Hi again.

I have been trying to release some "unconsciouss programming" lately.

fx. I am aware that i use humor alot in my daily life.. I always thought it was just a way of making contact, spreading positive energies, make people smile.. and get attention. I was on a 2 week seminar due to my work and met some new people. When i met them all the first day, and we sat around a table, we where all somewhat silent, except one guy who seemed very self-assured.. making jokes, being loud. This was how i saw him. Untill the teacings started, he was asked a simple direct question, and suddenly he was shaking like a leaf.. stumpled to find the words etc. ~ and finally i got it.. (my own pattern) I use all these strategies to remove focus from myself!! Some more things involved, but this realisation really took my breath away. to attract attention to avoid attention?! seemed very wierd at first, but now i remember seeing many soaps regarding this: make fun of yourself before someone beats you to it. Nice way to avoid unwanted attention.

But I keep on noticing how i (with my family mostly) feign being poor, sick, unattracive. Sort of like i waste my money so noone can take them from me. I play weak to avoid confrontation and responsibillity. I bend the truth (sometimes even lie) in order not to leave myself open for attacks. I have a sort of abusive background which explains it all very well, but when it comes to releasing it i cannot fully let go. I can justify my unconsciouss actions very well, i can justify being angry, i can understand that forgiving and accepting the past (and presence) fully is a key. But somehow there is something behind this that i dont see.. and this blindspot holds it all together.

Do i lack courage? I have confronted this, my family and my past many times.

Is it just family patterns: they dont abuse me anymore.. but they are still themselves and we need to pass time when we are together.. and know no other ways.

Is it low self-esteem being triggered with my family.

I dont understand why i still play this role, it is outdated and does not fit my personality.. and yet i dont know how to stop. When i witness myself behaving like this i dont even feel triggered.. more as if some sort of autopilot is taking over so i can distance myself. I dont want an autopilot, but how to turn it off.

So now i ask all here:

What is wrong with me?? (regarding this, i do not need the full list at this point in time *ss*)

Goddes please take this, and everything connected to it.. in top-down fashion from the point of origen. Thank you very much. (just in case noone answers

Thanks
Tommy

Hi Tommy,

sounds like conditioned behaviour (like Pavlov's dog) to me.

You seem to send out signals to others: please don't take me seriously, please just let me be with you, but please don't take notice of me ...

This must be because What?? could happen to you?

Would the others start to dislike you?
Deprive you of their love?
Would they repudiate you?

You probably have - maybe very long ago - made some bad experiences.
Objectively maybe more, maybe less bad, but subjectively bad enough for you to let your inner voice say "No! I don't want this! I must find a way to avoid this."
Perhaps associated with disgust, pain, repulsion or fear.
Perhaps repeatedly and even over a long period of time.
Perhaps when you were a little kid or maybe later.

And in those days you may have developed a pesonal strategy of how to avoid these bad experiences. You may have taken on a behaviour that made you feel at least a little confident that this special behaviour would save you from the bad and would ensure that you'd really be loved and accepted - just as you are.
And thus this bad-experiences-avoiding behaviour became kind of a second nature to you.
A conditioned behaviour.
Thus your words sound to me.

And maybe it worked. At least in those days.

But those days have long gone, and outside in the big big world it shows that the so well conditioned behaviour does not work quite as well as it might have done in former times. And it may conflict with expectations projected onto you of being a grownup person who takes responsibility for his deeds and fights for his rights.

It appears that you are aware of the fact that somehow the old behaviour doesn't work anymore. And this annoys you, because it also appears to be very hard to change.

Just as a suggestion - to change it you might try to do the following:

Start training a behaviour that is opposite to the old behaviour, consciously.
By consistently training a new behaviour it can become possible to replace and dissolve the old behaviour. But it is a long road to go.

Example of how you could do it:
Think of a regularly occurring situation in which you almost certainly behave in a way that you actually don't want to.
Then think - use your imagination - of how you could possibly behave in an other way in that situation. In a way that better suits you, that you feel of like, yeah, that's how I would rather behave, how I would really like to behave FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.
Keep imagining that. Imagine the situation and practice it, perhaps in front of a mirror, like an actor learning a new role, a new character.
Keep repeating it until you feel reasonably sure about it.
Until you feel that you know your new role BY HEART.
This role can be very short in the beginning, later you can add on.

And then go for it. Go into the real situation and try to act the part.
(Ofcourse it is wise to start with an "easy" situation, which you think you can handle.)
Gather all of you courage, go for it, and then just do it. Just like you practiced it.

If you find that it is hard to keep your mind set on acting the part while you are actually in the real situation, perhaps you can have something to remind you of it.
Something like a talisman that you can keep in your pocket to take out and hold in your hand, or a small ribbon tied around your wrist, to give you the strength to remember and act!

The first time can be short, perhaps only a short tryout.

Then afterwards think of how it went. Write it down, what you did, how other people reacted to it, and how you yourself felt about it. What were your feelings? How did they differ? Read your writings. Read them again, the next day etc. and think of what you might do next to improve your results.

If you had the feeling that the whole thing didn't work out, then think why.
What went wrong? Or, if something in the situation would have been different, would it then possibly have been effective? What could you have done to shape the situation in such a way? Ok, then act and give it another try.

If that all doesn't work out, then perhaps you should choose a situation that is easier to handle. Start small and work yourself up slowly.

But maybe it did work out fine. Maybe you managed to act opposite to your "normal" behaviour in a certain situation. Great! Then do it again, raise your behaviour training to a higher level. Keep on training and keep on trying it out in real situations.
And you - and the people who know you - will start to get used to the new behaviour, and you will feel so good about it. And in the end your positively new behaviour will turn into a second nature.

And ofcourse, last but certainly not least, an invaluable and indispensible "tool" for building up your training strategy and for testing your results is:

to listen to your Heart Voice

(See: Opening the Heart Chakra, one of the greatest lessons of MAS)

hope this is of any help to you
to turn off the "autopilot" and act as YOU want to

namaste

johannes

Hi Johannes

It rings very true, and that is somehow also how i have "treated" the problem. I do not know about pavlovs dog though, but i will check it out.

The wierd thing is that people take me seriously, treat me with respect, laugh with me not at me etc. I have had a hard time socializing most of my life, now it is very easy for me to communicate with people and really meet them. I think i take myself seriously.. without falling into the trap of arrogance and selfimportance. (too often)

I can get frustrated at times with the character i live trough. If i boil it down, because i still am angry about the past.. etc. Some fears regarding ending up like my grandfather, even though i am nothing like my grandfather (my family try to make me into my grandfather of sorts). etc. etc. But history does not seem to offer liveration at this point in time.

******** What i mean is, it is like there is a spot/pattern that seems unreachable by psychologi etc. Like there is a piece missing. I can be in surrender, fully love and accept myself.. but the missing peace stays missing. I cannot even tell where the piece should be, i just have these indicators telling me that it is connected somehow to these patterns.. and the power chakra.

It makes sense to practice this untill it becomes second nature, but i do every day.. and the piece is still missing. (Goddes please bring me that piece.. the right piece).

It is not that i think my "condition" is advanced or unreachable by psychologi etc. but the part that needs conditioning is not there.

Like something that needs to say "click".

I had many traumatic moments as a child, but when i go back in time i dont find the piece (so far atleast). I can be with my family, and know what the "autopilot" would do/say.. and still not have a clue about what the root of the problem is. I can run the autopilot or not.. it seems to make no difference when others seem reluctant to change their records!? It is like a screen play: My father says: No.. or nothing , My mother starts talking, my sister puts her down, she gets emotional.. my father gets uncomfortable by this and dissapears even more etc. etc. every god damn time. Sometimes it seems like "Groundgog Day". I can watch the play.. participate in it or not. It is still the same play more or less.

By reading your post i wondered if it is just because i have more healthy boundaries in my powerchakra. Most of my life i have had the experience of having no buffer.. and being overly sensitive, and now that i have a buffer.. the experience is so new and alien to me that it seems wrong?! Not used to having privacy.. now i am beginning to experience myself in this chakra of sorts.. ½ a "click". I will give this a chance, and try to get used to this space.. maybe it is enough.

*Why do we have personal boundaries? and why are some of them healthy?*

Sometimes the spiritual path becomes so surreal, and i am beginning to believe that it is the world that is crazy.. atleast crazier than me It reminds me of "Wonko the sane"
from "the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy", he build an insane asylum that was turned inside out.. then he stayed "inside" so that he was the only one not commited in the asylum.

Thank you very much for being a mirror and adding your  two cents Johannes.. it makes things alot easier to deal with. When "talking to myself" i tend to end up at the same dead ends again and again when it comes to these  blind-spots.

I will do the heart lesson.. again! maybe i will really understand this time, that i have heard it all my life.. and not just sit and wait for some genie to appear.

Thank you
Tommy

: Hi Tommy,

: sounds like conditioned behaviour (like Pavlov's dog) to me.

: You seem to send out signals to others: please don't take me seriously, please just let me be with you, but please don't take notice of me ...

: This must be because What?? could happen to you?

: Would the others start to dislike you?
: Deprive you of their love?
: Would they repudiate you?

: You probably have - maybe very long ago - made some bad experiences.
: Objectively maybe more, maybe less bad, but subjectively bad enough for you to let your inner voice say "No! I don't want this! I must find a way to avoid this."
: Perhaps associated with disgust, pain, repulsion or fear.
: Perhaps repeatedly and even over a long period of time.
: Perhaps when you were a little kid or maybe later.

: And in those days you may have developed a pesonal strategy of how to avoid these bad experiences. You may have taken on a behaviour that made you feel at least a little confident that this special behaviour would save you from the bad and would ensure that you'd really be loved and accepted - just as you are.
: And thus this bad-experiences-avoiding behaviour became kind of a second nature to you.
: A conditioned behaviour.
: Thus your words sound to me.

: And maybe it worked. At least in those days.

: But those days have long gone, and outside in the big big world it shows that the so well conditioned behaviour does not work quite as well as it might have done in former times. And it may conflict with expectations projected onto you of being a grownup person who takes responsibility for his deeds and fights for his rights.

: It appears that you are aware of the fact that somehow the old behaviour doesn't work anymore. And this annoys you, because it also appears to be very hard to change.

: Just as a suggestion - to change it you might try to do the following:

: Start training a behaviour that is opposite to the old behaviour, consciously.
: By consistently training a new behaviour it can become possible to replace and dissolve the old behaviour. But it is a long road to go.

: Example of how you could do it:
: Think of a regularly occurring situation in which you almost certainly behave in a way that you actually don't want to.
: Then think - use your imagination - of how you could possibly behave in an other way in that situation. In a way that better suits you, that you feel of like, yeah, that's how I would rather behave, how I would really like to behave FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.
: Keep imagining that. Imagine the situation and practice it, perhaps in front of a mirror, like an actor learning a new role, a new character.
: Keep repeating it until you feel reasonably sure about it.
: Until you feel that you know your new role BY HEART.
: This role can be very short in the beginning, later you can add on.

: And then go for it. Go into the real situation and try to act the part.
: (Ofcourse it is wise to start with an "easy" situation, which you think you can handle.)
: Gather all of you courage, go for it, and then just do it. Just like you practiced it.

: If you find that it is hard to keep your mind set on acting the part while you are actually in the real situation, perhaps you can have something to remind you of it.
: Something like a talisman that you can keep in your pocket to take out and hold in your hand, or a small ribbon tied around your wrist, to give you the strength to remember and act!

: The first time can be short, perhaps only a short tryout.

: Then afterwards think of how it went. Write it down, what you did, how other people reacted to it, and how you yourself felt about it. What were your feelings? How did they differ? Read your writings. Read them again, the next day etc. and think of what you might do next to improve your results.

: If you had the feeling that the whole thing didn't work out, then think why.
: What went wrong? Or, if something in the situation would have been different, would it then possibly have been effective? What could you have done to shape the situation in such a way? Ok, then act and give it another try.

: If that all doesn't work out, then perhaps you should choose a situation that is easier to handle. Start small and work yourself up slowly.

: But maybe it did work out fine. Maybe you managed to act opposite to your "normal" behaviour in a certain situation. Great! Then do it again, raise your behaviour training to a higher level. Keep on training and keep on trying it out in real situations.
: And you - and the people who know you - will start to get used to the new behaviour, and you will feel so good about it. And in the end your positively new behaviour will turn into a second nature.

: And ofcourse, last but certainly not least, an invaluable and indispensible "tool" for building up your training strategy and for testing your results is:

: to listen to your Heart Voice

: (See: Opening the Heart Chakra, one of the greatest lessons of MAS)

: hope this is of any help to you
: to turn off the "autopilot" and act as YOU want to

: namaste

: johannes

Hi Tommy,

I watched your thoughts on a too shallow level, sorry for that. Now I understand your point is beyond psychology (it seems you have digged quite deep already), indeed in the spheres of spirituality.
Since I am still a beginner I don't want to arrogate and presume to know things better.
The further I get on the "spiritual path" the more I realize that I still haven't got very far yet, but at least I know what I am heading for, following a guiding light, but still wandering in darkness.

The "missing piece" you speak about seems to be a central point for you.

I found some interesting quotes that relate to your questions and that may perhaps bring some new ideas by way of association:

*** "What's the missing piece, and why hasn't it come to you yet?  According to  Law of Attraction, you haven't yet  allowed it into your life."(the context was something to do with EFT or whatever, didn't seem relevant to me)

*** And then I found something about "the addictive mind" (www.devotion.co.uk/mag/?p=9).
It may be of no relevance to you, but maybe it is? Anyway it seems to conform to MAS' teachings, partly at least, to be read with a critical mind. Here it is:

"What is the addictive mind?

It is the part of you that feels you are not enough, that there must be something outside of you that will fill the hole, the gap, the missing piece.

So there is a constant search for that elusive thing. It may be that your issue is smoking or alcohol. Perhaps gambling took your attention or drugs. Sex is a common distraction. Food is a big one. The elusive part of the addictive mind is that it endlessly seeks to fulfill itself.

All of these addictions and more are all connected. It is the longing for a spiritual connection and the strength of that longing dictates how deeply you will go into the destructive behaviour pattern. Kundalini yoga is a tool. A way of accessing your connection to the Infinite, to your soul.

Once that connection is made, it needs to be fed and nurtured, by a regular practice of yoga and meditation. Soon that connection becomes stronger and more importantthan any outside pull and the mind can find peace. Self-esteem grows and from there, the lotus blossoms. This is the meaning of the imagery of the lotus. We have all seen it in Hindu references, on websites, on candles, whatever. It is the symbol of the Divinity within us rising in its purest state, up through the mud of our history. Basically, just looking the other way. Turning our attention 180 degrees the other way. Inwards instead of outward.

Kundalini yoga strengthens our nervous system and helps us to better cope with every day life. If you are emerging from any one of the possible addictions open to all of us and would like to find a way of understanding and working with the mind, then this technology is for you.

Be aware that it is a potent form of yoga. If you don%rsquot feel different after a KY set, it is not KY, and please do not attempt any yoga or meditation if you have used any drugs in the last 24 hours, alcohol in the last 18 hours. The mixture is not good.

The best practice is to take a meditation and experience it for 40 days.

Everyday. It can be useful to keep notes on your experiences. There will be easy days, totally elevating days, and some when it is such a struggle you are amazed. And that can be with the easiest meditation."

*** And then I found this: http://www.creativei.com/ladylake/insights9c.html (by Leigh Gaitskill). It is not exactly conforming to the K-path we have chosen with MAS, but interesting stuff to think about though (focussing on the surrendering of ego in combination with an "analysis" of family ties, if I got it right)

namaste

johannes

: Sometimes the spiritual path becomes so surreal, and i am beginning to believe that it is the world that is crazy.. atleast crazier than me It reminds me of "Wonko the sane"
: from "the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy", he build an insane asylum that was turned inside out.. then he stayed "inside" so that he was the only one not commited in the asylum.

... very true, it indeed is all very relative, depending on how you look at things ...
by the way, I love this quote from the Hitchhiker's "restaurant at the End of the Universe":

"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."
(racing towards the void)

don't forget your towel, and ... don't panic
)

lol )))))))))))

I dont have time to write a post right now, but just had to send a smile

Thanks Johannes

: : Sometimes the spiritual path becomes so surreal, and i am beginning to believe that it is the world that is crazy.. atleast crazier than me It reminds me of "Wonko the sane"
: : from "the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy", he build an insane asylum that was turned inside out.. then he stayed "inside" so that he was the only one not commited in the asylum.

: ... very true, it indeed is all very relative, depending on how you look at things ...
: by the way, I love this quote from the Hitchhiker's "restaurant at the End of the Universe":

: "There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."
: (racing towards the void)

: don't forget your towel, and ... don't panic
: )

Hi Tommy:

 Family is the hardest, yours sounds much like mine. What I find is that family members have strong ideas about who they think I am, and they project that... and trying to shake it off or persuade them differently is often not welcomed. Blocking it out seems impossible. If I can stay embodied and avoid projecting then I consider myself to have done well! LOL!  

 In a family, we all have our roles and labels and at the same time it seems we don't really know each other, at all.

   Blessings...

: Hi again.

: I have been trying to release some "unconsciouss programming" lately.

: fx. I am aware that i use humor alot in my daily life.. I always thought it was just a way of making contact, spreading positive energies, make people smile.. and get attention. I was on a 2 week seminar due to my work and met some new people. When i met them all the first day, and we sat around a table, we where all somewhat silent, except one guy who seemed very self-assured.. making jokes, being loud. This was how i saw him. Untill the teacings started, he was asked a simple direct question, and suddenly he was shaking like a leaf.. stumpled to find the words etc. ~ and finally i got it.. (my own pattern) I use all these strategies to remove focus from myself!! Some more things involved, but this realisation really took my breath away. to attract attention to avoid attention?! seemed very wierd at first, but now i remember seeing many soaps regarding this: make fun of yourself before someone beats you to it. Nice way to avoid unwanted attention.

: But I keep on noticing how i (with my family mostly) feign being poor, sick, unattracive. Sort of like i waste my money so noone can take them from me. I play weak to avoid confrontation and responsibillity. I bend the truth (sometimes even lie) in order not to leave myself open for attacks. I have a sort of abusive background which explains it all very well, but when it comes to releasing it i cannot fully let go. I can justify my unconsciouss actions very well, i can justify being angry, i can understand that forgiving and accepting the past (and presence) fully is a key. But somehow there is something behind this that i dont see.. and this blindspot holds it all together.

: Do i lack courage? I have confronted this, my family and my past many times.

: Is it just family patterns: they dont abuse me anymore.. but they are still themselves and we need to pass time when we are together.. and know no other ways.

: Is it low self-esteem being triggered with my family.

: I dont understand why i still play this role, it is outdated and does not fit my personality.. and yet i dont know how to stop. When i witness myself behaving like this i dont even feel triggered.. more as if some sort of autopilot is taking over so i can distance myself. I dont want an autopilot, but how to turn it off.

:
: So now i ask all here:

: What is wrong with me?? (regarding this, i do not need the full list at this point in time *ss*)

: Goddes please take this, and everything connected to it.. in top-down fashion from the point of origen. Thank you very much. (just in case noone answers

: Thanks
: Tommy

: