Hello,

A walkabout is an extended solo journey into the wilderness.  On a walkabout, a person has no societal distractions and has only their wits to survive with.  To quote "...it is... but a deeply spiritual time of life, a time of reflection, a time of gaining confidence in one’s own person and abilities, having a sense of their own spirituality, and realizing and experiencing their connection to the land and nature." From here.

I find myself at an interesting crossroads in my life.  On the one hand, I can accept a job offer doing what I've always done (software development), while on the other, I can go on a walkabout for some months.  The former reads like a blue pill to me while the latter is something I feel I've been wanting for a while.  But I find this a difficult decision to make, or at least understand.  There's the safe choice and then there's the super-risky-rewarding-but-will-leave-me-broke-by-the-end-of-it choice.  Now I'm all for risky -- I'm positively bored of careers and I've already walked off my last job -- but there is scant information on the cross-section of kundalini and walkabouts, which makes it difficult to research and understand.

So I'm wondering what some of your thoughts might be on how kundalini and walkabouts work together, or not?

Thank you

So...I don't know, really.   

I went to this survivalist meetup over the weekend, and I learned much, but I also learned how I don't know about wilderness survival, and I think that without more training/experience in that area, a walkabout is premature for me right now.

At the same time though, I've been dragging my feet on this job offer.  It would be a good career move, yet it goes down a path I don't want to go down anymore*.  It's high tech and I'd rather work closer to nature*.  I'm trying to follow my heart.  I really don't feel like working at all, but I don't know what else to do.  All of this, by the way, against a backdrop of not being able to trust my perceptions, while simultaneously noting not-too-infrequent mind-reading (ie, interviewer mentioning the term "walkabout").  Does this make sense?  Does anyone have any advice about this topic? 

I reread lessons Kundalini Psychosis & Road to Hell is Paved w/ Good Intentions.  * is this an idea attachment?  How do I clear perceptions?  Detachment?  I would like to take a long break (month(s)), I think I at least need/want that.  How can I do that without worrying about starving (scarcity fear)?

Hello Tiyaira,
Namaste.
I have had similar experiences that I can relate to. There are a few things I would like to share here based on my own experiences so far.

1) This is a lesson I am still learning. Whenever there is a choice to be made, esp. big ones involving career and such, I used to think that I have to make the decision. I am slowly learning to see that this is attitude brings me more complications. So now I am learning to surrender. I just put out a heart-felt request - "I don't know. Guide me. Keep me close." The answer ALWAYS comes in the right moment. Not a second sooner. Not a second later. Sometimes I am so engrossed in my own little ego world that I don't see Her message. And She won't let it go till I pay attention. Again and again. Whatever it takes. Just have to learn to trust that when the time comes, She will give me what is needed. Easier said than done. I am at a place right now where I face a similar scenario. The more I take it as my problem, the more maddening it is. So instead I just pray "I am all yours. Guide me." And She ALWAYS answers. She has 'interesting' ways of answering though. You just have to remain open. Do not the have any preconceived expectations about the content or form of answer because things like that slow down and complicate the issues. So I am learning to say "Do as You see fit. Help me to surrender more." Again... easier said than done.

2) No one can see past the choices that they are yet to understand and accept. Usually when I feel torn, there is something I am hanging on to. Some mental image or story about how things ought to be. And this is the ONLY thing that stands in between. When I am in the heat of the moment, it is so easy to forget this. One way I have learned is to ask - what are you most afraid of? Fear, in my own experience, is resistance to Light. These things go very deep. And the lessons are repeated as often as necessary. So issues that I thought were resolved once and for all, crop up again. And that makes me panic even more. Will I never be able to get out of this? And all that drama follows. Again. Thinking that I am the 'doer' is the central problem, in my case. So I pray again "I don't know. Guide me. Keep me close to your bosom." I always approach Her as my Cosmic Mother. When the child cries, She comes running.

3) Directions are NOT the journey. I used to take this approach of what I call 'spiritual laziness'. I still do this at times. I had this idea of if I just surrender to Her, She will do all the work for me. It does not work that way. Atleast for me. She guides. And without a doubt, any manifest form (thought, actions, etc) is Her grace. Nothing moves without Her. That said, you have to walk through the door when the time comes. I know it sounds contradicting to what I have said so far about 'Doer-ship'. But I have learned that She cannot be understood through reason or logic. Chaos contains order. Not the other way around. Again - the same lesson - Do not have any images or expectations of what it ought to be. It only delays the process and brings more strife. If there is something in particular that frightens you, ask Her. "I am afraid of this. Keep me close. Help me." And She will. Sometimes She wants us to learn certain things, which are very painful and seem counter intuitive to our small little intellects. In those situations, the more I identify with my ego, the more the suffering. Surrender seems to the ONLY way out. Atleast, that's the only thing that has worked for me so far.

It helps to look back. Every time in the past whenever I have felt that there lies a difficult decision ahead, the sooner I open up to Her Grace, the sooner and less painless it is. Reaffirms my faith. She is the cosmic intelligence. Compared to Her our intellect (the I-ego) is less than a speck of dust. If you feel like you're tired and need to rejuvenate, ask Her that. When the child cries, the Mother comes running.

Much love,
Gopi

Hi Tiyaira,

Nobody can't really tell you what to do.  Sometimes some things have to be done, even when they seem first utterly irrational. Sometimes, not... What you are going through is quite archetypal phase of spiritual seeking, the almost painful need to abandon all boring life and move somewhere new to be free. So totally free...

I have been studying tarot cards in the past, and the tarot card Hermit describes well what is happening inside of you. When the seeker works through issues described in the card, he wants to leave it all... become a wandering monk, maybe move to India... he dreams about freedom, beauty and devoting himself fully into his spiritual practise. It's a beautiful dream, and some seekers do it especially if they are young and/or financially free to take a sabbatical. But most seekers have kids, mate, mortage, and/or unstable financial situation. They have responsibilities that force them to make hard choices. They realise that in the end life is so easy with the central heating and luxuries of the western world, that it gives much more freedom for spiritual practise than actual chopping wood and carrying water in wilderness. Most of all, as they surrender to the pain, they someday come to the place of seeing, that their freedom isn't really about where they live or what they do for a living.

Freedom and happiness is an internal thing. When perceptions of life changes, so does your life change around you. It often happens gradually, sometimes even so slowly that you don't even notice it, until you one day reflect your life and it hits you how much it has changed, how much miracles and new options has bumped out of the blue. Meanwhile, you have learned a lot about the virtue of patience...

I have done some journeys in my life, especially after spiritual awakening. I wanted to do this or that to feel more connected to the Divine. In service in a way that my ego wanted. I have changed my career a couple of times. My final conclusion after years and years of seeking was, that I just did a full circle coming back to where I started. Nothing I did, no career changes for example, made me any more spiritual. Nothing I did was necessary, I was already home... Goddess is all, and only my ego tells me that certain job is less worthy than some other job. Grass is always greener on the other side of the fence?

But my journey was beneficial, I saw all kind of things and grew steadily. I could have stayed where I already was and become enlightened. But I needed the journey to see that. Because of my choices, I haven't created so much wealth and stability into my life in the past. Sometimes it saddens me, especially as a mother, but soon I remember the brilliant gifts I have got that are priceless. Wouldn't change a thing... I guess that my son has a mom that rocks, afterall

So in a nutshell, whatever you choose to do, it's fine Whatever you choose, there's opportunity to grow. Besides, there's really no choosing. You will end up doing what you are ment to do, anyway You could let this vision be for a while, just sit on it. Maybe your dream matures and changes a bit if you give it some more time. It's also good to cover your back as much you can, if it's possible, before going into wilderness. Yes, there's scarcity consciousness involved too, but not cool to end up totally broke, after few months vacation. And if Goddess is asking you to do a courageous leap of faith, you will do it when you are ready...sacred timing.

Love,
Mari

Thank you both for your advice.  I suppose a "fools rush in" mentality could also be applied here.  I took the job, primarily to cover my back as was mentioned, but also it might facilitate some new doors that opened over the weekend.  With that decision made, my mind is clear again, and I can focus on the path.  Interestingly, I don't seem to be as demotivated right now.

It was useful to hear about your experiences and interesting to learn that this is a rather archetypal phase.  Definitely agree with the boring and freedom part.  Thank you again.