I am new to this course, and I am relatively new to a full-blown Kundalini awakening. I really hope somebody in this course will somehow relate to what I'm going through... Two things happened yesterday that turned me upside down and made me do a whole lot of wondering. I am hoping that someone here may have a clue.

1. In the morning, I was driving my husband and me to a lake so we could veg out. A car to the right of us wanted to merge in front of me, no big deal at all, but my husband barked in a nasty tone, "Don't let that guy in!!!" My solar plexus tied in a huge knot. I asked him why? When he answered, It appeared that I felt every negative emotion he's ever felt in every lifetime--every bit of hate, anger, rage, resentment... Suddenly I was totally drained. It took me three hours to recover. Grounding exercises did nothing. Giving it up to Goddess didn't work because I couldn't let go. Only drumming helped.

2. I went to a buddy's wedding reception last night. I was grounded before I got there. When I walked in the room and sat down, shortly thereafter I felt the most intense fears that I couldn't label; it was like I felt every negative emotion in the whole room from every person. (I feel like this a lot, but I always just assume it's me.) My solar plexus coiled in a tight ball. I felt drained suddenly. Weirdly enough, out of nowhere, an old long-time buddy who I hadn't seen in a very long time put his hand over my third eye and held it there for a moment. He said, "Yep..." I'm like, What are you doing? He said he felts some throbbing there or something??? He told me that he thought I always had the ability to feel other people's feelings; he said that's why he felt I always took things so personally and was so sensitive when we used to hang out. He said that even though people never admitted their fears to me, that I was internalizing them anyway.

OMG... So does this explain why I hear a zillion raging ringings in my ears, crying in horror, like right now? Is this why the same ringings will even wake me up at night like they did tonight? Is this why I wake up every morning with a solar plexus in the throes of vice-grips and the hugest ball of fear, even if I've had great dreams? Is this why I sleep better when I'm the only one in the room? Is this why my emotions are out the roof for no reason a lot of the time?

If so, I am scared to death. I cannot tell which are my emotions and which are others'. I do not know how to block anything. And in a room full of people I cannot tell who's emotions are saying what. This is what Angelique refers to as discernment, I think, and I am SORELY lacking.

Any ideas on how I can control this or learn what to do? I sure hope so...

: I am new to this course, and I am relatively new to a full-blown Kundalini awakening. I really hope somebody in this course will somehow relate to what I'm going through... Two things happened yesterday that turned me upside down and made me do a whole lot of wondering. I am hoping that someone here may have a clue.

 Well, that is why you are here..

: 1. In the morning, I was driving my husband and me to a lake so we could veg out. A car to the right of us wanted to merge in front of me, no big deal at all, but my husband barked in a nasty tone, "Don't let that guy in!!!" My solar plexus tied in a huge knot. I asked him why? When he answered, It appeared that I felt every negative emotion he's ever felt in every lifetime--every bit of hate, anger, rage, resentment... Suddenly I was totally drained. It took me three hours to recover. Grounding exercises did nothing. Giving it up to Goddess didn't work because I couldn't let go. Only drumming helped.

Yes... now you understand when I tell you, that if I take on karma from someone who will not surrender it, it gets stuck in me and I crash. If they are actively resisting and fighting to hang onto it, then they slay me.

 You cannot surrender what does not belong to you, Free Will is Goddess Law. She won't accept stolen goods. What you can do, is release the energy into form of art or activity, in the physical.
 You have three examples before you. My talent is to shape the energy into a reflection that will persuade the ego to surrender. You read of my empathic friend, who released it into a flame that she did not send, and you have discovered you can release it into drumming.
I am teaching you stuff, and Goddess is providing the experiences and insights that bring it to experiential understanding... which is true learning.

: 2. I went to a buddy's wedding reception last night. I was grounded before I got there. When I walked in the room and sat down, shortly thereafter I felt the most intense fears that I couldn't label; it was like I felt every negative emotion in the whole room from every person. (I feel like this a lot, but I always just assume it's me.) My solar plexus coiled in a tight ball. I felt drained suddenly. Weirdly enough, out of nowhere, an old long-time buddy who I hadn't seen in a very long time put his hand over my third eye and held it there for a moment. He said, "Yep..." I'm like, What are you doing? He said he felts some throbbing there or something??? He told me that he thought I always had the ability to feel other people's feelings; he said that's why he felt I always took things so personally and was so sensitive when we used to hang out. He said that even though people never admitted their fears to me, that I was internalizing them anyway.

yes. I already told you, you have the potential to be an even better healer than me, but right now you are a loose cannon.

 In acting school, I was surprised to discover that I was taught to expand my aura to fill the theatre, in order to have "presence" on stage. I was already familiar with reshaping my energy to create impressions, I was just surprised that it was taught to otherwise non-new agey actors who accepted it without question.

This is an example of consensual projection, the audience is receptive to you and has usually paid to be there. They want to surrender to being pulled into your story. You must have been doing something similar, autopilot when you were onstage... or you would not have been successful in carrying the crowd along to dance to your beat.

  However, because it was natural for you, you did not understand it enough to know how to not project and fill the room, when you are not performing. You walk into a crowd, and as soon as you started to take in your surroundings, your energy invaded everyone's space and they unconsciously gave you back karma junk.
 It whacks your solar plexus because that is the chakra of free will and divine will, personal power and power games, and life energy. When you invade other people's personal space with your energy, without their consent, disrespecting their free will, you get invaded in return. Karma spanks when you play non consensual power games.
 You did not take responsibility for your own power, so you could never see the connection to how aggressively you use your energy, and how Goddess smacks you for not respecting other folks free will. Loose cannon...

: OMG... So does this explain why I hear a zillion raging ringings in my ears, crying in horror, like right now?

Hmm.. not necessarily, in the way you describe, but related.

 Ear ringing is a common K. symptom, caused by a sympathetic resonance beat that is set up by the beat of your heart and the pumping sine wave of K. moving up your spine. Makes your ear bones vibrate to an Om, like a tibetan singing bowl or a crystal one. Toning to break up blockages and flush them out, like using sound to pulverise a kidney stone. For most people, it is a hum like a dial tone, not a thousand screaming voices. I think that interpretation of the sound comes from your fear.

  It is just your energy system trying to clear itself of the junk you take on by poking people.
 Visit the link on the bottom of the message I sent to Light a few days ago. It will teach you some things about how to not be a loose cannon. Finding out what inner need or fear moved you to be invading people's space like that, takes more time to uncover.

: If so, I am scared to death. I cannot tell which are my emotions and which are others'.

Nope, you cannot. That is why I process the emotional content, then look into the ashes and write the reflection from the witness.

  ...and so your ego begins to splinter, along with the discovery that your boundaries are illusion. Through the crack, some light begins to shine.  

Thank you, Mystress, for your quick and thoughful response. It is highly appreciated. After the fact, I realized that I should've waited until I blew off some energy before writing a post. But in the middle of the night it seemed to get way worse. Fear is one suck-ass lover, let me tell you. I'm so tired of dating him/her! ~

Anyway, after a long walk this morning, I correctly realized that this stuff was probably the "gift" you were referring to, untamed though it is. And now that you say there's a way to shrink my energy suckulating, I am TOTALLY gassed to read the article you suggested to Light the other day. One problem, though... I can't find a link to the darn thing on the Light posts. If you get a chance, please turn me on to it.

: Yes... now you understand when I tell you, that if I take on karma from someone who will not surrender it, it gets stuck in me and I crash. If they are actively resisting and fighting to hang onto it, then they slay me.

You got this one right. I SEVERELY get the message.

:  You have three examples before you. My talent is to shape the energy into a reflection that will persuade the ego to surrender.

This is so weird... I think I'm already doing a whole lot of this in a therapy group I attend once a week. There are some REAL live wires in this group, enough to totally trash me after an hour and a half! I've been inadvertently reading people's feelings the last few weeks, telling them what to do and catching them on their bullshit. I've been telling them what they're feeling out of nowhere, and nobody's said I'm wrong with what I've said. Obviously this sucks, because I leave the group feeling like I got hit with a 20-ton truck. OMFG, now I know why!!!

Thankfully, these people haven't minded the free advice, but who the hell am I to do this? I'm going to have to inform the group leader of what's going on; she's aware of my K thing, though she really doesn't understand it much. I totally want to learn to NOT do this unless people request it...

: I am teaching you stuff, and Goddess is providing the experiences and insights that bring it to experiential understanding... which is true learning.

She's one helluva dominatrix, I'll tell you.

: You did not take responsibility for your own power, so you could never see the connection to how aggressively you use your energy, and how Goddess smacks you for not respecting other folks free will. Loose cannon...

Got it...

: Visit the link on the bottom of the message I sent to Light a few days ago. It will teach you some things about how to not be a loose cannon.

I can't wait... Link please

: Finding out what inner need or fear moved you to be invading people's space like that, takes more time to uncover.

Now this I'm clueless on how to figure out. The fun never ends.

:  ...and so your ego begins to splinter, along with the discovery that your boundaries are illusion. Through the crack, some light begins to shine.  

I need a whole lot more light... Thanks for everything, Mystress.

: : Visit the link on the bottom of the message I sent to Light a few days ago. It will teach you some things about how to not be a loose cannon.

: I can't wait... Link please

It is the link at the bottom of the post I wrote, subject titled "got it fixed, I think".

: Thank you, Mystress, for your quick and thoughful response. It is highly appreciated. After the fact, I realized that I should've waited until I blew off some energy before writing a post. But in the middle of the night it seemed to get way worse. Fear is one suck-ass lover, let me tell you. I'm so tired of dating him/her! ~

: Anyway, after a long walk this morning, I correctly realized that this stuff was probably the "gift" you were referring to, untamed though it is. And now that you say there's a way to shrink my energy suckulating, I am TOTALLY gassed to read the article you suggested to Light the other day. One problem, though... I can't find a link to the darn thing on the Light posts. If you get a chance, please turn me on to it.

: : Yes... now you understand when I tell you, that if I take on karma from someone who will not surrender it, it gets stuck in me and I crash. If they are actively resisting and fighting to hang onto it, then they slay me.

: You got this one right. I SEVERELY get the message.

: :  You have three examples before you. My talent is to shape the energy into a reflection that will persuade the ego to surrender.

: This is so weird... I think I'm already doing a whole lot of this in a therapy group I attend once a week. There are some REAL live wires in this group, enough to totally trash me after an hour and a half! I've been inadvertently reading people's feelings the last few weeks, telling them what to do and catching them on their bullshit. I've been telling them what they're feeling out of nowhere, and nobody's said I'm wrong with what I've said. Obviously this sucks, because I leave the group feeling like I got hit with a 20-ton truck. OMFG, now I know why!!!

: Thankfully, these people haven't minded the free advice, but who the hell am I to do this? I'm going to have to inform the group leader of what's going on; she's aware of my K thing, though she really doesn't understand it much. I totally want to learn to NOT do this unless people request it...

: : I am teaching you stuff, and Goddess is providing the experiences and insights that bring it to experiential understanding... which is true learning.

: She's one helluva dominatrix, I'll tell you.

: : You did not take responsibility for your own power, so you could never see the connection to how aggressively you use your energy, and how Goddess smacks you for not respecting other folks free will. Loose cannon...

: Got it...

: : Visit the link on the bottom of the message I sent to Light a few days ago. It will teach you some things about how to not be a loose cannon.

: I can't wait... Link please

Hi Leslee, Sorry to have mispelled your name before.  The Link is under "Got it fixed"

: : Finding out what inner need or fear moved you to be invading people's space like that, takes more time to uncover.

: Now this I'm clueless on how to figure out. The fun never ends.

: :  ...and so your ego begins to splinter, along with the discovery that your boundaries are illusion. Through the crack, some light begins to shine.  

: I need a whole lot more light... Thanks for everything, Mystress.