During my spiritual practices and kundalini awakening I became less identified with the sosial person I used to be, who was a metal-head (into the musical genre of metal and rock) etc. I realize I'm not that person anymore, and I feel like I'm in a state of grief for letting go of this aspect of who I used to be and the people I used to be with. I feel like doors are closing and new ones are opening, I just don't feel able to embrace these new things. And I'm perhaps a little bit afraid to let go. I don't exactly know what it all is either. The music I used to like doesn't apply to the person I became during awakening to my true self. I also started loosing interrest in mundane social things.. I just really feel a bit lost between stages right now. I also feel like I need to get my life back on track and find a job or education, which I've been trying to figure out for a long time:P But I don't really know what I like anymore. I know what I used to like, but that doesn't seem to apply to who I am now.

I've been out on town a lot lately and it's been fun. Only I have gone out not with the intention of getting drunk, but rather to just be social, and see what Goddess and love wanted for me etc, and often times I found myself channeling the void before going out and getting insights on who I was going to meet etc, and when I got out my spirit recognized them and I also felt that sometimes they recognized me. Like there was a familiarity, recognizing their energy as it had shown up previously from within me. But now there's a desire to take a step back from that stuff and rather focus on other things. The reasons why I've sometimes gone out was for sensing that there was someone interresting I were going to meet etc. But that all comes down to being in the right place at the right time too:P I learned to follow through with where my body wanted to go. I also learned that I should use discernment as different people have different desires for manifestation etc.

I also dealt with being so empathic and being the hermit of "in the world but not of it" so maybe I did this whole thing for resisting being that, as I wanted to become more socially open again. I get a lot of protection (psychic walls) from the house spell, but feel like I need to learn to be outside of it's protection too... Since I became so intuitive that I could sense all kinds of things when I'm out.

I'm surrendering this whole thing to Goddess, and hope I'll get some more perspective on this soon...
Goddess it's all your, a gift for you.

i like metal too, 
me and you may be going to fast
one may not want to , or may be to much to surrender everthing in one day,
i do seem to addicted to FST and posting to the tea room, why i don't know.
i do have other work, wood to chop and water to carry,
and i wish i paying more attention to that.

Love, ant

Hmm.. I don't think I have been going to fast, as far as I know the teachings presented here began before I started it lol:P Funny, but it's how I've experienced and felt it... Or at least some of the revelations from this came to me before I started on this tantra, and it's helped me see through some of the beliefs etc that were illusions. Some of the teachings presented here seem to have been integrated from past lives too. As odd as that may sound:P

There is one thing that comes up a lot though, a little fear that comes once the shakti energy has been flowing less through me and before it starts flowing more. But the fear is non-existant when the energy is really high... And there's still stuff in me o clear out, so I'm trying to get it to conciousness what it is And yeah it is sometimes difficoult when there's lots to surrender... Piece by piece of ego resistance that's being melted back into light... Gently... lol

My previous post has been something I've had in the back of my head for some time now, it's just been difficoult to put into words... So I wrote it here, since answers seem to come more easily once I manage to put the stuff into some other form, and expressing it

Thanks for commenting:)

I too have some wood to chop and water to carry, that I should attend too..
And this forum is a nice place:)

well, if your not going to fast, then keep on rocking
Love, Metal ant

Same to you^^



For the sake of finding stuff to surrender, Goddess here's more, lol.

As to integrating the new me, I think I have already done that. And I have shown this person to myself a lot. But she tends to only come forth when I am alone. And to say the truth, she surprises me! There's just a fear of showing this person, who I truly am to others. In social situations... To family, to friends, to strangers... Goddess please take that from me, I don't need those silly fears... Thank you very much!