Dom tendencies

[Lady C]

Dom Tendencies!

Hi everyone,

I danced last night.  The cleansing kind, where i dress like a gypsy and light a candle and
play tunes that speak to and for me.  There%rsquos a striptease type song called %lsquoYou can leave
your hat on%rsquo by Joe Cocker that%rsquos always been one of my favorites.  While dancing to it, i
fantasize that a guy is stripping for me.  Last night it was %lsquo*aha!*%rsquo  A Dom thing!  ROTFL

The thread rayman brought up regarding the BDSM stuff, the link to Akasha%rsquos site, and
the things coming up on the k-list about that have been very enlightening.  It%rsquos becoming
clearer to me that these traits are in everyone.  It%rsquos as if the level of awareness is what
separates the boys from the men so to speak.  (Not referring to gender here, just an
analogy).  I can see that everywhere in my vanilla world are ppl who can be defined
within this paradigm:  The boss who%rsquos a sub with all kinds of fetish conditions that makes
him very difficult to please.  The dom chiropractor who has his clients lay down and then
starts talking to them before the adjustment.  The sub/masochistic ex husband who is
acting very badly so he can be punished for it and prove his undying love for me.  And of
course, me...the domina with rhinoceros balls who wouldn%rsquot even admit the fact that she
wants a crop and a naked ass to play with.  There are others, too.  But the thing we all
have in common is that vanilla facade that only allows the expressions of these aspects of
our personalities in destructive, nonconsensual ways.  If that boss did get me to be his
warrior goddess and do the tricks he wants done to please him, he wouldn%rsquot jerk the
schedule around and make it impossible for me to do the *job*.  See where i%rsquom going
with this?  We are the *boys*.  Mystress, Percyval and her Druid are the *men*...ppl who
can respect themselves and each other for *all* of who they are, and allow the expression
to come out in respectful (of their needs), consensual ways.  I%rsquom envious of this.  I don't mean to be a cheerleader for the bdsm world - i'm on the outside looking in.  But the opportunity to have
a glimpse into that world is bringing up a bunch of junk to be processed.  Thanks ya%rsquoll.

Peace,
carla

[Percyval]

hi Carla,

yesss! i have definitely felt the vibe from you... you feel very dominant and sexy to me... the world is full of men who are looking for a woman like you to serve...

in a lesson of this course, Mystress stresses how important it is to really understand yourself, and to be a master of yourself before taking on the responsibility to dominate another person... (yes, it is a huge responsibility)...

anyway, you certainly feel like you have it... Mystress will probably have more to say in response to your post... i merely want to tell you that i enjoy the subtle power tendencies in your posts... it gives me a vicarious thrill, which i keep a lid on because you are Mystress's student... and i am simply hers...

warmly,

percyval

[Xerxenca]

This is interesting, I've been seeing similar things in myself and others.

I have many questions - and I'm also thinking of myself as a Dom in training now. I want to ask Mystress about this. I've been Dominant in my work life for many years. And I realize now I've been sexually dominant in many relationships.

But there's an emotional side, a subtle dynamic of self-respect that is finally coming clear to me. And it's happening in tandem with forgiveness . . .

A few days ago a girlfriend and I were talking about our brothers, hers is still an active alcoholic and mine is a recovering amphetamine junkie. We were talking about the many different levels and flips between loving, judging, raging and pitying them. The more I circled around my own feeling in my dynamic with my brother, the more compassion I felt for both of us.

The next day I had thoughts of an ex-boyfriend - not the one I've spoken about here before, but another, that ended badly. At the time I was with this man I was aware of ways he reminded me of my brother. Not in terms of drug use, but in some pretty basic personality traits. I had been glad for the opportunity to relate to those energies.

Anyway - I won't bore you with all of the relationship details, but let's just leave it at a wrenching ending a couple of years ago and no communication in the last year, and honestly I hadn't thought of him in several months. During the day on Thursday I thought of this man and I realized that he HAD loved me, in his own way. And as I thought that, I realized I had forgiven him. Friday, the next morning, when I checked my email there was a message from him:

"I think I still love you! Weird what people say when they are drunk, isn't it?"

Mind you, we hadn't communicated in any way for a year. But I wasn't even surprised to get the message, because that's how forgiveness works. Actually, that's the way strong emotions work. For many years I have gone to answer the phone before it rings, to the surprise of people around me. Some of my family accused me of being a voodoo priestess long before I had any idea what any of that might mean, but that's actually not what I mean to write about here.

The tangle I'm trying to unravel gets played out on many levels. And I'm giving up as much of this as I can get conscious of to do . . .

When I read his email, first it was a nice confirmation on a couple of levels of my own perception of "reality"  - the potency of the wave from the day before and also an affirmation of the love he had spent a lot of energy denying , which never made sense to me. Then there was disappointment that it was "devalued" by being couched as a semiconscious, drunken confession. Then I was wondering how I might want to respond. And that's when the Dom fantasy came up. If he wants to say he loves me, he should be willing to prove it. He should try and please me to win attention from me. I am tentative, but I realize this is the only approach that will not make me unhappy . . .

We've emailed back and forth a couple of times and I believe we've said all we probably need to say to each other. But I realize this is the place I want to start from for my next relationship.

Sat nam!

[Percyval]

> And that's when the Dom fantasy came up. If he wants to say he loves me, he should be willing to prove it. He should try and please me to win attention from me.

hi Xerxenca... this is so great to hear...

damn! i just love being in the presence of powerful women! (and i do acknowledge that i am also a very powerful man...)

warmly,

percyval

[Mystress]

 This is very beautiful, Carla. It is a conclusion I came to, myself.. The games are everywhere, part of our nature.. bringing them out in the open means they can be made consesual, with awareness. What is repressed, comes up ugly.
Thank you for sharing this!
Blessings on your evolution!

PS: Maybe you might offer your ex-husband a spanking...

: Dom Tendencies!

: Hi everyone,

: I danced last night.  The cleansing kind, where i dress like a gypsy and light a candle and
: play tunes that speak to and for me.  There%rsquos a striptease type song called %lsquoYou can leave
: your hat on%rsquo by Joe Cocker that%rsquos always been one of my favorites.  While dancing to it, i
: fantasize that a guy is stripping for me.  Last night it was %lsquo*aha!*%rsquo  A Dom thing!  ROTFL

: The thread rayman brought up regarding the BDSM stuff, the link to Akasha%rsquos site, and
: the things coming up on the k-list about that have been very enlightening.  It%rsquos becoming
: clearer to me that these traits are in everyone.  It%rsquos as if the level of awareness is what
: separates the boys from the men so to speak.  (Not referring to gender here, just an
: analogy).  I can see that everywhere in my vanilla world are ppl who can be defined
: within this paradigm:  The boss who%rsquos a sub with all kinds of fetish conditions that makes
: him very difficult to please.  The dom chiropractor who has his clients lay down and then
: starts talking to them before the adjustment.  The sub/masochistic ex husband who is
: acting very badly so he can be punished for it and prove his undying love for me.  And of
: course, me...the domina with rhinoceros balls who wouldn%rsquot even admit the fact that she
: wants a crop and a naked ass to play with.  There are others, too.  But the thing we all
: have in common is that vanilla facade that only allows the expressions of these aspects of
: our personalities in destructive, nonconsensual ways.  If that boss did get me to be his
: warrior goddess and do the tricks he wants done to please him, he wouldn%rsquot jerk the
: schedule around and make it impossible for me to do the *job*.  See where i%rsquom going
: with this?  We are the *boys*.  Mystress, Percyval and her Druid are the *men*...ppl who
: can respect themselves and each other for *all* of who they are, and allow the expression
: to come out in respectful (of their needs), consensual ways.  I%rsquom envious of this.  I don't mean to be a cheerleader for the bdsm world - i'm on the outside looking in.  But the opportunity to have
: a glimpse into that world is bringing up a bunch of junk to be processed.  Thanks ya%rsquoll.

: Peace,
: carla