I finished lesson 2 last week and was moving to 3. All along while studying this I lived with the idea that there was nothing important to surrender. Why would there? I always held women in high esteem, always saw feminine energy within men as important, always believed in equal rights and all that. So what could there be to surrender then?

I was discussing the lesson with my wife, and I suddenly had these concepts, images, flashing inside me. I value people, especially women, after ideals that I never even thought were in me! Heck, I have always taken distance from the whole super-model ideal that is seen on ads, and how a woman needs to be this or that.. But these images came in spite of this. I look at very overweight women or women with less smooth or pleasing features differently. And I don't mean just on the surface. When this judgement sets in, it's as if it labels negative things onto the person.. She is bitter, negative, sad, angry, weak, asexual, and god knows what else. When I see a woman who is physically very pleasing to my eyes, she is sweet, sexual, open.. and often arrogant. Everywhere I see a human female, there is a whole barrage of judgement coming forth.

The examples I just wrote are just part of a wide scale and array of hidden judgements.. When I go into witness mode and notice them, they are startling! Ego sets in and says "I am not the kind of person who judges people from the way they look on the outside!"  If that is true, it must also be so that "I AM the kind of person who judges people from the way they look on the outside."

Real sexual or emotional attraction don't seem to have everything to do with this though. I was often ashamed as a teenager for being attracted to more heavy women, and often ended up rejecting them out of fear of what my friends would say or think about it.

There is a whole array of judgements that are coming up, and it is sometimes so strong that it makes me feel I need to throw up! Judgement about people and the world is something there is a LOT of inside me.. Is Goddess bringing it all up?

There is a LOT of pressure in the area around my navel and solar plexus right now.. Every time it feels like I have surrendered something, there's more, like it never stops! It burns at the navel and moves up to solar plexus and feels like I can't breathe  sometimes..  Concluding this lesson, a lot of this stuff seems to be related to lesson 3 as well, which I am doing right now.

Love!
Gustaf

Do you suggest you have power chakra problems? If so, have you tested the advices Mystress offers on the power chakra at the kundalini teacher site? There are a lot of text and a lot of insights there, and every time I read it I get a new, different understanding of my issues. For instance, she suggests some breathing adjustments, and they really made a difference to me, despite the fact I have always been breathing through my stomach. It seems to me I have never been using the rear part of my stomach properly.

Vyana

: Do you suggest you have power chakra problems? If so, have you tested the advices Mystress offers on the power chakra at the kundalini teacher site? There are a lot of text and a lot of insights there, and every time I read it I get a new, different understanding of my issues. For instance, she suggests some breathing adjustments, and they really made a difference to me, despite the fact I have always been breathing through my stomach. It seems to me I have never been using the rear part of my stomach properly.

: Vyana

Dear Vyana!
Almost everything I am going through now is related to what could be a Power Chakra opening/surrender of issues situated around the Power Chakra. There is -so- much energetic movement going on there right now, in the whole area between the navel and chest, a lot at the front, but also in the spinal passage.

There are a lot of issues coming up related to control, judgement towards myself and other people and objects, which very much affects how I look at the world, and how I relate to it. After going through lesson 5 I have noticed a lot of quite juicy Shadow issues related to these things too!  The more I go right into and face these things, the more vivid and powerful life becomes..

It truly feels like both surrendering power AND taking it back.. First I have to take back my power from everything I have given it away to, different illusions of how the world should or should not be, how I should and should not be.. Then, once reclaimed, hand it all over to Goddess!

I have been through a quite fascinating Lightworker trip which I learnt a lot of interesting stuff from.

And you are -absolutely right- about the breathing! I have practiced yoga and pranayama and correct breathing for years.. But I take it for granted.. Each time I go back to the basics of breathing, there is a new, fresh experience to be gained..  Will probably go through the power chakra stuff again too.. A lot of awareness has shifted since I looked at it last.

Love!
Gustaf

I have also been practicing yoga for some years, but still I managed to forget about some important muscles in the back because I focused on the front part of the body, where most of the expansion of the lungs is done when you lay on the floor. The rest should of course follow naturally, but as I had some muscular blockages related to my power chakra all did not and the breathing exercise Mystress advised made me aware of that and also set loose a lot of energy.

Is there some reason why you first take back you energy and then surrender it? Whenever I feel some inconvenience, I just surrender it at once (then often there comes another one, and another one, and another one%hellip). But maybe I miss something important. In fact it makes me somewhat concerned that I did not have any of those self insights that you and others have described from the first lessons. So I have started to believe that I might have proceeded to fast. Actually I am just about to go back and read those lessons again.

To me surrender does not feel like loosing or giving away, it%rsquos more like claiming your birth right. That is probably ego, but in the same time it%rsquos somehow also true. When you give something away to Goddess it%rsquos not like you are loosing it, but more like you allow Goddess to take it in possession were it is. You have Goddess added into you life - and that makes everything much better for you.

I few days ago I actually tried to surrender myself to Goddess. I just proclaimed mentally: "I confirm the fact that all of me, every inch of my body and all my thoughts belongs to you. Actually all of me is a part of
your." The effect was immediate and profound. A lot of tension disappeared. But in the same time it was very scary as I still had too much fear that was also set loose in that very instant. I felt as being alone with nothing to hang on to. So I just asked Goddess to take that slow and easy and then focused on other things.

What kind of Lightworker trip did you go on? Is that some kind of healing?

Vyana