It seems I’ve finally been getting the hang of surrender. I think that one of my biggest obstacles here so far has been a doubting Thomas tendency. For example, with the grounding, I had this habit of consistently doubting whether or not I was visualizing it vividly enough. I had doubts about the surrender prayer; I simply felt that my case was so bad, so hopeless that it wouldn’t work for me. The workaround? I decided to type the statement out on a word document, underline the word, “this,” then delete the document. This worked great, and seemed to be a workaround for my lingering doubts.

Somewhere along the way here, I made this decision to stop resisting, or trying to change my neuroses and just let them be. Gentle surrender I suppose. I would just try relaxing, not flipping out or beating myself up over it all. Just, grounding. Surrendering over word documents. Something seems to be working because there’s more peace in me than I’ve ever had before in my life.

I’m continually reminded of the long road ahead, though, chipping away at some kind of snag in my solar-plexus and some kind of “shame” and sadness in my throat. I’m in this odd place right now where I get so swept up in my work, and at times, I develop a really rigid sort of attachment to it. When this attachment grows too big to bear, I walk away from the work and gently surrender it. This seems to go back and forth. But it’s interesting though, because I’ve never been so passionate about any form of “work” before in my life.

I have this vague impression that there are these varying degrees of “release” ahead, all dependent on how much of a leap of faith I can takeâ€"how ready I am at a given time to let go. But it’s getting easier, and I’m so thankful for that.

 You got it all, exactly right and I have nothing to add.