August is often a time of interesting growth for me. Some years it has been intense, other years gentle, sometimes the shifts extend to Dec. with fruition in Feb.

  Last monday (Aug 26) my fella and I went off to Wreck beach after he got off work. It is an amazing beach, clothing optional and secluded, at the bottom of a steep cliff path, and the heart of an earth vortex called the Dragon.

  I used to live close, now I am farther but it is an annual thing for me to do a little ritual, ocean baptism there every year. This was only my second time at the beach this summer, I was there at Litha but chickened out because the water felt too cold.

  You see, the past few years I have had a problem with feeling cold, at lot. Being very prone to hypothermia, and lately I had been praying for an adjustment.

  Monday, the water felt cold but I was determined, went in anyway. Had a wonderful swim and experience, and when I got out my skin felt like ice, but I felt warm! Amazing! Miraculous!  In the days following there were several occasions where I expected to feel cold, but was warm. Gave grateful thanks to Goddess. Enjoyed more blissing out.

   We went camping this past weekend, I told the fella to take me to a warm lake, because I really love to swim. (Warm, for Canada, I mean) Sat, druid and I floated around on the water on inflatable toys, it is very relaxing to bob in the power boat wakes. I was in an inflatable armchair, only my legs got wet, my swim fin motorboat makes the armchair go zoom! druid was wetter, on an air mattress, and went ashore when he got cold.

   Sunday I went swimming alone, even though it was raining. I skipped the inflatables, kept the fins and did laps while watching people play a very funny tug of war game; which which team can pull the other team's canoe across the line.

  The water felt cold going in, but once immersed I felt warm except for one brief twinge of cold, which was my body saying, enough. druid appeared on the beach and I came out of the water.  I still felt warm enough keep my clothes dry by walking the 1/2 mile back to the campsite in my wet swimsuit, in the early evening rain.

  I had a hot shower to get well warmed again, and then we went off to dinner at a lovely local Greek restaurant. Spent a long time in the bathroom after, which is not a comment on the food, it was good but something was up. Spent a longer time in the bathroom when we got back to the campsite, then things settled down and we wiled away the rainy evening in the camper playing hangman. It was a little chilly, I filled four plastic lemonade bottles with hot water to help stay warm in the tent.

   druid was cozy, he fell asleep right away but I was too cold, cold cold, getting colder every minute,   my bones like ice and my whole body wracked with violent uncontrollable shivering.  It did not make sense to be so cold, with three hot water bottles, two korean mink polar fleece blankets plus two more blankets and my coat, a sleeping bag under me, wearing two layers of clothing (boca fleece tracksuit) plus a toque on my head pulled down over my nose and the warm naked druid beside me did not keep me from getting colder and colder... Large muscle groups in my body were cramping very painfully and my composure was turning to mush.  My whimpers and the bed shaking woke the druid, he was wondering whether to take me to a hospital but my skin felt warm to him. My forehead felt feverish... after a bit I realized my body was actually warmer than his and my solar plexus its usual tummo furnace, but I still felt so desperately cold!

  I haven't had a cold or flu in a decade, I had not eaten bad food or been around sick people. I cannot be hot and cold at the same time... unless Goddess did it. I realized it was spiritual.

   So, I started surrendering the cold and pain and anything else that came to mind, and right away the shivers started fading.  After about 1/2 hour or so of surrendering, I was comfortable enough to fall asleep. Slept soundly, woke up in the same position in the morning.   I felt tired in my body, as one might from a few hours of unnaturally intense cramping isometrics... but fine. Really relaxed, limp like overcooked spaghetti. Noodley, we call it. The more you tense a muscle, the more it relaxes afterwards... kriyas.

  My toque and clothes felt wet. druid, taking the bed apart discovered I had sweated through my clothes, the pillow, the sheet, the sleeping bag and the mattress cover leaving a wet spot underneath it all, bigger than me!  I felt very thirsty, and smelled like old cheese. Quite the spiritual cleansing! 
 
   Anyway, just sharing an experience.  Blessings!

Thanks a lot for sharing your experiece Mystress

one brief twinge of cold, which was my body saying, enough.

ya, enough

I still felt warm enough keep my clothes dry by walking the 1/2 mile back to the campsite in my wet swimsuit, in the early evening rain

This walk had been probably the one bit more than enough; staying wet in rain for a while is a notorious condition for contracting fever-chills, donut know why.
Still, someones don't catch the cold anyway...

which is not a comment on the food, it was good but something was up

I think the fastness of that 'something' showing up, indicates Your amazing general health condition. Your shining cleansed energy body pipes!
But there must be a local "devil" nonetheless. Still a bit of that devil, after Your mentioned prayer seems to have been heard to a good degree.

Playing hangman during the advent of this, has certainly a style of its own.. i mean sort of gallows humor; after all this upcoming adventure was no little thing, rushing like this... don't think i would have made it thru, but then again: big takes big

I cannot be hot and cold at the same time..

Oh, it's not that unusual; the word fever-chill just indicates this paradoxical state.
(Remember that Monday in the ocean: chilled skin and feeling warm had been just the opposite; just as strange?)

Maybe as a sort of explanation: winding up the central heating renders anything less than the adjusted temp as cold, and the heating goes on until that level is achieved. And such inputs of requested temperature may be insanely defective or unreasonable, at home or within the body:

Sort of much helps much, mentality! unreasonably high temp-inputs.
Similar to notorious gluttony waves with people on diets or after food shortage(e.g.wartime).
Loss of doubtless trust(of childhood);
i suspect the autopilot body-heating is connected with the root chakra: it's a basic process we can usually trust; but sometimes basic child trust is taken on trial. I think the major cause for all kind of dysfunctions are misinterpretations in childhood:
The baby who throws out the baby with the bathwater, seems not a far-fetched metaphor; i have seen lots of Supernanny episodes on tv, where the hierarchy had been totally reversed, so one of the first sermons Katja uses to address is : 'Hey, parents are parents and children are children'; tyrannic toddlers are of course far overtaxed; at some point subjected parents do uprisings from time to time(like in real life in politics), but which is also not of much help. Missing security, falling from source, grace.
At the same time time we are especially suggestible at very young ages and very much into overexaggeration... suggestible to overexageration;
This way much dys can establish in early years, which makes later life so meaningful(to rid the clutter again).

Quite the spiritual cleansing!

Yeah, healing or cleansing, i guess You were led to stop this at the right time; i deeply wish it was the final tip to send that chillfreak down the gallows!

appreciatively,

juergen

Juergen wrote:

  Oh, it's not that unusual; the word fever-chill just indicates this paradoxical state.
(Remember that Monday in the ocean: chilled skin and feeling warm had been just the opposite; just as strange?)

  No, the monday feeling was familiar.  I used to swim in the ocean at night, a few times a week when I lived closer to the beach.  The sea is calm and no need for sunscreen, and the phosphorescence and the city lights on the water are lovely.

  I used to do it from late May until early October.  I don't know what changed, to trade dolphin warm for a reptilian metabolism. Serpent wants a warm rock. I don't think it is a childhood issue.

  The rain was warmer than the lake. I stayed in the shower until I was completely warmed, with heat to spare. The changing room had a heat lamp too. 

  Curiously, my man has been sick with flu, he turned the heat on for winter today, usually I am the one to feel the cold first... and I turned it down again after he went to bed, and peeled a layer of clothes because I was too warm. 

  Yay! Thank you Goddess! 

Well i think the effect from the rain was due to evaporation cooling: from long wetness on the skin in free air. So the body was set to produce heat. You gave it outside heat as well: hot showers etc., but when they are over, the body felt still its responsibility for heating, even more so.
In fever there are usually states of feeling hot and chilly alike, often with marked periodicity; not to forget the sweat.
In Your case the chill was felt predominantly(cold cold cold).

I agree and believe, indeed, it was no childhood issue, but a reptilian one, reaching far far more into the past; well some make conspiration theories about it, which is somewhat plausible on grounds of lack of warmth: energy, implying all oddly kind of power games...
(have just been rummaging thru Home of the Earth Goddess).

Now the law of healing which follows similarity accords with Your encounter: reptilian cold cured by fever chill.
On a lesser level people do it by cold applications, cold shower for instance which can also help against catching colds and flu's.

This cure however could be effective only by Your already cleansed energy body, which made it possible for such an acute vehement state to occur and heal You further. Yeah and that extra exposure to that rain, which Goddess must have provided (You prayed for it).

With Your man, this occured much slower, thus lacking the vehemence to cure, rather allowing the sneaking in of the flu. Like Yourself he got that body signal of enough, however a bit earlier, and he was not exposed to rain the same way You were, i guess. Then i suppose he is perhaps not of that advanced energy state like U r.
Hahnemann divided people roughly into 2 groups: healthy(minority, including himself) and psoric(most people); so healthy people are designed by developping disorders strong enough as to become curable for them; the psoric majority is susceptible to slow chronic states of disease.
Chiefly for the majority he developed that healing system, Ya know...
To a degree i found it valuable for me, but there comes a point where only a conscious approach to Goddess seems an adequate path.

You only didn't let it happen so far by keeping yourself  warm and by avoiding that ultimate exposure to cold, after which even warm applications couldn't effect much more.
But were finally led to the miracle.

And shure: oceans are cooler than lakes

Thumbs up for the dolphin, and good recovery for Your fella!


Some say Allah is originally Goddess, so i'm closing:

Yay!Allah is Mighty!

I think it was simply, determination.  The sea temp has not changed, but back then and recently, I did not let the cold stop me, I went in anyway. 

  I do have another thought, I keep disregarding it but it keeps returning... there are a group of pagans who think I am evil, out to get them, casting evil spells and curses on them.  I am not, they are not very important to me. However they were getting together that weekend and they may have been stupid enough to try to send me a whammy.  If so, obviously I used the energy gift for my own purposes...

  It is a funny thing, I have been thinking on it since those folks went off on me.  I get Hindu guys in India emailing me asking for my photo for their altars, because they have heard (Where I dunno!) that meditating on my photo will improve their Kundalini.

  I don't deny them because I know from experience that they are right. I would really prefer they seek Goddess within themselves but there is nothing I can do about it so I surrender to being an icon.  I wonder though, if the effect is the same whether people project Goddess or Demon on me? They get what they pray for? 

I think it was simply, determination.  The sea temp has not changed, but back then and recently, I did not let the cold stop me, I went in anyway.

Funny i'm just coming from reading Your extensive FAQ again, where You describe Your views regarding wicca, and that it's an ego, free-will based cult or movement. Now when You say 'determination', this sounds slightly egoic as well. After You prayed to Goddess, maybe She helped detach from some bits of ego? To be seen in coincidence with the new trouble with those pagans?

  I do have another thought, I keep disregarding it but it keeps returning... there are a group of pagans who think I am evil, out to get them, casting evil spells and curses on them.

No!But not 'our' Mystress!
Then i fear those guys have not that lot of humor, they are afraid of power because they misuse it.

... I am not, they are not very important to me. However they were getting together that weekend and they may have been stupid enough to try to send me a whammy.  If so, obviously I used the energy gift for my own purposes... Wink

Ts; what comes around goes around? Aikido style? Bug's Bunny? This could sound more like *You*.
Sounds like You have it automated, too bad for them that You even won't notice.

  It is a funny thing, I have been thinking on it since those folks went off on me.  I get Hindu guys in India emailing me asking for my photo for their altars, because they have heard (Where I dunno!) that meditating on my photo will improve their Kundalini.

Why should they not have heard of You? 2 hours ago i did a search on 'butt sitters' from Your (wonderful) essay on 'power and free will', and where google led me on 2nd rank, You just may guess...
I've also thought about asking You for a photo and placing it somewhere, but i dunno...Your not that kind of a Guru, and Your presence needs no photo; up and then i face Your pic at the homepage, and the one thing i always find, including the forum thumbnail, is i can see You in a 'bald' version, too, just the facial features, which is a very impressive, beautiful sight!
To turn this around i'm finding in many people, women like men the hairstyle a sort of mask, kind of betrayal-attempt.

... I don't deny them because I know from experience that they are right. I would really prefer they seek Goddess within themselves but there is nothing I can do about it so I surrender to being an icon.
  I wonder though, if the effect is the same whether people project Goddess or Demon on me? They get what they pray for?

I think they decide for themselves what they see in you, and it is what returns to them. Curses won't probably return if they are sent at them each-other; so the Hindu guys are probably more clever "see'rs", than the pagans.
So the mechanism would be the same, that input=effect, only the inputs differ, right?

I have never been too afraid of curses, which may sound arrogant; perhaps i have sent some and got some back, probably so. Generally rather am i afraid of the weeker, than of those stronger than me, funny?



OK, Bye!

I think it was simply, determination.  The sea temp has not changed, but back then and recently, I did not let the cold stop me, I went in anyway.

Mh, i have to correct my last reply on this which was partly based on a misunderstanding of Your above statement, partly because i was a bit short.

Usually determination is seen as purely good and it's opposite: relaxation etc., as s.th. correspondingly unwelcome, however of course this is of vital importance nonetheless.

Between these both we find balance, the feeling and state of healthiness.

Determination is controlling, and sometimes we show up at states where we won't allow the least relaxation, namely in retention of stool or the inability to sweat, where a moment of relaxation is felt such a priceless gift, but hard to achieve.

The problem is only, that telling oneself or another to relax won't accomplish very much; it may work as the keyword for notorious relaxers, but not for the more determinant ones, who just have a problem with relaxing(in general or in particular scenes), and external support to relax(Yoga, medicines, warmth), can only palliate without to achieve real balance.
However the other polarity can only come from within. Trying to seek it outside only weakens health in the core, it is not the natural way.

The real cure comes from life or nature herself(within), that when pushing the one polarity, she calls herself for her opposite and at this point the first one is able to detach herself(subside) in favor of her opposite.
So i suppose, Your determination to swim in the cold has been surrendered at a crucial point in favor of the opposite: relaxation, finally resulting in this cloudburst of a sweating. Which explanation may also go with the chill, if we assume that determination goes with heat, thus giving up control goes with chilliness.

So the difference to former dwellings in the ocean may be: this special surrender recently, while formerly, Your determination would not cease after the cold swim, storing all that clutter You finally released.

Does this version make more sense?
For me it's just discussion and sort of trial and error, from time to time a bingo is also acceptable

Peace and progess,

juergen

Juergen wrote: Funny i'm just coming from reading Your extensive FAQ again, where You describe Your views regarding wicca, and that it's an ego, free-will based cult or movement. Now when You say 'determination', this sounds slightly egoic as well.

It was really more about not giving in to fear of cold.  Goddess moved me to swim.

  I like to challenge my fears. For example, I have a slight fear of heights, worst is things like fire escapes, where I can see the ground far beneath my feet through the holes in the metal grate.

  On an old narrow highway in BC, near Hells Gate (a place where the mighty Fraser river rushes through a steep narrow gorge) is the old Alexander Bridge. http://horsepacking.tripod.com/id44.htm

  The wooden decking has been removed, only the metal grate is left, and crosses a steep gorge above the Fraser. So, you can see right through the bridge to the rocks and river far below.

   The first time I visited around 1990, I was tired from a very scary drive in the dark, down winding mountain roads with many giant logging trucks. I finally pulled into a closed gas station in fear for my life (the truck lights would blind me then I could not see the turns in the road) and got some restless sleep in the car.  The next morning I tried to cross the bridge.

  Clinging to the rail, I could move a little way along a board at the side, but no further.  It defeated me.
 
  Around 1998 I came back with my man, and this time I controlled my fear and managed to walk halfway across the bridge, right down the middle.  My fella could feel what was going on inside me, and was as amazed at the control, my body was trembling and shaking with adrenaline but I calmed my mind, and walked anyway. 

  Courage isn't fearlessness... that is just stupidity. Courage is not letting fear stop you. It is being afraid, and acting anyway.

Why should they not have heard of You? 2 hours ago i did a search on 'butt sitters' from Your (wonderful) essay on 'power and free will', and where google led me on 2nd rank, You just may guess...

  It is all so strange to me. I sit at my desk, I seldom leave the house... yet I am world famous? How can that be? I cannot reconcile that idea with my ordinary sense of myself, despite abundant evidence.   

Your pic at the homepage, and the one thing i always find, including the forum thumbnail, is i can see You in a 'bald' version, too, just the facial features, which is a very impressive, beautiful sight!


Hmm, I think you may be seeing the photo from the original grounding page, in your mind's eye. Fractal art by Sharon Webb.
  http://www.domin8rex.com/serpent/spirit/ground.htm

  I don't get options. Naturally curly hair, my style is the path of least resistance... what you see is what my hair does by itself, and it doesn't grow much past my shoulders.  I once did an interview for CBC promoting a fetish club... I was masked, but a school friend's mum recognised me by my hair! 
 
Generally rather am i afraid of the weeker, than of those stronger than me, funny?

Not at all, because the weak do not take responsibility for their power, so they over-defend and don't pull their punches.

   Blessings!

 

This is such a beautiful thread to read, so many incredible insights. I feel like sharing some of my own experiences that relates to the thread.

Juergen, what you say about the root chakra and heat resonates with me. Often when it's cold, my perineal area
makes spontaneous moolbandha/kegels, which produces heat in my spine.  Feels extatic too.  Sometimes I catch
people looking at me, and I realize my eyes have rolled right up towards the head or I am wearing a silly grin.

Mystress, you are so bold to consciously confront your fears like that. I have a fear of deep waters, and this summer
I went on a introductory scuba diving course with instructor leading down into the water. It was on our anniversary,
it was fun, but for me it was scarey. Especially since my goggles kept filling with water. They told me how to get the
water out, but I kept feeling as if the goggles would come off, quite a bit under the water. They didn't, but my beard
kept adding more spill of water than normal. I went into a slight panic and made the gesture for him to lead me back up,
which has to be done slowly to not damage the lungs, didn't make me more comfortable lol!  I decided to go back down again
so we could have an underwater photo taken for our anniverary. I got a bit scared again after a while when being on the bottom
so they took me up, but something felt incredibly good to have gone down once more in spite of the fear being there.
I get impressions coming up at night and in meditation sometimes about wearing loose goggles under water, lol. It was
all being dormant before but can now be worked through or at least accepted.

I forgot that you mentioned before about people in India using your picture for meditation.

Wanna hear something funny?

When i practiced a tantric meditation to purify the elements for the duration of once daily for a month, (called tattwa shuddhi) in the beginning I ask for help/guidance from a guru, guide or spiritual friend.  In the beginning I turned to you for that, but as it progressed, I became more and more inclined to ask my DB instead.  It turned out you gave perfect guidance!

Mystress, i think Chacmool is right that You are clever!

Even Your hair is clever so You might look look perfect even out of a storm.
Sharon Webb is great! http://www.fractalus.com/sharon/fractal/
The photo is just another clever coup! It's something people can relate to, without having to read thru all the pages. And become curious. And read.

Or how goes that song, "then i saw Her face...."? No monkey-mind song i s'pose?

Btw, there is something strange about opening this page now, get a message like an mp3, and if i do "open", no pics are shown on the page; whatsoever, with great foresight i had it stored on disk timely .



Your occurences at Alexander bridge gives me certain touches, tending to sorts of giddiness on occasions, myself. But it happened variously over time, and i suppose the grounding exercise has done me much for the better in this respect. Even crossing a solid bridge over the Rhine river or across a valley on the motorway could cause me distress at times, and at times less or not at all.
I think it is very individual, and as always it is right to listen to within.

I guess for You this place must have been perfect! Ummmh, on the photo i can sense the force of the waters, the decline of the river appears visible, moderate Niagara, no?
Questions may arise what kind of death were experienced, when buried in the floods. Curiosity, fascination, the awareness of limitations of fear; thoughts of admiration for those, who built the bridge, working such places, who don't do Yoga or read much books: the fascination of another world on the same planet.

What did the experience give to You for the time after? I guess comparison shows You took a large step forward. Comparison tells more than absolute values; i saw an experiment on tv with a woman with fright of trains working on this with a therapeuth: train coming in, woman making steps toward the railway, but she wouldn't go further than 3m toward the rim, holding this while the train was coming in. Then she was proud like an engine driver, and one can guess that most profit will be for the side effects.

If that's true for You too, again a score for Your cleverness.
And for doing what You teach, and teach us by chatting 'bout Your doings, Thank You Ma'am!

There is a vantage point near my place with a sort of a pulpit worked into the rock above a deep abyss. Overviewing a little river valley; i cannot swear that the bottom of the pulpit is a
metal grate or if this was somewhere else. Anyhow, short before i read your post i was daydreaming about organizing a meeting with seekers here with You, and imagined clearly, while on an excursion to offer You that steep place to have a view!

Juergen wrote: Mystress, i think Chacmool is right that You are clever!

  Chacmool told you I am clever? Not sure he told me...

Even Your hair is clever so You might look look perfect even out of a storm.
Sharon Webb is great! http://www.fractalus.com/sharon/fractal/
The photo is just another clever coup! It's something people can relate to, without having to read thru all the pages. And become curious. And read.

  She sent it to me as a surprise gift one day. She is a lovely woman, so talented. I found the grey alien outline and the splitting amoeba coming out of the fractal to be interesting.

Or how goes that song, "then i saw Her face...."? No monkey-mind song i s'pose?

Monkee mind, LOL! Although I think Neal Diamond wrote it.

Btw, there is something strange about opening this page now, get a message like an mp3, and if i do "open", no pics are shown on the page; whatsoever, with great foresight i had it stored on disk timely .

  Heh, I have not touched the page in years, I think it was Goddess discouraging you from meditating on my pic...

Your occurrences at Alexander bridge gives me certain touches, tending to sorts of giddiness on occasions, myself. But it happened variously over time, and i suppose the grounding exercise has done me much for the better in this respect. Even crossing a solid bridge over the Rhine river or across a valley on the motorway could cause me distress at times, and at times less or not at all.
I think it is very individual, and as always it is right to listen to within.

  Vertigo, we call it when heights make dizziness.  Phobias and such, are one place where I do not listen to the body, but push  against it.  You could drive a truck across that bridge, though as a historical site it is closed to all but foot traffic.  The body was being a drama queen over nothing, it was perfectly safe... at these times where fear is illogical and not intuitive, I face fear and try to push past it.  The Divine Beloved represents the body-mind, but this sort of thing is not of it.  The place where animal instinct is counter productive, like how you must blindfold a horse to lead it from a burning barn.

   I had an odd experience as a teenager, on a family vacation to California. I was swimming in the hotel pool after sunset, ( I like to swim under water like a dolphin, not on the surface) when a shadow on the bottom made me zoom to the surface in mindless panic.  My own shadow, cast by the lights embedded in the sides of the pool, blue on lighter blue.  Interested in the phenomena, I experimented with it, testing myself... but could not master it.  So long as I could not see my own shadow, I was fine to swim.  but I could not see it without my body taking control and sending me instantly to the surface in mindless fear.  Some ancestral or past life memory of sharks, I realized at the time, but that knowledge did not help me to face that shadow.  I found it really interesting. These challenges help me to get to know myself better. 

  You see it on the Europe photos too, (Sweden dungeon) descending the tiny, steep and narrow spiral dungeon staircase in pitch black darkness, with no idea of where it led,  took quite some mastery of several fears.  You see it, lit by the camera flash which was the only light I had to give occasional glimpses ahead.   

The Litany against Fear, from "Dune":
"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."  ~Frank Herbert.

I guess for You this place must have been perfect! Ummmh, on the photo i can sense the force of the waters, the decline of the river appears visible, moderate Niagara, no?

  They don't call it the Mighty Fraser for nothing!  It is at least twice as large as the Rhine, and swifter flowing.

What did the experience give to You for the time after? I guess comparison shows You took a large step forward.

Well... I think for me it was a larger sense of counting my blessings.  The spiritual Mystress, with the support of inner and human beloveds,  sending strength and love back through time to the poor traveling encyclopaedia saleswoman, exhausted and alone after a white knuckled drive and a paranoid sleep. 

   For me, these things also really underline the importance of Maslow's hierarchy.  Basic needs must be taken care of, before there is room for spiritual and personal growth.

The first attempt I was overtired and adrenaline stressed, it was too much to ask of myself.

Anyhow, short before i read your post i was daydreaming about organizing a meeting with seekers here with You, and imagined clearly, while on an excursion to offer You that steep place to have a view!

  Ah, is that why I was getting some vertigo and nausea last night, while sitting at my desk chair?  Probably not...

   ... but .. the rule about not fantasizing about other people is not only for sexual ideas!

    I think, all the talk of surrender and going with the flow, people under estimate how much of FST is about discipline!  It starts with grounding and never ends. 

     Blessings...

Oh Dear, i messed s.th. up with Chacmool! No he didn't tell me, LOL!
I took it from the Karma lesson, although You never wrote it: i messed PG with Chac!
You're telling there, that Your PG appeared as a kind of a pirate, telling You that You are more clever than him; of course his appearance is related to You being a Shaman, which is again related to Chacmool...

Yeah, discipline in big red letters, i guess means surrender, think this will remain in my scanner from now on.. Mystress, thank You for it!

--
I found the grey alien outline and the splitting amoeba coming out of the fractal to be interesting.

Back to the roots, eh? Saw an interesting report on Sunday about Gaia developping during ages 50 million to over 200 million years ago. What was striking, is that land-animals are quite dependent on benevolent climates, but not so or less so for those living in the sea. Among the oldest, i think 250 million++, was a sea-living lung-breather, very similar to the day's dolphin!
Long before the dino.
I wondered if you could be that old? There is certainly s.th. about humans and dolphins.
In age, of course the dolphin no match to the amoeba ... Chopra begins his book of secrets with some interesting considerations about cells, especially ensembles; didn't plunge deeper yet, cause i hadn't finished the way of the wizard...

--
I think it was Goddess discouraging you from meditating on my pic

You bet! For the time being, spelling 'discipline' in small letters

--
The body was being a drama queen over nothing, it was perfectly safe... at these times where fear is illogical and not intuitive, I face fear and try to push past it.  The Divine Beloved represents the body-mind, but this sort of thing is not of it. The place where animal instinct is counter productive, like how you must blindfold a horse to lead it from a burning barn.

Very interesting hint for discernment!
Sounds similar to Your other experience: in the pool with Your own shadow(literal).
This all has the appearance of a conditioned reflex, only maybe of a few million years, goodness; is it possiple to horse-whisper to oneself? I have read of a hypnosis method to track things down, by LeCron...
I assume there be a hierarchy, with vital primary "beliefs" on top, maybe according to Maslovs hierarchy.
From ocean-wildlife where this was shaped/programmed/ conditioned there had probably been no lights from the side like the swimming-pool, and a shadow the way You experienced it in the pool  could have only one meaning in wildlife: A shark! In wildlife Your own shadow (sun above) would never affect You to panic. The pool shadows are allways different from your own shadow in wildlife, which can only have one consequence: alarm, danger
Similarly the dark spiral dungeon staircase: unspecified darkness is an alarmsignal for the dolphin!
Because, the dolphin is a lung breather and wants an orientation toward the air, openness and a minimum of light i guess, at least during the day.
--
how you must blindfold a horse to lead it from a burning barn.

Clear, that horses cannot cope with burning barns, the flight animals they are created as. One thing that enthuses me is horse-whispering, a communication with horses which seems to turn out far more effective than tricks like blindfolds; it appears like magic and i think it is. It was invented by a guy, but most of his 'seekers' seem to be fem.
A professional animal trainer(wolves, exotic piggies, and more), was shown as the highlight in her documentation,  approaching a herd of wild horses, filmed by far-away tele. She seeked the trust of the herd leaders, managing a critical  moment by staying cold blooded. No way to escape if it became serious...
Finally She was accepted, which was beautiful to look at beyond description. High Love!

An instinct telling me, that our cause here is not so far away from this, when we learn to fall in Love with ourselves.

--
You see it, lit by the camera flash which was the only light I had to give occasional glimpses ahead.

Yes i remember that section; You comment it next to the photo, but i didn't think that it was a big matter for You. Felt, You rather meant it as a laugh, (ab-)using that photoflash.
Btw, wasn't it sort of a Viking pirate site(All Vikings are pirates, hehehehhe). The pirate seems another challenge for You, broad smiles.
Challenge is new territory, and the pirate is quite a new territory for modern Gals. I think the pirate is a more important aspect of Prince Charming, who in turn seems a more important aspect of enlightened Women.
Since this new pirate will be an integrated-one however, my gutsay this gonna be more charming, then could ever be expected in the old days.

"I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path."

learning by experience,  exposed to touch(force, pain, temperature, suspense,..)
The gift of fear, so well put!

"Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."

This should cast clarification on, who we really are.
Ok, then i thought, nothing, hmm sounds so nihilistic..
What about seeing 'nothing' as: 'nothing disturbing'!
Or as that state of progress where the result is as pure as the original intention: just perfect!
Physicalty with no fear, just brillance coming thru from source: Goddess manifest.
?

Wow Mystress, that You've found such revelations, in a nearly trash genre, where others would have looked for action and diversion without expecting much more...
...again Thank You for the warning against expectations and anticipations!

--
For me, these things also really underline the importance of Maslow's hierarchy.  Basic needs must be taken care of, before there is room for spiritual and personal growth.

The first attempt I was overtired and adrenaline stressed, it was too much to ask of myself.

There has been a commercial for a building and loan association:

A little schoolgirl telling her dad about the snug household of a schoolfriend, while they appear between homeless and very poor.
Dad snorts "Bourgeois"!
Little one returning "When I'm grown, I also want to be a Bourgeois"

from Wikipedia:
"Maslow studied exemplary people such as Albert Einstein, Jane Addams, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Frederick Douglass rather than mentally ill or neurotic people, writing that "the study of crippled, stunted, immature, and unhealthy specimens can yield only a cripple psychology and a cripple philosophy."

Wonderful! Sounds like a way of nipping the crap in the bud.

Has become way long, what can i do 

juergen

Juergen Wrote: Oh Dear, i messed s.th. up with Chacmool! No he didn't tell me, LOL!
I took it from the Karma lesson, although You never wrote it: i messed PG with Chac!
You're telling there, that Your PG appeared as a kind of a pirate, telling You that You are more clever than him; of course his appearance is related to You being a Shaman, which is again related to Chacmool...

   Ah, I understand your confusion, it used to confuse me too, but they are separate beings. 

   I could not understand Chac directly, my ADD brain, and there was no purpose to my learning the rituals and language of a long-dead culture. So I invited him to adjust my mind as Goddess Willed, and to dig through my internal storehouse of story and mythology to find resonant memes I could understand... soon after that, Armand my shadow showed up, but it took me years to understand what he is, or even to realize he is partly modeled on a historical Prince, Vlad the Impaler of Romania... who in turn was inspiration for Count Dracula.   The shadow of the portal guardian itself, molded into a being I could relate to.

   What he found was what was in my mental closet: classical greek mythology but also science fiction, vampire novels, tales of the Knights of the Holy Grail, superhero comic books... so in my work you find the themes of Attaining the Grail, karma vampire games, and quotes from Heinlein.  Ancient mysticism translated to pop culture.

  Armad's comment on my cleverness... well, taken into context it is actually quite horrifying. If you think the Shadow is going to pat the ego on the back, look again.   
 
Among the oldest, i think 250 million++, was a sea-living lung-breather, very similar to the day's dolphin!
Long before the dino.
I wondered if you could be that old? There is certainly s.th. about humans and dolphins.

  It is in the collective DNA.  It is obvious that we were sea creatures at one time; we are as much like dolphins as apes.  Apes do not have the dolphin layer of fat under the skin as we do, and the pattern of hair represents rainfall, human hair grows in a swimmers flow pattern from the crown spiral.  Interesting too, the studies of free divers, how the internal organs and blood flow adjust for depth as a dolphin does. Newborn humans already know how to swim, and water births are gentlest.  


is it possiple to horse-whisper to oneself? I have read of a hypnosis method to track things down, by LeCron...

  That is why I find these moments so interesting... the deep animal survival programming is usually not available to conscious awareness, except when it is revealed by a trigger.  That the rational mind knows the body is safe was completely irrellevant in the swimming pool experience: I could not master it.  The spiral stair was a milder case, not so difficult, but still interesting.  A hint of claustrophobia, the low cieling and narrow passage, and some fear of falling down the steep stairs. It felt like descending into a tomb, but it was actually above ground.


One thing that enthuses me is horse-whispering, a communication with horses which seems to turn out far more effective than tricks like blindfolds; it appears like magic and i think it is. It was invented by a guy, but most of his 'seekers' seem to be fem.

  I don't think of myself as good with animals... but camping last summer, a guy cussed out his dog for being disloyal because he noticed it had been hanging around me all evening.  I had not noticed, it was lying behind my chair instead of his. Big drooly thing, he said it was a cross between a rottwieler and a doberman.

  The trick with animals is, they feel love and they think in pictures.  Telepathy with animals is empathy and a slide show.  Most people think in words.  I sent the dog some mental pictures telling him to go back to his master because I prefer reptiles, and it did.  

The pirate seems another challenge for You, broad smiles.
Challenge is new territory, and the pirate is quite a new territory for modern Gals. I think the pirate is a more important aspect of Prince Charming, who in turn seems a more important aspect of enlightened Women.

  Pfft. I've been dressing up as a pirate for fun and fashion since before Adam Ant was top 40... it is an SM icon... but it has fallen out of fashion for me since hollywood disney-fied it. 

  The Pagans who think I am evil though, were playing pirates that weekend so it is interesting you keep using the word.   

"I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path."
"Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."

This should cast clarification on, who we really are.
Ok, then i thought, nothing, hmm sounds so nihilistic..
What about seeing 'nothing' as: 'nothing disturbing'!
Or as that state of progress where the result is as pure as the original intention: just perfect!
Physicalty with no fear, just brillance coming thru from source: Goddess manifest.
?

  It is really about surrender, acceptance.  The discipline of mindfulness to energy hygiene instead of being led by ego.  Ego idenfies fears as part of itself and gets emotionally involved, it is ruled by fear.  The litany suggests observing fear with detachment, facing it and letting it blow through and pass away instead of giving power away to it by attaching or resisting.

A zen sit, as well as about experience and overcoming fears.  Karma clearing, letting the old fear stuff flow through and out, with acceptance and surrender but with out resisting, because the fear is not the Self. Where the karma is released, Goddess moves in. I AM. Sacred Nothingness.
   
   Thought-word-deed, taking the intention farther by facing off against phobias in real life, is kind of fun!  Exciting. 

Wow Mystress, that You've found such revelations, in a nearly trash genre, where others would have looked for action and diversion without expecting much more...

   Thank Chacmool...

    Science fiction fantasy does not have to follow the rules of life in the same way, there is more room for creativity and imagination, where the Muse comes through.  Sometimes when people guess at the future, they are right!   Heinlein predicted the internet, invented the waterbed, and some of his novels predicting the US being taken over by religious fundamentalists are not so far off. 

  Lately I have been re-reading some Darkover novels by Marion Zimmer Bradley, about a space colony that evolves telepathy. Some of her descriptions of being psychic are surprisingly accurate, but then she is a witchy sort, herself. 

  Followed up with "Vampires" by Terry Pratchett,  his novels are hilarious and not just for the puns, sometimes it is the truth, which makes you laugh...

   You are right though, people miss stuff.  I dropped in to the Buffy the Vampire Slayer newsgroup after the last episode.  The show was filled with wonderful archetypal themes about the beauty and resilience of the human spirit and the empowerment of all women... and it was clear that nobody in the newsgroup had a clue, it all went right over their heads.

   Blessings... 

-- Gustav:
Juergen, what you say about the root chakra and heat resonates with me. Often when it's cold, my perineal area
makes spontaneous moolbandha/kegels, which produces heat in my spine.  Feels extatic too.  Sometimes I catch
people looking at me, and I realize my eyes have rolled right up towards the head or I am wearing a silly grin.

Silly grin, priceless! The Fool being Mystress' first Tarot card.
I have had 'unmotivated grins' for all my life, which has been striking for others, given that my features are usually more to the earnest side. I guess behind this, is only the Divine Beloved giving an occasional call. I had been quite reluctant with going into real affairs, often with a feeling like a misunderstanding: that excitement was not directly due to 'that girl', and a feeling that there must have been someone else, whom i desperately sought among all kind of other girls or 'blissful' things; quite an Odyssee.

Yeah i think there must be some heat there in the perineum, how else could Kundalini become convinced to rise.
Also roughly a sexual relation, spanking must be related too(there is an expression 'warming the little breads', which is a transcription from ger into engl, for spanking the behind; i know from childhood, some buddies have provoked it(mostly where the spanker was mom in person).

From the perineum it's also easy to bring a wave of heat downwards; i wonder if people with cold feet have a statistical decline for being shameful(considering, that the perineum is one of the more shameful regions). Then the forecast tells temperatures falling toward about 5°C for Scandinavia...

I have also felt heat surges there, in emotional situations like being forcefully accused or offended.

Directing heat up from there also seems not to be such a bad idea.

Your DB-Meditation evolves as a real treasure! Directly after The Grounding is a  good time. There has been some shyness, like in a 'real' affair, when things become serious. Today i managed finally to dismantle some veils, and it was really exciting; there has been no lack in veils to be removed , and while surrendering one i got clear hints for the next to follow...

Marriage broker, one of your newer careers?

Thank You!

--
   Thought-word-deed, taking the intention farther by facing off against phobias in real life, is kind of fun!  Exciting. 

Now it is dawning! Shure it is, and You're playing it in a safe way; a positive side result might be: steeling Yourself for the more "existancial" situations. At the moment i feel even meeting the Divine Beloved can have its phobia. I have been trying Gustav's method, his temple-article; woooh, tearing apart some first veils, and it has been quite intensive, boom bang a bang...
I also comprehend now, why Goddess leaves us with fear until the 'last moment', because fear has a purpose of self-protection. So it's clear why even *Kundalini Teacher* is dealing with fear issues. The mechanism You describe in Your pool event, dolphin and fear of shark, seems completely ok. The only thing to remain would be 'the conquer of fear', right?
Advanced romance Mystress thing, LOL!

--
  Armad's comment on my cleverness... well, taken into context it is actually quite horrifying. If you think the Shadow is going to pat the ego on the back, look again.   

I'm telling just my impression from that scene: I can literally feel Armad's sarcasm: telling the truth on one hand(You being clever) only to deride You more on the other hand: compared Your 'ruthlessness', based on consens and ethics, with his own... .

--
Telepathy with animals is empathy and a slide show.

(Exemplaric) gape; just how Ya put these things...

--
  The Pagans who think I am evil though, were playing pirates that weekend so it is interesting you keep using the word.   

I hope there is no relation to me(can't imagine how). Ummh, but to be honest, i stored some real-media on HD of this course, maybe this is time for bringing it forth..

-- 
It is really about surrender, acceptance.  The discipline of mindfulness to energy hygiene instead of being led by ego.  Ego idenfies fears as part of itself and gets emotionally involved, it is ruled by fear.  The litany suggests observing fear with detachment, facing it and letting it blow through and pass away instead of giving power away to it by attaching or resisting.

A zen sit, as well as about experience and overcoming fears.  Karma clearing, letting the old fear stuff flow through and out, with acceptance and surrender but with out resisting, because the fear is not the Self. Where the karma is released, Goddess moves in. I AM. Sacred Nothingness.

'Surrender fear, resist ego', is one core of what i'm getting out of here.
In more detail i consider it like a triangle relation:
'I' is identified with free will, who has accepted FST-teachings;
This 'I' is involved in the triangle relation with rival=ego and object of desire=fear.
This 'I' doesn't concern itself much with the rival, but rather with the beloved fear-object, which just doesn't belong to ego and got to be released thereof aka 'surrendered' to where it belongs. Then it's time for:
Where the karma is released, Goddess moves in. I AM. Sacred Nothingness.
So, finally ego gets a replacement for fear: Goddess...!The zen silent Mind, Witness. ...Who is a better guide(line) than fear.
...is it like this?
One could also muse about the chakras involved..
Discipline would pertain to activity(overcoming fears during a suitable experienceas) as well as effortlessness(A Zen sit).

--
    Science fiction fantasy does not have to follow the rules of life in the same way, there is more room for creativity and imagination, where the Muse comes through.  Sometimes when people guess at the future, they are right!   Heinlein predicted the internet, invented the waterbed, and some of his novels predicting the US being taken over by religious fundamentalists are not so far off. 

My first sf-book was about a big computer, that took over the world, when i had a long wait for the swimming baths to open. Witchy puter!
I missed Heinlein's Friday, after holding it in the hands several times; won't miss it again.. Thanks to Mystress

--
  Lately I have been re-reading some Darkover novels by Marion Zimmer Bradley, about a space colony that evolves telepathy. Some of her descriptions of being psychic are surprisingly accurate, but then she is a witchy sort, herself. 

Sort of a starter drug was Jessica A. Salmonson's compilation, "Amazons!", which gave a reference to MZB. "Witchy sort" is good; yes openminded for witchiness i think, not really touching to the core; but She was one of the first to pick up the female empowerment theme, and it is perhaps a certain moderation(restraint) in Her style that made her so widely acceptable and popular.
Rereading MZB however might shed more of my approval on Her work, as i wasn't very good at reading then.

--
You are right though, people miss stuff.  I dropped in to the Buffy the Vampire Slayer newsgroup after the last episode.  The show was filled with wonderful archetypal themes about the beauty and resilience of the human spirit and the empowerment of all women... and it was clear that nobody in the newsgroup had a clue, it all went right over their heads.

You are a treasure, Mystress, there is a repetition going on here, short before end of season 6, good opportunity enough to jump right on the Buffy train.

A while ago i had a tv-magazine with a poster of Buffy and another of Hollywood-pirate L. di Caprio, and i compared them for the eye-section, as a meditation Fem vs male, to discern the energy, and i don't think it was my worst idea ever.

There is some substance to 'Men fear women', and with a direct confrontation via Video(Buffy on tv) the first result can be speechlessness. On the male side speechlessness for the direct concern, on the fem side for in-direct concern correspondingly. The women knowing about the effects their 'rampant sexism' can have on the guys. Stuff yet to be practiced... i think.

Witchy Buffy producers, too.

Thanx, Mystress for the expanded lesson.

juergen.

 Thought-word-deed, taking the intention farther by facing off against phobias in real life, is kind of fun!  Exciting. 

Now it is dawning! Shure it is, and You're playing it in a safe way; a positive side result might be: steeling Yourself for the more "existancial" situations.

Well, I was facing off with the Portal Guardain in my crib, so it is not a new game for me.

Telepathy with animals is empathy and a slide show.

(Exemplaric) gape; just how Ya put these things...

   My druid taught me, he is very good with animals.  The MZB novel, "Hawkmistress" is all about that.

So, finally ego gets a replacement for fear: Goddess...!The zen silent Mind, Witness. ...Who is a better guide(line) than fear.
...is it like this?

No, not exactly. You give ego a real existence and identity, when really all it is, is a collection of fears that create an experience of separation from Goddess.  Practicing the litany, erodes ego because ego is made of fear.

   Reading stuff into things though... recently I was searching alchemy looking for the symbol of the fire serpent.  It is a vertical line intersecting an infinity symbol near the bottom of its length.  Like an upside down crucifix with an infinity symbol instead of a crossbar... it is symbolically represented in my painting of the Fire Serpent. http://kundalini-teacher.com/fs.html  I did not find it.

   What I found, was a page of alchemist Harry Potter fans who amuse themselves interpreting the alchemic symbolism and patterns in the books and the relationships of the central figures.  Now, I am pretty sure the author never studied alchemy or intended much of what they see... she is just making stuff up... but, that is where Goddess inspires.  So it is, when one is transparent to the Muse, the archetypal symbolic stuff is in there anyway and the author doesn't know about it because Goddess did it.  The cover artist probably didn't know either, just pulled up a alchemic typefont and chose what looked cool.

The thread: http://blogs.timesunion.com/harrypotter/?cat=38 scroll 2/3 down the page.

  The thing that really struck me though, was a post about a symbol on one of the book covers ... somebody researched it and discovered that represents "red fire" or Kundalini.  I knew an upward pointing triangle is the symbol for fire, (though I doubt that was on my mind when I did the logo art for FST)  What I did not know is the same symbol with a vertical line down the middle and a circle inside represents Kundalini.... well, take another look at the FST logo.  It is right there. Goddess did it.   

Hi again!

So, finally ego gets a replacement for fear: Goddess...!The zen silent Mind, Witness. ...Who is a better guide(line) than fear.
...is it like this?

No, not exactly. You give ego a real existence and identity, when really all it is, is a collection of fears that create an experience of separation from Goddess.  Practicing the litany, erodes ego because ego is made of fear.

Ok, no real existance for the ego, and no resistance at all(would only blur the view);  thank You for explaining it again with patience


   Reading stuff into things though... recently I was searching alchemy looking for the symbol of the fire serpent.  It is a vertical line intersecting an infinity symbol near the bottom of its length.  Like an upside down crucifix with an infinity symbol instead of a crossbar... it is symbolically represented in my painting of the Fire Serpent. http://kundalini-teacher.com/fs.html  I did not find it.

It may be in some Reiki books, and i have read s.th. about a stick thru the crown chakra, from the one or other reiki sources, according to my search.
After Your description and according to Your paintings, what came to my mind is:  water; well there are sagas about burning water, and indeed, it is right; i have seen such  a device 8 or 10 years back in a tv-report about mystic water qualities, was quite interesting.
It would be a perpetuum mobile, but i guess the process affords an energy input from sort of microwaves, first. Pity.

In the periodic chemical system H is 1 and O is 8, making prettily for this symbol.


   What I found, was a page of alchemist Harry Potter fans who amuse themselves interpreting the alchemic symbolism and patterns in the books and the relationships of the central figures.  Now, I am pretty sure the author never studied alchemy or intended much of what they see... she is just making stuff up... but, that is where Goddess inspires.  So it is, when one is transparent to the Muse, the archetypal symbolic stuff is in there anyway and the author doesn't know about it because Goddess did it.  The cover artist probably didn't know either, just pulled up a alchemic typefont and chose what looked cool.

Reminds me of the tarot fool card; or that the 'dumbest peasants produce the biggest potatoes'; not that 'dumbest' is my choice of words, i owe them my luckier impressions of childhood. To be transparent to the Muse is no little thing after all.

And if it looks cool, fine; there must have been a great vakuum and hunger on the side of the kids, and these books won't miss to have their effect, they don't enthuse so much for no reason.

The thing that really struck me though, was a post about a symbol on one of the book covers
The thread: http://blogs.timesunion.com/harrypotter/?cat=38 scroll 2/3 down the page.

Hoho! Cute! Not a very far spread symbol, after Your web search(and confirmed by mine).

... somebody researched it and discovered that represents "red fire" or Kundalini.

indeed, there it is, nearly the same, only without the vertical line, well documented by the young Lady.
When She writes a sentence like:
'There is a correlation between the seven stages of alchemy and the seven chakras.', she must have probably read more than just the 'Potter-books.(But then i re-read above, she is from among alchemist Harry Potter fans, ouch! the coin fell, but it fell upon my feet..

  I knew an upward pointing triangle is the symbol for fire, (though I doubt that was on my mind when I did the logo art for FST)  What I did not know is the same symbol with a vertical line down the middle and a circle inside represents Kundalini.... well, take another look at the FST logo.  It is right there. Goddess did it.


Yeah! She does a lot.

Or consider those many similar religious or whatsoever symbols over the farthest distances on Earth, a very special frog-symbol has been demonstrated, for example, known from Greek, also found in South Amerika...

A few hours ago i thought She, Goddess is like a big computer with alot of clients, inputs and outputs flowing in all directions, and 'Big Mom' continually updated; then if we do internet searches this search isn't done on the local pc but on the big servers, so far this is clear; but exactly this: try to do an internet search 'locally', is what usually people do by thinking with our/their brains, instead of sending the job to Source.

Another thought occured as to the upward pointing triangle.
First, it gives the schematic form of the fire flame.
Next it can be understood as the upper triangle of the hexagram, which would among others include the 3rd eye. Comparison with The FST-Symbol reveals that i'm right:
As is depicted conveniently on this site lately, Snakey is lushly equipped with these smaller triangles(Ra's eye)!

So, the The FST-triangle is the upper universe. Our vantage point of Goddess View, which gives a better overview of our singularity which is the lower universe/triangle with its 4 Chakras, and of all the other singularities(beings); in Your teaching You suppose a nine Chakra approach, which is perfectly matched by the hexagramm(2 times 4, 4 for each triangle) plus the center of the Earth...

bye for now..