Hello Svarah,
Thank you for sharing.
Since you mentioned that you are curious about the 'logistics of being a vamp'... I felt like sharing some quotes from a book about psi-vamps.

Mystress edits...I am not a fan of her book, lots of fear and protection ideas, but mostly it is how her energy feels like ice. 
People find value and it is good she opened up discussion. If you want the book, you can find it here. https://archive.org/details/ThePsychicVampireCodexMichelleA.Belanger/mode/1up
— Michelle A. Belanger. 2004. The Psychic Vampire Codex: A Manual of Magick and Energy Work

Thanks for responding, Gopi! Not sure how I overlooked this post, before.

Met up with Mystress and she suggested that I might be a Psi Vamp.

Been dealing with INTENSE solar plexus feelings for a long time, that I couldn't "get rid of."

When she had me feed on different things.... there was quite the feeling of relief.

So I am reading and taking in her post here about what a Vamp is... and I find myself curious about the logistics of being a Vamp.

How often to feed?
What to feed on?
How to feed? (like in a meditative state).

I get a lot of mileage asking my Vortex to feed on whatever it wants, vs specific things.
And it feels more aligned to be me do it meditatively- like sitting and being actively engaged.

Like a couple of times I have been like "Ok Vortex, eat" and then focused on other things.

But when I keep my awareness on the solar plexus as I do it... it feels more...? nourishing?

There is s blssful uprising of energy.... and my 3rd eye gets very active- almost like there is a "line" or a connection being forged between them and the vortex.

Lastly I sometimes wonder about what is Vortex hunger and what is a trauma trigger as when I get activated from trauma I tend to feel it in the solar plexus.

Those are my experiences after vamping for a week.

_/\_   

PS

One of the greatest tools for healing it for me- was to compare doctrine to experience.

When i felt close to Goddess- I would feel:
peace
joy
love
bliss
serenity
balance

And the idea of eternal hell or unjust hell does not match that.
AT ALL.

Thanks for your vulnerable share.

I cannot speak to the afterlife- I will leave that to those who have seen it.

What I can speak to is my own journey of healing from the fear of hell.

I was raised in a VERY conservative Christian church. Fire and brimstone.

And though I rejected the eternal hell idea at the age of 21 about 20 years later... I started to fear hell and damnation.

I realized that anyone who takes the idea of eternal hell or an unjust afterlife (unequal punishment compared to harm done) has undergone a HUGE trauma - and that this lingers in the nervous system.

And so it has been a process of slowly releasing that out.

In my experience it is one thing to BELIEVE that Goddess is just, fair and loving... and to get the nervous system onboard. Every now and then there are blips of that fear- though they are very small now... I just see it as untruth/trauma/negative energy being released.

Peace,

been doing so much better with grounding, and staying grounded, writing in my handwritten journal, letting go of old beliefs, and I am almost done with the introduction to kundalini lesson. feeling so great today I woke up earlier than normal and feel full of energy.

I read the part where Mystress says "do not seek awakening unless you are ready to turn your life over to the Will of your Soul." and I have read this many times. But it had more meaning this time around, it felt more attainable, more doable. Looking forward to what may come~

Day 43 of grounding 8 times a day

started a new hand written journal today and finished the first chapter of FST.

Feeling better and more connected to source energy.

Really looking forward to reconnecting with DB, our connection used to be very strong but has faded.

Also, I used to receive visions but haven't had any in years. I dont think visions are neccesary for spiritual growth so I am not yearning for more but I remain open to whatever may come.

I will be re-writing the 2 versions of retro on a card to put in my wallet and use when needed, then when retro becomes more automonous I'll stop whipping the cards out and perform the magic metaphysically. Maybe, i can get to that today, if not today, I'll do it soon.

Ok I think its time for a walk and a stretch.

Welcome back!
Good to hear from you again.
Glad you are grounding and revisiting lessons.
New FST has lots of new practical exercises and revised content.
So it is worth revisiting lessons.

Namaste
Gopi

I had to restart again. I got caught up in a relationship and work and I lost my focus on FST.

I've been grounding 8 times a day for 4 days now/energy dumping and I'm going to start over on the lessons again/journaling.

I'm not going to try and make excuses for why I haven't been doing FST, I'm just going to try and do better

Happy to be back.