When I first got in touch with my Divine Beloved at this course back in 2005, she was a representation of the most beautiful girl I could think of at that time. She was short, kind of Japanese looking (and sometimes wearing Japanese looking cloths) but with blue eyes, and with long dark brown, almost black hair. Often she was riding on the back of an enormous flying fire-vomiting dragon.

At Mystress’ chat party in November 2006 this all changed (I wrote about it here, but the content of the post has been deleted). At the top of a volcano I met goddess Freyja and was connected to her in such a way that I can still feel her energy towards the front side of my body. Since than, I have preferred girls with light-blond, almost white-looking hair, like Freyjas. Apart from the hair, they look the same as DB did before.

This change has been somewhat confusing to me. Therefore, I asked Mystress about it a few weeks ago in SL, and she got the image that DB was working through Freyja.

Since 2006 I get yogic healing once a week. This last year we have been working a lot on bringing up my inner female energies. Earlier, my healer brought up my inner man. I haven’t seen him, but she describes him as a bodhisattva dressed in beautiful yellow cloths. At my session yesterday she also brought up my inner female â€" which should be the DB(?) â€" and brought them together.

Now, my inner female (as described by my healer) did not look like DB did before Freyja. Nor did she look like Freyja. She had the same color of hair, but the hair was shorter. (She also had a beautiful blue dress, while Freyjas dress was white, if I remember it correctly.)

As I feel a need to get better connected to my DB, it’s a little bit confusing to have three inner goddesses. I don’t really know how to handle the situation.

  Why do you trust what the healer sees better than yourself?

Well, that is a very good question. These last years, after going through your course, except for the graduation, I have been getting close to a point where I only trust myself and my inner signals. E.g. trading the stock market on basis of my own intuition only has been the most profitable technique this far, I believe. All spiritual teachers and healers also seem to have a set of their own limiting beliefs, which do not seem to apply to others and therefore should not apply to me either. I think they create their limitations themselves, so why should not I be able to choose my own path to an even greater extent than this far?

However, still there are some subjects I do not grasp. One of these is the divine beloved. I am very sensible to the energy radiating from women of flesh and blood and I love that very much. They sometimes visit me on the astral or maybe higher self plane. E.g. a couple of weeks ago I by chance stumbled over the Internet presentation of a very nice girl I knew a few years ago and was astonished by how beautiful she looked on the photo. The next morning, just before I woke up from sleep, she due up in a very bright and clear vision before my eyes, smiled very happily and warmly and said: “Oh, you haven't forgot me after all!” It also seems I have more communications with and get more information from higher selves than what seems to usually be the case. E.g. I have got healing from not only your but also one other higher self, and that woman is not even a healer. Still, I do for some reason not seem to be able to grasp this connection with my own inner divine beloved. She simply doesn't due up.

Then, there is also one specific reason why I have not trusted my own inner judgement much during these last months. You know that, but I don't want to write about it even here. When it comes to this healer, I also trust her very much. Often we have similar visions, but she has visions more often than I have and they are often kind of verified later.

When I started getting in touch with my DB, I just knew, there was simply no doubt about it. She doesn't look the same way that she did back then, because the form is not really all that important. In fact the form changes, depending on what's best in the moment.

She used to be a dark skinned woman, like an indian goddess or princess. Now she is much more fair skinned.. It doesn't matter.. She is not supposed to be anything or look like anything in particular, except as a medium that works for you, so you can love her and thus love yourself.

In fact a healer or someone else may very well see her differently, with their own projections added to it.

Your muse is your muse, nobody else's.

I'm currently working on a dating-sim computer game with a working name "Muse"  I'm writing the story and graphics myself, and I just redo the characters until I feel a connection with something, a certain face, form or whatever it is. It doesn't matter what someone else thinks about it..  Sometimes I ask for advice, which I listen to and check with my heart/discernment.   But if I don't like the advice, I don't go with it...

If you start to feel the connection and she is fair haired, go for it..  If you feel the connection and she is dark haired, go for it..  Let her change form if she wants to. It doesn't have to be any particular one.. She is the infinite part of you, so she quite well knows what works for you!

Surrender your expectations of her.  Of her appearance, of what the relationship is supposed to be like.  Let it all go, then she will show up.  Remember that she is the greater, unconscious mind in you.  She can't manifest if you're holding expectations or fears or uncertainties. She wants to be with you and flood right into you, but she can't until you let go... because you can't see her. It's your experience, nobody else's.

When Mystress was visiting us this weekend, she helped me set up my DB avatar for SL. It was loads of fun.   She told me to ask my DB what she wanted..  No analysis, no figuring out...  Just.. Ah, that hair.  That face.. that shirt etc.. just because it felt right... And fun!

Namaste!