Found the Kundalini Group Sky Box   it's nice up here..

Hi Priestesssss,

It was nice seeing you at the White Temple Monday. I like the skybox too if it's the one I'm thinking of - the Canadian Club-box?

I am surprised I don't see many other FST students at the chats or just hanging out. KMI is an awesome place to go meditate, especially being locked inside as we all are. I go there pretty much every day to sit in the tree or hang out by the fire. It's kind of like a virtual ashram.

Peace,

WZ

Hi WZ and everyone,

I agree.  KMI is a haven for me.  I stand in the fire sometimes, to feel Goddess burn off the energies that are not in my highest good. 

Seems I'm going through a crisis.  Started the Aspects of Consciousness lesson and had to stop.  So much crazy going on these days is affecting me.  Not thinking I'm a vampire, but my gut sure feels like a vortex these last few months, as explained in the Tenement thread 'FST and Vamps'. I'll check when I get to a grounded space again, just to be sure.  I used to munch for lunch and gave it all to Goddess.  It was fun and easy and seemed helpful. Now I'm the one that needs something. Not yet able to define what that is. 

Well, I had an epiphany of sorts while at work today, so I'll share it here on my 'blog'  (lol how fun is this?)  It was an 'oh duh!' moment.

The thing to do first is to discern whether or not this stuff in my gut is even mine! 

Anyone who has been subjected to others doing this non-consensual attack stuff, when the matters are responded to by boundaries, such as removing others' access to the attacked, it's other who gets deeply upset.

Yesterday when I grounded there was a big blockage moving around in my throat chakra. Maybe there will be more on this as I dig through it.

Scattered much, Priestesssss? 

Good morning FST members and Mystress,

The 1st thing I realized when waking today is that I was grounding, without conscious thought before it started. Like the act itself was sentient and waiting for me. Thank you Goddess..

Came here and read Gopi's Tea Room posts, noticing bliss as a feeling coming back to me.  Thank you for sharing, Gopi.  Namaste.

It feels nice to have a smile and some giggles inside.  Healing is happening, and I'm so very thankful to All.

Sigmund, Mystress, is it possible to move the FST chats in sl to a time during the weekend?

I have been here so much lately...reading the old posts.  This really is a sacred space, filled with so much love and energy. Namaste.

I (my ego), went through a sort of trauma recently.  'Guilt' by Marianne Faithful pops into my mind often.  I guess I'm trying to clarify the meaning of all of it. My gut is better.  It seems just surrendering it here has released some of whatever is there. 

When I'm grounding I get distracted by many attachments, and ask Goddess to take them.  There must be a lot of pent up karma inside me that needs to go.  At this point I'm seemingly not ready to give it all up.  At least not all at once.

And I'm taking my time with the course, a resistance not yet understood.  This is the third or fourth time I've gone through it.  Maybe I'm letting fear get in the way, knowing what's ahead.  Sometimes it's very hard to get centered enough to ground.

But I do feel such a comfort listening to your voice Mystress, as you share the lessons. I lay my head down in my arms on the table with my eyes closed.  Thank you.

Quote from: Mystress on May 30, 2018, 01:54:36 PM


  So cool how posting to tearoom gives insights even if teacher waits to respond? Sometimes the waiting is quite deliberate. People are more empowered if they can sort themselves out. 

  Guidance seemed to take a hike too eh?    The long dark night. It is still there but clearing the power chakra is something you have to do on your own, to become genuinely empowered. Feels like you are alone, like the solid floor has dropped out from under you and you are lost.
   You are not lost, but following a path written in your genes, by Goddess.
...and its all about your choices, trusting to Goddess, to the power of Love, the power of gratitude, being offered opportunities to make those choices, clear that karma. Letting go of the illusion of control. Free will stripped to essentials: the choice to love or fear. Nothing to fight for, or about. Surrender.

  Fear and control. Both are illusion. Truth is in love, acceptance, surrender. Trust.

  Yes the power chakra is all about boundaries.
 
The digestive sensitivity, probably isn't permanent but be gentle with yourself and remember "this too, shall pass." It is just another kundalini phase

Thank you for the many reminders and insights, Mystress. 

Blog time.... 

I am so laughing at myself right now.  I've been reading the archives.  Some posts when I was feeling incredibly connected, others when I couldn't get rid of the critters, had control and scarcity consciousness issues. Burning other like an ant under a magnifying glass with my energy and then needing to be told 'leave him alone', not realizing what I had been doing.  Being one of the empaths taking on so much and then getting exhausted, needing to be reminded it's not for me to keep (the control issues), and to give it all to Goddess. Dealing with the psychotic harpy inside.  Reading where I had found the Dom in me, then finding in some situations I was trying to top from the bottom lol!!  Even found my original essay. 

Oh my goodness.  All this messy stuff that brought me back here, I asked for it, it's obvious now.  Laughing again and smh...being obtuse was an issue back then as well.

Namaste to all and thank you Goddess. 

My heart voice is non-verbal so far.

I'm reminded of a realization that came to me about 6 months ago.   Had been comparing myself, wondering why others were flourishing while I held onto my scarcity conciousness...found that I was/have been carrying some grief of unimaginable tragedy for two others, along with my own.   Being stuck in duality for so long, I was not giving it to Goddess.

It must be time to surrender.

Entities and Thoughtforms. Karma.

I feel heavy. Thick with non-physical crap inside me.  According to the doc I have free floating anxiety or something like that, because most every day between like 10 and 11 a.m., my stomach feels like it's on a rollercoaster ride.  I take medication for it but lately have taken it earlier because my hands shake with anxiousness when I start my work shift. It's difficult to log in w/shaky fingers. 

While doing the grounding exercise, I ask Goddess to take the distractions, and the attachments that are not in my highest good as a gift, thank Her and ask that She replace the space they take in me with Her strength, power, grace, light and love.  Maybe changing 'the space they take' to 'the space they took' is a clearer intention.

I welcome anyone in the FST group to munch on my junk, if you wish.    If you do, let me know where you found it. Namaste.

  Thought you might want to know: percyval is one of the Avatar's Ascended Amigos. Don't be surprised if the slender young stockbroker shows up, instead of the bear you met. Spirits tend to show up as 20-somethings, because they can.

percyval's energy is so warm and loving when he visits.  I hadn't felt him in a long time, until recently, in the last few months.  When he's in my space I feel comfortable enough to cry. 

I was digging around in some old files a couple nights ago and came across the one with the addresses he gave me for the cds.  Had no idea I still have it, but then I doubt it'll ever be tossed.

Last night I dreamed of a man from a series on Netflix.  He's young(er) and beautiful. I don't really remember much except that he was paying attention to me.  At one point there was swimming in a lake, and I was floating on my back, with my whole body pretty much on top of the water.

Woke up thinking he may have been who my DB picked to be.

Remember my big black wolf?  He's been coming around lately as well.  I'm so thankful.  Being comforted by all these beings is wonderful.  Makes me realize how rare it is...how long it's been.

I'm not clear on the Avatar's Ascended Amigos.  Would you direct me to where I can read more about them?  I've seen some things but don't yet understand.   

Namaste.

The Page of Cups

I have not been a 'news' person for a very long time, excepting major events. I wouldn't have it on while my kids were growing up...didn't want them hearing all that noise.  Such violence sometimes, so I kept it off.

Started watching again early this year. The virus on the map in China.  I watched it spread, creeping towards my world like a swarm of locusts.

I'm still watching it, the news.  And lately I've seen so many children...shot.  I have no words. The child in NC was news today.  My tarot card was the Page of Cups.  I felt his precious energy, that little boy's beautiful essence. 

Thank you Goddess, for sharing that with me.  Thank you Mystress, for the venue.  I'm humbled.  Namaste.

Life is so fucking hurtful sometimes.

It's really nice coming here and reading about growth, surrender and bliss.  Guessing it's just not my turn right now.

... sitting quietly with you, Priestesssss.

Thank you, Sigmund.  It means a lot.

Mystress wrote on 20 July 2018, 05:34:04
"I have found that people suffering emotional instability due to excess empathy just need the roots. Deep wide roots of a big old oak tree. Roots reaching along under the grass, taking up the rain and the minerals. They don't have to be crazy big (one overachiever immediately wrapped them all around the planet, useless) just what would be normal for an old oak.  The big taproot, thick and strong down the center, growing down so deep, branching,  anchoring it against all storms. Focus on that one. Yes, everyone. Try it. Imagine it there below you, part of you, and meditate on it until you feel a distinct shift in your sense of self.
  The radio of all the noise and chaos fades and switches off. In feeling the roots and knowing the taproot, you discover who you are. You will feel a shift when all the external influences switch off and you become your real self. It is like coming home, to yourself. Your unique personality."

This is very helpful.  Thank you for the reminder Gopi, and Mystress

All credit belongs to Mystress.
Also relevant:

Mystress wrote on 20 July 2018, 17:38:55
"Imagine a tree trunk around your body, about the width of your shoulders or hips but rounded. That gives a sense of scale relative to the body and is all the connection needed.  Old oaks are bigger, but the imagination has a different sense of size and cannot sustain too large and complex a vision. A trunk that's a little bit +- your body width (bones) is usually big enough and very sustainable.  Once you have measured the size of the root base, you can forget the trunk, dissolve it from around you.  The feeder roots closer to the bark surface grow out from under the edges of it, and the core of the taproot extends down from your center, your central channel but the root itself is wider.

  While it is easy enough to imagine the lower grounding cord going through the taproot, I find it diminishes the effectiveness, like it represents a distraction from the root presence. Grounding is an accurate but abstract image of the energy body,  whereas the roots are modeled on a physical living thing of a different species, and completely different energy body.  Its like they work on different dimensions, which in a way is true. Grounding into earth, grounding into root identity.  Overlapping them gives a combo that is useful, but less than the sum of its parts with regards to intensity. Waters it down.

  Get well grounded, lock it in, and then turn your attention to imaging the roots as something very natural and organic."

Source thread: http://fire-serpent.com/tearoom/index.php/topic,1609.msg7094.html#msg7094

Namaste!
Gopi

I went out into the world of SL about 5 years ago. I had been here since Mystress created and brought us to the Kundalini Mystic Isle, but hadn't left that sanctuary.
It was very fun.  Found some places I liked and avis that were friends. Stayed in tune with myself as a vessel of unconditional love for Goddess.  Avis came and went.  No attachments or expectations got in the way of seeing them come and go.
Then 2020 happened.
Seems I lost all connections to discernment, Unconscious, DB, Higher Self and Goddess.  All that remains feels like the shell of ego stuck in duality.  Ungrounded, lost, out of touch.
It may have begun earlier, in 2017 or so when I started having some very difficult times w/family.  They totally disowned me and put me through some major shit.  I wrote them off.  And then they came back into my life, after so much abuse for 2+ years.  Of course I didn't trust them and since I had written them off, it was like, well, hell.  I was done with them and here they were, again, wanting to include me as family. It took me awhile to engage, but I did, because you know, it's family.  I may have PTSD. Please take this Goddess, it is a gift for you.  Replace the space it takes in me with your strength, your power, your grace, your light and your love.  Thank you.

Sometimes I like to sit by the beach fire on the FST island or hang out at the giant tree.
It helps me.

I am sorry to hear about your difficulties with your family.
I have had some issues with my own family in the past although things are much better now.
Growing up, I always thought I will run away from my family when I get the first chance and never look back.
I thought I did not want them in my life - disown them before they had a chance to disown me.
Later, I realized that I actually love them and want them in my life even though I was not happy with our relationship.
It took several years and some painfully awkward efforts but I think our relationship is much healthier now than it ever was.
I love them and they are at a distance so that I can live my own life.
We have learned to respect each other as adults and do things for each other.
It is more of an honest adult relationship and less of a parent-child relationship.

I am telling you this in the hope that it provides some comfort.
You may never reconcile with your family (or) you may find new ways to build a relationship (or) you may find others who will become your chosen family (like most gay people have chosen family).
Going against your own family can make you feel lonely and exhausted.
I hope you have good friends to support you.

When you surrender things to Goddess, it is important to explicitly state 'Goddess please transmute this as you see fit'

HUGS
Gopi

Gopi wrote:

QuoteWhen you surrender things to Goddess, it is important to explicitly state 'Goddess please transmute this as you see fit'

  Actually that is only needed when dumping overload, because the surrender is physically acted out and not explicitly stated. For regular surrender it is implied that She can do as She likes with the gift. Thanking Her for accepting it shows faith.

  I intended to run away when I turned 18 too.  I realized that my mom's anxiety and obsessiveness would make life hell for my siblings.  I found a reason to move to another city in 1988 and started to discover who I am without their pressure and influence. 

  For everyone: Gopi is already FST Lineage, grabbed him as soon as he graduated.  FST is based on Goddess showing me what was the essence of ancient Dravidian matrifocal tantra. Gopi is descended from those people, grew up in what remains of that culture in India. The greatest compliment ever, was when he told me FST is closer to the truth of ancient Dravidian tantra than what he learned at home.

  Priestessss is my Priestessss, from the 90s before FST was written, when I called those closest to me, "Tribe of the Fire Serpent." Priestess of the Fire Serpent, said with a hissing sound, snakey. percyval was really the glue that held the tribe together, he loved having a second family and after he died we drifted apart. (except for druid) So happy to welcome her back.

  Priestessss has joined the ranks of FST Lineage, even though most of the advanced Lineage training for her is still ahead. 

  Love you, Lady C.

 

 

Mystress, I'm so honored.  Thank you.

Families are something else, aren't they?  I appreciate the sharing and know many have these dysfunctional families. The thought that I have PTSD from the family trauma came to me when I was practicing discernment, wondering why I couldn't connect w/ what I'd asked Goddess to show me.

I enjoy the Ydraggsil tree too, and sitting by  the fire.  It's the only place I really go in SL these days.  The energy is so awesome and grounding.  Maybe I'll see some of you all there sometimes.

Namaste all, and I bow in deep gratitude to you, Mystress. 

Priestesssss wrote: "The thought that I have PTSD from the family trauma came to me when I was practicing discernment"
There are several people who stay stuck in their trauma without much awareness.
Even when we are aware of our trauma, it is not always easy to break out of the pattern.
In my own case, I realized that it was a chain of abuse passed down through generations.
On the one hand, it made me very angry knowing that I have been mistreated and abused.
On the other hand, I also realized that they did not know better (does not absolve them of responsibility as adults for their actions).
My dad repeated what he learned from his dad.
I don't know if my dad could see that (I guess not) but I clearly saw the pattern of abuse.
At some point, I made a conscious decision that this abuse stops now here with me.

The first 25 years of my life is just a blur of rage and suicidal depression.
I was so angry at everything including myself and did not realize it.
Everything I did came out of rage  and all my accomplishments were just a 'fuck you' to those who bullied me.
I never let anyone close to me and managed to take care of myself.
The plus side of that is I am very independent; the down side is that I have trouble being vulnerable and letting others close to me.
I became so exhausted carrying all that rage within me for so long and it drove me into suicidal depression.
I was not interested in forgiving my family but I also felt like I either have to let go of the anger or it will eat me alive from within (it already was).
In many ways, I made an effort to forgive them, not because they deserved it, but because I desperately wanted to have some peace in my life.
My guide told me that I am breaking a trauma pattern that has been passed down through several generations.
I never thought of it that way till my guide pointed out to me.

I am sharing my personal experiences here to let you know that what you are doing is difficult and pretty badass.
It is not easy to come face to face with your trauma - esp when it involves family because it is intertwined with our childhood and neural development.
Requires a lot of courage and inner strength to look at our own broken parts with love and patience.
It is not always easy and often times exhausting but it *does* get easier with practice.
It *is* possible to break old patterns even though it may take time and devoted effort.

I sincerely hope that you find peace and joy in your life.

Namaste!
Gopi

Namaste Gopi, thank you for sharing.

I have worked on clearing trauma for awhile.  Not consistently, but stopping the cycle has been something I do to free my children, as well as my Self.

I was reaching out to Goddess the other night, not even sure what it was about anymore.  Probably asking for Her to allow me to be Her vessel once again.

A flaming white fire came in through my crown and filled by body.  It was so vivid and beautiful.  So alive in me.  I feel such gratitude and so very thankful...full of giggles and happiness as well.

So many things I'm resisting reared their heads today.  Much surrender happened. 
There was this 'other' gunk on me and as I surrendered it, it was given back to munch on. Gobble it up for Goddess...hehehe. Felt so much better afterwards. Note from Self...'that's kindof your job'....
Namaste