Hello Mystress,

Unreal. Totaly unreal. Yep the black stuff is what is inside and what I need to work on. Its there to be removed. And I am doing just that. I brought it up with my regular councilor and she really brought things into light. She let me know that it was ok to talk about what happened a long time ago and uncover things and get mad at what happened and finally let it go. I was so amazed at the changes that happened right then I couldnt even speak about it. It was like I saw who I was under all that junk. A shining energy boy with rainbow colors. And that I could get that back again. This also brought up relationships with people because they are connected by this. So many things were opened with this! Right now I feel like if I look inside and down, I can see so many things that I can do, and have yet to do and I want to do with this life and other people now. And when I look inside and up, I can see all the beautifull things that are possible to do with this energy and everything that is  Goddess... All these doors are openeing up right now. I kinda feel like I am floating in space with new things forming above and below at the same time. Wow. This is such a big change.

Just this morning I was shown a few things that are connected to how I feel now. It was pretty much the beginning of all of this. It's pretty twisted. And I remember when it happened I felt so bad and I could not figure out why I felt so lost. But I knew what to do about it. And I resolved it. I feel soooo much better about things. And I got things back again that I had lost. That I forgot I ever had. Amazing. My lower body is somehow more alive now. This is so cool!

So now I am hanging onto the black core, the twisted hard center, giving it all the love and knowledge I can. because I know who's under there now, who needs help, who needs to be let free. Me.

I'm pretty happy about this now. I mean this is the last big thing to deal with I think. Once I this is all resolved, wow, I might be able to let everything flow again! I can't wait! And with my new knowledge and my true energy?? Wow, what will I be? I dont even know LOL!!!

And I've been thinking about things. For me its not about me building energy in me. Its not about snakes or burning things. Its not about shields or crystals or reiki or anything. Its about this knowledge. Its about understanding. Its about realising about life, the real life that you were supposed to have instead of what was put in you. About how you relate to everything around you. Clearing old hurts on every level. Once these things are realised, and you apply the knowledge, everything else falls into place. You let go of the things that keep the energy away. Once you do that, you have the energy again. There is no need to seek it. You have it. And with that energy. You can remake your life again. And thats just the start I am thinking hehe..

Sometimes I think that if I was taught nothing about religion or spirituality or anything. I would know exactly what the deal was with everything. I think other people are like this too. I hope that people realise this soon and everyone can be happy like they should be all throught there lives.

Also I'm pretty shocked at how much you have to know about psychology, spirituality, and everything else to be a sensitive person. I swear we should all get really big books when we are born that explain, who we are, and what we need to know, and how to treat ourselves. Owners manuals heh.

So, thanks Mystress for sharing all this knowledge with me and everyone else. You know so much about everything that is so important for me to know! This is life for me. And I get more of it every day. Thank you.

Sean

:  Sometimes I think that if I was taught nothing about religion or spirituality or anything. I would know exactly what the deal was with everything. I think other people are like this too. I hope that people realise this soon and everyone can be happy like they should be all throught there lives.

Rebeckah:
uh, I was raised in a *Godless* enviornment and I didn't know what the deal was with everything. I had alot of strange things happen to me, like seeing the horned fairy in the forest and not physically seeing him, and hearing all the trees laugh and me being invisible but not believing it was even possible... and many more experiences and I never understood that it was normal. Like meeting the mystical spider is still something I don't have words for understanding the experience. It was very difficult and confusing to have spiritual experiences in a sterile godless world. Now I'm much happier cuz I have explanations for things. My experiences and my mind can agree on things.

On the other hand, I remember at 17 reading a book about Zen where they talked about enlightenement and I thought that would be such a cool thing to be cuz it sounded so great. BAM! I started falling from grace merely for judging myself as un-enlightened. Even though I totally comprehended what they were describing, I couldn't see that I was enlightened already.

_______________
SEAN::  Also I'm pretty shocked at how much you have to know about psychology, spirituality, and everything else to be a sensitive person. I swear we should all get really big books when we are born that explain, who we are, and what we need to know, and how to treat ourselves. Owners manuals heh.

REbeckah:
Truthfully, you don't need to know anything. All you have to do is be an open clear flowing channel of sorts that your soul can manifest thru and experience life. Judgement blocks the flow of Spirit. Flowing and being one with everything is the highest and best place to be. Feels great. What is it they say? *Know nothing, Be everything.* Knowledge is limiting cuz it's just a belief and beliefs change. And as beliefs change, your world changes.

love joy
Rebeckah

Hello Rebeckah,

Thanks for sharing your experiences. Thats a pretty cool story. I never saw anything. I just knew there was something inside that was bright and shiny.

I think I'm getting closer to the other things you said. Right now I'm working on letting things go. And everything is shifting around. It's really changing me. I have more things flowing into me now. Happens faster than I can adjust to it. I'm on break

Ok, take care,

Sean

Hi Sean
I think it's neat to have the world around me  and in me change so much. {I'm a very high drama person. heehee) Kinda like standing in the center of a tornado. You know how the eye of the storm is all calm and crystal clear? Since I've been living in Texas my entire circle of friends has changed every six months. LOL! That's alot of change I think! But I like it, it allows me to be alot of different people. Instead of the same person locked into repitition by other's expectations of who I should be, and then having all that drama when I be different than their expectations. That game gets tiring. At least now I have peace and a good laugh while I watch everybody around me swirling and spinning. OK, this metaphor is making me nauseous.

This time around my life just kind of became it's own thing as I watched. I don't like it too much cuz it's filled with alot of sick geriatrics, but I do LOVE these wonderful gutsy people. I guess I'm just saddened by the reflection of me in them. {The sickness, the pain, and aging! eek!} I used to be such a hottie. LOL! Well, I'll get back there once again, and be stronger and more beautiful for the experience. How's that for optimism? ahhh, sweet freedom!

And for my next transformation I'll be:
*Becky the Bodybuilder*
TA DA!

Lovejoy
Rebeckah

_________________
:  Hello Rebeckah,

:
:  Thanks for sharing your experiences. Thats a pretty cool story. I never saw anything. I just knew there was something inside that was bright and shiny.

:
:  I think I'm getting closer to the other things you said. Right now I'm working on letting things go. And everything is shifting around. It's really changing me. I have more things flowing into me now. Happens faster than I can adjust to it. I'm on break

:
:  Ok, take care,

:  Sean
: