hey everyone and sorry Mystress

[Gats]

Hey all,

I wanted to introduce myself to the forum as I haven't participated here yet but I've been a FST member since '05. 

I met Mystress at a Kundalini workshop near Vancouver the same year and it was a pretty intense experience to say the least.  I'll always feel kind of dumb around her as our one of our first encounters was in a group exercise.  We were asked to say 3 nice things about the person we were partnered with, even though we were complete strangers at the time.  At one point, I was partnered with Mystress and I didn't feel too comfortable as her gaze seemed to penetrate me.  Not in an obtrusive sort of way but enough to know that she could see more than most.  I made the foolish decision to say that she made me feel comfortable even though I clearly was not.  Of course she knew I was not being completely truthful and her response was certainly indicative of that:

"Oh, really?  I've never had someone say that before, usually people feel a bit uneasy around me if they don't know me."  And I chuckled in embarrassment...

Of course I felt like a total goof and I was kind of awkward around her for the rest of the workshop.  But that didn't prevent the amazing experiences that I feel I received as a result of all of her work up to the present moment.  The FST lessons have been valuable to me and I hope to continue exploring wherever it takes me.

So, Mystress... sorry for my less than honest statement those years ago.  I don't even know if you remember but it's been bugging me.

And hello to the rest of you.  It's good to know there are some like-minded folks here.

- Andrew

[Mystress]

So, Mystress... sorry for my less than honest statement those years ago.  I don't even know if you remember but it's been bugging me.

  Andrew: you have given me some good gigglefits today which I really needed, thank you. Mostly, at myself from reading your quote of my response... I dont have much of a social filter especially when not in my body, and ton of behind the scenes politics with the other teachers meant I was not exactly at ease. 

  So I have this tendency to blurt out whatever I see... well, unexpected truth where good manners are expected, does tend to shock people at times,  and haunt them, and make them avoid me afterwards.  Blurting is a thing that makes ADHD people social lepers...

   I remember the compliments exercise but not the details because I really was just not all there.  Of course it is forgiven.

  It is funny though, how in a good person, these tiny things where we do not live up to our own expectations and ideals, can fricking *haunt* us for years... Goddess can be merciless.

   For me it is often occasions where I was not as generous as I could have been... like, if  gave into scarcity and gave a beggar one dollar when I could have given two...  then I let myself down and it haunts me. 

     So glad you decided to come out and introduce yourself.  Blessings!!!

[Mari]

Hi Gats!
I'm very dumb every time I'm around Mystress I admire powerful women so much and usually all my insecurities come up when I'm in contact with them. In a way, that's also why I would like to hang out in SL, to stretch my limits. I'm confident around more submissive folks, but I would really like to be confident around women with power too. Because I really like them, their straightforwardness and honesty. Respect towards for example Mystress is different than being insecure and inferior.
I have few quite dominant women friend that I have learned to really cherish over the years. They don't get crushed because of me. It's fun and relaxing. They have their own opinions and ways, I can have mine.

Your message is funny, I understand how you feel!
It's good to have conscience that haunts you, but I have trained myself to also loosen up a bit sometimes. It can be a burden if I burn in hell everytime I have accidently said or done something small that is not quite true or something. For example saying too low heartbeat to Mystress in a chat, which turned out to be true in the end. Understanding that I can maybe correct it later if opportunity comes (like now...), I don't have to bother her with small messages after every chat I have with her . Loosening up in this could be different to me than to others because I've fallen into mild psychosis because of my internal critic spanking me about basicly everything. Learning to be merciful towards myself and others has been important for my wellbeing.

[Jackman]

Hi Gats!

Seeing Mystress is quite daunting at first... I guess we all act a little foolish at time when we recognize that   we are in the company of someone who can see us for what we really are and not only the mask we would like to show outside...

Guilt/regret is one of the emotions I still struggle. I still tend to beat myself from not living up to my own expectations quite often. I have hard time forgiving myself mistakes I have done in my past and can feel these memories as tightness in my left shoulder area. Most likely it's due to I fear that I will repeat the mistakes again if I stop punishing myself. And the fear makes it more difficult to believe that I am perfect as I am which makes it harder to listen to my heart. I'll try to surrender it again.

Love,
J