For the last several weeks I've been feeling this overwhelming sense of sadness and grief. It literally feels like my heart is breaking, all of the time. I know where some of it is coming from, as I've been having some things come up from my past that I foolishly thought I could put away in a box and forget. But that does not account for the rest of what I'm feeling...there doesn't seem to be much explanation. I keep trying to stay grounded and surrender it all and stand back and view myself from the witness, which sometimes helps but I sometimes find it difficult to detach when the grief is at its peak of intensity...like I can't get out from under it. Silly, I know.  I've tried to keep as busy as possible in the hope that doing so would help me get past this, but I'm just feeling so worn down.

I have been at a standstill in this course for several weeks, but I am ok with that. I just feel I'm not ready to move forward right now until this resolves. I don't really know why i'm writing this except that it seems to be making me feel better to get some words out...maybe someone could tell me a good joke to cheer me up?

: For the last several weeks I've been feeling this overwhelming sense of sadness and grief. It literally feels like my heart is breaking, all of the time. I know where some of it is coming from, as I've been having some things come up from my past that I foolishly thought I could put away in a box and forget. But that does not account for the rest of what I'm feeling...there doesn't seem to be much explanation. I keep trying to stay grounded and surrender it all and stand back and view myself from the witness, which sometimes helps but I sometimes find it difficult to detach when the grief is at its peak of intensity...like I can't get out from under it. Silly, I know.  I've tried to keep as busy as possible in the hope that doing so would help me get past this, but I'm just feeling so worn down.

: I have been at a standstill in this course for several weeks, but I am ok with that. I just feel I'm not ready to move forward right now until this resolves. I don't really know why i'm writing this except that it seems to be making me feel better to get some words out...maybe someone could tell me a good joke to cheer me up?

I too have had the feeling of a broken heart many, many times.  In fact I was a totally emotional basketcase (told I had a giant emotional body.)  I was told I was addicted to otherness.  Those I studied with would tell me to feel it and release it, but that never seemed to work...it just clung on.  Then I came across some others (Gangaji, Eli, Nirmala) who tell you to fully welcome whatever you are feeling, and then watch what happens.  Usually, you find there is something deeper underlying (fear, longing, for example), and you keep going through layers like that until you wind up in bliss or peace or something else wonderful.  The thing is you do not try to put aside the feelings but welcome them as a doorway inward.  I soon found out that I was handling some very devestating events in my life peacefully. I started focusing on getting the K working well again, as this brings me more joy than anything I have ever known.  And another good thing to know is that often before a big breakthrough, like into your spiritual heart, the energy goes through your emotional heart and there is this devistating pain of separation thing...it doesn't last.  You can get into the spiritual heart.  Finally, I was given a great Christmas present, and had an experience where I found out that I was the love that I had so been desparately seeking. Nothing has been able to hurt me since then because it cannot stand up to what I saw for myself as myself.  I have learned also that as what is true and real is inside, not outside, that sometimes we have to "lose" what we attach to the most so that we can really focus inside, and the freedom and wonder is worth it.

  Hello, Kittygirl:

 When stuff is difficult to release, art can help. Thought-word-deed is stronger than thought alone!
Rather than fight the feelings, try to express them in art. Give your self room, to be childlike. Use crayons and let your non-dominant hand draw your feelings. Doesn't matter if all you get is scribbles! Make lots of pictures. When you are done, burn the paper and scatter the ashes.
 Grief is not a pleasant emotion, but sometimes when you surrender it, it can take on a poignant beauty that is connected to the cycles of life itself. Let us know how it goes! Blessings...

: For the last several weeks I've been feeling this overwhelming sense of sadness and grief. It literally feels like my heart is breaking, all of the time. I know where some of it is coming from, as I've been having some things come up from my past that I foolishly thought I could put away in a box and forget. But that does not account for the rest of what I'm feeling...there doesn't seem to be much explanation. I keep trying to stay grounded and surrender it all and stand back and view myself from the witness, which sometimes helps but I sometimes find it difficult to detach when the grief is at its peak of intensity...like I can't get out from under it. Silly, I know.  I've tried to keep as busy as possible in the hope that doing so would help me get past this, but I'm just feeling so worn down.

: I have been at a standstill in this course for several weeks, but I am ok with that. I just feel I'm not ready to move forward right now until this resolves. I don't really know why i'm writing this except that it seems to be making me feel better to get some words out...maybe someone could tell me a good joke to cheer me up?

Lauren, thank you so much for your beautiful words I hope I too can finally get to the place of peace where the freedom and wonder is worth it. I am struggling in the muck right now. And you are right, there is something deeper once you go in the doorway...it scares me and I run every single time I try.

I wondered why I was getting to the point of feeling like I don't even want to be here anymore, and when I looked at my journal I discovered this grief and hopelessness has been going on for more than a few weeks...more like a couple of months and counting....

Thanks for sharing with me

: I too have had the feeling of a broken heart many, many times.  In fact I was a totally emotional basketcase (told I had a giant emotional body.)  I was told I was addicted to otherness.  Those I studied with would tell me to feel it and release it, but that never seemed to work...it just clung on.  Then I came across some others (Gangaji, Eli, Nirmala) who tell you to fully welcome whatever you are feeling, and then watch what happens.  Usually, you find there is something deeper underlying (fear, longing, for example), and you keep going through layers like that until you wind up in bliss or peace or something else wonderful.  The thing is you do not try to put aside the feelings but welcome them as a doorway inward.  I soon found out that I was handling some very devestating events in my life peacefully. I started focusing on getting the K working well again, as this brings me more joy than anything I have ever known.  And another good thing to know is that often before a big breakthrough, like into your spiritual heart, the energy goes through your emotional heart and there is this devistating pain of separation thing...it doesn't last.  You can get into the spiritual heart.  Finally, I was given a great Christmas present, and had an experience where I found out that I was the love that I had so been desparately seeking. Nothing has been able to hurt me since then because it cannot stand up to what I saw for myself as myself.  I have learned also that as what is true and real is inside, not outside, that sometimes we have to "lose" what we attach to the most so that we can really focus inside, and the freedom and wonder is worth it.

Hi Mystress, and thanks for your suggestion. It's funny you mentioned this...I was in a mall recently that was showcasing art from the local grade school and high school. This may sound strange but some of the works were so incredibly moving and mature for the ages of the kids producing them, they really spoke to me...brought tears to my eyes (but what doesn't these days). I always wished I could paint. I'll have to give this a try and see what happens Thanks again...

:   Hello, Kittygirl:

:   When stuff is difficult to release, art can help. Thought-word-deed is stronger than thought alone!
:  Rather than fight the feelings, try to express them in art. Give your self room, to be childlike. Use crayons and let your non-dominant hand draw your feelings. Doesn't matter if all you get is scribbles! Make lots of pictures. When you are done, burn the paper and scatter the ashes.
:   Grief is not a pleasant emotion, but sometimes when you surrender it, it can take on a poignant beauty that is connected to the cycles of life itself. Let us know how it goes! Blessings...  

: : For the last several weeks I've been feeling this overwhelming sense of sadness and grief. It literally feels like my heart is breaking, all of the time. I know where some of it is coming from, as I've been having some things come up from my past that I foolishly thought I could put away in a box and forget. But that does not account for the rest of what I'm feeling...there doesn't seem to be much explanation. I keep trying to stay grounded and surrender it all and stand back and view myself from the witness, which sometimes helps but I sometimes find it difficult to detach when the grief is at its peak of intensity...like I can't get out from under it. Silly, I know.  I've tried to keep as busy as possible in the hope that doing so would help me get past this, but I'm just feeling so worn down.

: : I have been at a standstill in this course for several weeks, but I am ok with that. I just feel I'm not ready to move forward right now until this resolves. I don't really know why i'm writing this except that it seems to be making me feel better to get some words out...maybe someone could tell me a good joke to cheer me up?