hi all!

I am happy to see that everybody seemed to have had a nice holiday season.

I am happy for Glenda's relief and for Mystress's Christmas.

I am happy that we have a new classmate, Xerxenca: blessings to you too.

I am happy to hear from Percyval. Thanks again for being around.

I am happy that Barg is such a good person! (he! Who doubted it but yourself?) ;-)
Your story reminded me of the most beautiful Christmas I have ever spent: on Christmas eve, over ten years ago, my family helped me to help a large group of elderly people have a good time for Christmas. Without all the young people who helped that night, the elderly would have spent Christmas alone.

Actually, I am just plain Happy! I enjoy my life very much and I feel very blessed to have such a life. Thank you Goddess.

I guess too that I found bliss in getting my ass off the bed to help getting that new site up and running: http://www.usob.org/">the United States of Being.

A couple of months back, Mystress commented on the fact that autumn is the season of death... after being fairly active a the end of the summer (up to October), K went dormant for the next two months. Then, just after Christmas, it seems She decided to wake again.

I am still in the early stages and mine is in no way a full K awakening. Goddess is taking things at her own pace, one that is very gentle on me, so I am blessed to have a very peaceful awakening... There's only the fact that my wife found very strange and very funny to see a big boy like me crying throughout a rather dull movie... :-)

Things take time (which anyway is an illusion, he!)... and I am in not hurry. There are so many things to enjoy in life, so why hurry?

Love to all,

Augustin.

Hey Augustin,

Checked out your site. Very beautifully done. Sounds like an interesting project. I read a little, but it's late and I didn't have time to explore the whole thing.

You might be interested in a site called www.culturalcreatives.com. These people wrote a book about all the folks in the U.S. who want to better the world, and they claim we're 50 million strong, only we don't know it, because we have no name for who we are. Maybe they'd like to link to yr site.

Anyway, it looks fabulous. So neat and easy to read and navigate.

Barg

  Augustin, you sound really wonderful! I am happy that you are happy.

I am happy that I finally got a page up, advertising myself as a Profesional Intuitive Healer and Kundalini Guide.. Goddess has been poking me to do this, since.. uh.. well, She advised that I would be good as a professional psychic back in high school, but I had no confidence.. in the last few years, I have lived in 3 residences that had a room set aside for a healing room, that were not used.. cold feet cold feet..

A pro Healer I know, who is brilliant at it has been very supportive, as have my beloveds.. and it feels really good!

We have a few new students.. perhaps they will introduce themselves.. if they want to.

Blessings to all!
:
: hi all!

: I am happy to see that everybody seemed to have had a nice holiday season.

: I am happy for Glenda's relief and for Mystress's Christmas.

: I am happy that we have a new classmate, Xerxenca: blessings to you too.

: I am happy to hear from Percyval. Thanks again for being around.

: I am happy that Barg is such a good person! (he! Who doubted it but yourself?) ;-)
: Your story reminded me of the most beautiful Christmas I have ever spent: on Christmas eve, over ten years ago, my family helped me to help a large group of elderly people have a good time for Christmas. Without all the young people who helped that night, the elderly would have spent Christmas alone.

:
: Actually, I am just plain Happy! I enjoy my life very much and I feel very blessed to have such a life. Thank you Goddess.

: I guess too that I found bliss in getting my ass off the bed to help getting that new site up and running: http://www.usob.org/">the United States of Being.

: A couple of months back, Mystress commented on the fact that autumn is the season of death... after being fairly active a the end of the summer (up to October), K went dormant for the next two months. Then, just after Christmas, it seems She decided to wake again.

: I am still in the early stages and mine is in no way a full K awakening. Goddess is taking things at her own pace, one that is very gentle on me, so I am blessed to have a very peaceful awakening... There's only the fact that my wife found very strange and very funny to see a big boy like me crying throughout a rather dull movie... :-)

: Things take time (which anyway is an illusion, he!)... and I am in not hurry. There are so many things to enjoy in life, so why hurry?

:
: Love to all,

:
: Augustin.

: Hey Augustin,

: Checked out your site. Very beautifully done. Sounds like an interesting project. I read a little, but it's late and I didn't have time to explore the whole thing.

I checked the web site but it is empty, just a place holder. Anyway, it is interesting that you should mention them because someone in our team spoke about it. We are definitely 'Cultural Creatives'. In building our web site, the idea is to bring all those people under one roof, whatever their belief system and whatever their dreams...

: You might be interested in a site called www.culturalcreatives.com. These people wrote a book about all the folks in the U.S. who want to better the world, and they claim we're 50 million strong, only we don't know it, because we have no name for who we are. Maybe they'd like to link to yr site.

: Anyway, it looks fabulous. So neat and easy to read and navigate.

Thanks for your nice comments :-)  

: Barg

Love to you,

Augustin.

:   Augustin, you sound really wonderful! I am happy that you are happy.

:-D

Sounding wonderful may be a side effect of being grounded  ;-). (I finished 8*45 meditation one month ago, but I continue practicing).

: I am happy that I finally got a page up, advertising myself as a Profesional Intuitive Healer and Kundalini Guide.. Goddess has been poking me to do this, since.. uh.. well, She advised that I would be good as a professional psychic back in high school, but I had no confidence.. in the last few years, I have lived in 3 residences that had a room set aside for a healing room, that were not used.. cold feet cold feet..

I don't see how you could fail... We have all so much faith in you that it is strange to see that sometimes you seem not to have faith in yourself. Anyway, I am sure that as far as you are concerned, you have made the most difficult step in taking this decision. With Goddess's blessings, everything will be fine now...

By the way, is this decision related to the pain in the ear you had before?

:  A pro Healer I know, who is brilliant at it has been very supportive, as have my beloveds.. and it feels really good!

Well, I don't know one here who wouldn't be supportive...

: We have a few new students.. perhaps they will introduce themselves.. if they want to.

Welcome to them! :-D

Love,

Augustin.

Dear Barg,

: : You might be interested in a site called www.culturalcreatives.com. These people wrote a book about all the folks in the U.S. who want to better the world, and they claim we're 50 million strong, only we don't know it, because we have no name for who we are. Maybe they'd like to link to yr site.

: I checked the web site but it is empty, just a place holder. Anyway, it is interesting that you should mention them because someone in our team spoke about it. We are definitely 'Cultural Creatives'. In building our web site, the idea is to bring all those people under one roof, whatever their belief system and whatever their dreams...

Oh! I found the site you were refering to... Your link was not correct. It is .org and not .com: : http://www.culturalcreatives.org/

Thanks,

Augustin

:
: :   Augustin, you sound really wonderful! I am happy that you are happy.

: :-D

: Sounding wonderful may be a side effect of being grounded  ;-). (I finished 8*45 meditation one month ago, but I continue practicing).

Keep at it!:)

: I don't see how you could fail... We have all so much faith in you that it is strange to see that sometimes you seem not to have faith in yourself.

Sigh.. your faith in me is so beautiful.

I have had a hard life Augustin. It had value, it gave me strength, but for most of my life I had very little validation of my talents, except within myself. I have always been very hard on myself, for years I suffered from excema, symbolic of self criticism. I have faced down a lot of hostility.. for my spirituality, my sexual orientation, my beliefs. For most of my life, I did not even really have anyone to speak to, of my strange spiritual experiences and visions. I was so busy trying to fit in and not understanding that I could not because I was seeing, living in, a very different world from what most people know.
I have had more experiences of rejection that you can possibly imagine, looking at me now. For most of my life I did not even feel that I belonged in my own family. My perspectives made me a misfit everywhere I went, so I had literally, nothing to lose in becoming a professional misfit, as an SM activist. It seemed like I was going to get rejection and be a misfit no matter what I did, so I might as well put it to some use, as a Political issue.  I did not even really fit into the Fetish scene where I was a misfit among misfits..  until I found the K-list.. and even there, I had a lot of rejection experiences.

I first assumed leadership of the list under a storm of protest from some of the members. Even, 2 years ago the K-list was removed from it's place at the Kundalini Resource Center, with some people saying the K-list had become an SM list and making a new list to replace it. All of the references and member comments at that site, are actually from the K-list, being used to promote the new list.. whose moderators think I'm a whacko. Still makes me a little sad.. rejection for my sexual orientation always does that, I think it is Karma that cannot be released, because it is part of my life path. It has purpose, it motivates my activism. Promoting the sacredness of sexuality is a big part of why I incarnated.

The other night I was incredulously contemplating an intutive insight that there are people who envy me for my spiritual attainment. I am acustomed to being envied for my beauty or my body.. it is a game women have often played around me.. and some men. But being envied for my spirit, my spiritual accomplishments was a completely novel idea that made me shake my head in amazement. I have not been envious of anyone in so long that it was kind of a surprise to remember that people still do that.. a bigger surprise to realize that people are doing it with me!  I still cannot really take it in, I dunno what to do with the information. Why would anyone be envious of me??

I really don't understand how people see me. I never have been able to. I really don't think of myself as being so special. All though my childhood people kept telling me, "Stop acting like you think you are so special!!" I did not know what they were talking about, but if I could have found the "specialness" they were complaining about, I'd have burned it off like a wart, so I could fit in. Only recently, have these gifts become social advantages, for most of my life they made me different, and lonely. Stranger in a strange land.

I got the shock of a lifetime watching these course videos after we recorded them. I was seeing a woman I had never met, before.. because I am quite unaware of myself, when I channel Goddess. I was amazed, I kept thinking, "Who IS this woman, and how on Earth did she become so wise and graceful??? I could not believe that She was me! What I saw was so different from my inner image of myself.. it still amazes me.

I had often wondered, when I was a Pro-Dom, why so many of my clients fell head over heels in love with me.. it was an annoyance, actually. Seeing the videos, I finally understood what they were seeing. I fell in love with the woman I saw, too.. which was a little different than the process of falling for my Divine Beloved.  

In the Mansion dream, at age 9 I got a glimpse of the woman I would become, how cherished she was, and how wise and full of light and grace. It blew my mind because I had *never* felt loved like that before in my short life. It scared me, too.. Children do not belong in a Fetish environment, even in a dream..

I have spent so many years working so hard to get where I am, striving and wanting, that it is kind of hard to believe that I made it! LOL!! Enlightened, Self Realized! I cannot believe I finally caught the brass ring! Does that sound funny? I am Goddess, but so is everything else.. no big deal, and amazing wonder both at once.

It makes me think of a story of a Miller's horse, that spent it's whole life walking in a circle for ten hours a day, driving the mill wheel. It grew old and was put out to pasture, but it had been doing the same thing for so long that it was happily stuck in the routine, every day it walked in the same circle around a tree, on the same schedule until it died of old age.

: By the way, is this decision related to the pain in the ear you had before?

 Not really.. the previous parargraphs are more related. The pain still comes and goes.

It has more to do with the fact that a dom won't surrender till they run out of other options.  I have run out of excuses not to do this, and Goddess has me boxed into a place where I really need to earn more money.

I really don't make any money off this Tantra course, it is easily worth 10x what I am charging for it, I have not even paid myself back for the lights I bought over a year ago to make my playroom into a video studio..  let alone begun to pay myself for a year's work it took to set it up... and I still have the second and third sections to do, yet.. But it is a labor of love. I want to keep it accessable and Kundalites tend to be poor.

I have to spend money advertising the course, in magazines and non-internet media. I have a lot of legal expenses coming up, I have to register trademarks and copyrights, set up a non-profit foundation for the Mansion project, and 2 corporations, one for the course and one for the K Sanctuary. I have to hire accountants and advisors to sort out a tax situation I have neglected for many years.. the list goes on and on. The cost of doing business.. and I am going to be doing business on a much larger scale than I ever have, before..

Goddess has promised to provide investors for the big stuff.. the Mansion project will cost many million$, and I am not worried about that, at all. Goddess has made it very clear that I should not even *try* to earn the big money for it, that is *not* my job. I am the visionary, I hold the vision and make it accessable so others can manifest it. I have complete faith in Goddess to provide millions, even though I have never had a bank account over 4 figures, myself. Money has never been that important to me. I don't have any savings or retirement plan, mutual funds, real estate, or anything like that. I have always thought investing in myself would pay the best dividends, and it has. :)I am rich in spirit, and I count my blessings every day.

Still, it is clear that I do have to handle the smaller expenses. I have to set up the legal and corporate structure in advance of the investors showing up, so I have someplace to put the money when it arrives. A necessary leap of faith.  

I am tired, I have spent the day focusing on my weaknesses. I have no head for business or accounting, and dealing with beaurocracy makes my brain fuzz out. (I cannot even spell beaurocracy, let alone deal with it!!) Today I was reading a book on registering trademarks, and another on e-marketing and I had to stop every 10 minutes because my mind just would not take it in. I tend to try to do everything myself, but it seems Goddess won't let me do this. I have to do what I do well, and get paid for it, so I can hire other people to do the things that I am just not any good at. Things that need to be done to make my dreams come true.

If it were up to me, I would continue to teach and do healing, for free, as I have been doing all my life.. and as I will continue to do, on the board here and on the K-list.. but, it is not up to me. It is up to Goddess. I have asked many times for Her to provide marketroids, accountants and lawyers to do this stuff, for love, as I do.. Recently I figgered out that they have not arrived because if they did then She would not be able to box me into having no other option but to be paid for my healing work.  

: Well, I don't know one here who wouldn't be supportive...

It is lovely. It is probably not really appropriate for me to be spewing my concerns on the tea room board like this, but feeling the warmth of your support, it all came pouring out..

Thankyou for being here with me. You are radiant!
Blessings!

:

It is lovely. It is probably not really appropriate for me to be spewing my concerns on the tea room board like this, but feeling the warmth of your support, it all came pouring out..

I, for one, am grateful that you speak to us so openly and frankly. It helps me keep in mind that spiritual leaders are human, and that on the human plane we still have to deal with human things. Keeps me from thinking spiritual attainment will solve everything for me.

I've always thought that the strongest, wisest people aren't afraid to reveal their vulnerabilities and weaknesses. And aren't the strongest people really the ones who have fought hard, looked deep inside, worked their way to strength? That's what I think anyway. Course, I've been wrong before. Like they say in AA, religion is for people who believe in hell, spirituality is for those who've been there.

I really appreciate your willingness to share all parts of your path with us. Makes mine easier to travel. Thank you, love and peace to you and all.

Barg

:
: :

It is lovely. It is probably not really appropriate for me to be spewing my concerns on the tea room board like this, but feeling the warmth of your support, it all came pouring out..

: I, for one, am grateful that you speak to us so openly and frankly. It helps me keep in mind that spiritual leaders are human, and that on the human plane we still have to deal with human things.

I think it is kind of funny, that sometimes I have to remind people that I am human.. sometimes I have to remind myself, too..

: Keeps me from thinking spiritual attainment will solve everything for me.

It will solve much. 95% of the time, in my heart and belly there is a warmth of radiant simmering joy, and a sense of wonder that gives even the simplest things an indefinable beauty. Peace. The other 5% is usually when I have been taking on karma from people and working out stuff within myself, as an act of compassion. It does not last, the Shakti flow of grounding washes it away.

: Like they say in AA, religion is for people who believe in hell, spirituality is for those who've been there.

ROTFLOL!! That is very funny!

: I really appreciate your willingness to share all parts of your path with us. Makes mine easier to travel. Thank you, love and peace to you and all.

: Barg

I am glad.. and, you are welcome!
  Blessings..

: Oh! I found the site you were refering to... Your link was not correct. It is .org and not .com: : http://www.culturalcreatives.org/

DUH!! I knew that. For some reason I always say com! Just a nasty habit. Org. Of course.

Peace.
Barg