Could it be my "divine beloved" that is doing this?

I often seem to lose control of my body, but it's less like someone is forcing it and more like another part of myself is doing it.  I often feel like a woman is using my face, and get images in my head of an attractive woman... it's decidedly odd to be in public and then stick out my lower lip in an exaggerated pout (often when disappointed... the sense being of someone saying "oh, poor baby").  I've been spontaneously "puckering up" and my lips sometimes grow warm or tingle.  Ever since my phone session with Mystress Angelique I have been letting myself be moved around while sitting down... the other night I was holding a hematite stone (need to get a necklace:-) and a voice said "Hmm, let me take a look at that" and "I" raised my arm and peered at the stone.

I have suspected that it might be this, but if it is, she gets really weird and downright mean sometimes.  I keep getting urges to lay down and relax... I lie there and images move through my head, short little movies.  I did this afternoon and she took the form of a man, then when I got up to go to the store she turned into a "young nymph" and absolutely would not relent.  I can't walk around in front of people with an erection.

Why the form of a man, though?  Blurred faces too... I try to see the face and all "arousal" instantly vanishes and suddenly I am my old male, egotistical self.  There are two distinct female forms... one is just the face of a nice girl I met once who likes calling herself Goddess.  More... ah, that makes sense.  I was nice to her, almost submissively so.  The other female form is a little younger, more submissive to me.  Why aren't their faces blurred?  Oh, and a third form... middle aged, a little scarred, calls herself a bitch.

I seem to have trouble submitting to a female form.  Could that be the reason for the male form?  It still tends to be very feminine (barring weird incidents from time to time).  I may be overprotective of women... hmm.  I just had the thought that I put them on pedestals and imagine them as being pure or better than me (and I aspire to that?).

As for feeling like "myself" - I got to do that today.  I forgot how unpleasant it was to not have something to lose myself in.  I have a hard time getting lost in anything other than my own thoughts nowadays.  I guess Goddess is removing those distractions so that I have no choice but to deal with my ego.  I actually found myself desiring the state I was previously in, even if it was full of ups and downs.

: Could it be my "divine beloved" that is doing this?

Of course!

: I often seem to lose control of my body, but it's less like someone is forcing it and more like another part of myself is doing it.  I often feel like a woman is using my face, and get images in my head of an attractive woman... it's decidedly odd to be in public and then stick out my lower lip in an exaggerated pout (often when disappointed... the sense being of someone saying "oh, poor baby").  I've been spontaneously "puckering up" and my lips sometimes grow warm or tingle.  Ever since my phone session with Mystress Angelique I have been letting myself be moved around while sitting down... the other night I was holding a hematite stone (need to get a necklace:-)

Would you like me to send you one?

: and a voice said "Hmm, let me take a look at that" and "I" raised my arm and peered at the stone.

: I have suspected that it might be this, but if it is, she gets really weird and downright mean sometimes.  I keep getting urges to lay down and relax... I lie there and images move through my head, short little movies.

I get that too. It's normal.

: I did this afternoon and she took the form of a man, then when I got up to go to the store she turned into a "young nymph" and absolutely would not relent.  I can't walk around in front of people with an erection.

Heh. When K is working its way through the second chakra, the lust can be enormous and there is no denying it. I know I would get downright predatory! I remember one time, bringing home a young, stupid poet, muscular, strong enough to lift a telephone pole and covered in prison tattoos. Not my type, but he was the stud puppy I needed just then. I had him every which way for 2 days, then made him a big breakfast and sent him home. That would have been around 1994. I just don't get lust like that anymore, it is redirected into bliss.

: Why the form of a man, though?  Blurred faces too...

For the DB's face to be blurred is pretty normal. The DB can be whatever it thinks you need, in the moment.

: I try to see the face and all "arousal" instantly vanishes and suddenly I am my old male, egotistical self.  There are two distinct female forms... one is just the face of a nice girl I met once who likes calling herself Goddess.  More... ah, that makes sense.  I was nice to her, almost submissively so.  The other female form is a little younger, more submissive to me.  Why aren't their faces blurred?  Oh, and a third form... middle aged, a little scarred, calls herself a bitch.

Sounds like the classic triple Goddess. Maiden, woman, crone. (Crones were a lot younger in those days, hardly anybody lived past 50.) Do a web search on "triple Goddess", you will find a million pagan sites, all about Her. Probably you were initiated as a Witch in a past life, the initiation transcends death and rebirth.

 Could be the male is the Horned God, her consort. Renewing the initiation in this life might be good for you. I can initate you, if you like... no charge for that, but it takes some preparation. I do initiations very rarely, only when I have someone whose body needs to have the initiation renewed, in this lifetime to bring it into alignment with mind and spirit. I wept with joy in my initiation, felt like coming home at last.

 Ask your heart about it.

: I seem to have trouble submitting to a female form.  Could that be the reason for the male form?  It still tends to be very feminine (barring weird incidents from time to time).  I may be overprotective of women... hmm.  I just had the thought that I put them on pedestals and imagine them as being pure or better than me (and I aspire to that?).

Be careful of thinking too much. Ego wants reasons...

: As for feeling like "myself" - I got to do that today.  I forgot how unpleasant it was to not have something to lose myself in.  I have a hard time getting lost in anything other than my own thoughts nowadays.  I guess Goddess is removing those distractions so that I have no choice but to deal with my ego.  I actually found myself desiring the state I was previously in, even if it was full of ups and downs.

That is an important insight. Love yourself! Blessings...

: : the other night I was holding a hematite stone (need to get a necklace:-)

: Would you like me to send you one?

That would be nice. :-)  Blech, I accidentally italicized part of my other message.

: : I try to see the face and all "arousal" instantly vanishes and suddenly I am my old male, egotistical self.  There are two distinct female forms... one is just the face of a nice girl I met once who likes calling herself Goddess.  More... ah, that makes sense.  I was nice to her, almost submissively so.  The other female form is a little younger, more submissive to me.  Why aren't their faces blurred?  Oh, and a third form... middle aged, a little scarred, calls herself a bitch.

: Sounds like the classic triple Goddess. Maiden, woman, crone. (Crones were a lot younger in those days, hardly anybody lived past 50.) Do a web search on "triple Goddess", you will find a million pagan sites, all about Her. Probably you were initiated as a Witch in a past life, the initiation transcends death and rebirth.

:   Could be the male is the Horned God, her consort. Renewing the initiation in this life might be good for you. I can initate you, if you like... no charge for that, but it takes some preparation. I do initiations very rarely, only when I have someone whose body needs to have the initiation renewed, in this lifetime to bring it into alignment with mind and spirit. I wept with joy in my initiation, felt like coming home at last.

:   Ask your heart about it.

No clear answer... perhaps I haven't learned to listen.  I developed a very strong interest in the paranormal and even Wicca when I reached puberty.  Before that I was a Christian by individual choice, when I was 9 I think, and on and off again for some years.  I tended to avoid the "weird" stuff after a couple of odd incidents with my mother, though.  She was... well, she overreacted.  I had a passing interest in dungeons and dragons (as a game, of course):  she told me if I summoned a demon to hurt my brother she would "get me".  Kind of freaked me out, left me wondering about her sanity.

That said, the only religion that resonates with me right now is Buddhism.  Maybe it's all the talk of mindfulness and dying.

-Jason

It turns out my sister bought a hematite necklace to give to me as a Christmas gift. :-)

Thanks anyway.

Very cool! Goddess provides.

: It turns out my sister bought a hematite necklace to give to me as a Christmas gift. :-)

: Thanks anyway.