While writing the pre-grad essay, a lot of stuff has come up to be processed!  A major thing that has come to be approached now is the fear of illness.  I have been aware that it has been somewhere deep inside in the past, but it hasn't come up as fully as it has now.

After sending in the pre-grad essay and posting it last night, I had very intense dreams during the night. Amusingly enough, when I wrote the essay I said I hadn't had any intense dreams of late, lol!

It's been brought in through a bunch of syncronicities.  First the boils and skin problems I've had, the fear of MD's and that they've kept delaying my appointment. The fear itself showed its head in a dream that pretty much shows it all.

I dreamt that I someone had responded to my essay in the tea-room with the subject line "whaa haaa cancer cancer cancer" or something like that.  When I realized this dream after waking up in the morning, I felt uncomfortable to say the least. It's a nagging fear I've had for quite some time. No wonder, my mom died in cancer, and several other women in my family have had it and recovered from it. So of course all of those events have affected my life. After I told Wife about the dream she immediately said "You're not sick, it's time to get over it!"

I've had these dreams before in the past years, being told I'm sick in one way or the other. A fear of having such bad news delivered to me one way or the other.

My heartvoice told me this morning: "Do you not trust that Goddess has it all handled?"

I've found that the only way to overcome fear is to know it, accept it, and surrender it. There's often a tendency to pretend that I am not afraid or angry or sad, putting up a face to myself and others. But then I will never, ever be authentic. I'd like to be authentic in everything.

Goddess, this is a gift for you!  Please take it, it is yours. I'm putting myself into your hands, even if it feels scarey at times. Thank you!

Does anyone else in here have or had the experience of fears of illness?

Namaste
Gustaf