I'm currently sitting hear laughing like a fat Buddha!

I wish to share some healing and clearing of the power chakra that has taken place recently. My power chakra has been in a debilitated state since 2006. Very unstable, depleted, constricted, triggered by all kinds of weird things, crazy digestive issues and food intolerance's which left me fearing to put anything in my mouth. I'm sure Mystress can testify to the last part!

The lesson on surrendering the ego self brought to my attention the central issue of Free will and Divine will and why the concept of slavery and submission was triggering so much in my Power chakra. Ego fearing loosing control. No matter how much I surrendered the fear to Goddess, the fear remained, she would not take it. It was only when Mystress pointed out that we cant surrender entities because they have free will, that the light came on, bingo! (Thanks for the session). After clearing the entities, the Karma started to clear. A large chunk at first to be processed emotionally, but that was just the beginning.

Then my DB dragged me into Bhakti yoga and Goddess worship, something which did not seem like a rational activity to me, but I decided to humor Her anyway! Unfortunately, the rationalizations of Advaida and people like J Krishnamurti had slandered such activities. Sigh, surrendered the limiting beliefs...

I got into Bhajans dedicated to Devi/Parashakti and starting listening/chanting Sri Lalita Sahasranamam (1000 names of Devi, quite famous in india), while spending time in Muslim prayer position. This was like my power chakras worst nightmare, but I stuck with it even though it made me feel like crap and just kept surrendering the karma. In a couple of weeks the sinking feeling was gone the power chakra started to fill up like a balloon. Still not quite stable though, when triggered it used to deflate and take around 48 hrs to start feeling normal again, now only 1/2 an hour was required to clear. So the DB was right after all, worship is effective for clearing the power chakra! Presently my my entire gut from navel to chest feels filled up and solid like a rock! Lot more Skakti too.

Interesting to note how much of my digestive issued were karma related, cause my digestion just keeps improving. It started immediately after my session with Mystress. Usually after a session, its good for a while then starts to deteriorate. This healing seems permanent and keeps improving. The fire is back, yay! Thankyou Goddess.

Something’s been bothering me lately and now its reached critical point. A few days ago I woke up with what feels like a collar around my power chakra. This thing is exerting a lot of force seemingly pushing into my ribs, which have now physically been pushed a few inches into my body compared with where they were previously. There is also a physical valley across my stomach where this thing is. The whole area is being compressed. The Skakti is pushing hard creating a lot of pressure and discomfort in the area.

I was experiencing some overload the night before, but felt fine. I’ve already tried all the things in my bag of tricks to clear it, but it won’t budge. Goddess won’t take it. It doesn’t feel like Karma to me. I don’t feel much garbage in the power chakra itself, just the collar. It came out of nowhere and feels like I’ve been messed with or someone is messing with me. I’m now in the pressure cooker…steam coming out of my head. It’s incredibly uncomfortable. I want to be free of this! Whatever ‘this’ means.

I was really happy with the clear feeling (the few weeks it lasted) and am now eager to get back there. Sure it was not completely stable, I realize now that it was not always Karma triggering my power chakra but more often holes from where energy would flow out from, resulting in depletion, like giving my energy away, it’s a great way to dump overload. I can observe the many things which trigger a hole in the power chakra, the triggers are varied, sometimes they are so odd, I wonder if it’s Goddess way of forcing me to follow Her will. Analogy of a hole is exactly like watching a balloon full of oxygen deflate (there is a physical deflation of the area as well). Although the pump never stops working to supply oxygen into the balloon, it only starts to inflate once all the holes have been sealed. After that it fills and becomes rock solid. I find holes take time to be repaired, so maintaining stability has been challenging, I believe it is doable though, once I’ve had enough time to get it right.

I’m not fond of allowing chords into my power chakra and have been cutting them over the last couple of weeks whenever I feel one. I don’t understand why people have to do that. Some people want your energy, others want to dominate you. I really don’t get why anyone has to dominate anyone. It is not something that I consent to. It feels like someone reaching out and gripping my power chakra tightly in the very centre of it, it does not feel good at all…watching myself squirm in resistance to be free of it. Another thing that I do not need.

Now I’m faced with this dilemma, what is this collar I'm experiencing and how to be free of it? Goddess, I'm on my knees, Please Help!

Sorry for the fearful and paranoid thoughts, I don’t know what I was thinking, my head is much clearer now. Your happy thoughts gave me fits of laughter all day.

It may be relevant to mention that my longing for the light recently got so intense and all consuming; I asked Goddess for more light even if it entailed a bumpy road. Things had been quite stable for a while, so I chose to consciously increase the current. I thought it would be ok to push my boundaries a little. Shortly after is where I woke up with my power chakra blockages. Could it be that that I’ve triggered an avalanche of Karma and all this is my own doing?

It came to me that perhaps the way my body processes karma is via the power chakra and that most karma triggered in the body somehow finds its way to there. Can this be right? Does the power chakra only remain cleared once you have cleared all your Karma? I really didn’t expect that this kind of thing could happen. So I’m getting my ass kicked pretty badly right now. Also my digestion has gone down hill big-time. What a mess. I suppose that I should keep surrendering and staying grounded until this sorts itself out.

Hi,
As you found correctly the power chakra is about power in many ways.
So think about your ego and power and where are your limiting beliefs, constricting collar.
However it as also about trust, trusting your feelings, and letting go of the minds, ego need
to solve or control situations.
But I perceived the need to control as being intermixed with surrender.
Bhakti and surrender means is that you really surrender using ego as a habitual tool. You trust Goddess is giving you precisely the amount of shakti that is best for you. You can trust she is smarter then you. You can ask Goddess but be aware that request could be just ego play and it is best to surrender them until one knows more.
Bumpy road is not really faster. In fact speed to enlightenment is not as relevant. There is also other issue and that is quality of the comprehension and true growth. But bumpy road is sometimes needed as well. Be sure that what could really help you will not even cross your mind when in ego state. Or if it would it would look, sound like nonsence. Some monks prayed whole life to receive gift of humility.

Sometime some blockages stay on because they wait to be perceived more deeply, to learn, forgive, heal and improve before going on.

My advice is not only to surrender blockages as they come. But really look onto your ego issues.
Feel and be alert if you identify them, and in surrender it is the easier. Surrender is really just love and trust and knowing that your own ego ideas are so limited and unsuited for so many tasks it does. Like assuring you security, safety, love, that is not a task ego is best at doing it wasn't created to do those things... it cant. You have to forgive it, release it. It does for you these things and tries to protects you because you have asked it to do it.

So try to find out:
Why do you like to intellectualize some processes?
Why the need to control the process?
Or any other power chakra connected idea that you will feel relevant.
There can be words in your inner dialog but mostly look for feelings.
Discuss it perhaps whit DB ask her to show it to you. Learn why feeling is there.
You will find perhaps fear, doubt, lack of trust, old huts from way back. Give all what you see love and thanks look at them well, learn why there were there and then surrender them.
Dont judge them as bad dont try to throw them out, the ego pieces will be there for a good reason. And you created them so you can let them go again.

So surrender is a method that is in opposition to ego and therefore especially in areas where is ego present one could have tendency to skip the surrender and use ego/mind again. Simply in some avoidance strategy so he really would not have to face the ego part there.
But that is extra especially the area where one needs to be more alert and surrender is needed.

Love
Duu

Resolve:
Goddess please forgive me. I vow to not to try and control you or the process again. I promise. My awakening shall be by your grace alone and not by my own doing. I want only love and devotion to you. I put all my faith in you. I trust you.

I take vows very seriously, so my path just got much narrower. I will be shifting my attention off Kundalini and all associated phenomena and focusing my attention on devotion, love and humility before Goddess from now on. No more intellectualization and constant thinking about how to get enlightened!

Goddess, I surrender this collar around my power chakra to you, it is a gift for you, it is yours, please take it whenever you feel like it, I don't want to think about it anymore. Thankyou very much.

Thanks for your response Duu and to others that supported me behind the scenes. Your presence was felt and is appreciated.

   A vow is not surrender, its ego. Do you really think you are in charge of how your karma unfolds? You are not done with these issues so of course they will come up again, but with such a vow they will be pushed into shadow where they are harder to see.

   Your devotion to Goddess is lovely but a vow is just another effort at control, isn't it?

Hi Mystress,

Thankyou. I see your point, the vow is ego and I will surrender it. My intention was not to use that as an avoidance strategy to sweep my issues under the rug, but to really force myself to come to terms with not being the doer and to close that door permanently. My intent was not to control how my Karma will unfold.

I’ve been recently contemplating surrender what the word means to me. The definition that resonates most deeply is:

“Surrender is when every form of desire and will have completely ceased”

This has now become the core meaning of the word which has been etched into my brain. Of course people will have different interpretations, but I like this one the best.

I mentioned in one of my earlier posts that I thought thinking was the root my issues. However investigating further, I realize that it is not thinking, but wanting.

I want because I’m greedy. Weather its wanting: change, healing, more peace, love, awakening or money, property and possessions. It is the same. Whatever I have always gets boring and greed knows no end. It is why we are living in a throwaway society based on consumerism. Greed is like the foundation of human egos.

I see very clearly that greed and selfishness have also been the foundation of my spirituality and my interest in personal growth. The fact is that I am a greedy and selfish person. This is the reason behind, my wanting to “control the process”. My ego has vested interests in it. I’m coming to realize that I’m not going to get anything out of this, more likely that I will lose everything.

I posed the question to myself: what is wanting and desire? The dictionary adjective definition for wanting is: ‘lacking or absent’. Desire means: ‘to wish, long for or crave’. So lacking creates craving. However, lacking is more of feeling to me and feels related to aversion or unacceptance.

This leads me to ask: What is it am I lacking? Why do I need to change? Why can’t I fully accept myself right now? Where is this spiritual longing originating? These are questions I have no answer to.  Cessation of desire is a difficult thing to comprehend, it also means cessation of the desire for the Divine. Another word for cessation is Nirvana. Free from the need to be free.

It really means letting go of all hope. Where there is total acceptance, I can’t see any need for hope or wanting to bring about any kind of change, inner or outer. I’m still coming to terms with what this means practically.

All of a sudden my power chakra issues don’t seem all that important, they have relaxed somewhat, but still present nevertheless.

This whole issue feels really core, foundational and difficult to grasp completely. It is very deep rooted in the ego. I believe it can be still related to power chakra issues though! I’m afraid my contemplation will be ongoing. Any thoughts are welcome.

Peace be with you

Robin

My intention was not to use that as an avoidance strategy to sweep my issues under the rug, but to really force myself to come to terms with not being the doer and to close that door permanently. My intent was not to control how my Karma will unfold.

I know, but thats how the shadow stuff of good intentions, goes.

  The rest... where to begin. Goddess used your desire to get you to where you are at. Greed is insecurity but desire can be part of navigation. "Follow your bliss."  The desire for improvement is part of human nature, its fueled all progress, science and invention since we learned to use fire. Its embedded, like parents wanting a better life for their children. Nature.

  People are self centered by nature, and it shows up more under stress.  When the soul exits the body, the body fights for its life and does not care who is in the way. 
 
  Denial of desire is the old, patriarchal way... starve yourself, be celibate, hang out in the crown chakra where the body's demands for love and care are easier to ignore.  Maybe it works for them, but I do not call that, living.  Isn't the effort to stamp out perfectly natural desires Goddess gave to you, more of the same dissatisfaction with yourself?

  There is such a thing as "enlightened self interest" and you see it in action with my work, all the time.  A copyrights layer recently questioned the wisdom of my having so much of my writing available, for free...  I am very clear on what I get back out of making that choice, the payment is on many levels but on the most mundane, K teacher channels students into FST more reliably than any other advertising, and better quality of students than a google adword or email spam campaign could.

   For sure the benefit to other people, in having those pages up is significantly greater than what I get out of it...

  I am a passionate person, I have many desires. A rum&raisin ice cream cone would taste really good right now... and I can go with the desire so completely in my mind, I can taste the cool on my tongue, the sweet chewy of the raisins even up to the usual point where my body goes ack, enough sugar and I throw the last of the cone away... So the desire is fulfilled as much as I need it to be, .. I do not desire it enough to actually get in the car and go buy ice cream.

  I am losing one pound per day on the "druid is not home to feed me' diet plan, yay! I love how well druid feeds me, it is a beautiful expression of his love and care  but when he is away I revert to my natural eating habits of occasional grazing and a big meal every three days or so. I desire to lose some weight, its not all vanity, I am small boned and the excess I am carrying atm makes my knees ache. 

  There is nothing wrong with desire, it is part of being human. The thing to do that is right, is when a desire comes up accept it completely so you can see it completely... then look over and under and whats behind it and examine it thoroughly and surrender it, then you can know what is greed and need and what is Goddess dangling a carrot of bliss to lead you.

  All of us are born from desire, it is an essential part of being human, of nature and while desire can be a source of pain and fear, it can also be the roots of positive creation.  Sometimes the right thing to do with a desire, is to satisfy it.   

Some more re-evaluating, even thought, may not be a problem of itself, as I originally stipulated, but our identification with thought that causes us to be pulled into the realities of ego, separateness, time and fear. As a result, it is not desire, but thought taking charge of desire in the form of attachments to outcomes, beliefs and judgements that create ego and fear.  So desire and thought may not be obstacles to silence and non-self, provided there is no identification with them. Perhaps “identification” is what is responsible for desires and thoughts to condense into ego bits, rather than arising and dissipating in awareness leaving no trace…

Thank you for furthering my comprehension, this subject of thinking, desire, time and fear is interesting. I shall have to go somewhere to contemplate further and revise my understanding of surrender.

Peace be with you!

Robin

  our identification with thought that causes us to be pulled into the realities of ego, separateness, time and fear.

  Yes. Identification with thought, gets you stuck in your head. The world in your head, is not the world. It is all ego stuff, your opinions of the world reflected, filtered through your personal beliefs.

  So much of the content of thought is just karma noise on its way out, if you can allow it to pass then it fades. If mind wants to poke at it for a while, it gets bigger. 

  A persistence of surrendering thoughts and feelings as they arise,  gives progress. How many times a day I dismiss a silly thought with a mental wave and responding thought of "Goddess take it." The breath is automatic.

  How often are the thoughts, not even my own, just somebody else's karma noise on the way out and what sort of mess if I think it is mine and attach to it?

  Every thought is a prayer, an expression of a belief and you get what you pray for.  I am mindful to notice that some thoughts are not the prayers I want to be making. Humility. Goddess take this dumb idea. Mental image of lolcat "DO NOT WANT!"

http://www.google.ca/search?q=LOLCAT+%22DO+NOT+WANT!%22&hl=en&biw=1004&bih=561&prmd=imvns&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=q3smUIyTEYjNiwLnqIDICw&ved=0CFYQsAQ

  Do not want to be flyin ur space shuttle. Can haz crashes.

   FST is a body-first path. Get into the body by grounding, observing the breath. Listen to the spirit wisdom through the vessel of the body- discernment is felt. Get out of your head, "it is only with the heart that one can see clearly..."

http://www.des.emory.edu/mfp/lpfox.html

  The body & soul together will always reach for the win/win, enlightened self interest. Surrender thoughts, stay embodied.

"Without understanding that bliss is empty, practices involving bliss are not tantric and the labeling of such as tantra is misleading"

- Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche

What I understand is that in tantra the method is to use desire and bliss, but remind that it is just a duality based tool that may be disarded when the goal is attained. No need to get attached .

Quote from: astoe on Aug 12, 2012, 01:16:06 AM
"Without understanding that bliss is empty, practices involving bliss are not tantric and the labeling of such as tantra is misleading"

- Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche

What I understand is that in tantra the method is to use desire and bliss, but remind that it is just a duality based tool that may be discarded when the goal is attained. No need to get attached .

  Yes. I can bliss on an imaginary ice cream cone, and not be at all attached to seeking out a real one.

  Soul meditation or observing the breath, the joy that wells up is of the soul, the truth of our nature and it does not need any external reason. Release emotions, what is left is nature... peace, compassion, love, joy, bliss are not emotions that need a cause, they are energies, states of being that are our nature and arise when the other is released.

  So many of the body's desires are just temple maintenance. Feed it, hug it, give it exercise and rest.

  The basic needs of the persona do not change with enlightenment, or else all realized people would be the same. Those basic needs are very individual and take some digging to uncover but once you know them you can look to them when your life feels out of balance. Basic needs that are not met consciously fall into shadow where they are met unconsciously, and usually coloured with the negative of the repression that denied them. The needs themselves are formless and can have many manifestations.

  For example, one of mine is "to be provocative" and that means, to have some change effect on people around me. This work is an ideal manifestation, or outlet. A negative outlet would be to become a mad bomber or something. I can look back on my life and careers, from hairstyling to sales to theatre and art to acting out times... the common element is to have some effect on people. I could not find such a powerfully positive outlet as this work, without completely owning and accepting that basic need or instinct that is bone deep part of me, my unique self.

  Desires and needs that are repressed turn into shadow stuff that messes up our lives.

  There is something you need to realize astoe, and that is there are some big differences between patriarchal tantra and matrifocal tantra. Patriarchal tantra is often celibate, focused on control of desires, and often accomplished by keeping the consciousness in the crown, an out of body experience that makes it a whole lot easier to ignore the body's demands.

  When you look at where it comes from, it makes sense. Tiny country like Tibet, very limited resources, putting 1/3 of the population into a monastery to live on one bowl of rice a day and not breed makes good sense. To live in such poverty and denial, in such a harsh environment makes being able to escape the body into the bliss of the crown, a much needed mercy. Sure I would pray not to be reborn if I lived in the poverty of India or Tibet.

  Maybe I did, and a Lama ended up in Canada.

  Matrifocal tantra is permissive and body-first. "All acts of love and pleasure serve the Goddess." The only real crown chakra type meditation in FST is witness state and you are not supposed to try to live there. The pagan idea is to celebrate being alive, give thanks for the gift of life by enjoying it massively. Look for Goddess wisdom in the body instincts, needs and desires. 

  Its Maslow, hierarchy of needs. Those Tibetan guys barely had the basics covered: food, shelter, safety. I doubt there are any FST students who do not have a home, a warm soft bed, food in the fridge and easy access to effective birth control. The poorest of us in the modern western world still have access to luxuries that Solomon could not have dreamt of... music on the radio, bananas at the grocery store shipped from far-off lands. Our pyramid has a much wider base and we can explore and embrace desires as a way of working through them, in a way that was not really possible for the impoverished Tibetans.

  Both Osho and Yogananda say that the other way to release desire, is to satisfy it. Yogananda tells the story of his master's master meeting  Babaji, and (If I remember it right) Babaji saw karma in his guest, as a child he wished to have a golden palace... so Babaji manifested a golden palace and they spent the day there and the desire was released by being satisfied.

 Maslow: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs

Hi,
I would like to comment on the attachment part of the post.
Budhist say that our curent state is state of disatisfaction, translated old fashion way as suffering. And that cause of it our atachment, imersion in the ego mind. And not commonly mentioned cause of that is simply or not knowing our real nature, ilusion.

There is a chain of causal links going back to the root cause and if one cuts a branch, but the underlying system, a specific need will be stil active and relevant then the branch will likely regrow.

But Important question is how we ended up in our current state?
The nondual view is that we still are Goddess only we lost awarness of that.
And because we lost the conection. We started to feel the fear more, the lack of love, security, fulfiment, guidance. So we started to look for something to fill that empty place, to stop the feeling of fear, lack that we always felt but never knew what was missing. We started to create some substitute solution for security, identity, navigation and love. But all that substitute need where not realy doing it, ego can ever provide them, there was still this feeling teling us this is fake, will not work. We started to create attachment out of fear of loosing at least something.. even if it is creating havoc in our life. Simply the solution somehow worked but had many sideeffecs.

But I think we did also the imersion and attachment intentionaly, to add to this fake solution a feel of belivability, we chosed to attach, imerse into them so we could forget that they are not real. So the ilusions start to satisfy us better and to have the unpleasan feeling of fakeness silenced..
So all this complicated layers of karma, habit, imersion and clingng is all our doing.. Nobody elese.. we did it out of fear  that was felt when we lost the conection to love, to Goddess.

So tantra also cuts branches but whit entiely diferent attitude that comes out of deeply knowing this.
Healing every place under it, with love and acceptace, filling the place with Godess.
Asking and alowing her to return by slowly surrendering our own monkey mind solutions.

Longer time ago I heard a good video about hypnosys for alcohol addiction.
„I want you to keep drinking.  Yes. I want you to keep drinking .. and not at all to stop before we find a better solution for the problems you tried to solve with your drinking.“ (free quote.)
So to fully admit that drinking is fulfiling some vital function for the system even if the side effect did grow to be more destructive was a revelation for me.
By realising that alcohol had or has some positive function and that it was selected, used because it (in some way) worked. And that a new better working solution could be found. (and surely would, out of the infinete) the whole process took on to entierly new level. (Even in the case the habit was created by external causes and the root problem was perhaps only ilusionary help idea or excuse used to concretize the blame at a focus point, and solve it that way)
But mostly the the alcoholic who expected to be criticized, judged or corected.. got nothing of it, just love accptance undestanding. So his resistance droped, Im sure his uncoucousness was very keen to help all the way. Very close to the golden palace example, all true desires are at the deeper inner places and veiled under ego thought up forms.
So methaphoricaly the adicted (attached) alcoholic is our ego-mind. And drink is karma, diferent ego parts.

Love
Duu

Interesting synchronicity that the lesson I’m at regarding “Kundalini Psychosis”, is all about needs, desires and selfish motives! BTW, I like being labelled as a snowflake and a lilie in the field...

I've been investigating non duality and the whole concept of “the entity”, “reference point”, “self”, “me”, “ego”, “I” that experiences desires and seeing the truth of that. Questions arise like: Who is it that desires? How do I know that I exist?

It is clear that this 'me' character is the root cause of all suffering. The me that identifies, my car, my house, my icecream, a mind generated concept. The one who suffers and causes suffering, the me that strives to improve itself, that controls, denies and rejects. My reputation, my image, my fear, my problems. Every thought in my head, revolves around this reference point. Every identification and thought is constantly giving strength to my ego. The ego that is only interested in the world in my head and its maintenance, which is not the world as Mystress put it.

Non duality would say that surrendering ego bits gradually is a flawed approach, it assumes that the ego is real and the very attempt reinforces it. As such, it may be a delusion on my part to think that I have progressed in any way towards "awakening". If non-duality is true, pure awareness, consciousness is already present right now and is one, there is no progressing towards that and anything that appears that way is illusion. Krishnamurti said to see the false as the false, that the 'me' does not really exist. And that the seeing of the fact is all that is needed to end the illusion.

If this assumption, that there is actually someone there inside me, is false, then what the hell have I been doing all my life! My life appears to be founded on lies. On some crazy thought-form, self image that does not really exist! Moron. I question the validity of everything I've been doing up to this point.

If this assumption, that there is actually someone there inside me, is false, then what the hell have I been doing all my life! My life appears to be founded on lies. On some crazy thought-form, self image that does not really exist! Moron. I question the validity of everything I've been doing up to this point.

  It is my observation that people living happy, rewarding fulfilling lives seldom stop to ask themselves who they are. They are too busy being it. 

I guess when you are that (or having fun), you don’t stop to think about it! No idea about a self or a no-self! Then again truly happy and fulfilled people are enlightened already, at least…I haven’t found any that aren’t!

Love and Rockets Rule!

“Because I could be nothing at all, because I should be nothing at all, I wish I could be nothing at all, I wish I could be nothing at all…time goes by so slow when you start to be”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4Nf6gYn4rY

Disclaimer: Please note that all use of the word “I” refers to the first singular pronoun only and may not actually exist.

Quote from: Mystress on Aug 14, 2012, 01:52:52 PM
There is something you need to realize astoe, and that is there are some big differences between patriarchal tantra and matrifocal tantra. Patriarchal tantra is often celibate, focused on control of desires, and often accomplished by keeping the consciousness in the crown, an out of body experience that makes it a whole lot easier to ignore the body's demands. 

Thanks for the reply Mystress. Of course it came in the midst of a reflection going on for a few weeks now. Asking myself: Where am I going (spiritually)? What am I doing - I mean really doing? What is the GOAL of the practice?

I guess this was triggered by a an ongoing phase with a low capacity for meditating or connecting spiritually. Mind doesn't calm down anymore, drowsy meditation, leading to frustration. This went further and led to me think what is the point about drawing all those nice energies from all directions? Do it - feel good, cool. But what is the truth behind it? I have this need of clarifying, re-structuring, shed the decoration and go to the essence. So I conceptualized that the truth is  non-dual awareness. But it's all "access denied" at the moment - maybe for a good reason.

Your post made me realize one big thing about the repression of desires. On the surface I don't really repress desires. Having sex, great food, loving wine, enjoying sports, etc... but under the hood there's something else. In the past 10 years I have taken hits in areas that were most meaningful to me - my life's dreams actually. It was to the point where I abandoned things in which I had invested years and endless hours because I felt it was a dead end. This was a god thing because it eased the suffering coming from the discrepancy of how I would like things to be and how they are. Yes, sadly, the things I cherished most were misused as projection surface of a neurotic mind.

So this made it easy for me to say: "OK, doesn't really work great with my projects on the material plane. But I can meditate hours in a row with all those nice energies until I blow the lid" .

Yesterday morning my heart center showed up again and then I remembered the right direction. The heart sheds light on things, no matter what you do. Cooking food or Tantric Activity becomes beautiful.

So my wish is really to be more connected to my heart center - message to the universe and the great mother.
Maybe it will also show me how to approach again my dreams

@ Robink: Sorry for Hijacking your thread but I had to write this down

Hi,

There is an old story that maybe speaks about unreality of ego. Someone walks in a twilight in the woods then he sees on the road a snake and of course he gets scared, then he gets closer and it is only a piece of rope. So  logic tells us the snake did not exist, but when one got scared then in the moment he did exist at least in some level. Level of mind, karma, belief.

In fact when we get stressed, get suffering, confusion from things that are only in our head, than ego is real and we have to deal with it as such. Since our beliefs are long lasting some for decades and we were scared even to recheck that there is nothing really scary there.

Our fear is real, our pain and avoidance is real, body suffers it reflects our confusion and pain, karma. Healing of wounds and habits is gradual especially when long time neglected or reinforced.

It is good Robink that you question everything. But know that personal growth and spirituality is not about solving some mind puzzles. Understanding by mind any non dual statement is not what brings about enlightenment. Sometimes maybe clarity, when we feel the truth of it inside. But usualy if you hear paradoxes or nonsense it is ok at times to leave it at that.
Because even attempt of solving it by mind can lead you only back into the mind. And there one can get entangled regardless of how pure ones intentions were. There is an inteligence in you that does not needs words to truly know.

Love,
Duu

Hi Astoe,

So I think tantra in the matrifocal tradition use sex, bliss and body methods etc. not as a tools taken from samsara that we only use to our disposal and then abandon when reaching nirvana. But only to realize the unity between samsara and nirvana. That is between emptiness and bliss in Tibetan forms. Samsara is not separated from nirvana except in our mind.
And that is speaking a bit to the goal. When you reject samsara the nirvana is already rejected.
When speaking of bliss as empty, that is equal to the saying: the union of samsara and nirvana is already present. When this insight bliss is empty will be truly realized it will not in anyway diminish or nihilistic cancel out the bliss, but it will beautify it, intensify it. Without even anything adding or taking from it. Or lets say the ego will be taken out of the way.

Love,
Duu