I wrote this poem a few weeks back when I was having an especially rough day.  I'm new to FST and Kundalini.  I'm very much in the process of surrendering and clearing karma and learning to trust Goddess.  I've been on a spiritual path for a while now, but the pace has picked up drastically since the beginning of 2011, and it's been the best year of my life so far, no question. 

This poem is pretty negative, but it's an expression of how I was feeling and how I have often felt.   I decided to surrender it to Goddess as a gift on here.  I feel that my biggest work right now is in learning to trust others, or more accurately, trust myself around others.  I'm very shy, and have trouble being present around other people, except a few I'm very close to.  It keeps me from sharing my gifts and being of service.  I trust that in time I will let my reservations go, but the process seems to be a slow one.  I struggle at it. 

Thank you, Goddess, for not judging, and for accepting what I no longer need because it causes pain.  Please take this old pain, it is yours.


Retreat


extreme things are in order

to never fit within their borders
to have given up on that chance
but still to be on the fence
of caring and not caring

to be capable of seeing
that we are not just human beings
that we are so so so much more
to know that things aren't like before
nor will they ever be

to feel the thoughts of everyone
to see them scoff and feel them shun
though they don't know I'm seeing

and they don't know the half of it
if they did they'd prob’ly shit
the truth is mighty shocking

if somehow i could be changed
and thereby become less estranged
i'd dismiss the offer

more than a little isolated
full of hate and feeling hated
pondering escaping

the more i socialize
the more i hide and cry
i really do despise
this prescribed disguise

not afraid to die
but to live this way
bite the tongue everyday
cause no one wants to hear
what i most want to say

some things just don't work
no matter how you try
some things just aren't broken
though they appear to be

my sadness grows
it swallows me

my great anomaly
solitude sets me free
joy and meaning
life's exciting

so please
tell me
how i need
to "come out of my shell"
you obviously have it figured out
and i'm just in denial

tell me one more fucking time
and it may be the last
cause I hear something calling me
from the wild dark and vast

I liked your poem! I can relate with being reserved around strangers... Allthough that's in the process of leaving:) It's no fun, to be in that state... Minimizes the fun synchronicities and possibillities too! At least it has been like that, for me...

Glad to have you here^^

Thank you, TwinDragon 
I'd like to add that since writing this poem, I've been doing the grounding exercise 8x/day and haven't had these strong, unwanted emotions at all.  It's a powerful practice.

Welcome Slapdash!

I am happy you decided to write and introduce yourself! Many others here, including myself, also have social issues because of extreme empathy and oversensitivity. This Tea Room Temple is a good safe way to push boundaries. I used Tea room partly for that too, it helped me a lot to gradually build courage to write publicly.

Love,
Mari

Thanks for the welcoming words, Mari  :-)