Once, when I was twelve or thirteen years old, a school teacher told my class about all the catastrophes that were awaiting mankind; nuclear war, radiation, pollution of the environment, overpopulation etc. His lesson was rather scary. Most of my class mates just did not get the message though. I was confused. Somewhat later, when I was walking in deep thoughts on the school yard, it suddenly stroked me with extreme intensity and clarity that this was actually me living on this earth under such conditions. This was real. It was as if I had awakened from a dream. The sense of being; of I-am-ness; was extreme. This state lasted only for a few minutes, than I slowly returned to normal. This was a fearful experience, but still, it was an experience of being alive, and very much so.

Later I recreated the experience by repeating to my self (roughly translated): %ldquothis is me, this is me, this is me%hellip%rdquo. This exercise took me through layer upon layer of increased clarity until I reached the same experience again. It was as if I pierced first one veil of perception, then another, then yet another and so on, until I reached this state. I started to practice this now and then. I also noticed that I was taken into a similar state of clarity just before a sexual orgasm. For this period, my life kind of changed in quality. Some days, some nights, some afternoons etc became kind of perfect. Life was kind of flowing.

I did not know what to do with this, or what it was, so eventually I lost it. Still, I started to practice meditation when I was 15. That was because I had the idea that the meditation might eventually take me to the state of being awake continually all the time. However, relaxation never accomplished that for me. I engaged in a normal life. I never understood how the things that other people thought were important could really be considered as such. Therefore, I thought there was something wrong with me and I tried to become like them. So I decided to consider this and that as important. I put a lot of time and efforts in my studies. This eventually took me to the place where I am today. However, now I am thinking about another aspect.

Ever since that day when I was twelve or thirteen I have only felt really alive in those few occasions when I have had these experiences of awakening from a dream. When I had these experiences, they were kind of triggered by fear; by my acceptance of my situation as it was. Therefore, I have always wanted to keep an open mind and accept the facts just as they are. And I think I am rather good at it. My memory is rather bad, especially in the short term perspective, but it seems I don%rsquot make up things to substitute for what I do not remember as often as other people do. I have observed a lot of people around me and how they live their lives. It seems to me that most people make up things to feel more comfortable and that many people even have a kind of %ldquothe lie of their life%rdquo. They create their own personal history and that can be rather far from the truth. To me this has seemed similar to taking drugs to feel good. I never really understood at the depth of my heart why I should be happy for worldly success. When I had it, I felt there was still something missing. Nor did I understand why I should lie to myself to feel better. It is not that I have been looking down upon people who, by the help of their imagination, really %ldquolive the life of their dreams%rdquo. Rather I envy them.

If it is true that we create our lives from our expectations %ndash really create our lives and not only our fantasies about them %ndash I suppose my strategy of %ldquojust observing what is%rdquo might not work that well. Somehow I still create my own life, and it has not been as perfect as it could be. But still, I want the blissful experiences to come from within and not from outside.

Hi Vyana,

When I was 18 I had similar personal expansions but then when the rush ended the expansion seemed to end.

I have encountered most of what you say and I have noticed a lot of that too.

It amazes me that these different masters say different things. Their approach, even after their enlightenment seems to always be different. I read once that Mystress said the difference is likely to be from DNA.

I have reasoned that my ego is vastly different than others, due to the knowledge and experience I have collected. I think that my informational world I think is completely different than anyone elses.

Mystress also once wrote that most people only have about 2 open chakras. Perhaps this is how our views are so different.

As I ascend everything seems to become more blissful, even in the most trying conditions.

All the best,
Scott

Hi Vyana,

When I was 18 I had similar personal expansions but then when the rush ended the expansion seemed to end but it seemed to pick up later.

I have encountered most of what you say and I have noticed a lot of that too.

It amazes me that these different masters say different things. What they say even after their enlightenment seems to always be different. I read once that Mystress said the difference is likely to be from DNA.

I have reasoned that my ego is vastly different than others, due to the knowledge and experience I have collected. I think that my informational world I think is completely different than anyone elses.

Mystress also once wrote that most people only have about 2 open chakras. Perhaps this is also how our views are so different.

All the best,
Scott