I'm thinking I'm going through some dramatic soap opera nowadays.

When my mind is emtpy of thoughts, and I can feel my body, then I know I'm everything and
it makes every moment fresh, and it makes every moment worth living.

I can feel my body more than ever before, and sometimes I'm almost out of it.

Goddess please take this.

And everything else. In top down fashion, from point of origin.

And today I got fired.

Now I'm free again.

Goddess please take this.

Goddess, this is a gift for you.

I'm always in the future, in the past, somewhere else, and
very rarely I am present. When I am present I know the
present is the thing.

Somehow the mind can always find a reason for not being present.
Somehow the mind can find a reason for not taking the time to
get grounded.

Can I find presence in this?

Maybe the thing is not to be present, and just be everything that is happening?


What am I looking for?


Thank you very much.


Edward

I would say in the present, (not only 'at present'), freedom is an illusion.
I would say we are like comptrs. with an os, and the user programs need to play with the given implementation; they/we need to align, assimilate on the crossing from emptiness to the presence.

Free will is under hypnotic attack from many sides, but only SELF-hypnosis will do it.
A stubborn free will is just as absurd like a bimbo-ic free will. The key has just to match, endless trials with the wrong key(s) are useless. Every improvement of instinct is a gain, everytime, when Goddess gives something back. The deeper we go in trance with Her the more we become Her.

The present is *the* elite university, and any elite university within the present is a scam, although they are often less godless than they publicly proclaim...and often quite smart. More concerned and ass-kicked with elite-illusions are those outside these institutions.

But it seems, the present is the challenge of Goddess toward Herself; many comfort She is used to, She has to give up(to Herself); maybe a bit like Julia Roberts in Mongolia
This is adaptation on the way down from one universe to the other. Making oneself comfortable in foreign parts.

Or like INNANA on Her way to the underworld: She had to give up "everything", She needed no Judas or vinegar tricks, it was Her Own commitment.
And of course She kept everything and won even more...

lights and bests!

Juergen

I'm full of anger, hate and resentment.

I see that everything I see in the world is that which I repress in myself.

What do I do now?

I'm starting to see that I have all the personal qualities that I despise in others.

I can't hate or be angry at myself, because I'm full of shit.

I have all the personal qualities I like in other people to.

All the stuff I like in the world, is in me too.

So, it is just OK.


Goddess please take this.

My heart goes out to you, Edward, in these days of the powerful recalibration that's ripping you apart.  I hold you in grace and in the light, as Goddes knows best. 

Goddess please take all this rage, violence, destruction and all the energy that I do not not know what do with.

You are hate, violence, murder, torture, death Goddess. You are everything. You dont judge.

Thank you for letting me feel that I have everything inside that I see on the outside.

Thank you very much.

There are no bad people. I am the bad one. I am the evil!

I am evilness. I am godness. I am nothing. I am everything.

Quote from: edward on Jun 09, 2008, 01:14:32 PM
I am evilness. I am godness. I am nothing. I am everything.

Edward, not long ago I was in a similar space to what you've been describing in this thread.  So I sat and asked the question - what is it that I need to understand about "good" and "evil"....  This vs That.?

Remembering that several years ago, Death came to me and it taught me the most amazing things about Life, it occurred to me that I might wish to ask Evil to come and teach me this lesson.  After a brief pause to be sure that I was actually willing to face whatever would come - what ever form Evil might take - I was sure it was time.  One way or another, it must be confronted.  Might as well get to it.

So I asked Evil to come to me and teach me.  I waited.

Nothing appeared.

I waited.  Nothing. 

After a bit I finally asked:  "Why has not Evil come?"

The answer:  Because it does not exist...as such. 
Evil is an adjective.  And it's subjective.  Pure illusion.  It cannot appear because it is not a 'thing.'

So I asked then, what is it that I need to face?

The answer came:  "Fear."

I realized the perfection and power in Fear.  Fear is all pervasive.  It has overtaken / penetrated EVERYTHING, both 'good' and 'evil'  - it is the very FOUNDATION of religion, of every form of desire and need...it's in everything.  In fact, is not the 'lightworker' afraid of the darkness?  It's brilliant!

So I asked Fear to come and teach me. 

Immediately Fear came to me, but it was not what I expected...because, see, I was already familiar with the fearful side of Fear.  What came was the most intense Peace, and Compassion, and Tolerance, and Love.  And then I realized the perfection of Fear as a teacher.  The perfection of Duality.  What came to me was breath-takingly beautiful!

It's the outbreath. 

So I wondered if my experience might be of use to you Edward.
Blessings!
Eileen

So beautiful! Thank you Eileen!

Thanks Eileen!

I've noticed that sometimes it's painful to take a breath, so after reading your post I've been focusing
on the out-breath, that seemed to solve the problem. When I focus on the outbreath I experience that
this empties all the crap in the body. And then body itself takes an in-breath when it's ready.

Edward

Immediately Fear came to me, but it was not what I expected...because, see, I was already familiar with the fearful side of Fear.  What came was the most intense Peace, and Compassion, and Tolerance, and Love.

This passage reminded me immediately(during a 2nd read, that is ) of the Cinderella fairy tale; i mean You seem to have lived through the same dramaturgy.

Or similarly, it's the volcano ashes that give the surrounding soil fertility.

Or tribal shamanic people smearing ashes or earth colors in the face and on the body.

Or a non-understanding mom who rubs her little child potting earth in the face! I was so angered when i saw that photo! And still that mom did perfectly right from Goddess point of view: painting daughter little Mystress with the signs of holiness, and taking a photo of it:
So once again, that Goddess has it handled; isn't this for laughing with tears?

Or finally let me point to the general habit of "war painting", especially eye shadows and mascara cloudbursts, mostly with the female division of our peoples;
so now i seem to get this better

So, the outbreath is triumph? 'll have to try it with grounding ... someday!

Always a subscriber,

Juergen

Goddess, please give me courage to leave my thoughts behind.


Thank you.