I don’t even know where to start. I want to say it feels like I’ve pushed through to something…new? Definitely. It’s funny, because for the longest time, I felt like a slow learner, that this work here was something I just wasn’t cut out for. And yet, that’s just another node of the narrative I was so hung up on, the feeling of being unworthy. Just a pattern. And yet, moving through all that darkness and what I thought of as garbage is the very thing that pushed me to this point.

And the conclusion I came to was the only one that made any senseâ€"but why did it take me so long to come to it? Yet that doesn’t feel like it matters, because it all happened so perfectly. The other day, in the midst of just feeling so fed up with it all, I resolved to just surrender with seemingly every breath. Every layer that came up, just released it. Layer upon layer. As I did so, I could feel my vibration rising as the days went on and where I find myself now feels completely novelâ€"high and energized, a stronger sense of my divine beloved acting through me (she's very playful and exuberant), a deeper sense of inner emptiness and “non-locality” of consciousness, yet my heart and crown feel just overflowing.

I was laughing earlier that I gave Goddess what I thought was garbage and she gives back this? This may well be a temporary opening but I’ve realized something significant here, which is that no matter how scary and foreboding, no matter how important the karmic stuff seems, to just remain calm and methodically move through it, releasing it. It doesn’t appear nearly as insurmountable as it did before, and if raising my vibration like this is the net result, there is clear incentive to continue the work.

This experience continued until culminating in this feeling of evaporated narrative gravity, as if my whole life had been a strange dream that someone else had. As if up to that point, I never understood what hollow even meant. Yet, in being enveloped by the enormity of it, I thought to myself how deep can this go/get? Yet coming to that place felt strangely inevitable, that the narrative always *was* illusory, however convincing it all may have seemed.

And now, identity seems to flicker in and out from moment-to-moment. But all I can say is, wow.

So beautiful!

  All the garbage, was the stuff of ego. You let it go in pieces, to find your true self-  what you are without it: FREE!

  It is never about speed. It is always, persistence that wins through.