That hurt like hell, but I guess I had it coming to me. I think I was asking to be rapped on the knuckles, so thanks for bringing me up short before I could get ahead of myself.

>You know skipping ahead like that was wrong, so why did you do it? It is disrespectful to me, to the course and to your self.

I obviously wasn't thinking clearly, when I shouldn't have been thinking at all, just listening and grounding. Sorry. I skipped ahead for a couple of reasons. The most apparent reason is because I'm miserable and I desperately want to be at peace, and filled with bliss and happiness. The urge to find a quick fix is ever prevalent in me. The second reason was out of ego-based habit. When I was a little girl, I was smarter and faster than most people my age. I'm not bragging, it was a fact. This programmed me to believe that because I was always ahead of my peers, then I always should skip ahead of my peers. When I wasn't ahead of everyone else, I felt like I was letting myself and everyone down. You know, I'd take all kinds of flack for getting 90% instead of 100. So I suppose my ego was telling me that since I'm more spiritually aware than most people, I would be ok to skip ahead because I'm on a higher level and can handle it. Which is absolute bull, because though I may cultivate more spiritual learning than the average Joe, it doesn't necessarily make me more spiritually 'there.' Wise people have said the first step to enlightenment is to admit you know nothing, so I will have to eat humble pie and agree.

I didn't mean to be disrespectful. I'm just not that good at listening sometimes. I will work on that in future. Because in the course introduction you said we shouldn't do it in less than six months, so I wasn't sure how strongly you advise the one lesson per week guideline. Of course you did immediately follow it up with the warning not to rush it! I'll try to pay more heed to your instructions henceforth.  FYI, I actually decided to stop reading ahead after reading the leson about pacing yourself. Which was also why I mentioned that I skipped the lessons on waking the serpents, and the house and computer spell. I knew intuitively I wasn't ready for those, and I might overburden myself. I made myself a promise I wouldn't go on until I'd gotten the first 1/3 of the course down pat.  I'd decided I'd focus primarily on grounding, waking the heart voice and entity clearing. I've actually been doing these things on and off just from your info on www.domin8rex.com, but I will take time out to do them on a regular daily basis. And as much as it pains me, I'll do one lesson per week. Should I start from lesson 1: intro to kundalini?

>You have read 1/3 of the course but you have not yet mastered the basics, grounding and the heart voice.

I realized that myself, which is why I stopped reading ahead. I honestly thought that I would just read ahead to get the info on heart voice awakening and entity clearing, but I am not a disciplined person, and temptation got the better of me. You are right; I am programmed to think that intellectual mastery is spiritual mastery. I wanted that specific info because I have had minor heart chakra awakenings and blockage clearing in the past, and it was amazing how happy and healthy I felt within those brief k-spurts. I just desperately wanted to re-invoke those periods of bliss, love, harmony and small miracles. Is this ego based or a natural basic urge?

>You are reading and absorbing terminology without really understanding the concepts they represent.

Another ego-based habit of mine to watch for.

>For example, you wrote to me in private mail that you understand projections, then turned around and wrote a whole thread of projections about your boyfriend on KSL.

I need some clarification on this one, please. Are you saying I talked about my projections towards my boyfriend, or his towards me? Because I think we project at each other, which I realize has to stop. Which means maybe I should stop projecting at him first?

>You also misunderstand what "Alpha wolf" is, to the point of thinking it is the opposite of what it is.

I understood it to refer to a person who has voluntarily taken on the projections of others in order to clear them. When the Alpha Wolf takes on karma from one who won't surrender, it has no choice but to throw them back in a potentially painful manner towards the projectee? Is this wrong? If so, can you point me to some info about the Alpha Wolf? I can't exactly remember where you wrote it about it. I guess my b/f and I did take on some projections from each other, but not with the intent to clear, more to control each other. Or possibly from empathy. What I was trying to convey was that empathy with him was killing my solar plexus, and that I was feeling the urge to run away, or just toss him out. I feel like his issues are dragging me down and taking up residence in my aura. I'm sorry to misuse your terminology, Mystress.

?You are not hearing me clearly, so it is no surprise you are not hearing the heart voice either. You are not following my suggestions of how to take the course, so I am not inclined to give you more guidance. No point in advising you, if you are not listening.

Well, I'm sure as heck listening now! I apologize again, and I will try harder to put myself aside and listen to what you are telling me. That is, if you haven't decided I'm still not listening and therefore useless to advise.

>It appears to me that you do not know the difference between a blockage and an entity... the stuff you have been dealing with looks like blockages to me, not entities... The entity clearing did not work on them, but gratitude did.

I think you are absolutely right on this one.

>You have some entities, but what you describe is body talking. Entities tend to move, wiggle or squirm. Your pain just sits there like a brick, getting worse. It is your body asking to be heard. You are so busy trying to get your own way by surrendering, you are not hearing it.

I think I may have felt some entities, but to be honest, it might have just been k-itching. I get these itchy, scratchy, uncomfortable feelings in  my heart, throat and solar plexus. You know how your throat feels when you have a dry cough or are coming down with the flu? That's the best way I can describe it. And it makes sense that my unconscious body-mind is showing me my blockages so I can give them love and attention. Because when I project anger and frustration at them, they react by hurting more.

>You ask me if a few seconds of grounding counts toward your "goal"... I cannot even express how bizarre that sounds, to me.

Well, it's not my goal! Honestly, you said to ground 8 times a day, and I am trying to do exactly that, but is there an average amount of time I should devote? When I am at home, it isn't too hard to take time out for grounding.Cause I could do the grounding for hours sometimes, although my stupid mind does tend to get bored and wants me to do something else. Something to watch for. I asked this question because when I'm at work, there really is no time to stop and do the full grounding. I generally have less than a minute between calls, and my breaks are woefully short. Do you have any suggestions as to how I should 'schedule time' for Goddess? The stopwatch idea you mentioned on your website is great but probably wouldn't work at the office.  I didn't mean to sound goal-oriented, but I do want to ground the prescribed 8 times a day, I just am having trouble scheduling it. I do try to stay mindful and in the grounded state as I'm going about my regular stuff, but it's hard to get in a full grounding at work. Should I just save it for home?

>Enlightenment is not a footrace. There is no exam for this tantra course. Knowing words for concepts does not mean really understanding them. Grounding is something you cultivate all the time, it is not measured to coffee breaks and a stopwatch, trying to make it count towards your "score" for the goal. That is like trying to stuff Goddess in a pigeonhole. Schedule Her... so She does not interfere too much with the drama you prefer to give your attention to.

Maybe I'm just not listening again. In the list contents there is a lesson on grounding in one breath, so I guess I assumed it was ok to do a quick grounding when you really don't have time for more; and to do longer ones when I do have free time. I'm confused! I do try to stay mindful all the time, even amidst my drama I try to stop and just breathe. And when I'm at home I ground for anywhere from five minutes to an hour, albeit poorly with the brain chatter I can't seem to silence. Also, you once said to set your stopwatch as a reminder to ground, and above you said not to limit Goddess to a stopwatch? Which one is right? I really AM trying to cultivate a grounded state all the time, even when I don't have that much time. I'm not trying to be goal-based, just trying to understand and follow your instructions.

>Sabrina, chill... all of this, is not surrender. You are trying to use the concepts to attain ego based goals. So you are still getting the "shooting self in foot" effect.

I would agree with this as well. I can't seem to shake the idea that being on a spiritual path will make me healthy, wealthy, beautiful and happy. Which are ego based goals. Although I also see this as archetypal behaviour, but maybe I am looking at it from the wrong perspective. I guess I should put more focus in the present, no?

>Your ego is playing some tricks on you.

My ego does have a tendency to do this. Dodging manipulation from my ego is a full-time job, considering I don't even know where my ego leaves off and I begin.

>I want you to go back to the beginning of the course, and start over. Surrender everything you *think* you have learned, to make room for fresh, genuine insights. Continue with the grounding, but do one lesson per week and stay with it until you really do understand it fully.

But how will I know when I understand it fully? Where will that knowledge come from? Will I just now? Geeze, maybe you should give me tests, to make sure I don't wind up shooting myself in the foot constantly.

>I know your ego won't like that idea, which is as good reason as any to do it. You have been using this program to enhance your ego... getting an illusion of learning, accomplishment... Time for humility.

No, my ego does NOT like that idea. And it's hard to be humble, 'cause I've always equated humility with low self-esteem and being a human doormat. Maybe I should bookmark this definition; 'Near the ground; not high or lofty; not pretentious or magnificent; unpretending; unassuming; as, a humble cottage.' Every other definition tells me to be self-effacing.

>I don't like to squish you, but it is better than seeing you continue down this path as you have been. I have had students before, who mistook an intellectual understanding of the concepts for spiritual progress. You are getting an intellectual mis-understanding and thinking it progress... Let it go. Start over.

Well, I don't like being squished, but there have been times in my life when good friends squished me for my own good, so thanks for caring enough to squish me! I may not have learned much, but I think I made a teensy bit of progress because the grounded state is becoming more natural and frequent. As well, I feel energy moving around in me even when I'm not deliberately grounding. But.....I'll go back to square one anyway and assume I know nothing, and give up my ideas of progress. Who knows? I might actually learn something. Sooo...I'll just remember to stay grounded and take it one lesson at a time. No matter how much my ego squirms!

Thanks

Sabrina

(shrug) You are welcome. You were asking for it. Have some more.

: I obviously wasn't thinking clearly, when I shouldn't have been thinking at all, just listening and grounding. Sorry. I skipped ahead for a couple of reasons.

Ego always likes to have reasons... you like to feed it, by giving it what it wants.

:The most apparent reason is because I'm miserable and I desperately want to be at peace, and filled with bliss and happiness. The urge to find a quick fix is ever prevalent in me.

You are in a rush to find peace? Surely you must realize that makes no sense at all...

:Wise people have said the first step to enlightenment is to admit you know nothing, so I will have to eat humble pie and agree.

: I didn't mean to be disrespectful. I'm just not that good at listening sometimes. I will work on that in future. Because in the course introduction you said we shouldn't do it in less than six months, so I wasn't sure how strongly you advise the one lesson per week guideline. Of course you did immediately follow it up with the warning not to rush it!

Do you listen to yourself?

 You signed up 2 weeks ago and you did 22/58 lessons. Your reasons/excuses are pretty childish, you know that. Children do not take responsibility for themselves. My questions are rhetorical... but look at all the reasons your ego came up with, to do exactly as it pleased. How many reasons did it take, to drown out the voice of your gut instinct telling you it was wrong to skip ahead?

:I'll try to pay more heed to your instructions henceforth.  FYI, I actually decided to stop reading ahead after reading the leson about pacing yourself.

Each lesson is placed with care...

:Which was also why I mentioned that I skipped the lessons on waking the serpents, and the house and computer spell. I knew intuitively I wasn't ready for those, and I might overburden myself. I made myself a promise I wouldn't go on until I'd gotten the first 1/3 of the course down pat.  I'd decided I'd focus primarily on grounding, waking the heart voice and entity clearing.

Good!

: I've actually been doing these things on and off just from your info on www.domin8rex.com,

Right. So the Mystress cyberspace is arranged, quite carefully. There is no need to skip ahead, everything you would need for where you are at is on domin8rex.com, and you have not begun to master most of that... The kundalini section of domin8rex.com is like FST light, a free version.

 OK? I am inviting you to observe yourself, your patterns. You are gobbling information, but it is mostly going through you like grass through a goose. Meantime, your body is trying to get you to listen and you treat your inner DB like an unwanted pup.

: but I will take time out to do them on a regular daily basis. And as much as it pains me, I'll do one lesson per week. Should I start from lesson 1: intro to kundalini?

I'm not going to repeat what is says in the course study guidelines. You obviously read it, and consciously chose to disregard it. You have free will. Do as you please.

 When you read lesson one, did you get the part about Kundalini being the most powerful force in the universe, and not controllable? That you should not seek awakening till you are truly ready to hand your life over to the Divine?

:I wanted that specific info because I have had minor heart chakra awakenings and blockage clearing in the past, and it was amazing how happy and healthy I felt within those brief k-spurts. I just desperately wanted to re-invoke those periods of bliss, love, harmony and small miracles. Is this ego based or a natural basic urge?

It is an effort to control, and trying to go backwards. It is natural to want to be happy and healthy, but trying to wrestle Goddess into moving backwards into happy past times is really resistance. Let go, and more bliss will come, in new ways... but there may be some bumpy trips on the way there.
 Wanting to be blissful all the time, when you are chasing ego illusions is impossible. Spinning. Drama is not blissful, it has peaks and tragedies. You focus on drama then complain about lack of peace and bliss? Spinning round and round...

 If you want short term peace and bliss, a quick fix.. take drugs. Ya know? This is not it.

: >For example, you wrote to me in private mail that you understand projections, then turned around and wrote a whole thread of projections about your boyfriend on KSL.

: I need some clarification on this one, please. Are you saying I talked about my projections towards my boyfriend, or his towards me? Because I think we project at each other, which I realize has to stop. Which means maybe I should stop projecting at him first?

Yes, and... your opinions about him, the thoughts you have about him affect him... they are energy projections. You cannot see past them, what you see is yourself reflected... your stuff, flying back at you boomerang. Karma returning multiplied. Goddess law.

  Getting a lot of attention to your opinions by posting to the list asking for more opinions, gives them even more energy. All that energy, of all those people, aimed at him...

 OK?

 You get it that free will based magical spells shoot you in the foot, but you have not made the connection to "every thought is a prayer."  

 Your thoughts have power. You take those same thoughts and send them out in word and deed, so much more power they have... focus on negative, fearful blaming thoughts, end up spinning when the karma reacton hits like a punch to the solar plexus. Duh! Goddess spanks.

: >You also misunderstand what "Alpha wolf" is, to the point of thinking it is the opposite of what it is.

: I understood it to refer to a person who has voluntarily taken on the projections of others in order to clear them. When the Alpha Wolf takes on karma from one who won't surrender, it has no choice but to throw them back in a potentially painful manner towards the projectee? Is this wrong?

Yes. That is wrong.  What you are describing, I sometimes call karma vampire barf, or berserker wolf.  

:If so, can you point me to some info about the Alpha Wolf? I can't exactly remember where you wrote it about it.

Universally, it is a term for a dominant, a leader.. Top wolf in the pack.

  I used it in an email to K-list about my personal stuff... it is personal, a pet name I have for a noble aspect of my Dom personality. If I was bitching about karma vampire projectile bulimia, that is not alpha wolf. He is not a whiner.

:I guess my b/f and I did take on some projections from each other, but not with the intent to clear, more to control each other. Or possibly from empathy. What I was trying to convey was that empathy with him was killing my solar plexus, and that I was feeling the urge to run away, or just toss him out.

and I am telling you, the pain in your power chakra is caused by your own karma kicking you in the gut as payment for the thought projectile crap you send out. Bullets ricocheting back at you, multiplied. That is the source of the unwanted empathy too. Your judgments about people, entangle you in their energy and you get their crap. You send out your judgmental thoughts, throwing stones... then when the karma feedback hits you, you cry victim so you have an excuse to use a bigger gun of blame.

 If you want peace, you have to stop going to war.

 Choosing to believe you are a victim gives your ego an excuse to do more crap, and shields you from having to admit to provoking the reaction, being the aggressor.

Victimhood is self created. Ego in charge, monkey flying the space shuttle... spinning. Crashing. Blowing things up.

 When you blame your bf for how you feel, you give him your power, make him be god for you. You also bomb him with your karma... magical abuse gets karma payback... another bullet hole in your foot.
 It is a no-winner.

The power chakra has many functions. It is the seat of free will/divine will. It is the place of power games and heirarchies, and the illusions of victimhood. It also tells whether thoughts and actions are karma or dharma... it defines boundaries in the world of duality. Disrespect someone's boundaries, or even think of it, and it will let you know by feeling yucky.

 If the karma of bombing him with your negative black magic blame thoughts all the time did not give you a smoking black hole for a power chakra, then you would be a sociopath. No conscience.

 Heart voice in a nutshell, for beginners. Get grounded. Observe your thoughts floating by without engaging in them, but instead put your attention into watching your body respond. True dharma thoughts make the heart feel a lift, get bigger or grow warm. Heart opens.

 Thoughts that are not truth, bad karma projectile thoughts make the power chakra contract, become tight or painful.

 Thoughts that are bad karma make your power chakra shrivel. Thoughts of fear, thoughts that give power away, thoughts of blame, projections ...all the bad karma black magic thoughts ricocheting back to you like bullets, make for a painful smoking black hole of a power chakra, and blaming it on someone else only makes it worse.

 Your body tells the story. You are so busy looking for reasons to blame someone else, or some panacea to control the feeling, you did not stop to listen. It speaks louder, because it is trying to train you that aiming frustration and anger at anything, is hurting you. Projections, projectiles, war. Not peace.  

: Well, I'm sure as heck listening now!

I am not sure. Everything I have written here, is on domin8rex.com. You did not get it then. Why?

  You want attention, not enlightenment. A spanking, your love language. (shrug) I get bored of repeating myself, that is why I make websites.

: I think I may have felt some entities, but to be honest, it might have just been k-itching. I get these itchy, scratchy, uncomfortable feelings in  my heart, throat and solar plexus. You know how your throat feels when you have a dry cough or are coming down with the flu? That's the best way I can describe it. And it makes sense that my unconscious body-mind is showing me my blockages so I can give them love and attention. Because when I project anger and frustration at them, they react by hurting more.

Well, duh... Love yourself.

Your body is trying to train you not to project anger and frustration, at anything! To respect the power of your own thoughts, your magic and not use them to make more karma for yourself. You are slower than Pavlov's dog, to make the connection.

 Your body is talking to you all day long but you are too busy chasing terminology and indulging drama, feeding your ego, to listen.  

: >You ask me if a few seconds of grounding counts toward your "goal"... I cannot even express how bizarre that sounds, to me.

: Well, it's not my goal! Honestly, you said to ground 8 times a day, and I am trying to do exactly that, but is there an average amount of time I should devote?

How long does it take, to get your feet tingling and be free from fear? How long does it last?

:I do try to stay mindful and in the grounded state as I'm going about my regular stuff, but it's hard to get in a full grounding at work.

Mindful is the magic word. Be mindful to stay grounded.

: Maybe I'm just not listening again. In the list contents there is a lesson on grounding in one breath,

That is lesson #23. The grounding itself is lesson #7, although I expect most students have already encountered it before then, on one of my other sites.

 So doing one lesson a week, after 45 days of grounding you would be around lesson 13. Opening the heart chakra. It would be ten more weeks, before the grounding is deep enough, and the body clear enough that you can have a shortcut version, with one breath and get the same effect as when taking time to visualise the whole thing.

  Grounding is being loving to yourself. Grounding is going into a natural state of surrender. Do you always eat fast food? Take shortcuts to loving yourself? Be mindful.  

:so I guess I assumed it was ok to do a quick grounding when you really don't have time for more; and to do longer ones when I do have free time. I'm confused! I do try to stay mindful all the time, even amidst my drama I try to stop and just breathe. And when I'm at home I ground for anywhere from five minutes to an hour, albeit poorly with the brain chatter I can't seem to silence.

Good.

Also, you once said to set your stopwatch as a reminder to ground, and above you said not to limit Goddess to a stopwatch? Which one is right? I really AM trying to cultivate a grounded state all the time, even when I don't have that much time. I'm not trying to be goal-based, just trying to understand and follow your instructions.

You could not possibly have been grounded, to write the above paragraph. Please get grounded before posting to the tea room.  

 I did say to set a stopwatch if you need to, to remind yourself to ground, but keeping a scorecard and asking if a few seconds of grounding will count, is all your idea.

 Your ego insists on reasons... so I will give you some information about what not being grounded does to you, and then you decide for yourself whether you are worth it.

  When you are grounded, there is no fear...
 Whenever you have a fearful thought, in addition to projecting karma that kicks your gut, you trigger a "fight or flight" reaction in your body. This shuts down your immune system and digestion, in order to send blood to your limbs. Body basic survival thinks not getting eaten by a tiger because you can run fast is a priority over whether you get a disease. It does not know the difference between seeing a tiger and worrying about your hair. Fear is fear.

 It also changes the ph balance of your blood, from acid to alkaline. When that happens, all the calcium in your blood that was fuctioning to regulate your nervous system and keep you calm, precipitates out like snow falling, and ends up gathering in your joints... where it limits blood flow, and pinches nerves. One result: Arthritis.

 I am not a doctor, and there are many different kinds of arthritis, but mostly it is a stress disorder of the autoimmune system.

: No, my ego does NOT like that idea. And it's hard to be humble, 'cause I've always equated humility with low self-esteem and being a human doormat.

You are Goddess doormat, being stomped flat because you did not approach with respect and humility... and Her beloved child. Get used to it.

:Maybe I should bookmark this definition; 'Near the ground; not high or lofty; not pretentious or magnificent; unpretending; unassuming; as, a humble cottage.' Every other definition tells me to be self-effacing.

Self effaceing means erasing your ego. Instead, you go about looking for a definition that suits your ego better...

 I am not saying you have not made progress. You have... and you have a lot of natural talent, but you are also headed down the wrong road, using the course to feed your ego.

  You asked me how to stop the spinning, and I have already told you, in everything I write. You did not listen, chose to keep spinning. Well.. go ahead if you like it. There must be some kind of payoff in it, or you would not keep at it. Ego likes the drama? How does the body feel about it?

   Blessings...

Congratulations on your growth and your courage. By coincidence, I was without Internet access last week and so did not interfere. Cuz it would have been hard to resist, as I ate some humble pie too, about a month ago.  It was very good for me.

Check out the archives even further, and you'll see there are more who ate some of that tasty pie, along with really good advice.

Thank you for being honest, as the responses from Mystress Angelique were truly inspiring and provided further clarity to questions I didn't even know I had.

I hope you are taking a step back for the time being and that we'll hear from you soon.

Love and Light,

KV