are.  

: I've also started to rub me down every day and just let my body know that I love it unconditionaly.

Beautiful!! sounds like a good idea, I think I will have another nice hot bath too.

: Its cool because now I can start to see little pink threads connecting all of my body to my heart, I'm working on making these stronger. But here are some questions..

:
:  Ever since after I was in the chat with you. Whenever I go to ground I get all these erotic visions and thoughts. Whenever I even think about the sun shining down on me from above.. I can't even ginish grounding. Gets really, really distracting. I stopped ground for a bit just to see what would happen. But even if I put my attention on my heart, same thing happens. And if I am grounded I get these visions all day.

Well, really I know nothing, but I have heard these same stories from people who are going through a 2nd chakra opening... and yours sounds pretty gentle compared to the guy who was getting machine-gun orgasms from the sunset flashing between the trees as he was trying to drive the freeway. I .. (or somebody who looks like me) told him to go with it and try to wear himself out sexually till it passed... and not be driving till it did... heh. He seemed to find it helpful. Your mileage may vary.

There are some Yogis who would say that all phenomena of K. is simply a distraction from the goal of becoming nothing. However, in practice I find most people like to enjoy the scenery along the way.  

:Its cool, but not something you want going on all day. This also brings up a ton of issues which I'm working on, but I can only do so much in a day before I start getting close to the stop point.  
:  Before Goddess to me would be somone who would care and tell me thing about me or show me things. Now I keep asking Her to put some clothes on so I can finish grounding. This is pretty strange to me. Especialy since I'm in un-set jello mode. I tend to look at beige things, or grey things, not to white, not to black. Even flower books can be too much for me now. Makes me nervous. So this is a strange time for me.

I think, it is just a strange time. Strange times all around. My jello is not set either, and perhaps it is not meant to be. Maybe it would would rather flow, and wanting it to set, is resistance.

 You said you wanted a girlfriend, right? Heh heh.

I have sent my own DB into the light, many times when his behavior made me wonder if I was dealing with an impostor. He humors me. He knows I'm human too. Surrender my attachment to the form and see what Goddess gives back.

:  Also I've been running into things that explain in one way or another in another light, about what I've just learned. I feel like my head is expanding like crazy just because those old ideas are going away. The world is changing.

Everything is always changing, change is the only constant. Yet, the more things change, the more they stay the same. The sky still looks blue and the body still needs sleep and food. The body knows how it needs to grow, and sometimes it is simpler just to focus on the mundane and let it do its thing without interfering too much.

 I often think that my husband is much more enlightened than me. Since the eternal mysteries remain eternal no matter how we try to sort them out, he sees no point in trying. He believes life is for living, and analysing it to death misses the point. I tell him that everybody needs a hobby.  

: I dig it, even though it can get really strange, really quick. I did something last night when I was half asleep, something that was big, that was bigger inside than outside and I was all power, Iside my heart was a dimentional space of things that could only be seen from there, much bigger than inside or outside of my body. I liked it, but it was confusing me so I sent it away for a later date hehe, I'm doing this now...

:
:  Ok, I guess I just need to know about the exotic women in my heart.  Thanks.

You do know about them. There they are. In your heart. What did you want me to tell you? I dunno what to tell you. You told them later and now you ask me?  I dunno, instead I will pass on this interesting essay from the Non-duality list.

Blessings!

  Date: Wed, 30 Jan 2002 18:36:54 -0000
  From: "sugandolf" hotmail.com="" m="">
Subject: Re: Disposing of duality (Really Big Deal!)

Why not drop the term self once we are no longer talking about the
individual body-mind? It's too confusing, it seems. But maybe I'm
missing something. Ha, ha.

Isn't using words behaving as if we are a body-mind? And as long as
we are behaving as one, isn't it important to appreciate the pain and
richness of perspective of other body-minds who do not share our
identical genetics/memetics/conditioning? To guard against
narcissism, to cultivate humility?

Wondering...

--- In NondualitySalon@y..., Gene Poole wrote:
> NDS
>
>
> 'Our' tendency is to create maps and then,
> to live in them.
>
> Language is 'of course' a complex map of 'reality',
> yet, does it actually have any correspondence to
> 'reality'?
>
> Language 'has to do with' what we Urthoids call
> 'meaning'... yet, if you think about it, it can be seen
> that words (the components of the 'map of reality')
> refer (point to) only to other words.
>
> And therein lies the difficulties which underlie the
> various religious and secular conflicts which
> continue to plague 'us' as individuals and societies.
>
> If a word is reputed to 'point to' something other
> than another word, there is the claim (by the one
> pointing) that what is being pointed to is 'real'.
>
> I can point to a cat and say 'cat', and there will
> be general agreement (among speakers of English)
> that I am speaking 'truly'.
>
> Yet, if I 'point to' Nonduality, am I speaking truly?
>
> And if I point to 'heaven', 'hell', 'enlightenment',
> 'nirvana', 'sin', or 'God', what is the opinion of
> my 'veracity'?
>
> It is certainly possible to invent words which
> refer to what does not exist. An example of
> such a word is one of my favorites,
> 'interocitor'. I use this word to get ignoramuses
> off of my back, when I am doing tech support:
>
> "Please give me some time to recalibrate the
> interocitor".
>
> A similar tactic is used by the 'spiritual master',
> when referring to the vast spectrum of supposed-
> to-be-literal spiritual 'realities'; the acolyte is
> soothed and given something to look forward to,
> when the master does this. Our 'spiritual literature'
> is full of such conceptual make-work and placeholders.
>
> What 'we nondualists know' is that there is no
> independent reality to refer to. And this is an
> important statement to understand. Apparently,
> it is precisely unclarity about this central truth,
> which gives rise to the plethora of placeholders
> which are themselves taken to have independent
> reality. Such words as 'duality' and 'nonduality'
> are themselves mere nonsense, but only insofar
> as _all words are nonsense_.
>
> To understand how this works, we must return
> to the first four paragraphs, above (please do this
> now; read down from the top back to here).
>
> The sharp reader will ask: "You say there is no
> independent reality'. Independent from what?"
>
> Answer: Independent from self (use word 'me'
> here). 'There is no reality independent from me',
> or equally, 'all reality is dependent on me'. Now
> take it on a real stretch... 'I am the sole reality',
> or even... "I Am That"... or descriptively,
>
> "There is only self".
>
> Note that when this is read, or heard stated,
> there is an automatic assumption on the part
> of the hearer (say 'me') that what is being
> referred to is something other than the hearer
> 'itself' ('you', otherwise known as 'me').
>
> And from this insight, we are able to finally see
> that it is the act of pointing (speaking) which
> allows the assumption that the speaker is separate
> from what is being described, when in fact, the
> intention of the speaker is to state that the speaker
> is 'self' and that the speaker is stating that 'there is
> no reality independent of me' and that 'I am that
> to which I refer'; in other words, 'I am self-referential'.
>
> This is a tacit confession of 'subjectivity', too often
> taken as 'mere solipsism', as though there is
> something outside of solipsism. And here we have
> the chief lie among many lies... that there is something
> independent of... me (as you would say 'me').
>
> The lie of Satan, as he tempted Eve, was to imply
> that there was something outside of her own experience,
> which she was 'missing', and that if she wanted to make
> her experience 'complete', she should do certain things.
>
> This lie, the lie that there is something outside of yourself
> (' I am missing something and I am suffering'), is the chief
> lie, the 'father of lies'. If one can stop repeating this lie, and
> all sub-variants of it, nonduality 'happens'.
>
> When one stops the constant cycling of the chief lie
> (as a component of of 'my' internal conversation),
> there does occur 'abiding', a way of Being.
>
> Only in abiding, is there the possibility of choice.
>
> How is this so? Other than abiding, is non-abiding,
> and non-abiding is based in reaction-to, and reaction-to
> is not choice.
>
> Abding abolishes 'should' and 'what-if'. Abiding
> abolishes idiotic religious and secular conflicts. Abiding
> as way of Being, allows 'information' (observance of
> phenomena) to enter and leave 'me', to pass through
> and to state just what it is.
>
> Do 'we' have the courage to simply state, even
> experimentally, 'I am the ultimate reality', while
> deliberately NOT pointing to any external factor?
>
> In other words... will you say what you are, without
> referring to any supposed 'external factor'?
>
> Let me know!
>
>
>
> ==Gene Poole==

:    Well, I will tell you a story about me.

:   Earlier this month, a few weeks ago, huge part of who I thought I was decided I was boring with my attachment to peace, and fucked off. Splintered away, went visiting people without me, and nobody could send her into the light or persuade her to re-integrate. She was/is a pretty amazing being, incredibly powerful like only Archetypes manifest. I am amazed at her too... but without her, I am in a very odd place.

I FEEL IT, AND IT CREATES ANXIETY IN ME FOR VERY SELFISH REASONS.

:   I do not know what was hers and what is me. I thought I was her, and never wondered till she splintered and left. What I told you about growing a new self from within is my advice for myself this month. I don't know who I am, but I am finding that I don't mind not knowing. I have a feeling, that I may never know, and that not knowing might be a very great blessing.

.

:   I don't know what she is. I can see beauty in her, and her creations and it seems like it would be a bigger attachment/resistance to tear them down, than to let it be and go with the flow... but at the same time... the life I inherited from her feels a little like a hand me down suit that does not fit too well.

:   I am trying to discover if that is true, or just a judgment of restless dissatisfaction that will pass, and trying to make it into a better fit is just ego.

:   That life includes my healing and teaching work, and my committment to FST. Her creations that I inherited.

:   I am spending today, considering if perhaps all of my last few years creations was my/her own personal "road to hell of Good intentions." Very interesting to contemplate whether writing an essay on the road to hell of good intentions, is itself a road to hell of good intentions... and mny similar thoughts that have given me a headache. I think I will stop trying to think and go find an aspirin.  

THIS CREATES GREAT ANXIETY IN ME.  I HAVE ASKED FOR A TEACHER FOR SOOO LONG AND SINCE FINDING YOU I HAVE FELT A KIND OF PEACE COMING OVER ME. I KNOW THAT I HAVE A GREAT RESOURCE THAT I CAN TRUST.

:   I am mostly just sitting with the feelings, even though they are pretty ungrounding at times. I do not know how much of it is hormones speaking. Some, for sure. I know, if I just keep surrendering everything, eventually I will see perfection in what Is.  When I get there, I will know what to do... if there is anything to do.
:    
:   I have been through these kind of odd trips enough to know not to make any important decisions till the inner landscape stabilizes... and that is why I have not even mentioned this current phase of growing to anyone but my Tribe and a few others, before this. I really don't want anyone to tell me what they think about it. It just Is... and is not. Passing phenomena.  

I KNOW YOU ARE NOT ASKING OR EVEN WANTING THIS, BUT I NEED TO TELL YOU HOW VERY IMPORTANT YOU ARE TO MY LIFE.  YOU ARE A GREAT TEACHER AND I FOR ONE AM VERY DEPENDENT UPON YOUR WISDOM AND LIGHT.

:   I have no idea what the end result will look like, or if it has an end, but I trust Goddess has it handled.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE GODDESS, LET MYSTRESS KNOW HOW VERY MUCH SHE IS NEEDED, APPRECIATED RESPECTED AND LOVED.

:   In the meantime... chop wood carry water. Trying to be gentle with myself, and with the people around me... with some success. I imagine that even the Buddha had a "bad hair day" now and then. He was human just like we all are.  

I PRAY THAT IT IS ONLY A 'bad hair day".
AFTER VIEWING/READING THE LESSON ABOUT "PACING YOURSELF" I RELAXED A LITTLE AND HAVE BEEN TAKING TIME TO INCORPORTATE ALL INTO MY BEING.  I NOW FEEL LIKE I MUST ONCE AGAIN BECOME MANIC ABOUT GETTING ON WITH THE LESSONS.

I DO NOT WANT TO LOSE YOU.  

LOVE AND CONCERN, c-light

 Heya, C-light: Chill.

 Your reaction, is part of why I have not spoken of my process in this place, before. Did not want anyone to panic and think I am running out on them... although looking at it in another way, the splinter Angelique who wrote this stuff, already did run out, several weeks ago and nobody noticed. heh... so, there ya go. No worries.

 I am not her.. I am nothing, but I wear her face and her face is all over this stuff like a label on a can of soup. People will continue looking for her and finding me, and trying to explain the difference is just boring. Why try to change it?  

 I am just going through a transition like I do every year at this time, and usually the change is mostly internal.

 Relax.. Goddess has it handled. Nothing is permanent, everything changes... I know you would not want me to continue with this if it no longer served Goddess will for me. Lately I am wondering if it ever was Goddess will for me, or splinter-Angelique's will for herself... or if there is any difference..! Goddess does not care about the games we play.

  But regardless, Goddess provided you with a teacher and if I decided to move on then Goddess would provide you with another, and another and another for so long as you are attached to the belief in need.

I am experiencing restlessness, but for the time being, I am not going anywhere. I have told you all so many times, emotions come and go but YOU remain. In many ways, I feel it really does not matter what I am doing... I AM, and that is enough.

 Time and space do not exist, where is there to go? What point in changing what Is? I have surrendered to the splinter's inheritance, and her committments... surrendered them and surrendered to them. It is too much work to even try to take it down... how would I do that, give you all a refund and tell my biz partner tough luck, the teacher is gone? Neh.. makes no sense.

 Makes more sense, that the whole idea of teaching is illusion. On a soul level you already know everything, all I do is remind you that you know it. Your heart resonance confirms the truth you already know.  

 It is not that I need validation... actually, quite the opposite. I so much do not need validation that I dunno what to do with the validation I already get. The person who needed the validation provided by teaching and healing so much that she created this resource of it, to feed herself, is gone. I am fed from source within myself, and need nothing. The validation just adds a little to a cup that is already so running over...

In a way, I am round full circle. When I first attained my self realization, I could see that everything was perfection, everything was Goddess and my slaves, students and lists telling me how much they needed me to teach them and heal them  just seemed odd. How could they not know they are God?

 Well, I realized that they really did not know it, just like I had spent much of my life not knowing it, and I made made a comitment that I felt wrong in running out on. Since I could not think of what else to do with my life, I left nonduality behind and became the teacher they were asking for... created the splinter A. and got lost in her.

 Now, she is gone and you all needing me feels odd, again... things are shifting and I do not know what the result will be, but I trust Goddess has it handled... and just like then, I still feel it is important to complete on my committments, and I still cannot think of anything better (better? worse? what is that?) to do with my life, than to keep doing what I was doing and what I am doing... chop wood, carry water.

 If anything, perhaps I may be better at it because I am less attached.

 My body is asking for more time in nature and less in front of a computer and I am giving it that. Know, that I am human.

 If you would serve me in this process, then surrender your belief that you need me. It is illusion. Try it, see what happens... You might discover that the light and wisdom you see in me, always was yourself, reflected... and that discovery is really the whole point of all this FST gig, is it not?

 Goddess has it handled. You are love, you are loved. Blessings!

: :    Well, I will tell you a story about me.

: :   Earlier this month, a few weeks ago, huge part of who I thought I was decided I was boring with my attachment to peace, and fucked off. Splintered away, went visiting people without me, and nobody could send her into the light or persuade her to re-integrate. She was/is a pretty amazing being, incredibly powerful like only Archetypes manifest. I am amazed at her too... but without her, I am in a very odd place.

: I FEEL IT, AND IT CREATES ANXIETY IN ME FOR VERY SELFISH REASONS.

:
: :   I do not know what was hers and what is me. I thought I was her, and never wondered till she splintered and left. What I told you about growing a new self from within is my advice for myself this month. I don't know who I am, but I am finding that I don't mind not knowing. I have a feeling, that I may never know, and that not knowing might be a very great blessing.

: .

: :   I don't know what she is. I can see beauty in her, and her creations and it seems like it would be a bigger attachment/resistance to tear them down, than to let it be and go with the flow... but at the same time... the life I inherited from her feels a little like a hand me down suit that does not fit too well.

: :   I am trying to discover if that is true, or just a judgment of restless dissatisfaction that will pass, and trying to make it into a better fit is just ego.

: :   That life includes my healing and teaching work, and my committment to FST. Her creations that I inherited.

:
: :   I am spending today, considering if perhaps all of my last few years creations was my/her own personal "road to hell of Good intentions." Very interesting to contemplate whether writing an essay on the road to hell of good intentions, is itself a road to hell of good intentions... and mny similar thoughts that have given me a headache. I think I will stop trying to think and go find an aspirin.  

:
: THIS CREATES GREAT ANXIETY IN ME.  I HAVE ASKED FOR A TEACHER FOR SOOO LONG AND SINCE FINDING YOU I HAVE FELT A KIND OF PEACE COMING OVER ME. I KNOW THAT I HAVE A GREAT RESOURCE THAT I CAN TRUST.

:
: :   I am mostly just sitting with the feelings, even though they are pretty ungrounding at times. I do not know how much of it is hormones speaking. Some, for sure. I know, if I just keep surrendering everything, eventually I will see perfection in what Is.  When I get there, I will know what to do... if there is anything to do.
: :    
: :   I have been through these kind of odd trips enough to know not to make any important decisions till the inner landscape stabilizes... and that is why I have not even mentioned this current phase of growing to anyone but my Tribe and a few others, before this. I really don't want anyone to tell me what they think about it. It just Is... and is not. Passing phenomena.  

:
: I KNOW YOU ARE NOT ASKING OR EVEN WANTING THIS, BUT I NEED TO TELL YOU HOW VERY IMPORTANT YOU ARE TO MY LIFE.  YOU ARE A GREAT TEACHER AND I FOR ONE AM VERY DEPENDENT UPON YOUR WISDOM AND LIGHT.

:
: :   I have no idea what the end result will look like, or if it has an end, but I trust Goddess has it handled.

: PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE GODDESS, LET MYSTRESS KNOW HOW VERY MUCH SHE IS NEEDED, APPRECIATED RESPECTED AND LOVED.

:
: :   In the meantime... chop wood carry water. Trying to be gentle with myself, and with the people around me... with some success. I imagine that even the Buddha had a "bad hair day" now and then. He was human just like we all are.  

: I PRAY THAT IT IS ONLY A 'bad hair day".
: AFTER VIEWING/READING THE LESSON ABOUT "PACING YOURSELF" I RELAXED A LITTLE AND HAVE BEEN TAKING TIME TO INCORPORTATE ALL INTO MY BEING.  I NOW FEEL LIKE I MUST ONCE AGAIN BECOME MANIC ABOUT GETTING ON WITH THE LESSONS.

: I DO NOT WANT TO LOSE YOU.  

: LOVE AND CONCERN, c-light

: :  In a way, I am round full circle. When I first attained my self realization, I could see that everything was perfection, everything was Goddess and my slaves, students and lists telling me how much they needed me to teach them and heal them  just seemed odd. How could they not know they are God?

On the way to the shower I got a correction on this... it was the splinter who got bored of bliss and decided to re-engage duality.
 Blessings...

:
: :  Hello Mystress,

: : :   Earlier this month, a few weeks ago, huge part of who I thought I was decided I was boring with my attachment to peace, and fucked off. Splintered away, went visiting people without me, and nobody could send her into the light or persuade her to re-integrate. She was/is a pretty amazing being, incredibly powerful like only Archetypes manifest. I am amazed at her too... but without her, I am in a very odd place.

Hmm, this is not true as I experienced it. I convinced her to do so after she visited and  after we had some powerfull and interesting interactions.

Sir P.

  Hi, Sir P.

 I was not comfortable speaking for you, so I paraphrased your experience as simply as possible. You had told me that she exploded into rainbow fireworks, after you pointed out some contradictions in her behavior, and then later she returned to visit some more. For me, that is not quite the same as sending something into the light, by command like I do with ghosts... my apologies if I misquoted or misunderstood you. I am very grateful for your assistance.

 I did a session with a student last night, it went overtime... and so I went with it and trained him by letting him work on me... as I often do, when training new healers.

  It was my second session in one day... (after telling myself I would only do three sessions a week! Ack, I am not even consistent with myself!) so I was tired and it was pleasant to have someone working on me for a change.

 I mentioned the splinter and she came to him, lovely happy and free... I cannot seem to connect with her, but it seems she is still out there.

 There are a lot of posts to this room, written but not sent as I try to sort myself out. It seems unfair to me, for me to be putting this on my students but I am rather at a loss about what else to do... if indeed, there is anything to be done. I am still not feeling balanced, something is out of tune... I think it might be best for me to do what I told Carla not to do, and retreat within myself till I am clear again.

 Thanks to you and everyone for your compassionate ears. If anyone would like to book a private session, I would encourage you to see Sir P. instead of me. He is a an excellent professional healer and guide, whom I often turn to, myself when I am not feeling clear. He is a graduate of this course from before it even became a course, and helped to create it. He has my unqualified endorsement.

  Blessings...

: : :  Hello Mystress,

: : : :   Earlier this month, a few weeks ago, huge part of who I thought I was decided I was boring with my attachment to peace, and fucked off. Splintered away, went visiting people without me, and nobody could send her into the light or persuade her to re-integrate. She was/is a pretty amazing being, incredibly powerful like only Archetypes manifest. I am amazed at her too... but without her, I am in a very odd place.

: Hmm, this is not true as I experienced it. I convinced her to do so after she visited and  after we had some powerfull and interesting interactions.

: Sir P.

Mystress,

You wrote:

:   There are a lot of posts to this room, written but not sent as I try to sort myself out. It seems unfair to me, for me to be putting this on my students but I am rather at a loss about what else to do... if indeed, there is anything to be done. I am still not feeling balanced, something is out of tune... I think it might be best for me to do what I told Carla not to do, and retreat within myself till I am clear again.

  You are wise to take some time for "space" and reflection.  You have taught us that we keep growing or die, and I have learned from what you are "growing" through.  I was a little worried that once a person becomes enlightened, is that it?  You have reminded me that Goddess is infinite, and we never have to stop growing.  

  I am a very private person who needs an enormous amount of space, so you really speak to my heart when you say you feel a need for your own "space" and time to re-balance.  So many of us are feeling a re-alignment right now and this feels strange, but at the same time we can support each other through it and know we are not alone.  So thank you for sharing what has been going on with you.  I do hope you feel supported in giving yourself what you need.  Shara  

Thank you, Shara... you are so wise! Yes, I have felt very well supported in this space, I feel really honored to have attracted amazing people like you to this course. I am grateful for you all.

 Tonight I connected over the phone with a healer whom I have not met before, but one of my Priestesses has known her for 14 years. She invoked the Violet Flame of St. Germain and booted somebody who has been in my field, feeding on my energy and interfering with my staying grounded. How somebody could get to me like that puzzles me, but I trust all will become clear in time.

 What a relief! Instead of creepy cold chills on the back of my neck that were travelling to my stomach and interfering with my digestion, I am now getting nice warm tummo fire restructuring. Starting to feel human again. Sleepy too.

  I have a 3 hour appointment booked with her for Sat., etheric body repair and some other stuff, sort out what is going on with the splinter A. I am going to take it easy till then. Take a few days off and meditate a lot.

 She does something she calls "one brain" that she says has a very good effect with helping ADD people to maintain focus for stuff that is boring... could it be, that I might actually be able to get my business stuff together, afterwards? That would be a very nice bonus to this whole story, as I would not have contacted her if I were not feeling quite so desperate.

 Time will tell. I am looking forward to learning more about her techniques... yes, we never stop growing! Blessed be!

 I love you all. Blessings!

: Mystress,

: You wrote:

: :   There are a lot of posts to this room, written but not sent as I try to sort myself out. It seems unfair to me, for me to be putting this on my students but I am rather at a loss about what else to do... if indeed, there is anything to be done. I am still not feeling balanced, something is out of tune... I think it might be best for me to do what I told Carla not to do, and retreat within myself till I am clear again.

:
:    You are wise to take some time for "space" and reflection.  You have taught us that we keep growing or die, and I have learned from what you are "growing" through.  I was a little worried that once a person becomes enlightened, is that it?  You have reminded me that Goddess is infinite, and we never have to stop growing.  

:    I am a very private person who needs an enormous amount of space, so you really speak to my heart when you say you feel a need for your own "space" and time to re-balance.  So many of us are feeling a re-alignment right now and this feels strange, but at the same time we can support each other through it and know we are not alone.  So thank you for sharing what has been going on with you.  I do hope you feel supported in giving yourself what you need.  Shara