I have done it about 200 or so times now over the last month and thus far I have had no memories of the original trauma just the present time feelings and situation and what was activating it.

AND- today for the first time- after I did the first variation- I got in touch with a feeling/impression of me as a small boy being terrified. I could feel his terror- deep empathy with him!

This is huge.

I have done a lot of trauma healing techniques and never gotten in touch with anything from the past in any visceral/real way.

Grateful.

Quote from: Mystress on Jun 13, 2024, 05:46:59 PM
Gopi Wrote: "Going forward and trying to control the future based on fear is not surrender."

  Well said.
  Essentially, you are releasing karma to free yourself from the shackles of the past, so then putting shackles on your future self to limit their free will makes no sense.

  If you are k awakened, your life is not your own, you belong to Goddess. Surrender the karma of the past to become a transparent vessel, but what happens in the future will be As Goddess Wills... and that affirmation is the most powerful prayer.

  Thanks!

Namaste Mystress.

And thank you for your input.

You wrote:
  Essentially, you are releasing karma to free yourself from the shackles of the past, so then putting shackles on your future self to limit their free will makes no sense.

However I misread it first time as:
  Essentially, you are releasing karma to free yourself from the shackles of the past, so you can have free will in the future!

Literally that is what I read the first time!

You wrote:
  If you are k awakened, your life is not your own, you belong to Goddess. Surrender the karma of the past to become a transparent vessel, but what happens in the future will be As Goddess Wills... and that affirmation is the most powerful prayer.

Beautiful- to become a transparent vessel.

And to be clear- the affirmation is:
the future will be As Goddess Wills?

Thank you and Goddess Bless

I made my first post to Tearoom on July 22, 2013 (a full moon day that is celebrated in India as Guru Purnima) -

http://fire-serpent.com/tearoom/index.php/topic,1418.msg6235.html#msg6235

Today is July 21, 2024 and it is Guru Purnima.

"Guru Purnima is a religious festival dedicated to offering respect to all the spiritual and academic gurus. It is celebrated as a festival in India, Nepal and Bhutan by Hindus, Jains and Buddhists. This festival is traditionally observed to honour one's chosen spiritual teachers or leaders. It is observed on the full moon day (Purnima) in the month of Ashadha (Juneâ€"July) according to the Hindu Calendar."
Source: Wikipedia

That's 11 years of FST! What a ride!!

It feels appropriate to write a testimonial about my relationship with my spiritual teacher, Mystress Angelique Serpent.

---

I have experienced severe depressive episodes since I was a small child.
I have repeatedly experienced suicidal thoughts and was self-harming by starving myself.
I started experiencing intense Kundalini awakening symptoms when I was around 30 years old.
I did not understand what was going on. I felt lonely, confused, scared, and desolate.
At one point, my body was sending me alarming signals that I was falling apart rapidly - I either had to do something soon or I will die.
That's how I came to FST.

Since I was born and raised in India, I came to FST expecting a guru (in the traditional Indian sense).
Mystress continually refused to play guru for me and insisted that I learn to walk my path using my own legs.
That said, I have received a lot of mentoring and support from Mystress over the years.
I kept trying to 'figure out' Mystress and it always threw me in a loop.
Soon I learned that it did not matter what I thought/understood.
What mattered was whether I was willing to try things with an open mind and heart.
As I progressed through FST lessons, I noticed profound changes in my life.
My Tearoom posts over the years bear testimony to my journey with FST.
It is not an exaggeration when I say - because of FST, I have not had suicidal thoughts in past 7+ years.

When I graduated FST, Mystress offered me the opportunity to become FST lineage.
I have benefited a lot from the guidance and support from other FST members.
I feel good when I am able to assist and support other FST students.
So I agreed to be FST lineage because it felt right for me.
As lineage, I have a more personal relationship with and get a lot more one-on-one training from Mystress.
When I first met Mystress in person, I was too anxious about meeting my spiritual teacher and did not know what to expect.
Over the years, Mystress and I have become good friends.

Mystress is the wisest person I have personally known till date.
I have not yet met someone who has such profound understanding of the human psyche and spirituality.
I do not always immediately understand everything she says but based on my past experiences, I have enough trust to remain open and try things.
Mystress has been generous, kind, persistent, and patient with training me.
I have lost count of how many times I have been stumped and left speechless while learning things from her.
She is also a no-nonsense person who knows when to crack the whip.

Several years ago, I realized that I was deeply alienated from myself.
I had erased, silenced, and abandoned myself in order to please others.
The result of that self-erasure was that I had no idea who I was and what I wanted.
It made me very sad that I was a stranger to myself and stranger among others.
My journey with Mystress and FST so far has helped me to rediscover my authentic self and live true to myself.
There are lots of spiritual and mystical experiences I have had in these past 11 years.
Too many synchronicities... too many surreal moments that defy logical explanations... to write down and count.

Looking back, what I treasure the most is this: I am true to myself and I love myself.
I have come a long way from 'abandoning myself and self-harming' to genuinely loving myself.
Because I love myself, my relationship with others has vastly improved - my cup overflows.
I am a work in progress and growth is never done with Kundalini.
Mystress inspires me to be kind, generous, playful, and disciplined.
For this, I am grateful.
Thank you for being my teacher and friend, Mystress.
Looking forward to more exciting things in the future.

Namaste!
Gopi

Awesome! Looking forward to the new forum. I haven’t updated my membership in a long time. Pretty strapped for cash until I get my new job in the next 4-5 months.

  Great changes are afoot! A new membership management system and an updated forum.

  There will be some downtime in the new few days as an excellent and honorable web developer fixes all the stuff that is over my head.

Please don't be concerned. It probably won't interfere with access to the lessons except for restarting the server but this tearoom will be in maintenance mode and the new forum might be in a different folder.

The exact timing is uncertain.

I will be sending an email to the whole member list but I need a copy of the error message that comes after posting.

Happy to hear this.

Continue to practice grounding.

I wrote down retro phrases on a small notecard and keep it in my wallet.

Namaste!
Gopi

I haven’t been back in years. I’ve still been doing grounding usually once a day but I knew that my grounded state was waning.

I’ve decided to start over with FST. I just started the first lesson last night. Today, I did the grounding 8 times. Very powerful. And the one breathe method when needed. Also, started my written paper and pencil journal up again. This time I will use it more frequently. I plan on posting here as well.

Was a great day. I felt more present and embodied when with others. I felt more embodied when by myself as well. I will be doing 8 times a day for the next 45 days. Maybe longer. I don’t see anything wrong with meditating 8 times a day, it’s quick and easy and enjoyable

I can’t wait to start FST over again. Maybe I’ll even finish it this time. As Godess Wills.

Thank you Goddess for a good day. Thank you Josh for having a BDay today, I was able to give you a gift and you gave me a hug. Friends are great.

I will be incorporating Retro into my daily routines, for me and retro on others, I just need to memorize the phrases.

Thank you to FST as a community well, so many great people here.

<3

Gopi

The song was awesome, I also rly like the headlight analogy. I can’t understand everything so I’m surrendering my expectations to Goddess. I have acquired healthcare that starts on the 1st so I will be seeing a medical doctor on the 1st

Everything is ok. I know Goddess has me covered. I just worry sometimes but it is futile. Surrendering that again now.

I’m going to take a slow walk and do a long grounding ritual despite significant ear pain. I’ll just breathe through it and surrender my expectations.

Dear Savas,

> Honestly, I just posted about it here due to desperation, and for some advice from FST. Many times in the past I have gotten great, life changing advice from this forum so as a last resort, I post here for advice.

Surrender your expectations to Goddess.

We do not always get everything we want and cannot always understand everything.

But Goddess ALWAYS provides what is needed for us to take the next step through surrender.

"E.L. Doctorow once said that 'Writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.' You don't have to see where you're going, you don't have to see your destination or everything you will pass along the way. You just have to see two or three feet ahead of you. This is right up there with the best advice on writing, or life, I have ever heard."
~ Anne Lamott (Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life, 1995)

As FST student, you are welcome to share your thoughts and questions about your personal spiritual growth on Tearoom.

We are a community and we become stronger by supporting each other during difficult times (in a way that is responsible and beneficial for everyone).

HUGS - https://youtu.be/aO35c9_6uM0

Namaste!
Gopi

I suppose I can follow the recipe above and see if that sorts things out. I have already gone through multiple rounds of antibiotics and nothing seems to do the trick so I'll give that recipe a try. For what its worth, I know you all are not legal doctors and I am responsible for my own care and everything that comes with that.