I just read that essay and did the video of Reverse Gender People.  About people who, at about the age of puberty. have Egos that doubt they can survive life, so these egos shut down, and the unconscious forms a new ego to carry on.  Then when the person in question sets out to meet the Divine Beloved, he or she gets a big surprise.

That fits me exactly.  From years 12 to 15 I lived in Argentina.  The country was embroiled in "The Dirty War."  There was a lot of terrorism going on, and a lot of it was anti-american (American companies were rich, so they could pay huge ransoms and finance operations.)  It was hell.

Several years ago I realized there was a time of about a year when my heart pleaded for santuary.  During that year I became more and more reckless.  I had several accidents, mostly head-injuries, and eventually I had a doozie that put me in a coma.

To me that sounds like a perfect match to the reverse gender people discribed in the lesson.  It would be resonable to expect the Divine Beloved to show up as a guy (the original ego?) or a buffalo or an Ank.  Instead, the Divine Beloved showed up as a beautiful, sensual, tender, caring and wise young woman.

So what gives?  Did the original ego somehow get back on top?  Or did it never abdicate in the first place?  Maybe Tender, Caring and Wise can explain it to me.  It's really confusing, though.

Things seem to be working out.  This morning the Divine Beloved appeared as a mist or a field of energy.  I'm not sure, but I think I've seen that mist before. I'm thinking the Divine Beloved had to take a different form so that I could recognize it.

 Hello Paris:

 Originally, I thought you were female, I guess I thought of Paris as a woman's name because of Paris Hilton, but I know it is a male name out of Greek mythology.

 The biggest marker for gender switch is missing childhood memories. For example, one gender switch I worked with, remembered nothing before the age of 12.  Seems like despite having had a very hard time, you do not have memories missing, so probably you are not switched.

 Blessings!

: I just read that essay and did the video of Reverse Gender People.  About people who, at about the age of puberty. have Egos that doubt they can survive life, so these egos shut down, and the unconscious forms a new ego to carry on.  Then when the person in question sets out to meet the Divine Beloved, he or she gets a big surprise.

: That fits me exactly.  From years 12 to 15 I lived in Argentina.  The country was embroiled in "The Dirty War."  There was a lot of terrorism going on, and a lot of it was anti-american (American companies were rich, so they could pay huge ransoms and finance operations.)  It was hell.

: Several years ago I realized there was a time of about a year when my heart pleaded for santuary.  During that year I became more and more reckless.  I had several accidents, mostly head-injuries, and eventually I had a doozie that put me in a coma.

: To me that sounds like a perfect match to the reverse gender people discribed in the lesson.  It would be resonable to expect the Divine Beloved to show up as a guy (the original ego?) or a buffalo or an Ank.  Instead, the Divine Beloved showed up as a beautiful, sensual, tender, caring and wise young woman.

: So what gives?  Did the original ego somehow get back on top?  Or did it never abdicate in the first place?  Maybe Tender, Caring and Wise can explain it to me.  It's really confusing, though.

The reason I was in Argentina was that my father was sent there as a missionary by an American church.  After my accident, being unemployable and having such severe emotional problems (PTSD), I thought it was only fair that I go to the church for help.  I went many times asking local leaders, but was always turned away.  Once I went directly to the social services dempartment of the church.  They told me I was too far gone.

That was very disappointing, but I kind of took the attitude, "What'cha gonna do?"  For all I knew that was right, I was too far gone.

Then that thing with the World Trade Center happened.  One of the passangers on one of the planes happened to belong to the same church.  Church headquarter put on an elaborate memorial service for her and broadcast it nationwide.  I sent a letter to Church Headquarters saying how betray I felt that they would go to such lengths an such expense for someone for who had suffered from terrorism for and hour and was now dead, and whose ordeal could in no way be linked to the church.  While at the same time I was still alive, I needed help and my ordeal had very diffinite links to the church.  My letter must have touched a nerve, because a few weeks later my Bishop, the local leader, recieved a letter from HQ authorizing him to help me.  It took a while because ideas don't come to me very fast, but a few months later I decided what I needed most was an income.  So I asked my Bishop to ask that I receive a small pension.  He took my request to church headquarters where it was denied because the statute of limitations had already expired.

For year I've been struggling with the feelings of that betrayal.  I've surrender the anquish to that Great and Holy Whatever time and time again.  I've surrendered different aspects of the pain and wrath.  I thought it was all gone.  There is no pain anymore.

The reason I'm writing this is cuz Mystress said the thing written on this list are surrendered to God/dess.  I just want to get rid of this issue.  I don't care if there's any resolution to it or not.  I'm tired of feeling shat upon.

Paris