Does anyone recommend any particular therapist, teacher, methodology that could help me through this trying time?

I'm "reeling" with many mental/psychological issues that I believe stemmed from my "forced" awakening(I was cool as a cucumber before) and I believe they are manifesting into physical ailes that are plaguing me as well. I know it's irrational as hell but I "feel" like I could die at any moment

I've been quite cynical of traditional therapy and of a lot of the approaches that ive worked with. It's gotten to the point that I feel these modalities and therapies were developed just as income generating schemes.  I've spent probably $10K on therapists and treatments and oftentimes I feel worse after sessions. I never feel a great relief or shift.

Intuitively I feel the grounding can quite literally "save" me but at the same time I feel I can't trust myself enough to do it. I was grounding frequently, then I had activated the tinnitus and no matter how much I told myself "its not big deal, is it really bad, maybe its a sign of progress, etc" the emotional animal of me panicked and obsessed. I worry that the "panicked animal" will only exacerbate blockages during the meditation(of which I have very many all over my head that I feel very grossly).  The forced crown chakra really sent my system into "high alert" in which I catch myself constantly scanning, constantly finding, constantly freaking out and catastrophizing, constantly trying to figure out, repeat and rinse over and over---- the story of my past 7 years, now I'm presenting with physical manifestations and that is exacerbating the entire "story". I try to talk myself down, break the loop, see things differently, but I cannot override the traumatized "emotional animal". My body goes into fight or flight irregardless of my intentions and trying to stay objective/optimistic. 

If anyone has any suggestions on what I might attempt or whom I can work withto help me find some peace I would most grateful.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

You say you had a forced awakening? How does that sit with you?

So, are you saying you feel cheated by those you go to when you ask for help? You say you feel worse after sessions, what does worse look like to you?

You say you can't trust yourself - why not?

The general gist of your post suggests, at least to me, that you're not feeling safe or some part of you is not feeling safe. Overwhelmed. Powerlessness. So, high anxiety (keywords: reeling, plaguing me, die at any moment, cynical, no relief, I can't trust myself, panicked animal, panic, high-alert, forced crown, freaking out, etc.). When you scan your body, pay attention to it - where in your body does all of that land?

Maybe try venting at Goddess? Mystress posted about this technique at some point i.e. Blame Goddess for everything you're going through right now  (e.g. Goddess, it's all your fault I have tinnitus...It's all your fault I am suffering right now... It's all your fault I don't get any reprieve... etc).

There is also... "Goddess, I don't know what to do in this situation" OR "Goddess, I can't continue living with (fill in the blank)", can you help me?  (I think this surrender technique was explored in the Vampire thread or someone's journal more recently)

"Goddess, I am feeling lost, overwhelmed, attacked and hurt. I don't know what to do with myself, can you help me?" Phrasing things in these sorts of ways may assist with shifting the resistance.

Goddess has your back.

So, there is the "blame" goddess method and "gratitude" (thank you)  method:
http://fire-serpent.com/tearoom/index.php/topic,1534.msg6653.html#msg6653

Speaking about this actually makes me aware that there is some stuff I can unpack further myself. I personally find the blame method easier than the gratitude method.

Hi,
Likely you tried to go fast and pushed yourself a bit. I don't know how your forced awakening occurred, were there psychoactive substances present? I also don't know, are you practicing any other meditations beside fst course?


My own feeling is that you are really highly stressed. I think it would be good to see the situation as simply a situation of high stress and anxiety. You can focus to relax the body with physical ways first.  Deep breathing, some body exercise, take relaxing shower, eat calming foods. Get back into your body.
Avoid caffeine, alcohol and other stimulants. And also its best to stop any meditations or spiritual study except for grounding and surrender. I think there was recently a version of grounding explained that was just imagining large roots going deep in the earth without the central one reaching to the core. That is a really nice and soft exercise.
 See what things are increasing your stress and just avoid them at least for a time.
 No good will come by doing any spiritual practices in overstressed body. 


Last but not least, Mystress is offering sessions to students and I think it would be best way to go. There, in just few sessions you will get both invaluable guidance and healing.



Duu

Quote from: Blossom on Aug 25, 2018, 07:24:32 PM
You say you had a forced awakening? How does that sit with you?

Forced awakening? Not sure I follow, how does that sit with you? In retrospect I see that perhaps my desire for enlightenment wasn't as pure as I once thought.

In terms of feeling "cheated" I just feel like I get more consumed in my "story". I feel worse in terms of my overall symptom presentation.

Feeling like I don't have control in terms of their is a part of me that panics/overwhelms/creates havoc and it almost seems beyond my conscious control. A part of me understands all these things intellectually but emotional and physical body react in terror and seems to override my "higher intellect".

You're right about not feeling safe. For instance , I sit to relax and my mind immediately scans(even though I know I shouldnt do it or even no want to do it)for problems---it finds problems, the tinnitus, the depersonalization, the fear and naturally the symptoms Im fearing tend to get worse, I feel worse and I get stuck in a nasty cycle.

I will try your recommendations. Thank you so much for taking the time to support me. It's much appreciated. 

Quote from: Duu on Aug 26, 2018, 03:26:15 PM
Hi,
Likely you tried to go fast and pushed yourself a bit.
Duu

I followed a guru who was very hyper masculine in nature, he would speak about "practicing like your life depends on it", his teaching were that we would waste our lives and that afterlife and reincarnation was very rare and only for souls that have "matured". I've always had existential fears---even as a child, the thought of ceasing to exist would keep me awake countless times as a child.

So I practiced ferverishly. He also had the ability to transmit "non-dual awakening" and we could maintain this state of pure consciousness by keep our attention at the back of our heads, constantly and consciously--- his practice his teaching worked. And I practiced every minute of every day for years, used to go on multi day retreats just practiced incredibly intensely.

I was also involved with various other groups and various other teachers and kinda got wrapped up around the idea that opening the crown chakra would mean end game and full enlightenment for osho teachings. I started practicing a crown chakra pranayama(spare you the details in case anyone wants to try it) and I practiced it with vigor during a 10 day retreat.

Reading how juvenile and reckless my pursuit was makes me cringe, I am happy that I didnt do more damage...

I'm still going through the lessons and will contact Mystress when I complete it.  Is that version of the grounding roots from the feet on the website? Thank you for your support. I humbled by taking interest.

Growing roots is a bit different from the full grounding exercise in lessons.

Growing roots: http://fire-serpent.com/tearoom/index.php/topic,1609.msg7088.html#msg7088

  The vampires responded first because your fear is delicious, invite them to take it, you will get back insights.  Years ago I made the karma vamp group in secondlife, the idea that people who enjoyed doing it could support people having a hard time. Nothing came of it, and now this... intriguing.

 (Blossom:  You are not FST lineage, eh? Trigger and vamp is too much for one in such a fearful state. Instead, project mighty grounding, -imagining someone well grounded - and take what is ambient, what is already triggered but flying around like pigeons in a barn looking for the exit.)

 Jungian therapy is considered most compatible with kundalini, when it comes to conventional therapy. A prescription for a mild sedative could help you remember what peace feels like.

 The realm of these circling increasing persistent fears, is the world inside your head. The world inside your head, is not the world. It is a world of illusion. Escape it by returning to your body.

 The best way to get back into your body, is by observing the breath. Watch and feel your body as it breathes naturally, without trying to control it. If distractions arise, let them go and gently turn your attention back to observing the breath... any other response just feeds the distraction. Soon you will feel an internal shift, as you move into your body, almost like the slight jolt of an elevator stopping at a floor. You will feel you have moved into a different space. When you are in your body you can see that the world of your head is not real, it is fake, illusion like a snow globe you can hold in your hands.

 Do this many times a day, it only takes a few moments. (Maybe not while driving.) Time to establish a new habit, of living an embodied life instead of a head space one. Get back into your body before you ground, trying to ground while stuck in your head isn't so effective.

 Nutritional support: Calcium-magnesium tablets, B vitamin complex for stress, flax seed oil. B12 is essential but cannot be eaten, digestion destroys it so it has to come by injection, dermal patch, nasal spray or small pellets that dissolve under the tongue to be absorbed. Potassium, but not too much. Vitamin C.    
 
 Hatha yoga: if you cannot find a class nearby, get some DVDs from reputable teachers, even start with some youtube videos. It will help bring you back to your body, release stress and karma and give insights. Classes are best because the teacher will give you feedback on the correct poses. Hatha Yoga and FST go great together.

 Reconsider this idea that your awakening was forced. That belief puts you into a victim state of helplessness and resistance.  I think really all the other fears grew out of that.  I am skeptical of the idea kundalini can be forced, that would be like forcing Goddess and nobody can do that. Your awakening was as Goddess willed and yes you can totally blame Her if you do not like it!

Previously I recommended you read "Stalking the Wild Pendulum" by Itzak Bentov.. did you? It holds the scientific explanation for what kundalini makes the small bones of your ears vibrate.  

 Tibetan bells, played properly in a circular fashion makes a sound that is just like your ears ringing, and those sounds have been tools for healing and meditation for thousands of years.  You can embrace the tinnitus instead of resisting it. Here is a sample of the sound: https://youtu.be/iT6w3cEkpm0?t=279

 You can also visit the Tibetan bell circle in secondlife, and the tone spheres there to get a better understanding of the relationship between tones and vibration and energy.  

 For sure, book a session if you want to.

Thank you Mystress. Your correspondence means so much to me. I sent you a personal message regarding a session.

I wanted to post here to get some feedback and touch base with Mystress and the members of this forum.

Since dealing with the dissociation/depression/etc etc blah blah the only thing that has helped me is the grounding meditation.

When I first started doing it diligently about 16 mos ago, I started feeling better, I was feeling more in my body, I was feeling more alive, more real, almost like I was thawing out. After months of practice, I woke up one morning to deafness and tinnitus in my left ear. I continued practicing and I was able to determine that the meditation was making the ringing louder. Out of fear, I stopped the meditation, fear crept back in, I started dissociating but I noticed something interesting. When totally depersonalized there was no ringing, and it seems like the ringing is directly proportional with how grounded/embodied I felt.

After a few months of some more chaos, I decided to start the grounding. Now after about 5 months I am feeling. In fact, yesterday was the first day in perhaps years that I total myself I felt "okay".

Now, again this morning, I was woken up by a high pitch screetching in my ears, again panic set in, repeat rinse.

I notice as I full the energy down through my crown the pitch changes. Interestingly enough many near death stories talk of ringing when leaving the body and ringing when returning. I almost feel like my life force/soul is re-entering the body or like I'm pushing through some sort of block near my ear. Hopefully the sound will somewhat stabilize because at the current moment it's the loudest thing in the room.

Intuitively I feel I need to continue the grounding and not be distracted by the phenomena such as tinnitus but the terrified/traumatized child of me needs reassurance and a green light.

Anyways, I would be very grateful to get some feedback and I wanted to share with the group my progress...

Thank you for sharing your progress and experiences.
Our body goes through several changes as K fire purifies and evolves us. Ringing in the ears is one common symptom reported by several people who go through awakening. I did not experience this. Might be worth getting a doctor's opinion if you have not already done so.


"Intuitively I feel I need to continue the grounding and not be distracted by the phenomena such as tinnitus but the terrified/traumatized child of me needs reassurance and a green light."
Trust your body. Continue to ground. Observe your fears without reacting or judging. Invite the traumatized child to give-up and transform its fears, pains, and doubts to Goddess. Every time you feel afraid ask your guidance to show you the lesson. Ground, observe, surrender, and gratitude. Rinse. Lather. Repeat.
Namaste!
Happy holidays to you!!

Just wanted to do a check-in.

It continues to be a 2 step forward 1 step back process of grounding and staying grounded.

Somedays after practice I feel grounded, sane, and just a strong feeling of being okay. Other times after I practice I feel a bit rough, head tension/pressure, kinda "out of it".  I just continue on and trust the process.

I had a question regarding the grounding. I have moments when it's very hard to ground. There are certain areas of my body that want to float up or spin out, I try bring the energy down and that brings me to my question.

I know using force/will with energy is generally considered wrong practice, however when I do the grounding I often find it necessary to move the energy down, I find myself often using considerable will to bring the energy down even to the point where I will rock and mildly shake to move the energy through the body---is this acceptable or am I being to forceful---I often feel that if I don't use a certain amount of will I wont be able to bring the energy down.

I know this is a nuance but I just wanted to pick the collective/mystress brain.

Thank you all, how you all had a great holiday.

  For grounding to bring up issues to clear is normal and part of the process. Clear what ungrounds you. Trying to push energies downward goes against the flow, probably why it feels forced. Try moving stuff up and out your crown instead. The flower part at the beginning of grounding is a symbolic message to your unconscious mind, to open the crown chakra. Make sure i is open when releasing stuff or you might get a headache.

Thank you for your reply Mystress. Your correspondence means so much to me. I am continuing the practice, it continues to deepen, grounding becomes much easier, starting to notice subtlies. I'm definitely feeling better then before, I still get the occasional day/s when things get a little wonky but I do my best to surrender and it generally passes in a day or two.

I have been mulling over whether or not to post on this forum for over a week now. Mulling over because this process has made me keenly aware of how our conscious attention influences/exaserbates certain internal phenomena. None the less I'm hoping for some guidance and support.

For about the past 10 months I have been doing the grounding meditation religiously. Everyday for 2-3 hours per day. It really has helped me tremendously. During this time I've been feeling more stable, more grounded, I've been able to get off meds, etc. It's the ONLY thing that has helped with the many symptoms that I have experienced during the past 7 years.

Lately I've noticed an increase in energy, I feel flashes of heat, etc.. I've also noticed an intense tightness and pressure in the back of my neck and brain stem that has more or less been constant for over a week(sexual arosal, stimulants and fear make it worsE). I almost feel like a steel rod as been inserted in the back of my neck. Fear arose, dissociation followed and the tension in the neck increased, anxiety, back on meds, you get the drift.

I find myself not knowing how or whether to proceed with the grounding. I feel like many times I've gotten to the point of practicing for a long period of time then some manifestation derails me. I guess I fear that with my attention and difficult being equanimous with it will solidify the block even more.

Prior to my struggles, I was part of a path in which the practice was constant and conscious attention at the back of my head/neck---which allowed one to abide as pure awareness... I practiced this obscure paractice for many years. I wonder if this is the crystalized attention that was created from many years of intense practice? I wonder if this is fundamentally a positive thing, whether I should continue practice or stop.

I also wonder when this is just more phenomena created by my mind. During the past 7-8 years my mind has created all sorts of physical/mental/emotion phenomena that wax and wane seemingly out of nowhere.

Anyways, thoughts and feedback would be very much appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read and hopefully to respond.

Love,
John

  Glad to hear you are doing better.

  I have had people complain of neck issues and it turns out to be computer fatigue.

  Other than that... there is a spot at the base of the neck called the Attachment point, some consider it to the the place where the soul enters and exits the body. I think, the soul goes where it wants but it is true that people who have issues with excessive detachment, being obe often have issues there.

  So when you feel the crystallization very clearly, reach in with your spirit hand (and physical, mime it) and pull it out, give it to Goddess. Thank Her for taking it. Breathe, feel your feet to check your grounding.

  Ya know, I have known a few people who trained their ESP via Silva mind control method. One thing Silva teaches is to examine your body's micro-processes, like what your mitochondria is up to. I have noticed that people who do that, seem to end up getting weird diseases of the mitochondria... I would say, the observer affects what is observed and if it ain't broke, don't mess with it.  Ya get my drift?

  Use the mime surrender technique on all the weird stuff you are feeling. You can examine what you pull out, if you want to... what colour it is, how it smells, etc. I seldom bother with that, only the surrender matters.

  You may have noticed, when you surrender something you get back some insights about it later.  Get in the habit of pulling stuff and letting it go, and trusting if there is anything important you need to know about it, Goddess will share the info. Surrender what you get too, and get deeper insights. It is like ping pong with Goddess except each time She sends the ball back it gets more interesting and yet simpler, Her elegance.

  You know you get into trouble when you over think things. The world inside your head, is not the world. Observing the body as it breathes naturally brings you back into it.

  The nice bonus to observing the breath, is feeling Goddess presence. Feels like you need that sorta hugs.

  Special grounding for men only. Stick the head of your cock into the fiery crystal heart of the planet. Don't fuss about the gymnastics of distance, just imagine it is in there. Especially when your brain is starting to run away on you. Instant grounding like a life line. This aspect of the Goddess is always receptive so consent is given, She welcomes you.

Don't be shy to post. Stay in touch!

Thank you Mystress... I took a day off of the grounding and used the mime method and much of that tension and stiffness in the neck more or less disapeared.

I also practice visualizing my legs, my penis as if they were on a medevil torture "rack" and it is pulling me down.

I'm going to take a week off the grouding excercise, resume and check back with the forum.

Thank you for your prompt and thoughtful reply. Your correspondence means toe world to me!

So I've stopped grounding practice and started with meds again...

The energies have considerably subsided, now Im back to kinda a baseline foggy, partially disconnected state.

Regarding focusing on the breath. I feel like it a somewhat precarious situation because the more I keep my attention in/on my body, the more the energy in the body increases, with the energetic increase in the body it eventually comes up to a block---I started exhibiting symptoms of that block, fear increases, energy rises and the cycle repeats itself.

I know resistance naturally makes things worse, I know resistance to blockages makes the blockages worse. I feel like belly breathing and/or grounding is the means to coming out of this but I can't trust the body/mind to react equanimously to the various phenomena that arise.

If I do belly breathing, I will start feeling better, up until the threshold where the prana in my body increases and comes up against a block, I would go through it(continue with the practice) if I could have some sort of assurance that the panic that sets in wont make that block worse. As long as I do my best to not focus on the block and not care will the block naturally dissipate? What level of equanimity does one need to maintain?

Sorry it's a convoluted question and I realize the level of OCD that's involved;) Just a flavor of where my mind has been operating from since.

  I did not tell you to stop grounding, why would you do that?

   You cannot continue with the lessons, without grounding. It is essential.

I guess I stopped because of fear...

The grounding was dong wonders for me and at the same time increase the energy in my body which endangered fear.

I have stories that I can't handle the energy.

blockages, I know to trust the process but the traumatized animal of my body is still scared. And when that fear comes in---immediately I feel the energy rise into my head and feel the intense pressure in my head, I felt like my head would burst.

So I guess I'm scared that I'm making these particular blocks worse because I can't be with them in a relaxed and calm fashion.

I do feel like the grounding exercise is the end all be all for me. I really don't have any spiritual aspirations and this point I'll be happy with a "homer simpson" existence

Thank you for your support and guidance. I will continue with the grounding and do my best to let go of fear and to accept any blockages of phenomena that might present itself.

Might I pump the brakes on the exercise if phenomena becomes too intense or should I "white knuckle" it and push through?

Hello oolongmonkey,
Fear closes crown chakra. When K rises, it is like water coming out of fire hydrant hose in full force - hence the comparison to a serpent that is ready to strike. If your crown is closed based on fear, then no wonder you feel like your head is going to burst.

Quote"I really don't have any spiritual aspirations and this point I'll be happy with a "homer simpson" existence"

You say you don't have any aspirations but you want to 'Homer Simpson existence'? I don't know what you mean by 'Homer Simpson' existence.

Quote"Might I pump the brakes on the exercise if phenomena becomes too intense or should I "white knuckle" it and push through?"

Surrender to Goddess is the imperative of Kundalini. You can request Goddess to help you when things feel overwhelming or too intense.

When you ground, your body gets plugged into the universal flow of energy. This can feel uncomfortable or weird if you have been out of your body for a long time (like addictions, astral travel, starving, etc) or if you disassociate from your body easily because of trauma related stuff. Your fears come up so that they can be surrendered. Old wounds will resurface to your consciousness so that past hurt can be transformed into wisdom and deeper healing can happen.
Free will is Goddess law. She will not take stolen stuff and She will not interfere with your free will. So unless you choose to give Her your fears through surrender, you will experience all your fears - only this time with K intensity (once awakening begins there is no going back).

When you feel fear, observe your breath. There is no need to fix or conquer your fears. Acknowledge the presence of your fear but do not give in to your fear. Request your guides to show you the lessons behind your fears. Have you noticed something? We feel most alive when we feel fear. Give thanks to your fear. And again... there is no need to fix or conquer your fears. Simply observe and breathe.

Both 'pumping the brakes' and 'white knuckle' are forms of resistance based on fear. When fear rises, there is no need to 'pump the brakes' because the lesson is to look at fear in the eye and ask 'Wassup Doc?'. The idea of 'white knuckling' feeds ego and is not the same as being brave. It is very important and wise to respect fear. Fear exists to prevent us from doing stupid things that might hurt us and blindly ignoring our fears can be very dangerous. Tantra is middle path - you neither run away from your fears nor do you give in to your fears.

Have tea with your demons! Demons are your best friends because they will never abandon you and will always tell you the truth even when you don't want to hear it.

Quote from: Gopi on Sep 20, 2019, 11:05:14 PM
Hello oolongmonkey,
Fear closes crown chakra. When K rises, it is like water coming out of fire hydrant hose in full force - hence the comparison to a serpent that is ready to strike. If your crown is closed based on fear, then no wonder you feel like your head is going to burst.

Quote"I really don't have any spiritual aspirations and this point I'll be happy with a "homer simpson" existence"

You say you don't have any aspirations but you want to 'Homer Simpson existence'? I don't know what you mean by 'Homer Simpson' existence.

I just want to a normal human existence.... the trauma of the kundalini and crown opening has been 7 years of struggle

Quote"Might I pump the brakes on the exercise if phenomena becomes too intense or should I "white knuckle" it and push through?"

Surrender to Goddess is the imperative of Kundalini. You can request Goddess to help you when things feel overwhelming or too intense.

When you ground, your body gets plugged into the universal flow of energy. This can feel uncomfortable or weird if you have been out of your body for a long time (like addictions, astral travel, starving, etc) or if you disassociate from your body easily because of trauma related stuff. Your fears come up so that they can be surrendered. Old wounds will resurface to your consciousness so that past hurt can be transformed into wisdom and deeper healing can happen.

I've been out of my body for 7 years. It's like clockwork, happens everytime. I start grounding, I start feeling better in my body, I come of the meds, I start feeling energies and heat flashes in the body, then some blockage hits(and the subsequent feelings and emotions from the blockage) my mind because terrified that I might make matter worse due to my lack of equanimity with the blockages(my mind is hyper sensitive to any phenomena), I get ungrounded---leave my body---feel awful, get back on meds....... feel like crap until I realize I need to start grounding again.

My biggest fear is that I'll make things worse by grounding and that I'll be unable to handle the "stuff" that comes up.

Free will is Goddess law. She will not take stolen stuff and She will not interfere with your free will. So unless you choose to give Her your fears through surrender, you will experience all your fears - only this time with K intensity (once awakening begins there is no going back).

When you feel fear, observe your breath. There is no need to fix or conquer your fears. Acknowledge the presence of your fear but do not give in to your fear. Request your guides to show you the lessons behind your fears. Have you noticed something? We feel most alive when we feel fear. Give thanks to your fear. And again... there is no need to fix or conquer your fears. Simply observe and breathe.

Both 'pumping the brakes' and 'white knuckle' are forms of resistance based on fear. When fear rises, there is no need to 'pump the brakes' because the lesson is to look at fear in the eye and ask 'Wassup Doc?'. The idea of 'white knuckling' feeds ego and is not the same as being brave. It is very important and wise to respect fear. Fear exists to prevent us from doing stupid things that might hurt us and blindly ignoring our fears can be very dangerous. Tantra is middle path - you neither run away from your fears nor do you give in to your fears.

I understand this intellectually and for me it seems more of a knee-jerk reaction then a conscious decision.

Have tea with your demons! Demons are your best friends because they will never abandon you and will always tell you the truth even when you don't want to hear it.

thank you Gopi...thank you everyody, it means so much to me:)

yuck... my apologies for not quoting your response properly.

I want to add that even though grounding may feel 'uncomfortable or weird' initially for some time, if you continue grounding and taking care of your body, you will feel much better soon. It's like when someone leaves their home unguarded and unoccupied for long periods of time, then the place starts to fall apart and becomes vandalized. When we escape our body for long periods of time, there is no one to take care of the body's everyday needs and defend our home from unwanted intruders. When the owner returns 'back home' to their body, they may find the place trashed out and feel crappy living there (and hence the impulse to escape out of body again feeding the cycle further).

Continue grounding and trust your body. One day at a time. You will feel much better once you reclaim what is rightfully yours and take good care of your body. It is not always easy to do this but it is worth the effort.

HUGS

Thank you Gopi.

In regards to listening to your body I feel that's where some of the issues is.

My body is terrified of anything escoteric/energetic phenomena because of the nature of my awakening.

That's why I feel like I'm white knuckling it.

I guess what I need to hear was that grounding is safe, period, regardless of phenomena. I hate to say to continue to push through but I have difficulty at times bypassing the body and traumatized mind.