Hello to all involved in the Fire Serpent Tantra course.
My name is Shari, I am a 38 year old mother of two girls and I reside on the East Coast of Australia. I just wanted to introduce myself and voice a few questions and thoughts I have in my mind since starting the course.
I am on day 25 of practising the grounding exercise, doing it at least 8 times a day so yes I am only weeks into doing the course but enjoying the learning now that I have some direction.
I wanted to post a few things just to get feed back on my process and to maybe help me sort through some of the confusion that is arising at the moment at times.
I am finding when I do the grounding that there seems to be more energy now than when I started and I am able to concentrate more on it, as my mind in the start used to wander alot and I would be in the middle of it and then realise I was thinking of some other life event. It still happenes sometimes but I feel the energy more which keeps my concentration in check. When I say energy what I feel is mainly tingles and a sort of heaviness or slightly altered state. I seem to feel the energy stronger in the evenings, does anyone else experience this?
I feel this energy when I lay down and try to rest as well, just as tingles though, no heat as yet as some describe.
I had a session in my first week with Mystress Angelique and had a tummo fire initiation. I felt lots of energy in the session and did lots of clearing. I was sort of expecting to feel heat since as it is burning through me but havent felt anything but tingles at this point. As Mystress pointed out to me, we did ask for a gentle awakening. Yesterday I was evaluating my thinking on this and re reading an email from Mystress that she sent me after my session and I tried surrendering my negative thoughts that somehow the initiation did not work for me. I hope by surrendering this thought and finding more belief in myself that this process will start for me when time is right, is the correct way for me to proceed.
Can anyone offer me their experiences after having the tummo fire initiation, I suppose I am wondering if the tingles of what I am presuming to be energy at times I feel when laying down to rest or sleep maybe the fires burning.
I seem to be finding it hard to integrate things I am reading  in relation to every day dramas, problems etc.
This morning I was reading Mystress's reply to Lori on the K List regarding not getting caught up in the dramas of life. How do we not do that?
If for instance someone does something that disappoints you or upsets you and then you have words with this person about the incident, if you end up reacting in anger or frustration, is that Karma coming up for release and should I be trying to surrender the feelings inside me instead of dealing with the problem with the other person?. I sort of feel if I dont state my opinion or thoughts on an issue that has made me angry or upset then I am not standing up for myself and that people will walk all over me, I would then end up feeling resentful that I didnt try to sort the situation out or state my feelings. Does this make sense? I just am unsure how to integrate daily things. I am unsure what sort of things to surrender really and have been trying to evaluate each incident to see what I need to do. I hope this makes sense, I seem to be quite confused at the moment.
Mystress, after your last email I have been thinking about what you said about being careful not to project Karma coming up onto other people close to me, trying to see if I did actually enjoy the anger outburst I had with my boyfriend, it was sort of a release after many months of problems. I am thinking now that maybe I am creating dramas with him as a way to justify my wanting to finish the relationship (part of me wants to and part doesn't) as I have not seen light at the end of the tunnel for a long time now that our relationship will right itself. Maybe I have heard my inner voice so many times and not realised and truly listened what it is telling me about this relationship. But I keep going back! Is this self sabotage, me getting overly upset about issues that he does and holding onto them so my mind keeps believing that he is not the right man for me and that I should be finishing this. Is my mind trying to find an easy way to deal with all this, I am realising as I type this it must be my ego popping in. I have been in self protection mode for a long time now to prevent more hurt and upset. I am not quite sure though what to surrender to change this situation and to pass this lesson as such and move forward.
Can others offer any advice as to these daily hurdles of drama that we struggle with and how to intergrate it, if this is indeed Karma coming up and whether I should not be reacting when someone upsets me. It is hard not to react when you have done it for so many years. I would love to hear from other members and from Mystress Angelique on any of the above.
I really enjoy reading all the posts here and on the K List daily and seeing what others are experiencing, I know I am setting out on a long journey and its nice to have contact with like minded people.
I wish you all a lovely day.
Kind Regards
Shari

Hi and welcome Shari:

It's good to meet you. Hi!!! Australia, wow. Must be really nice to live there with the warm weather most of the year. Trade places?

: I am finding when I do the grounding that there seems to be more energy now than when I started and I am able to concentrate more on it, as my mind in the start used to wander alot and I would be in the middle of it and then realise I was thinking of some other life event. It still happenes sometimes but I feel the energy more which keeps my concentration in check.

Me too, me too, me too.

When I say energy what I feel is mainly tingles and a sort of heaviness or slightly altered state. I seem to feel the energy stronger in the evenings, does anyone else experience this?

I get the same tingly, altered state myself when I'm doing it right. As for times of the day, I have always felt energy more strongly at night. I probably have the biorythyms of an owl.

: I feel this energy when I lay down and try to rest as well, just as tingles though, no heat as yet as some describe.

I get that too. It's really neat, drifting off to sleep in this huge enveloping energy blanket. With each passing day, I seem to recall having some conversations or other forms of communication with higher beings while I'm sleeping. Of course, I don't remember the specifics, just the feelings and vague memory flashes. I am getting a lot of deja vu and jamais vu more so since I started grounding.

About the fire vs. tingles, etc. I've never had tummo fire, honestly, I'm not quite sure what it is. But I find that when I myself am grounding, I get energy patterns of heat, coolness, watery-ness, airiness, vibrations, pulsings, electrical, magnetic, etc. I think that the Goddess knows best about what particular form of energy I need at any given moment and delivers it. My favorite is when I feel the grounding thrumming beneath me and various spots of my body and aura start to thrum presumably in tune with the earth. Kind of like being a pulse in the body of Gaia.

: I seem to be finding it hard to integrate things I am reading  in relation to every day dramas, problems etc.

*sigh* Ditto....About the whole reactiveness, I'm the last person who would know about that. I seem to recall reading thru the archives that there were two ways suggested to deal with life's little dramas. 1) Ground, go to Witness State and let Goddess guide your actions 2)If you have to get angry, vindictive and blameful, get mad at Goddess instead of creating more negative energy patterns. Is this right, everybody, or did I miss the boat again?

The lesson on Matriarchy and Goddess majorly coincided with something I realized recently. I'm really, really mad at the Goddess. But not the God. And I think it has something to do with the fact that I have made peace with my father, but not my mother. So I am enjoying reading about the Mother aspect of Goddess while I try to sort this out and forgive my mother. Soo....does Goddess mind when you throw temper tantrums and yell at Her? Cause I don't want to project outward anymore but I can't project the abuse inward anymore either. I want to yell and scream at the Goddess, but I feel kinda guilty about it. And the guilt gets directed at guess who......me. Sooo....does the Goddess mind being an outlet? Is there a better outlet? Or do I just keep grounding until stuff starts to bother me less? I've actually noticed I'm a teensy, weensy less edgy since I started grounding. Hmmm...I'm going back to read that post about yelling at Goddess again.

Sorry, Shara, I think I answered your questions with more questions! Ah, well, you raised some valid issues there....looking forward to hearing some of the answers.

Sabrina

Me again,

I went back and re-read that post about mother issues and the Goddess. I quote from Mystress:

"You know, the core of this whole Mother issue is that you are angry at God/Goddess for making life so hard. There is nothing that happens, that is not Divine will. Might as well blame Goddess, if you need to blame somebody. Take it to the source, She won't judge you for it."

So, that answers my question. Thanks, Mystress. There were a lot of other things in that post that struck a cord too. Sorry for posting a question I already had an answer to.

Sabrina
It is all Goddess. Everything.

: Hello to all involved in the Fire Serpent Tantra course.

Hello, Shari~!

: I am finding when I do the grounding that there seems to be more energy now than when I started and I am able to concentrate more on it, as my mind in the start used to wander alot and I would be in the middle of it and then realise I was thinking of some other life event. It still happenes sometimes but I feel the energy more which keeps my concentration in check. When I say energy what I feel is mainly tingles and a sort of heaviness or slightly altered state. I seem to feel the energy stronger in the evenings, does anyone else experience this?

Yes... it has to do with how serotonin levels and earth energy changes during the day.

: I feel this energy when I lay down and try to rest as well, just as tingles though, no heat as yet as some describe.

Give it time...

: I had a session in my first week with Mystress Angelique and had a tummo fire initiation. I felt lots of energy in the session and did lots of clearing. I was sort of expecting to feel heat since as it is burning through me but havent felt anything but tingles at this point. As Mystress pointed out to me, we did ask for a gentle awakening. Yesterday I was evaluating my thinking on this and re reading an email from Mystress that she sent me after my session and I tried surrendering my negative thoughts that somehow the initiation did not work for me. I hope by surrendering this thought and finding more belief in myself that this process will start for me when time is right, is the correct way for me to proceed.

That's great~!

: Can anyone offer me their experiences after having the tummo fire initiation, I suppose I am wondering if the tingles of what I am presuming to be energy at times I feel when laying down to rest or sleep maybe the fires burning.
: I seem to be finding it hard to integrate things I am reading  in relation to every day dramas, problems etc.
: This morning I was reading Mystress's reply to Lori on the K List regarding not getting caught up in the dramas of life. How do we not do that?
: If for instance someone does something that disappoints you or upsets you

Ah, there it is... who decides how you feel? You do. You choose to be upset or let it slide. Nobody does it to you. That kind of thinking is victimhood... not empowering.

Where does disappointment come from? Expectations... who creates expectations? You do.

You see.. the drama is self created.

:and then you have words with this person about the incident, if you end up reacting in anger or frustration, is that Karma coming up for release and should I be trying to surrender the feelings inside me instead of dealing with the problem with the other person?.

yes, usually.

: I sort of feel if I dont state my opinion or thoughts on an issue that has made me angry or upset then I am not standing up for myself and that people will walk all over me, I would then end up feeling resentful that I didnt try to sort the situation out or state my feelings. Does this make sense?

Yes and no. You are reacting because you are afraid of being victimized... but in reaction, you are already victimized. Continuing to give power away to fear of what might happen in the future, does not serve you. Giving the power to choose your feeings, away to what someone else does, does not serve you. Ask yourself: is this drama more important than staying grounded?

:I just am unsure how to integrate daily things. I am unsure what sort of things to surrender really and have been trying to evaluate each incident to see what I need to do. I hope this makes sense, I seem to be quite confused at the moment.

Surrender everything. Goddess owns everything, is All. What you think is "yours" is the illusion of ego.

: Mystress, after your last email I have been thinking about what you said about being careful not to project Karma coming up onto other people close to me, trying to see if I did actually enjoy the anger outburst I had with my boyfriend, it was sort of a release after many months of problems. I am thinking now that maybe I am creating dramas with him as a way to justify my wanting to finish the relationship (part of me wants to and part doesn't) as I have not seen light at the end of the tunnel for a long time now that our relationship will right itself. Maybe I have heard my inner voice so many times and not realised and truly listened what it is telling me about this relationship. But I keep going back! Is this self sabotage, me getting overly upset about issues that he does and holding onto them so my mind keeps believing that he is not the right man for me and that I should be finishing this. Is my mind trying to find an easy way to deal with all this, I am realising as I type this it must be my ego popping in.

Heh. That is part of the magic of this tea room temple. Goddess goves answers before you are even done writing! Yes, your concerns are all ego. Ego needs reasons and justifications for what it does. Ego fears and seeks to protect. Ego judges.  

: I have been in self protection mode for a long time now to prevent more hurt and upset.

Heh... does not work though, does it? Self protection tells the universe that you believe you are not safe... a prayer of fear, gets fearful results. Protection invites attack.

: I am not quite sure though what to surrender to change this situation and to pass this lesson as such and move forward.
: Can others offer any advice as to these daily hurdles of drama that we struggle with and how to intergrate it, if this is indeed Karma coming up and whether I should not be reacting when someone upsets me.

Nobody upsets you. You choose a reaction of getting upset, to what someone else does. The choice maybe unconscious, but it is still a choice. Stay grounded, fill yourself with light and you will find it easier to "not sweat the small stuff".... and guess what! It is all small stuff.

: I really enjoy reading all the posts here and on the K List daily and seeing what others are experiencing, I know I am setting out on a long journey and its nice to have contact with like minded people.
: I wish you all a lovely day.
: Kind Regards
: Shari
I enjoy you too, Shari. Don't worry if your progress seems slow. It is as Goddess wills. There definitely is progress, in how you have felt the energy of the grounding getting more intense. Give it time. All is unfolding as it needs to.

  Blessings!

 Hi Sabrina:

  Also, in the surrender essay on domin8rex.com, it suggests you have a temper tantrum and blame Goddess for everything, as an emotional and karmic release.

  Blessings...

: Me again,

: I went back and re-read that post about mother issues and the Goddess. I quote from Mystress:

: "You know, the core of this whole Mother issue is that you are angry at God/Goddess for making life so hard. There is nothing that happens, that is not Divine will. Might as well blame Goddess, if you need to blame somebody. Take it to the source, She won't judge you for it."

: So, that answers my question. Thanks, Mystress. There were a lot of other things in that post that struck a cord too. Sorry for posting a question I already had an answer to.

: Sabrina
: It is all Goddess. Everything.

: Hello to all involved in the Fire Serpent Tantra course.

Hello Shari,
Great to get a smile from Australia...your country seems so magical.
I also did tummofire initiation, I feel when I do it a very soft and settled feeling of warmth which radiates from the solar plexus. I also was wanting to ask Mystress is this is sufficient as a result? I just from time to time invite "tummo fire"without much focus, just a gentle invitaiton and the warmth happen. OK?
: My name is Shari, I am a 38 year old mother of two girls and I reside on the East Coast of Australia. I just wanted to introduce myself and voice a few questions and thoughts I have in my mind since starting the course.
: I am on day 25 of practising the grounding exercise, doing it at least 8 times a day so yes I am only weeks into doing the course but enjoying the learning now that I have some direction.
: I wanted to post a few things just to get feed back on my process and to maybe help me sort through some of the confusion that is arising at the moment at times.
: I am finding when I do the grounding that there seems to be more energy now than when I started and I am able to concentrate more on it, as my mind in the start used to wander alot and I would be in the middle of it and then realise I was thinking of some other life event. It still happenes sometimes but I feel the energy more which keeps my concentration in check. When I say energy what I feel is mainly tingles and a sort of heaviness or slightly altered state. I seem to feel the energy stronger in the evenings, does anyone else experience this?
: I feel this energy when I lay down and try to rest as well, just as tingles though, no heat as yet as some describe.
: I had a session in my first week with Mystress Angelique and had a tummo fire initiation. I felt lots of energy in the session and did lots of clearing. I was sort of expecting to feel heat since as it is burning through me but havent felt anything but tingles at this point. As Mystress pointed out to me, we did ask for a gentle awakening. Yesterday I was evaluating my thinking on this and re reading an email from Mystress that she sent me after my session and I tried surrendering my negative thoughts that somehow the initiation did not work for me. I hope by surrendering this thought and finding more belief in myself that this process will start for me when time is right, is the correct way for me to proceed.
: Can anyone offer me their experiences after having the tummo fire initiation, I suppose I am wondering if the tingles of what I am presuming to be energy at times I feel when laying down to rest or sleep maybe the fires burning.
: I seem to be finding it hard to integrate things I am reading  in relation to every day dramas, problems etc.
: This morning I was reading Mystress's reply to Lori on the K List regarding not getting caught up in the dramas of life. How do we not do that?

I always aim at focusing only at what I feel about what people do or say, what it trickles in me, instead of what people have done or said. I feel that what people do or say is their fereedom, and belong to them only. My business is me, how I feel, which emotion is trickered ect. than I handle the motions trickled, within myself instead of pojecting them on others. In this way there are no dramas anymore, just an everincreasing awareness of my own feelings and emotions and hold-ups...

: If for instance someone does something that disappoints you or upsets you and then you have words with this person about the incident, if you end up reacting in anger or frustration, is that Karma coming up for release and should I be trying to surrender the feelings inside me instead of dealing with the problem with the other person?. I sort of feel if I dont state my opinion or thoughts on an issue that has made me angry or upset then I am not standing up for myself and that people will walk all over me, I would then end up feeling resentful that I didnt try to sort the situation out or state my feelings. Does this make sense? I just am unsure how to integrate daily things. I am unsure what sort of things to surrender really and have been trying to evaluate each incident to see what I need to do. I hope this makes sense, I seem to be quite confused at the moment.
: Mystress, after your last email I have been thinking about what you said about being careful not to project Karma coming up onto other people close to me, trying to see if I did actually enjoy the anger outburst I had with my boyfriend, it was sort of a release after many months of problems. I am thinking now that maybe I am creating dramas with him as a way to justify my wanting to finish the relationship (part of me wants to and part doesn't) as I have not seen light at the end of the tunnel for a long time now that our relationship will right itself. Maybe I have heard my inner voice so many times and not realised and truly listened what it is telling me about this relationship. But I keep going back! Is this self sabotage, me getting overly upset about issues that he does and holding onto them so my mind keeps believing that he is not the right man for me and that I should be finishing this. Is my mind trying to find an easy way to deal with all this, I am realising as I type this it must be my ego popping in. I have been in self protection mode for a long time now to prevent more hurt and upset. I am not quite sure though what to surrender to change this situation and to pass this lesson as such and move forward.
: Can others offer any advice as to these daily hurdles of drama that we struggle with and how to intergrate it, if this is indeed Karma coming up and whether I should not be reacting when someone upsets me. It is hard not to react when you have done it for so many years. I would love to hear from other members and from Mystress Angelique on any of the above.
: I really enjoy reading all the posts here and on the K List daily and seeing what others are experiencing, I know I am setting out on a long journey and its nice to have contact with like minded people.
: I wish you all a lovely day.
: Kind Regards
: Shari

Hello Mystress,
Thankyou for your responses to my post, your words defining what is going on with me are very reassuring. I hope that I do this correctly, I mean posting resonse to your answers. Here goes...

: : Hello to all involved in the Fire Serpent Tantra course.

: Hello, Shari~!

: : I am finding when I do the grounding that there seems to be more energy now than when I started and I am able to concentrate more on it, as my mind in the start used to wander alot and I would be in the middle of it and then realise I was thinking of some other life event. It still happenes sometimes but I feel the energy more which keeps my concentration in check. When I say energy what I feel is mainly tingles and a sort of heaviness or slightly altered state. I seem to feel the energy stronger in the evenings, does anyone else experience this?

: Yes... it has to do with how serotonin levels and earth energy changes during the day.
It's nice to have an explanation of this although I am trying not to place expectations on all that is happening, to trust that everything happens at the right time anyway.

: : I feel this energy when I lay down and try to rest as well, just as tingles though, no heat as yet as some describe.

: Give it time...

: : I had a session in my first week with Mystress Angelique and had a tummo fire initiation. I felt lots of energy in the session and did lots of clearing. I was sort of expecting to feel heat since as it is burning through me but havent felt anything but tingles at this point. As Mystress pointed out to me, we did ask for a gentle awakening. Yesterday I was evaluating my thinking on this and re reading an email from Mystress that she sent me after my session and I tried surrendering my negative thoughts that somehow the initiation did not work for me. I hope by surrendering this thought and finding more belief in myself that this process will start for me when time is right, is the correct way for me to proceed.

: That's great~!

: : Can anyone offer me their experiences after having the tummo fire initiation, I suppose I am wondering if the tingles of what I am presuming to be energy at times I feel when laying down to rest or sleep maybe the fires burning.
: : I seem to be finding it hard to integrate things I am reading  in relation to every day dramas, problems etc.
: : This morning I was reading Mystress's reply to Lori on the K List regarding not getting caught up in the dramas of life. How do we not do that?
: : If for instance someone does something that disappoints you or upsets you

: Ah, there it is... who decides how you feel? You do. You choose to be upset or let it slide. Nobody does it to you. That kind of thinking is victimhood... not empowering.

: Where does disappointment come from? Expectations... who creates expectations? You do.

: You see.. the drama is self created.

It makes total sense to me what you are saying here, yes if I didnt have expectations then I wouldnt be disappointed. I think I must play the victim alot now I have been thinking on it.
I have been really trying to not react as I usually do and really thinking about my feelings and reactions and I can tell you I have the opportunity for plenty of practise with my boyfriend. Two nights ago an issue started to blow up and I calmly went outside and did the grounding, and surrendered a few negative thoughts to goddess and went back in much calmer, My boyfriend David was still funny in his attitude but I had sort of detached and never argued just laid down on the lounge and it didnt effect me as usual, I ended up falling asleep actually and things seemed to dissolve where normally they dont get resolved.
I found it more difficult though where it concerned issues of control, we had another issue this morning and he totally took over a situation with my daughter, wouldnt even let me talk, he kept cutting me off and was quite demanding and dealt with something differently than I would have and in my mind it wasn't neccesary to do it the way he did.
In this case, I felt myself getting cranky with him and I detached but in an upset or angry way. Seems I have alot more practise to do as it was very difficult whilst he was being controlling for me to not react. I will keep working on it though.

: :and then you have words with this person about the incident, if you end up reacting in anger or frustration, is that Karma coming up for release and should I be trying to surrender the feelings inside me instead of dealing with the problem with the other person?.

: yes, usually.

: : I sort of feel if I dont state my opinion or thoughts on an issue that has made me angry or upset then I am not standing up for myself and that people will walk all over me, I would then end up feeling resentful that I didnt try to sort the situation out or state my feelings. Does this make sense?

: Yes and no. You are reacting because you are afraid of being victimized... but in reaction, you are already victimized. Continuing to give power away to fear of what might happen in the future, does not serve you. Giving the power to choose your feeings, away to what someone else does, does not serve you. Ask yourself: is this drama more important than staying grounded?

:
: :I just am unsure how to integrate daily things. I am unsure what sort of things to surrender really and have been trying to evaluate each incident to see what I need to do. I hope this makes sense, I seem to be quite confused at the moment.

: Surrender everything. Goddess owns everything, is All. What you think is "yours" is the illusion of ego.

I have been surrendering everything I can think of, each time I ground I sit for a few minutes afterwards and think if there are any negative thoughts or issues or pain I need to surrender to and do it as they come up

:
: : Mystress, after your last email I have been thinking about what you said about being careful not to project Karma coming up onto other people close to me, trying to see if I did actually enjoy the anger outburst I had with my boyfriend, it was sort of a release after many months of problems. I am thinking now that maybe I am creating dramas with him as a way to justify my wanting to finish the relationship (part of me wants to and part doesn't) as I have not seen light at the end of the tunnel for a long time now that our relationship will right itself. Maybe I have heard my inner voice so many times and not realised and truly listened what it is telling me about this relationship. But I keep going back! Is this self sabotage, me getting overly upset about issues that he does and holding onto them so my mind keeps believing that he is not the right man for me and that I should be finishing this. Is my mind trying to find an easy way to deal with all this, I am realising as I type this it must be my ego popping in.

: Heh. That is part of the magic of this tea room temple. Goddess goves answers before you are even done writing! Yes, your concerns are all ego. Ego needs reasons and justifications for what it does. Ego fears and seeks to protect. Ego judges.  

I think I have alot of ego work to do !!

: : I have been in self protection mode for a long time now to prevent more hurt and upset.

: Heh... does not work though, does it? Self protection tells the universe that you believe you are not safe... a prayer of fear, gets fearful results. Protection invites attack.

: : I am not quite sure though what to surrender to change this situation and to pass this lesson as such and move forward.
: : Can others offer any advice as to these daily hurdles of drama that we struggle with and how to intergrate it, if this is indeed Karma coming up and whether I should not be reacting when someone upsets me.

: Nobody upsets you. You choose a reaction of getting upset, to what someone else does. The choice maybe unconscious, but it is still a choice. Stay grounded, fill yourself with light and you will find it easier to "not sweat the small stuff".... and guess what! It is all small stuff.

: : I really enjoy reading all the posts here and on the K List daily and seeing what others are experiencing, I know I am setting out on a long journey and its nice to have contact with like minded people.
: : I wish you all a lovely day.
: : Kind Regards
: : Shari
: I enjoy you too, Shari. Don't worry if your progress seems slow. It is as Goddess wills. There definitely is progress, in how you have felt the energy of the grounding getting more intense. Give it time. All is unfolding as it needs to.

My progress at times does seem slow to me but I am surrendering to my feelings on this and trying to find trust as you say that things are going as they should.
With Many Thanks
Shari

:    Blessings!