hm!. Damn it. what a heavy storm. after two or three years i still don't know who and why attacks me. Lesson 46?! Then how do I complete my kundalini journey without mind and thinking and interacting with people. There must be proper ways for handling these features on this equipment. either nobody knows.or nobody has the proper and easy ways to teach me.

i don't know but
asking "why"  will often lead you in circle

ant

i guess your supposed to what instead, as in what you gonna do about it
ant

Jahed,

I am confused. Your post suggests you are on lesson 46.

Was it not 4 weeks ago when many people, including me, told you that one lesson a week is maximum?



Martin

Hi Aspectrum, I haven't been as far as lesson 46 but I have skipped ahead in the course when I first started the course some years ago. You begin to receive information from each lesson as soon as you view it and it continues to flow to you after you've stopped reading. I can tell you from experience me skipping to later lessons has provided information that I could not process because I did not have the foundation needed from the lessons before it. Most times the overload of all of this information flowing to me gave a feeling of anxious pent up energy, feeling as though my mind was about to explode the need to scream or yell or simply giving me an overwhelming amount of issues to deal with at once. The lessons are definitely charged.  The only saving grace is grounding and intense sessions of surrender the insights come after. With the energy overload Mystress has advised to get on all fours with the feet still partially flat on the floor then pressing your hands to the floor asking goddess to please take back the excess energy.

Mystress says the kundalini journey never really ends; enlightenment and self realization come but the learning and growing never ends.

My goal for the course is to actually quiet my mind that fears, prejudges and creates separation between me and my heart's joy. It's difficult to hear the heart voice when the mind is thinking and chattering. To quiet that for me creates a more genuine interaction with people.

I have faith you'll find what you're looking for.

Hi Jahed,

I think that when you say who and why does something to me ie. attacking or not do something to me ie teaching. It always is very focused to the outside and not the inside, to you.
Did you noticed that?
What if the problem is not on the outside, to be corrected, but its mostly internal.
You have already a very good teacher teaching you and his name is suffering. He is showing you what you do wrong and what thing need to be changed. So it is the case that teacher teaches but it is the student who does not understand the hints or sometimes not so subtle hints of the teacher.  So when we believe that it is the outside that is somehow wrong or unjust, and ignore the teacher, we get stuck.
So you dont need to pray to get a better teacher, suffering is already the humanity best teacher. The love is ofcourse even better teacher but as polite teacher comes only when wellcomed.  But if you wish ask for better understanding, the ability to understand of what is being taught to you. So the lessons when there are just accepted and done. Not resisted to.
So if you dont like suffering that much than there is another way and that is path of surrender, love. But it is a path for you to walk and to learn. No instant solution. Loving body and preferring calmness.
It is learning step by step of what no longer works, a proper energy hygiene and energy politeness.

When you say: me and my kundalini or how to handle the equipment (I guess you mean your body and energy body) You create a separation between me and body, outside world.

Me and kundalini journey is strange saying. As the “me” is just something temporal and a illusion, fiction, temporal mind construct. Kundalini was here since beginning of cosmos and will be till its end. It will see all the forms and all the “me” of universe vanish as if it was nothing just veil of smoke. There is only a kundalini play and a snowflakes of forms and of”me”. Beautiful snowflakes so temporal, but none will see the end of a kundalini journey. Nor they need to, perceiving, seeing is creating oversimplified ideas, forms in mind, illusions, constructs. There was not separation, beginning and end is, was always within them, they were the kundalini itself in a form. So does the “me” complete its part in the kundalini journey with specific trick or technique it needs to learn? So all that can help is not a techinique really.
It can only be something you naturaly know. Only maybe needing a bit to feel it once again and know it as true.

I hope it is helpfull. And please write more to what you experience in your life.


love,
Duu

Quote from: Martin on Sep 30, 2012, 06:17:58 PM
Was it not 4 weeks ago when many people, including me, told you that one lesson a week is maximum?
Martin

I dont think skipping ahead is possible anymore. If it is, let me know!

  Jahed, that post was pretty cryptic. Care to fill in the blanks for us?

Hello again.

When I first posted this post I was feeling very bad and I was so angry. I apologize everyone for that post.Specially mystress.I do not love to insult my teachers.They are all good.And I didn't have will to insult..Now I am back in my parent's home.Here,Muma cooks food. I have better food now. I think that's one important reason I feel better now.My mind works better.What a wonderfull blessing it is that  someone kindly cook for you.She has a defective bone in the spine.She has pain because of that.I feel compassion for her.Because I felt pain in my body before.And I have idea of how pain feels like.I want to learn energy healing to see if I can fix her bone.And also my own bones.Or others.

I still have the storm problem. Occasionally when I am sleep I go into a half conscious mode.My mind doesn't work fine enough in that mode. I half a kind of half control over it. And there is a storm happening around me when I am in that mode. That storm is so powerfull.And it has the ability to move my bones and change their shape and size in a short time. Around seconds. I don't know what to do about it.In the following days I had another storm.I went to bed.I tried to turn of my thinking. I did a kind of silent meditation.Then I fell sleep.I don't remember my dreams well.I just remember the end of them.I dreamed I killed two beautiful butterfly with beautiful green tails.Then I enetered in that mode.The storm was there.I guess perhaps this time it happened by doing that meditation.But I think there were times I got caught in those storms because of other reasons.Reasons uknown to me.The next day I had pain in my skull around right ears. The bones of my jaw moved.Causing my wisomtooth to get pressed on my other teeths. I plan to pull them out.

But more than my teeth I am worried about my skull. Worried if the storms press my brain or I get problems that my mum has.Based on my experiences my guesswork is that I always have storm when I sleep.But as I said I suddenly come out of dreaming mode.Even in dreaming, mode once I felt pressure on my head bones.

Mystress, the previous time you did remote healing on me  you talked about my resistance.Is there any way I do not resist in that half conscious mode if you accept to do it once more for me?Because that night I got half conscious. And I don't know how I resisted.

Can you please help me?What can you or I do for myself and my mum?Any advice?

And about my speed.Skipping ahead wasn't possible.On the website wasn't possible.Months ago it blocked me.I don't remember well but it was lesson 14 I guess.On the unconscious level, I went to sleep and I was feeling bad. My heart felt pressure.Some sort of iron like energy around my heart and in front of my chest exploaded.Then my mind went into a different mode.

The first time I entered, fst I rushed.Everyone and mystress told me not to.I listened.But the next time it happened I was about to save the pages offline on my computer.I wasn't reading them.And I thaught it's ok to save them that way.

About the meditation I did a few days ago:again, I look like rushing,don't I? I did that because of being tired of thinking so much. My mind thinks by itself whenever it wants. Withdrawing my attention and taking me into the thaught level. So I tried to make it silent by some sort of effort and relaxing my body.Based on reading kundalini-teacher website and my own experiences I noticed that my system also sends out those thaughts to others.Is there any solution to these two problems?ADD and unintentional thaught sending. (A person told me once.She heard my thaughts telepathically.)

And Is there any way to switch my ESPs off and on selectively at will?

At the end I want to thank a lot.