Somewhat Timid

[aaronas]

I'm a little scared to post here, not entirely sure how it will turn out. I'm not entirely on a Goddess path (I don't think) but I constantly "return to Goddess" if that makes sense. And I am definitely a male.

Before I relate an experience I want to share I want to ask a question?

How do you all "chop wood" and "carry water"? I find there must be a million ways to do it but what comes up for me right off the bat is the business I do for my family (family business). We are in the business of cleaning restaurant hood systems. It's a greasy dirty job and I love it. I get to get up on the rooftops of the restaurants of Albuquerque and soak up an energy seldom seen or felt by anyone, the energy of the rooftops of a city. I sometimes think that this is where the energy of the suffocated land hides. It hides on the rooftops.

So the experience I want to relate is this. First, let me relate an even more previous experience. And then let me give you some history. Oh this would turn into a book if I tried to write it all. Maybe let me cut to the chase and relate the end.

I was spending some time with a friend who is deep into a kind of cultish messianic christianity. He has a deep affinity for judaism and especially ancient judaism. I remember, this special night, going with him to ke'kela (sp) and opening one of the deeply arcane jewish books. As I read passages of this ancient script I was reading about the Goddess. Everywhere printed was the miracles of "She" and "Her". This was definitely the hidden hidden part of judaism. The true underlying Goddess religion that is so often squelched by the patriarch. I was reading hidden things, and I was wise to keep them hidden. I kept my mouth shut, and I added my energy to the group energy. Things were good that night. (aren't they always "good") I made a few mistakes. For one I failed to answer someone whom I felt I would wrongly give my power away to if I answered. I should have gone with Mystress's teaching of the "lube" of society is little politeness. But I failed that one. And on the same token was awarded some beautiful interactions with some of the fellows (for instance one of them shared a rhyme with us)  This is getting long.
Anyway. Later that night with my friend, the topic of Gay sex came up. For him this is ABSOLUTELY WRONG. but he does not seem to allow himself to feel any hate towards it. I've had a few Gay experiences, for a while I felt I had lost my soul because of it. I went into a deep dark place for about 2 years maybe. All this darkness revolved around the WRONGNESS of Gay sex. (at least that seemed to trigger it) Forgive me if my writing isn't very structured.. I'm trying to get at a particular experience that happened that night. Mystress pulled me out of the dirt enough so that I could get a leg up and get myself out the rest of the way. Then I promptly slammed the K-list which I am not ashamed of. I was later slammed myself by another deeply vamping woman and didn't hold it against her either. (hey when you're thirsty you're thirsty) Regardless, anyways, that night, we, my friend, we'll call him Tom, and I were deep into our intrinsic conversations about life and sin. He shared with me a deeply beautiful vision of what he calls "Hasatan" (his version of satan) Essentially he described a beautiful white serpent and it kneeled to Christ. The vision was beautiful, I'm afraid I understood it on a level he however did not. Regardless, after hours of discourse, part of which I felt I had to fully surrender to him in order to see the master in him (something he might not be seeing in himself entirely) and eventually it led to this...

He gave me an ultimatum. Let's take this 'TALK' and do something with it.

I now had two choices. Go on a crusade with him, ... OR ....

Offer him the invitation to become physical with me (sexual, at least to some degree or another, even just kissing, or whatever, "tantra"?)

REGARDLESS.. needless to say, this was an intense situation.

I could feel the shakti building up in me. You cannot control shakti's will, but you sure can resist it. And resisting it I was, BIG TIME.

In the end, at the end of the night, the Shakti was in my arm, MY HAND!
It wanted to SLAP him for his Male Dominating Gay-Hating Interpretations!
The SLAP in my hand was just begging to let loose a red handprint across his cheek, but I wasn't about to let that happen.

He left. I made some comment about "I should let this hand slap you" and that was the end of the night.

Anyways, this is the experience I wanted to leave with you.

Later that night I noticed some residue on my fingertips. I have no idea where it could have come from, the only way I can describe it was that it seemed like semi-formed flesh and blood. It was strange, almost scared me at first but I immediately knew there was nothing to fear. It was the Shakti that charged up in my arm, it had to go somewhere, so maybe it became flesh.

Let me add something. I am now completely comfortable with Gay sex. However I will add that people should be as safe as possible, regarding any kind of sex.

[juergen]

Very interesting, thx for sharing this real life thing!!!

Interesting is  Shakti manifesting on Your fingertips
Her seductive quality eager to manifest in either way.

Also interesting to watch Christianity's event-shaping filter in the context. It's idea of sexual roles of gender which led you to assume the traditional female role(Satan, white serpent, seductress) and leave the dominating master-role to your friend. You first projected the macho on him then desired to slap him for it, insiduously

Interesting how strongly culture is affecting us(karma is affecting us), it demonstrates how shit comes flying around.

I kept my mouth shut, and I added my energy to the group energy.
Was it really wise to do so? The whole statement sounds like a suppression and playing ball.

I made a few mistakes. For one I failed to answer someone whom I felt I would wrongly give my power away to if I answered. I should have gone with Mystress's teaching of the "lube" of society is little politeness.
Politeness? -- This all seems rather to be about intrinsic stuff, where politeness is not the point;  you gave the power away/made a mistake right earlier, see the former quotation.
Strange place with hidden sacred texts and being obliged to shut your mouth. Whoa

Suppressing homosexuality is directing attention to it. Further, Christianity was created as a military sect: military also directing attention to other males, naturally(at least 300ce when Constantine created that cult and the military was male-only); that cult is a gay production machine of 1st degree, and probably only one of many(for instance what about Muslimism?). Gay of many variants: many inhibited gays(the strictly het-ones being the worst), those having come out, with an "orientation", being still much among the gentler contemporaries.
Wrestling, warring, quarreling, males insulting males: not fighting for a woman's grace, how will ya call that?
Ok i will leave some rants for the rest of this group.

Thanx again!!!
Juergen