i dont understand why i get so angry. its triggered by the smallest little things. its almost like i make up reasons to be angry just so that i can express it. but when i get do, i get out of control. i break things and hurt myself. my hands are so fucked up right now. i have multiple broken knuckles from punching myself in the face and a huge deep wound in the palm of my left hand from were i stabbed myself with a wooden compass. (im obviously not handling myself very well) i will be fine all day, laughing ,smiling and being in the moment  then one little thing sets me off so hard. i try to get grounded and get into the witness state but i am just to tense and out of control. i try to surrender but i feel like it is impossible. i have been dealing with this for this entire life time. i constantly surrender it trying to clear the karma causing it and such, but it doesnt seem to work. when i feel it or look at it i am disgusted. i hate that i do it so much because it has caused me so much pain guilt fear  anger etc. but i am also thankful for it because it is has caused me to call out to goddess and ask for help! it has brought me to the road that is leading me home. i was in such a nasty place when i started writing this but now im fine. thank you!!! :  )

goddess please take this and everything attached to it. it is a gift for you, yours. thank you so much.

It seems like you are carrying around a lot of anger.

I don't know if you have been depressed or sad earlier , but if that's the case, then being angry can be a healthy progression from the previous states.

Instead of trying to suppress it, you can find a way of releasing the energy in a controlled manner, like doing boxing or lifting weights.

Martial arts helped me a lot by going from a sad and angry person, but lifting weights regularly became the thing that ate away most of the anger in a way that I don't have problems controlling anger, because there is no longer an anger overload, and that has made me a much happier person. It has also made me more confident in a way that I don't go around and try to be as kind as possible, but rather sets limits and speak up for myself. Just make sure to learn it properly, so that you don't harm yourself. To balance it all out, you can also do some yoga after the above mentioned activities.

Maybe you can ask youself why you are angry, and if there are things or situations that are bugging you now, you can try to make positive changes in your life.


Ed

I'm sorry to hear you're having so much anger.

I don't have much wisdom to offer, but I too have had unwanted anger.  In my case, I was able to trace at least some of it back to being verbally abused by my brother in childhood.  The repressed pain and fear of rejection was coming up as anger, especially when I was around my brother.  That may not even be completely accurate,  who knows.  Life and emotions are immensely complicated.  I do know that I talked to my parents about that theory, and ever since that conversation, much of the anger is gone.  Thank Goddess.

I do know that just following this course, reading each lesson 3 times and letting it sink in, has helped so much.  I feel my karma clearing little by little, and I'm settling into and gratefully accepting the gradual pace at which this happens.  I don't have much sustained anger anymore.  I do, however, occasionally lose my cool with fierce irritation over little things.  I take that as a cue to devote more effort toward my spiritual path, and of course getting grounded.  Sometimes it's easier said than done though, to be sure.

yea i used to be very depressed in my earlier years. i channel alot of it into skateboarding and painting.  i cant figure out why i get so out of control though. some of my earliest memories are of my father being in a blind rage, punching walls, shooting things, screaming crying and hurting himself. so im sure that has alot to do with it. but besides that im just neurotic, its hard to just except that but its a part of who i am.

some times anger is just emotions not express
so the writing sounds good and i agree JWB
anger can be channeled to positive things

ant

See an MD.  Hypoglycemic rage is not really emotional, its a blood sugar issue.  Its estimated 90% of men in jail for crimes of passion are hypoglycemic. Google it, stop taking sugar and caffiene, and start carrying a pocketful of almonds to snack on every hour between meals.  Eat more protien and fat, cut carbs. Stop beating yourself up physically and emotionally.

Start here:
http://dr-phil.wrytestuff.com/swa485929.htm

Quote from: John Wayne Black on Mar 26, 2012, 07:19:51 AM
yea i used to be very depressed in my earlier years. i channel alot of it into skateboarding and painting.  i cant figure out why i get so out of control though. some of my earliest memories are of my father being in a blind rage, punching walls, shooting things, screaming crying and hurting himself. so im sure that has alot to do with it. but besides that im just neurotic, its hard to just except that but its a part of who i am.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BIRlOKqy7HY

wow okay, ill do that.

Wow, that sounds really tough. Seems your rage is extremely intense.

It may not be really appropriate considering your situation, however I think it is interesting to point out that rage also has a very pure and enlightened aspect.

When you're in rage, there's no little nagging things anymore, no straying thoughts. Your whole energy is focused in one direction. Imagine you'd have the same capacity of concentration in meditation!

So in that sense I like to think about it as pure and unstained. It is fire.

that is an interesting way to look at it astoe.  thankfully i am hypoglycemic, so im not dealing with that sort of rage anymore. but i will keep that in mind.

John Wayne Black - That's awesome that you found out what was causing the rage and got a handle on it.  I didn't know about hypoglycemia before this post.  Fascinating. 

I've been finding that more protein and healthy fats, and less sugar and carbs, is a much more favorable diet for me as well, though I've never experienced what you described. 

it is ridiculously awsome!  i was also unaware of its existence untill mystress said something. when i first typed it out my intention was not to post it, i just wanted to get it all out. but i asked my heart if it would be beneficial , and it said to go ahead and post. 

  I wrote several responses to this at the time, they all got eaten for one reason or another.

  Its shorter because of long distillation.

  John: being grateful for being hypoglycemic tells a lot about how badly you were suffering its effects. I can understand, compared to thinking your family was cursed with some terrible mental illness, it must feel like a whole new life.  I am sorry you had to grow up seeing your dad suffering from it.  Posting about it was a beautiful act of trust.

  Very sorry it took so long for someone to recognise what was up with you. Thats about where this post gets tangled because I get *arrrgh** at people.  So called teachers who don't have a clue that they are dealing with something no amount of meditating can fix and blame the sufferer.  *Breathes*

  It is still largely unrecognized in many areas of the medical profession too. With severe low blood sugar, brain cells are dying of starvation, hundreds every minute and the brain just can't function right.  People acting out like that are in a medical emergency. 

To reassure everyone, kundalini releasing karma just doesn't go to that sort of self destructive violence. There is very little that does, its most always blood sugar.

  Kundalini itself can use a ton of calories when it is flowing, far more than most people would guess. Check with your discernment, my body burns between 2500-5000 calories in an average FST chat.

  On the other side, I am grateful for the other students kindness and efforts to support even if they too were off the mark. A lot of people get very frightened of self destructive behavior and I didn't see any of that. Goddess ate it. Very cool people Goddess brings to FST. I am grateful.

  Want to remind everyone, if stability is difficult, look to the body, first. Calcium, magnesium, B vitamins, keeping a hawk eye on your blood sugar and making sure you get enough essential fats to feed your growing nervous system.  Water.  Red meat if you are getting too spacey, I am not an adocate of being vegan. I go through about a kilo of steak when I teach a weekend workshop. Bless your food and water, you will be amazed at the difference in your digestion if you are not eating some cranky shop workers mood along with the food.. 
     

hello mystress,


                 thank you for replying. i wasnt going to say ne thing about it, but...after i changed my diet it seemed to be working out great.  the anger subsided and i felt like i had found the missing puzzle peace. but then in about august or so, the symptoms returned with full force. i was freaking out one morning and decided i needed to go to the hospital to get some blood work done. (i hadnt already done that because i seemed to be so sure. the diet had been working out and several professionals had told me i had hypoglycemia. plus i dont have insurance.) i told the nurse i thought that i had hypoglycemia and they asked why?? i didnt give them all the details but they decided that i needed to be locked up in a psyche ward for a while....

           so long story short, im not hypoglycemic im just a hypochondriac and i dont know what the hell is up with me. im obviously not very good at reading my discernment. ive been just trying to except myself for the why i am and staying in the witness state as much as possible.


P.S. most psychiatrists are criminally insane.

           been doing some research into side effects of mercury poisoning. that might be the case because i have 5 amalgam fillings. its the only other thing i can think of.... does anyone have any experience with these fillings and there side effects? ive read were people had extreme outbursts of rage and other emotional problems untill they had them removed.    ne ideas or opinions would be appreciated. 

you could look up the late Dr. Abraham Low on the net
i run a group based on his teachings, most of people going
to group claim it really has made a major change in there lives

why they picked me to run this group  for the fall and winter
, i don't know. there are others a lot more committed to his teachings
some take as religion and say group has made miraculous changes in there lives

for me it was something to get out bed for on Saturday
the former group leader would provide coffee and food
get high on coffee and shoot of my mouth

 Wow. Sorry to hear you had such a bad time... but it doesnt seem like the MDs came up with a better idea? Don't give up on the hypoglycemic diet yet.

  The first link I sent you, warned that some docs dont consider hypoglycemia to be a disease... and really it isn't in the way we think of diseases. It is more like a failure to adapt, or a burnt out system.  The amount of sugar and refined carbs the average person eats in modern times is completely unprecedented in all human history and evolution.  Basic staples like sugar and wheat, refined corn are new foods of the last 200 years and we are not well adapted to them. The amount of sugar in one 7-11 super big gulp is more than an average person would eat in a year, 300 years ago.  There is a movement in Canadian law to declare white sugar to be a drug and require warning labels because the health effects of it are so dangerous. People dropping dead of sudden onset diabetes in their sleep.

  The usual test for hypoglycemia does not go on long enough to be effective for all cases. 

  That the hypoglycemic diet would work for 6 months and then stop working, does not make any sense.

What makes more sense is that some thing changed to make it less effective:
a.) you slacked off on the discipline a bit.
b.) something in your diet changed to be less nutritious.
c.) (and I think this is most likely-) you were in better shape so your k got more active, and Kundalini can burn unbelievable amounts of calories. More than any kind of exercise ever could. You were not eating enough to compensate for increased kundalini activity and got caught short.

  I sometimes burn thousands of calories during a 3 hour chat. Whenever I teach a workshop the hosts are always amazed at how much food I buy... many times what they would expect, and even more at the end of the weekend when its mostly all been eaten by workshop participants who discover that magic makes you hungry and eating is  a grounding activity to help processing. I usually go through about a kilo of organic beef steak during the weekend in addition to other snacks. Body needs it.

  Working out exactly what your body needs to stay balanced is a process. Stick with the hypoglycemic diet, but additionally start stuffing your face whenever you feel the Shakti start to rise.  The page on diet on k teacher is similar to the lesson about it in FST, learn the sensitivity testing so you can find out what your body really wants.

  When we do the sensitivity testing in workshops we find a lot of people of european descent get a negative reaction to rice. A lot of africans and asians are lactose intolerant, they do not have the gene to digest milk into adulthood. That gene is linked to pale skin with pink "Vitamin D collector solar panels" on the cheeks like the classic dutch girl. The pink is a patch of blood vessels closer to the skin surface to absorb the solar vitamin.  Vitamin D from milk products during long dark winters.  Go farther north, the natives inuit dont have them. They eat raw seal liver for vitamin D. 

  Equal but different, different races evolved for thousands of years on a specific local diet and that is what our bodies are most adapted to. Your cultural diet might have some clues for you.