I've always struggled with work.  Early on my career I've decided to work for myself and had some success but totally lost everything more than once.  In fact, I can never quite remember how many times that happened.   I think at least 3 times but memory is a bit fuzzy on that.  The last time I was hit with so many random events that I've decided to change career and life path as I felt I was getting message that I needed to listen too. 

I decided to  pursue something that I wanted to do for almost 10 years but did not due to the economic uncertainty.   I went on to what I thought would be a career in personal training and than later physical rehab and sport performance.  As I followed this path new opportunities opened up and I found myself having opportunity less mainstream ways of working with the body which actually allowed me to discover more about myself than reiki, qiqong, meditation, etc

I went into healing but had to stop as I felt I was picking up other people stuff and didn't know how not too.  Plus I was struggling financially with it and didn't seem to attract people that I really wanted to improve  and rather wanted to me do it all for them but some part of them seem like it was resistant and I did not know how to help them further. 

As a result, I went back into the workforce about a year and half ago and goddess provided a job that seemed perfect for me allowing me to gently reemerge into the work force and work primarily by myself although I had to go into the office.

  I feel that I'm at another cross roads and things are trying to move forward.  My previous job ended (it was a contract) and  I'm trying to be neutral and allow this change in job to occur naturally and have a couple of opportunities to work with past and current colleagues but it doesn't exactly feel right or call to me.   I'm surrendering this to goddess but part of me wants to take action and go back to working for myself in some sort of capacity when I have more flexibility with my time and can work with clients remotely. 

I've done the heart lesson but don't hear my heat although I can sometime feel it.  I think I know the answer is to surrender and have faith that goddess provides and things will work out.  Ever since the last time I lost everything I'm really trying to listen and stop trying to make things happen but I also feel like one has to make choices otherwise even if goddess provides I could let the what's provided past me by because my eyes are set elsewhere.  Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated - this is a continue struggle for me.

One other issue I have is that some of the work I do supports defense contractors which to me does not quite align with me.  Much rather find a means to work with people that are contributing to the benefit of all.  This is probably a judgement   being made from ego but seriously not the most easy folks to work with.

Thank you,

Derick

Hello Derick,

"I also feel like one has to make choices otherwise even if goddess provides I could let the what's provided past me by because my eyes are set elsewhere. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated - this is a continue struggle for me."

It might be helpful to surrender the fear of 'letting things pass by' to Goddess and asking Her to give you enough hints. It takes some disciplined practice to learn to listen to the hints She provides but once you get the hang of it, they're everywhere and impossible to miss. Any time you feel like you're struggling, I would suggest surrendering both the struggle and the fear that caused the struggle (we always fight back when we sense fear) back to Goddess and ask Her to guide you.
Also, guidance does not always mean knowing the big picture. As human beings, I think we want to know everything before acting (mind's nature to control). But guidance from Divine, in my limited experience, happens more like one foot in front of the other. I do not get what I want but I am always given what I need to keep moving. Thy will be done.

Reg. working with specific people:
I have had similar experiences in the past and you're right about this being a judgment. I identify as a feminist. Sometimes I find it incredibly hard to be around people who act in harmfully sexist ways. I either want to 'set them straight' or 'get the hell away' from them. And both are about my projections of how I see them and what I think they should be. To be clear, I am in no way denying the harmfulness of their actions but just checking my own assumptions.

The Bhagavad Gita offers spiritual advice by telling the story of an epic war (allegory to inner conflict and turmoil). The warrior prince Arjuna is in the battlefield facing his opponents, who are his cousins. Arjuna feels torn apart between the duty of a warrior and feelings of a brother who must kill his cousins. He turns to Krishna, the charioteer, for advice. This is the setting for the spiritual advice sought by the conflicted-warrior-disciple (Arjuna) and offered by the enlightened-charioteer-mentor (Krishna).

Quote“If you think you are the doer then you are bound to be afraid. With the doer comes fear, anxiety and anguish. Every suffering, every sorrow, arises from the ego, the doer, which is a false entity. You are utterly mistaken if you think you are the doer; you are merely an instrument in the hands of the divine. Let it do what it wants to be done through you, and let go of yourself.” [Osho - Bhagavad Gita]

This is not easy. Atleast, not for me yet. But it is possible. And with practice, by listening to your discernment, it gets easier. When I take this attitude, then doing my dharma requires me to face the other and do what my duty calls for without projecting my views on the other person. When I do this, I find that the entire dynamic shifts in ways that I could have never even begun to imagine. Many times, I become incredibly grateful for the people who rubbed me the wrong way because attending to my dharma in their presence has always reaped me great benefits in terms of my spiritual growth. I get to see what I do not like about myself. And when I surrender that, the other person does not have the same effect on me anymore. Takes some disciplined practice but can be done.

Hope that helps.

Namaste!
- Gopi

Thank you Gopi for sharing your experience and suggestions.   I realize after reading your post that my interpretation of guidance is knowing where to go vs just being okay with getting the next hint on the path forward.  Also, I now realize that I need to give up my concerns and uncomfortable feelings up to goddess too.  I feel better with not knowing and letting things unfold by letting goddess handle it.