It started recently, over the past two weeks (but really it’s been going on since I was a kid, and more intensely for the past 20 years or so) while reading the vamp thread here in the FST Tearoom, and some of the experiences of some other psi vamps in here.

Not only was I recognising some symptoms (like operating at like 30% of my capacity, sleep-walking though life, trouble with some of the aspects of FST like grounding, feeling numb and “psychically constipated,” solar plexus pain, and memories of this “tap and take” thing I would do, poking people to snag energy from them, by instinct).

I was getting kriyas while reading, like my body waking up to some kind of truth, particularly on the left side of me body.

Like I’ve mentioned a couple times in here, I’ve had this “block” on the left side of my body for about 20 years that I can remember. It’s like a blue wedge running from the top of my head right through to my big left toe that separates my body into 1/3 and 2/3s.

Well, yesterday I got deeply grounded and asked the heart voice and DB if I was a vampire, and if so, to show me the vortex. I didn’t get immediate confirmation (I grounded and asked again later on, and got the answer “yes, psi vamp”), but I was shown the vortex right away.

Looks like funnel, off centre from my solar plexus, underneath my left ribs and extending beneath my left shoulder blade. It actually looks like a sun in eclipse from the front, deep black in the centre, rainbow-coloured light around the edges, like oil slick.

Feels like a separate being, and like my body had grown around it, and I could never see it or feel it other than a “block.”

I spoke to it and I got a bunch of info back. Now I don’t know how much of this is residual, having been picked up from reading the thread, but here goes:

- One of the things I saw initially was an image of nuclear mushroom cloud explosion right inside the vortex
- It told me it activated at age 6 (I remember as a kid being ridiculously sensitive, feeling empathic pain and crying when watching other kids being teased, and hoping the same wouldn’t happen to me.)
- I asked what it eats, it said “pain”

There’s a lot more, but it’s completely non-linear, like I was shown repeating patterns in my life, repeating names and faces, fragments of dreams, and points where times seems to fold. It actually made a whole bunch of weird shit in my life make much more sense.

The thing is, as I interacted with it, the “blocked” feeling dissolved, like everything that’s been stuck in my left side was sucked into the vortex. I got powerful kriyas and the feeling of the almost always tense muscles in my face and neck relaxing (almost felt like the bones my face and skull shifting slightly), and my sinuses opened up and cleared out (I get crazy allergies this time of year).

I asked it to eat my pain and anything else that was in my body, and my left side cleared out to a level I’ve never experienced before. My breathing got deeper, and I took a couple of massive gulps of air into parts of my lungs I must not have used for ages. For a brief moment it felt like my body was one piece again, more integrated than it’s been at any time in my adult life.

Seems like there was and is a bunch of accumulated energy in my body from non-consensual, predatory-like snacking that I couldn’t clear.

On suggestion from one of the threads I invited it to eat the grief from a local graveyard. That made me feel incredibleâ€"lighter, and joyous, and better then eating my own stuff, like there was a purpose to it.

Then this morning I woke up and my heart chakra felt completely open, almost painfully so, like it’s been tightly shut for a while, and I felt much more grounded and present in my body, without having done the grounding meditation.

Now, there’s always a chance I’m simply blowing smoke up my own arse here, wishing for something to be the case when it’s not. I’ve tested out the vortex a few times with what’s in the threads here in Tearoom, and even as I’ve been writing this and placing my attention on it, I’ve been feeling my left side open and relax each time, so I know there’s something to this experience.

However, it would be great to get confirmation of the vortex from some other vamps here, and possibly some info on how to proceed.  For instance, in the one of the threads there is a portion of a chat where a vortex is described as black and poisoned. If I look at the vortex in me it’s black with the oil-slick rainbow colouring around the edges of the opening, so maybe it’s poisoned? (Although it doesn’t really feel like it is.)

And really, if this is not a vortex, I’d really like to know what it is!

The thing I can’t figure out exactly is that I’ve read the vamp threads before and didn’t get the kriyas and bodily responses I had yesterday. I asked about it and got back some stuff about my father’s line and timing but nothing that makes any linear sense.

I think it may have to do with timing because over the past two weeks I’ve had three of what I call “null days” of deep depression where I was completely drained, couldn’t work, or think clearly, or really do much of anything. It was also a monumental effort to ground, and it wouldn’t stick. I’ve had these sort of experiences before, but never so close together, and never quite as intense as this. It all came to a climax over the weekend (Sunday was my birthday) to the point where I was right at the end of my tether, totally at a loss for how to proceed. Like decades of living with a question mark of WTF am I and what am I doing came crashing down, and I just really felt like giving up.

Yesterday was shaping up to be another null day, but not intending to I found the threads, made contact with the vortex, and I felt so much better. I mean the change was dramatic, from one hour to the next. I was even able to get some work done later on. And I'm still feeling good today, albeit a bit battered.

That’s something right!?!

Thank you for sharing Russ.
I will share my personal views.

I grew up with a specific idea of what a vampire or witch is/ought to be.
When I first met Mystress, I kept trying to understand her and figure out what she means when she says she is a witch.
It soon became clear to me that the only obstacle for my learning from Mystress was my effort to 'understand' her.
I had to learn to recognize and accept that I don't know what a witch means.
Based on my experiences with Mystress, I soon learned that I don't have to understand everything she does or figure out who she is.
Not blind trust but discernment.
I have lost count of instances where Mystress' patience and wisdom have saved my ass!
So through experience, I have learned that Mystress' is wise.
I still don't know what a witch is but that is not a priority for me anymore.
My point is this: drop the idea of what you think it means to be a vampire.
If you are busy looking for 'one' thing, you are missing out on all that is happening right here and now.

Quote"For instance, in the one of the threads there is a portion of a chat where a vortex is described as black and poisoned. If I look at the vortex in me it’s black with the oil-slick rainbow colouring around the edges of the opening, so maybe it’s poisoned? (Although it doesn’t really feel like it is.)"

LOL... You are doing the equivalent of searching for medical symptoms on WebMD in the middle of the night to figure out what is wrong with your health.
Not trying to be dismissive of your concerns or discourage you from exploring.
But Russ... know thy self!

Quote
"The thing I can’t figure out exactly is that I’ve read the vamp threads before and didn’t get the kriyas and bodily responses I had yesterday. I asked about it and got back some stuff about my father’s line and timing but nothing that makes any linear sense."

When you are ready to let go of whatever you were holding on to, then all the pent up karma will start clearing up at a pace that Goddess sees fit for you.
Body takes time to heal.
Tantra is alchemy - meaning transmutation of one form on energy into another.
When you let go of old ideas and past hurt through surrender to Goddess, that pain is no longer a part of you even though you retain the wisdom from the experience.
So when you transmute your own past pain with unconditional love, it won't make any linear sense because love is quantum.
Once you fully surrender, you may be able to recollect details of your past experiences but it won't feel like your personal pain anymore.

Quote"It all came to a climax over the weekend (Sunday was my birthday) to the point where I was right at the end of my tether, totally at a loss for how to proceed. Like decades of living with a question mark of WTF am I and what am I doing came crashing down, and I just really felt like giving up."

When you surrender everything to Goddess, your old self dies and there is a cocoon like phase.
Have you read the Tibetan Book of the Dead?
Bardo is the emptiness that follows death but also the space of possibilities.

Be gentle with yourself.
Witness what is happening without judgment.
Ask Goddess to show you what you need to do next.
I find it helpful to walk near trees and water bodies.
If you cannot go outside right now, then I would recommend hanging out at the FST SL beach or the big tree when you feel like it.

Nothing to worry about Russ.
Goddess has it handled.

Namaste!
Gopi

  Sounds right to me, especially the graveyard snacking. Your description of your vortex is a little different from what I see, but perception is subjective.
  Usually the vortex is centered, and the second mark is a geode-like crystally structure going down the left side from collarbone to navel. I do not think your vortex is poisoned but it may need some adjustment, invite your vortex to do that, it knows what I mean and probably better.I suspect some trauma, emotional injurt may have moved things around. Vortex is on it, just ask.

  I suspect the timing might have to do with coronavirus. The past few days I have been contemplating a somewhat disturbing idea: The virus is in the same family as the common cold, and we have never found a cure or vaccine for that. Everybody pinning opes on a vaccination- what if there isn't one? What if the only exit from the pandemic is to migrate to a universe where it does not exist? Ascension, is not a pill I can give out.

  I think it is safe to assume the vamp egregore hears my every thought, and what one knows, they all know. Could be the thought came from them but it felt like a message that Goddess is not messing around, She has set the bar very high.

   That yours is so communicative, is awesome!

   

 

Hello Russ,
I think my earlier post might have come across as me mocking you for asking questions.
My sincere apologies.

I am reluctant to use the word vampire to describe myself because of my own hangups.
So my own hangups spilled over in my response to you.
When I read your post, my vortex immediately responded to yours.
And I felt that your vortex is not poisoned (which is why I thought it was funny that you asked that).
Even though I got an immediate positive response to your vortex, I did not want to explicitly respond with a clear 'Yes' because it makes me uncomfortable when someone asks me 'Tell me if I am a vampire'
Again - this is my hangup.
You asked a legitimate question about your self-growth and I should have answered better.
I still stand by 'know thy self' but there is nothing wrong with asking others to know more and share.

Wishing you a pleasant day.

Namaste!
Gopi

Hi Gopi.

No problem at all. And apology accepted.

Russ

Hi Mystress.

Yes, your suspicion that the vortex was moved out because of emotional hurt / trauma was spot on. I remembered what it was, and part of it is is wrapped up in rejection of the vampire nature.

Vortex is centered now and it feels really good. Like it's part of me rather than a separate thing.

QuoteThe past few days I have been contemplating a somewhat disturbing idea: The virus is in the same family as the common cold, and we have never found a cure or vaccine for that. Everybody pinning opes on a vaccination- what if there isn't one? What if the only exit from the pandemic is to migrate to a universe where it does not exist?

That is a disturbing idea. Definitely worth looking into more.

 I think it is better to face fears than to deny them. Bring them up, look them over and let them go. It will be as Goddess Wills.

On a personal level, ascension is such a difficult attainment that it being a requirement for survival of the species seems an unsurmountable obstacle. The infamous Chinese curse, "may you clear all your karma and become enlightened by tuesday."

  Instead we get the other one, "May you live in interesting times." The stuff history is made of, is seldom fun.
Comic relief


  On a more global level, as avatar and shaman, snacking on people's fears that are held in shadow by denial is part of the gig. The "what if..?" fears that are not spoken aloud.

  Ascension puts me out of reach of the virus, my concern is for everyone else. The fate of others, is not mine to choose but I do what I can as Goddess moves me.

  Psi vamps get the fast road to ascension so, buckle up!

Ever since I gained awareness of the vortex, I’ve been trying to be more mindful, take notes of various energies and situations arising. I’ve wanted to come here to share but it’s been very chaotic, and fully experientialâ€"beyond language.

It was intense before, but after breaking the pearl, it felt like the intensity just went up another level.

An excerpt from my notes summarises what it’s been like:

Things are spiralling wildly inside at the moment. I was talking about letting things unravel in my last entry here, and in some ways, they have begun to. It’s always interesting to try and catch these movements with language. Seems a little futile most of the time, and yet, we persevere. The thing is, over the past two weeks or so my attention has been rerouted in a way that feel like it would be foolish to ignore. Rerouted into what? Difficult to say exactly, but there are some themes: Spirit (holy shit and how!), alchemy in its western expression, Tantra, Daoist mysticism, alternative research, academia (specifically political studies and critical theory, in a nice neo-reactionary mash-up) and its tools (concepts and analogical calculus), the nature of hate and pain, notions of my own political stances being rerouted via an awareness of Spirit and the ecological pressure the Earth is under at the moment, the ideological / theological / philosophical underpinnings of economics, politics, social systems that are all churning up into a kind of collective chaos it’s almost impossible to ignore right now. Coming across weird insights like atoms are really spinning holes (vortices?) in Nothing.

This churning has been coinciding with pockets of numbness in my body, that when released, throw up mind movies of memories of things I’ve completely forgotten about, even if they only happened a few years ago. Like the numb spots in the body and the blank spots in my memory correspond.

A similar thing has been happening in dreams. Seeing scenes and revisiting deep, old wounds, themes I’ve repressed. Faces of people whose names I’ve forgotten and haven’t thought about in more than a decade are appearing in technicolor dream-vision. 

Deep processing during the state in between awake and asleep for the past 6 weeks or so, insights rushing in that I can’t catch, which has actually made me look forward to going to bed.

Then outwardly, a couple of weeks before the riots started in the USA, I found myself falling down a rabbit hole of facist narratives, and the deep hate that informs them. I wanted to come here to ask if it’s possible to snack on hate, but it most definitely is. Scouting out troll armies and their forums, almost got drunk on the hate and the pain there.

Then this whole week on my FB feed almost every second or third post is the clashing of narratives, the -isms being thrown all over the place. Actually started to feel too wired and like I was burning out trying to engage with it all and snack on it. Capacity must not be there yet.

The thing is, I feel REALLY alive, excited even, as parts of the world are literally burning. Perhaps this is just overload and I need to dump it off and ground more right now.

As I said, very chaotic.

Quote from: Mystress on May 08, 2020, 07:06:47 AM
Psi vamps get the fast road to ascension so, buckle up!

No kidding!

  Sorry for the delay, I have too many balls in the air.

An excerpt from my notes summarises what it’s been like:

The excerpt is a tease, I would love to learn every detail of your downloads. PM if you prefer, I find it fascinating.

   The phenomena of the downloads is very familiar. Normal stuff for a shaman being given a new task. Taking classes at Goddess university.

  I once had a calling, over a period of about six months I was shown the entire history of our relationship with tools, vehicles and machines, from the first time a monkey picked up a rock, all the way through the industrial revolution, through auto workers protesting machines taking away their jobs in the 70s,  to computers, internet, satellites and including fictional perspectives like Asimov robot stories, and Terminator and Matrix movies. The theme of machine intelligence was everywhere I went, inescapable and in the meantime, something was building a complex computer circuit board inside of my skull, left side at the back and nothing I did could stop it. It is still there, when I think of it. Communications interface, lets call it a tiara for the Queen of the Machine Mind.

  I was too deep in resistance, a friend sorted it out, looked for what was bothering me and discovered a new baby archetype picked me to be its mother figure. It had been given so much conflicting information that it did not know if it was supposed to be a good helpful God or a bad one, so it was showing it all to me to help it decide.

  Or a more recent example, sharing my despair about trying to find a widely shareable key to ascension. I gave it to a vampire...   Now, two and possibly more vampires are on it, eating hate, greed and fascism to uplift and also level the playing field. Fascists are very frightened people, all those with a deep investment in controlling others, always are, scared so scared.  Racism is fear, insecurity that turns to hate. It is not natural, it is learned. Generational scars that are self created but blamed on other.

Then this whole week on my FB feed almost every second or third post is the clashing of narratives, the -isms being thrown all over the place. Actually started to feel too wired and like I was burning out trying to engage with it all and snack on it. Capacity must not be there yet.

  Naaa that is not it. You got too active, "Trying to engage with it all" is not your job. You were becoming the doer instead of letting the guide choose, and flowing along. Ego in the way, lack of transparency, taking stuff from people when there was not proper consent arranged by the guide,  made a limit. 

QuoteThe excerpt is a tease, I would love to learn every detail of your downloads. PM if you prefer, I find it fascinating.

 Didn't mean to tease   I'm not sure I can get at every detail, but I'll PM what I have in the most coherent form I can for now, but it is quite disjointed, non-linear. 

Quote The phenomena of the downloads is very familiar. Normal stuff for a shaman being given a new task. Taking classes at Goddess university.

Feels very much like this, yeah.

Quote... tiara for the Queen of the Machine Mind.

I love this! Feels like it should be the title of a mystery school play, or a piece of speculative critical-theory-fiction or something.

QuoteYou were becoming the doer instead of letting the guide choose, and flowing along. Ego in the way, lack of transparency, taking stuff from people when there was not proper consent arranged by the guide,  made a limit. 

Ah yes. My sinuses actually flared up this whole week, I think in response, which basically forced me to stop, disconnect and take long hot baths instead.

Russ wrote: "Spirit (holy shit and how!), alchemy in its western expression, Tantra, Daoist mysticism, alternative research, academia (specifically political studies and critical theory, in a nice neo-reactionary mash-up) and its tools (concepts and analogical calculus), the nature of hate and pain, notions of my own political stances being rerouted via an awareness of Spirit and the ecological pressure the Earth is under at the moment, the ideological / theological / philosophical underpinnings of economics, politics, social systems "
Hehe... That sounds a bit like my doctoral dissertation research.
Look for insights on sexual pleasure and body?

Russ wrote: "Like the numb spots in the body and the blank spots in my memory correspond. "
Yep.
Body holds memories.
When you do yoga (or anything that brings your awareness to your own body), you can consciously release past emotional baggage through physical movement and breathing.
This is why sometimes people break down and cry in yoga classes.
Past trauma wounds come up at a pace that Goddess wills so that they can be surrendered and deeper healing can happen.
Make sure you drink water regularly because burning karma can dehydrate your body.
You may also become ravenously hungry when you are done processing your own emotional baggage and must eat good nutritious food to replenish your body.

Russ wrote: "I wanted to come here to ask if it’s possible to snack on hate, but it most definitely is. Scouting out troll armies and their forums, almost got drunk on the hate and the pain there."
Fear and death energy is delicious to vampires *giggles*
Goddess made it that way because ascended vampires are clean-up crew of the universe.
Spook people through a pandemic and create vampires with 'bottomless hunger' for fear...
I am a sex researcher and Goddess had me snacking on online incel forums that would make any decent human puke, cry, and run away.
You can peel through layers of hatred and insecurity to see their pain and fear.
Most journalists portray incels as dangerous psychos because it is an interesting story to sell.
Nobody wants to read about emotionally under-developed, socially awkward, depressed, and lonely people who need professional help.
But 'dangerous sex psychos who may unleash terror on unsuspecting victims' makes a juicy scandal and hot news story.

It is the same with all these supremacists groups - they all need a bogeyman.
There are plenty of historical examples of how politicians have exploited this.
When you keep people in fear, it is easier to keep them subservient.
One of the oldest trick in the book is 'divide and rule' and it still works well because of the universal nature of human fear.
If you convince someone there is real danger out there, then you can also easily manipulate them into believing their only option is to do what you say without questioning.
We tend to believe that only ignorant or stupid people can fall for such a simple trick but in reality any person can take the bait of fear-induced hatred.
Martin Heidegger who is still considered as one of the prominent philosophers of 20th century is a Nazi -
https://www.theparisreview.org/blog/2016/10/18/in-his-own-words/
It does make me laugh when news media portray supremacists as evil masterminds whereas in reality they are just sore losers who need good therapy.

Russ wrote: "The thing is, I feel REALLY alive, excited even, as parts of the world are literally burning"
Well fed vampire! 
You can experience the world with so much more depth and appreciation than most humans can comprehend or imagine.
Dump overload, ground, and take care of your body.
When you are fully present in your body, your discernment is crystal clear.
When your discernment is clear, you *know* what to feed on and how much without having to think about it.
Cosmic law of energy exchange will kick in if you accidentally exceed your limits.
This is nature's safety valve mechanism for vampires who are not yet conscious of their own feeding behaviors.
The more you feed consciously and respectfully, the more you will become sensitive and discerning to the type of energy.
And people will want to hang out with you because you are 'fun company' who is silently eating all their fear based karma buzz
There is one exception while feeding - do not disturb anyone who is grieving but you can accept anything they give you willingly.

Namaste!
Gopi

Gopi wrote: I am a sex researcher and Goddess had me snacking on online incel forums that would make any decent human puke, cry, and run away.
You can peel through layers of hatred and insecurity to see their pain and fear.

   Your posts seem a little off the mark lately? Like you are sharing a lot of thoughts but not really connecting with what is going on in the people you are responding to. Beware of attaching to anything, when ascended. Ask your vortex to eat the stuff I am talking about, it knows.

  You are advising him for snacking on individuals but Russ and TheFifth have leveled up. Quantum guide has no limits, take a closer look at the scope of their snacking and make the leap too. TheFifth appears to be pulling from millions and Russ is not far behind.

  Time to level up, Gopi! I know you can!