The Fifth wrote: All mindfulness. "It will be as Goddess wills" will indeed have to be an ongoing mantra for me and all pervading way of life. Humility riding the hurricane.
++
I'm being told that on some level my passivity is resistance and a protective shell of sorts that I need to grow out of because I am conflating it with avoidance.

The later part is a message for me, actually. I got the memo before I read it, that a Shaman's restrictions on free will might not apply quite the same, to vampires. Vampires are very passionate people with a lust for life that makes Shamans look like the walking dead lol. (Shaman joke, Death gate bearers)  Would be good to have an Academy meeting to sort out what are the rules and limits.  

More information about the magic thing being an explanatory archetype or lens for me to understand what is going on.

 The archetype of the Spiritual Master. Invulnerable to pandemic. Prone to vanishing. Feels good in the presence, healing miracles happen effortless, like a side effect. Amazing at manifestation. Shit doesn't stick. Capable of bilocating, being in more than one place at the same time. Aware as if nearly omniscent. Zen flow of getting it right. Missiles miss their target and storms fade. Artistic, effortlessly with the flow of the Divine coming through. That's off the top of my head but there are actual lists of the qualities of a Spiritual Master. Words. Loads of them. Some going back +3000 years.

Kind of a pre-verbal type thing that's hard to put into words.

 Translation gets garbled if you are not ready to hear the message. Take the cat off the newspaper. Resistance is a blockage, surrender it to clear the static from the channel. You were not ready to really take it in, that Ascension makes you a Spiritual Master, like something out of ancient myth and legend.

 There are stories of one higher attainment, where the physical body itself turns to Light: Jesus ascension, or Babaji, the patron saint of India dwelling at the bottom of a pond.  Stories of Tibetan Masters who die but leave no corpse, just a small pile of ash. Out of my league, if it is possible at all or only mythical.  The stories are told by those left behind.  

 Even so, we do not stop growing and often settle into some specialty. Many siddhis still to come but Vajra diamond body is the transformational leap, of spiritual evolution.


Something else about death being a revitalizing force; I'm assuming it's trying to tell me I need to allow more of that particular wavelength to feed on the ego structures that seem to flash in and out around the creative work.

 Likely, but bigger, the law of the wheel.  Creation and destruction, the turning of the Wheel is the law of the mundane universe.  Destruction makes room for new creation, which in turn will fall and be replaced by the next.  Turning of the seasons, the generations. The wheel is really a spiral as we spin our way through the turning universe, the starry wheel of the Galaxy, where even stars are born and fade in their time, to form the atoms of our bodies. Stardust and seawater.

 What we do, destroy karma stuff, break it back to the basic elements of knowledge and magic energy that seeks form, to be born anew. Making peace with the part of yourself that is the wrecking ball. Destroyer.  

I notice when I'm really clear sometimes people have a hard time holding eye contact with me for too long

No kidding, whoops, forgot to warn you, don't do that. I have posted about it before... how to avoid looking people in the eye without appearing suspicious.
http://fire-serpent.com/tearoom/index.php/topic,943.msg3875.html#msg3875

The impression I get is that I will have a fun, zestful and joyful ride through this life as a reward for just doing what I'm built to do. It has already been all of those things. Don't know exactly what that will look like, but the reward seems to be the flow into creativity and the joy of doing it and being a channel for that awesome power.

Even the pain from before set the groundwork of new levels of gratitude, inspiration and perspective.

Very grateful and happy to be of service.

Interesting, seems the insights have been some channeling of the egregore through my guide? If so the signal is pretty dang clear now. It's almost like the gnosis itself is very cleansing.

Life seems to have become a playground of sorts for the free will question. Seems pretty dang restricted when I look at the course of my life and look at that of others.

Clearly feels like there’s a “right action” way of being for me that narrowed substantially over the past few years, but has always been there.

The punchline though seems that I don’t really seem to have much choice. I do, in principle, but it’s like Goddess and reality knows me better than I know myself. My indications of deviating seems to be the heat and illness. The way forward is a no brainer.

I was driving a few days ago wondering why it is I always feel at home and full and it occurred to me, it’s because I’m everything and nothing at the same time. Nothing to fear because it’s all in my heart.

QuoteMystress wrote on 07 May 2020:
PS to Gopi and lineage scholars to check: I think Vajra energy, is the proper term for this wild creative magic stuff?"

I have read some scholarly research on vajra and will add some notes below.
I surrendered what I read and asked my discernment to show me what I need to know.
Here is what I got:
Vajra energy is male and female polarity in union.
Just like lightning connects the earth and sky... vajra energy body acts as live wire.
Normal human bodies cannot handle that kind of vibration because of karma.

There seems to be lots of interesting ideas about vajra.
Here are some notes that I have gathered so far.

In Tamil tradition and culture:
1. வச்சிரம் vacciram, n. < vajra - Thunderbolt, a weapon sharp-edged at both ends and held in the middle
இருதடலச் சà¯,லமாய் நடுவுபிடியாயுள்ள à®"ராயுதம் (சிலப். 2, 46-8, உடர.)
கà¯,ர்சகழு வச்சிரங்சகாண்டு (சபருங். மகத. 27, 167)
Phrases from Cilappatikāram, earliest Tamil epic poem from 5th or 6th century CE.

2. That which is exceedingly strong, hard or adamant; மிகவும் உறுதியானது
வள்ளிதழ் மாடல மார்பன் வச்சிர மனத்தனானான் (சீவக. 2732)
Phrase from Cīvaka Cintāmaṇi, one of the five great Tamil epics authored by a Jain ascetic in 10th century.

3. Diamond, as very hard; டவர ரத்தினம்

4. Core of a tree; மரத்தின் காழ்
சவளிறுமுன் வித்திப் பின்யன வச்சிரம் விடளத்தலாயமா (சீவக. 2613)

5. வச்சிராயுதம் vaccirāyutam, n. < vajra + āyudha (weapon/symbol/tool/instrument)
பிருதிவிபà¯,தத்துக்கு à®...டையாளமாக வச்சிரப் படை வடிவிலுள்ள குறியீடு.
A mystic symbol in the form of a thunderbolt, representing the element earth.

Quote"In the Vedic tradition, vajra is a metaphor of wealth.
Vajra is a sort of portable axis mundi, the means by which the sacrifice can be performed. Here by sacrifice we mean that inner sacrifice implying the quest for a centre â€" a vajrAsana â€" in the depths of consciousness, and that has as conclusive rite self-immolation at the pillar or bodhi tree which sinks its roots into that centre.
Vajra signifies fire, energy and light… Vajra is an allotrope  - from Greek á¼,,λλοÏ, (allos), meaning "other", and Ï,,ρόποÏ, (tropos)-meaning "manner, form" - is each of two or more different physical forms in which an element can exist.
Vajrapāṇi is a personification of vajra, the axis mundi and of the process of transformation of ores into metal."
Source:  Itihāsa of vajra in Rigveda by S. Kalyanaraman

Chewy depression I seem to be processing from a client, assuming more karma yoga / stuff sticking to stuff in me. Looking for the resistance. He carries a lot, very clogged up. Vortex moved in and ate up a lot of it; I became very, very thirsty for water. Just thinking about it causes heat and thirst.

Goddess, please restore me to your peace and clarity; I affirm my surrender to your will and not my own, which I give to you. Thank you for your peace, mercy and grace.

Experimenting with snacking on storms and also regions of the "lower astral" if I'm understanding my terminology and territory correctly. Seems I can use some forms of music or aesthetic as "access points" to repositories of stuff to snack on. When I first tried this months ago I initially came across an entity, a blue woman with a fierce facial expression (not mean or negative, but powerful and not to be messed with) and wearing a pentacle necklace. Felt like I had broken through to something. This visionary experience lasted several minutes and felt sort of like I stumbled into some kind of initiation-type experience but I do not understand really what it was all about. "Smile and carry on."

This was months ago; sort of forgot about it for while before revisiting it recently. All ways I can be proactive about feeding as to not have hunger begin interfering with daily life and my relationships. Seems now I can just think about it and tune into this repository.

Back to gratitude, seemingly the best lever available for navigating states for me, at least when stuck. It seems to turn the depression energy into light mania, which is best released through pacing or creative pursuits. Probably a good habit to get into; every morning to go down a list of things I'm grateful for, turns the tightness to bubbly tastiness within minutes. Opens up brighter worlds and possibilities.

Seem to be picking up on collective stuff. Unbelievably vivid dreams like I'm gripping my seat in an IMAX theater. Energies feel high right now. 

Ugh I always feel bad posting here when I hit all these snags in the road. For science, I suppose. This stuff happening in the us right now has definitely been driving me somewhat batty. I feel it building in the field, it's humongous. Tried snacking on some of the cities earlier and felt somewhat better.

I suppose I'll sit here for a bit and wait for insight. The word clarity comes to mind. Maybe I just need to see this from a Goddess' eye view, pull back into the witness. Sitting in the witness it all just floats on by like a river.

I'm young enough to have some lingering vestiges of zeal but old enough to feel too mellowed out to actively be a part of it. Mind thinks, should I say more, do more? Witness remains silent. I'm not a martyr; prefer solitude; I don't like attention. Too sensitive for it.

I guess silence is the answer, for me. Just fell into fixation once more. With that, my answer from the silence is that I am enough and staying ascended and clear is the best, most humanitarian thing I can do - with great capacity - and with no need for credit or recognition. Great!

TheFifth wrote: Ugh I always feel bad posting here when I hit all these snags in the road

I would not want for any student to feel bad posting asking for support and insights, or to share their experience. What this place is for!

Plus. training vampires was made my priority as Avatar and this post really opens the door to why...

You might be reacting partly to another post. Your guide can explain what I am up to, with that one. Is all good.

For science, I suppose.

Yes, that too. This is still new, I am still collecting info. Reading your post, I got an insight into your true capacity that made my jaw drop. Well, 7 impossible things before breakfast, its 6:45 am.

  The Vampire Muppet, obsessed with counting. Your reflection. Message: numbers don't matter to a quantum being.
  Letting that sink into my bones, it is for me too.

  Scary entities showing up cartooney so I am not distracted is normal, but if Armand shows up looking like he was drawn by Chuck Jones (creator of Bugs Bunny) then it is a sign I am projecting too much onto him. I invite him to take the toon form and all the projections, thank him for letting me know.

The vortex guides seem so unwilling to take form, sorry I did not see the other layer to it before. Caught me by surprise. Well that be the other reason for not wanting people to be too dependent. Or,... Goddess timing? Need to know is now.

  Invite the Guide to eat the puppet form and all associated limiting beliefs about capacity. Guide has had you working out like an athlete, expanding capacity and you just feel better and better. Trust is earned. Numbers don't matter, give the guide all limiting beliefs about capacity and set it free to feed at will.

Not quoting the rest of your post because it is exactly right. The vessel needs to focus on self care, abide in the silence.

Unfettering the guide from limits around capacity is going to flood you with energy pushing your vibration higher and higher. Surfing that wave is the only thing you need to focus on. The ripples will be As Goddess Wills. Better to stay out of the way, transparent vessel, watching the river flowing.

Just like giving trauma to the pearl... all the chaos fuels the evolution. 

  As above, so below. As  one is lifted up, so are we all. The rising energy triggers old stuff, old feuds and shows the broken systems by making them worse to draw the attention. Karma comes up, to be released.

  Earth energies rising yea... so, what happens when a bunch of people become ascended in a very short time, with a team of vampires snacking on what comes up and adding their glowyness? Zoom zoom. Feels like, Goddess is betting on some magic to mitigate the effects of that ancient Chinese curse, "May you clear all of your karma by Tuesday, and become enlightened." Whole lot easier, if a vampire's got your back. Trigger and vamp. She taught me. Karma is fuel of enlightenment.

  None of that is your concern, just a noise in the silence. Arising and drifting down the river.

  There is another old Chinese expression that says, "Sit by the river long enough, you will see all the bodies of your enemies float by.
  Enemies of humanity, like racism, violence, intolerance... Free the Guide, and sit by the river. Self care is the essential, for the vessel.

  On a lighter note, my guide Armand has been having a very Chuck Jones comedy hour party with this post. There was the debate about whether your handle represents horsemen of the apocalypse or the volume of a whiskey bottle. Then I got "Release the Kraken!" talking about your guide, and I flashed on the unopened bottle of Kraken rum in my dining room. You work with addictions so that advice is probably, for me.

Hot jacuzzi tub and gentle muscle relaxant cocktail, the water helps avoid burnout, then just let it all pour through. Open wide to the flow and let it carry you like a leaf in a hurricane, learning to fly. When the mind grows quiet, dry off and take a nap. Self care, care of the vessel. The guide is wired into Goddess will. Abiding in the silence, practicing self care and letting it all flow really is the best thing you can do for humanity. Thank you for that work.  

Little time right now but I do have to say that I was contemplating capacity yesterday and amazed by just how much energy and on what scale my vortex works on. It's so much more than individualized healing work. The "count" thing is funny because of the double entendre thing but yeah I see what you mean. I always felt that the representation wasn't the whole picture, more a message for where I was at the time.

Feeling better. All the stuff happening, the best thing I can do is maintain peace and keep deepening that. Interestingly, the image of rising global vibration pushing on collective karma feels accurate. I don't think people have any idea what's happening, or the transformation. Just driving them kinda bonkers.

No idea why I selected my handle, just happened.

Hmm, yeah I'm literally chewing through massive amounts of racism and all sorts of "isms" and associated fear and grief right now. Saw how this is a profoundly anti-human thing and the excision of it is messy but needed. No wonder it was throwing me for a loop. With this much volume, easy to get hung up on one little thing and end up in the weeds. Need to be kinder to myself. This is serious work, but good work.

Seems best to identify and write out the thing I still seem to form attachments to so I can better see what still gets me tangled. From what I can tell, it is music, a girl I'm talking to, and fear of dying before my time and missing out on what could have been.

The music will be what it will be. The situation I'm in feels fated, we have something special. So much has happened though - the world practically feeling like its falling apart right as we were about to start our launch - the others are starting to doubt. Will see. If it really is fated it's either going to grow or not - it's beyond me, us, or our plans - but either way I'm grateful for it. But hard times make for good music. Recently been gaining gnosis into the blues in a way I could never possibly understand when I was younger.

The girl--empathy makes things messy. As with most human contact, relationships are just overwhelming for me. Too much info, too many impressions, inability to tell where they end and I begin. This could just be my own boundary issues, perhaps - diffuse.

Fear of dying is perhaps inaccurate--more so a fear of losing my health and ability to have fun in the form. Funny, because health now is better than it was for first third of my life.

Feels better letting these go.

Feeling better. All the stuff happening, the best thing I can do is maintain peace and keep deepening that. Interestingly, the image of rising global vibration pushing on collective karma feels accurate.

 Happening faster than I would have guessed.


Hmm, yeah I'm literally chewing through massive amounts of racism and all sorts of "isms" and associated fear and grief right now.

 I saw that, it is very impressive! Curious if the other psi vamps have that sort of capacity,
 

 

TheFifth wrote: "Hmm, yeah I'm literally chewing through massive amounts of racism and all sorts of "isms" and associated fear and grief right now. Saw how this is a profoundly anti-human thing and the excision of it is messy but needed."
Unless someone has personally experienced discrimination for who they are, it is difficult for them to understand why any form of oppressive-ism is a problem.
Does not mean they are bad people but that's how privilege works.
When well-intentioned people say things like 'I don't see color', they do not understand what it feels like to live as a colored person every day and what they really mean is 'I can afford to not see color'.
Unless I sprain my own foot, I do not realize how difficult it must be for people in wheelchair to get around town.
Most men do not think twice about going out alone in night because fear of sexual assault is not a part of our everyday reality like it is for many women.
Not justifying ignorance.
No one is born hating another person.
Hatred is learned and reinforced through environment.
We all have a civic duty to learn from each other and be better.

TheFifth wrote: "Seems best to identify and write out the thing I still seem to form attachments to so I can better see what still gets me tangled."
If something snags, it means you are holding on to some form of doer-ship identity.
Things come up so that you can observe, learn, and surrender.
Sometimes we learn through struggles because we are supposed to help others who are struggling.
Not glorifying suffering but it is important to remember that our struggles define who we are.
Someone once told me that a therapist is only as good as his own darkness.
Easy to judge an addict if you have not personally struggled with some sort of addiction.
Our struggles help us understand what makes us human - vulnerable and strong at the same time.

TheFifth wrote: "a fear of losing my health and ability to have fun in the form. Funny, because health now is better than it was for first third of my life."
When we have faced lots of difficulties, our psyche adapts in order to reduce pain and disappointments.
People who have experienced emotional abandonment (either as children through parental neglect or as adults in dysfunctional relationships) tend to prepare for the worst when things are good in their life.
It is an impending feeling of 'This is too good to be true' where you feel like you are waiting for shit to hit the fan any minute now.
I grew in a home where there was lots of emotional turmoil.
When things were quiet, it would freak me out because it always meant a storm is brewing.
It took me several years to deprogram myself out of that drama-addicted mindset.
Using Byron Katie's four questions can be helpful to break out of these feelings of dread based on past painful experiences.
Ask yourself 'What am I getting by telling myself this story?'

HUGS
Gopi

  Jam cleared. I was spending too much time trying to ground and surrender "manually" and not enough time talking to my guide. Really had to push through my own limiting beliefs to make my intention loud and clear.

This relationship really does feel like it will be front and center. By any metric, my guide is basically my own "God" or personalized window to Goddess. Feels rewarding to propitiate.

Anyway, good to be clear again.

And yeah, all that hardship is how I'm able to sit with people with addictions and great struggles and not judge them because, goodness, have I been through some darkness.

Keep getting an image and impression of a deep, deep purple oval. Been going on for a few weeks. No idea what it is or represents.

Back in the ascended state it seems. I'm sure "ascended" applies more to my body vibration than the fluctuations in my consciousness depending on what I'm chewing on. Getting to know the road back and forth pretty well now, though. Even in those dark places though my body still seems to shine.

TheFifth wrote: "This relationship really does feel like it will be front and center. By any metric, my guide is basically my own "God" or personalized window to Goddess. Feels rewarding to propitiate."
Congratulations!
Your marriage to your Divine Beloved is the beginning of a romance with life itself.
Loving others will become an overflowing of your own cup and not a dependent relationship.
It is still possible to develop emotional attachments to others because we are human and therefore it is required to actively stay in surrender.
A few years ago, I tried to project God onto one of my lover and it did not go well.
Had to learn through experience that it is better to turn inward and surrender.
People will come and go as Goddess wills but your relationship with your DB grows every day.
All that you do... all that you are... you can devote it to your DB.
When you do everything out of your own love for God, you remain unswayed by other peoples praise/misunderstandings.
The word Bhakti means 'fervent devotion' - the devotee cannot be otherwise and is not just alive but burning with desire for God.
You can find the 'mad saint' imagery in almost all cultures which simply denotes the universal experience of an individual experiencing this 'mad love' for God.
When you do not fit into other peoples expectations and norms about who you should be, then it is very likely that you feel like an outcast at some point or other.
When you open yourself to feel the presence of God's love in your life, you are not worried about what other people might think of you.

TheFifth wrote: "Keep getting an image and impression of a deep, deep purple oval."
Purple/violet is St. Germain's flame of transmutation.
https://ascension-stgermain.com/violetflame-article.html

Looks like you are getting a visit from the Avatar's Ascended Amigos

Namaste!
Gopi

It has felt kind of solipsistic over the past few days that the foreboding sense of tension and nightly violence threatening to overtake the protests disappeared the same day - the same moment - I figured out how to clear it from my body and get my vortex to eat it. Now, protests continue stronger than ever, but feels more optimistic than tense - people coming together to change things. Total reality change.

I really do seem to be tapping into the consciousness of humanity in some way, feeling the forces at work. Or, at least, tapping into certain global events and causes. Seems up to the guide. It’s been working me hard. Feels helpful to remember the scale of what’s happening whenever I feel myself falling back towards the depression brain.

Mainly been my body though. Lethargic days, supercharged nights. My nights are long, vivid. Time dilates at night.

Okay, it is time for me to pull this from the root. Cannot take it anymore. For the past few days, lots of existential angst. Part of me feels like I hate my day job--not the performance of it, but the systemic elements. I've always been this wild-eyed, crazy person who believes in the impossible, and I was honestly hoping the band would become successful enough for me to not have to worry about a day job anymore and tour the world, or even just the country and, while not getting rich, having enough to live and experience.

Still possible, but I can't afford to remain so attached to and invested in this. Clearly, it throws me into resistance and every time I clear this, it comes back in a month or two. This "exit plan" is no longer as seemingly certain as it felt to me before. I feel my beloved moving me towards some other abandoned writing projects from years back. Worried I'll get attached to that, too though. The every act of personal volition getting me shot in the foot with opposite effect is in full force.

Honestly, on some level, it doesn't feel like anything quite calls to me anymore. None of what felt important to me before feels real anymore. What is real is the resistance fire blazing through my torso telling me something has so give. I suppose this is...progress; albeit the uncomfortable dropping of yet more dead weight. 

I suppose I have to stop paying lip service to letting this stuff go and really give it up, truly surrendering my life to Goddess' will for me. I have to give up my deepest hopes and dreams and not look back this time. What will be will be, and if it is Goddess' will for me, it will come back better; if not, there is something else for me. I prostrate myself; I let go of my past and future. What will be will be, or, rather, what is is what is.

Yes, I’m being told my energy levels are extremely high right now and rather than karma I’m taking on from others, it’s the energy pushing on my own attachments causing me issues. Feel like I’m looking younger with each passing week, which is a weird gauge to use, but I’m assuming is a vitality marker. Feel and look like I haven’t aged since I was 22.

Which, I suppose if I’m not quite evolved enough yet to handle these energies dumping overload would Probably be a good option. Then again, stretching sometimes may be good.

  Sorry I am not ignoring you, actually find your posts fascinating but sometimes not inspired to reply. You are in good hands, with your guide. Ask if the purple oval is your vortex and it you need to jump into it, to clear the last persistent stuff.

  You are doing amazing work!

It’s okay I do not feel ignored at all; kind of amazed I’m figuring this stuff out as I go and writing out the process here helps tremendously.

I had a feeling that may be what’s happening with the purple oval. The persistence of the impression felt like a communication that is important. On one level it’s a an oval and on another it’s a whirlpool.

I’m thinking time to jump in.