Integrating

[Ulterium]

I feel there are about 18 different me's inside of me. They each have their own personality and thoughts... I understand I should love them all... I'd like to ask in your wisdom can these me's be integrated or what should I do with them?

Is there any ritual that I could do to fast track this? I'm tired of bouncing around from one to the other.
(i.e. One day I ask a question and I get a certain answer and the next I ask again and get a different answer. Depending on which part of me is most prevalent at that time.)

[Randall]

: I feel there are about 18 different me's inside of me. They each have their own personality and thoughts... I understand I should love them all... I'd like to ask in your wisdom can these me's be integrated or what should I do with them?

: Is there any ritual that I could do to fast track this? I'm tired of bouncing around from one to the other.
: (i.e. One day I ask a question and I get a certain answer and the next I ask again and get a different answer. Depending on which part of me is most prevalent at that time.)

[Randall]

Hello Ulterium
I think the lesson of the Witness State would be helpful for you at the moment. If you have not already reached this lesson you could skip through some lessons until you reach it.  By vizualizing yourself as an actor on the stage and then withdrawing upwards as described in the lesson, you can disconnect yourself temporarily or permanently from some of the aspects of your ego that are troubling you. The resulting quietening of the mind will also help you with other parts of the course.
kind regards
Randall

: I feel there are about 18 different me's inside of me. They each have their own personality and thoughts... I understand I should love them all... I'd like to ask in your wisdom can these me's be integrated or what should I do with them?

: Is there any ritual that I could do to fast track this? I'm tired of bouncing around from one to the other.
: (i.e. One day I ask a question and I get a certain answer and the next I ask again and get a different answer. Depending on which part of me is most prevalent at that time.)

[Mystress]

Don't tell people to skip ahead, ok? Thanks.

: Hello Ulterium
: I think the lesson of the Witness State would be helpful for you at the moment. If you have not already reached this lesson you could skip through some lessons until you reach it.  By vizualizing yourself as an actor on the stage and then withdrawing upwards as described in the lesson, you can disconnect yourself temporarily or permanently from some of the aspects of your ego that are troubling you. The resulting quietening of the mind will also help you with other parts of the course.
: kind regards
: Randall

: : I feel there are about 18 different me's inside of me. They each have their own personality and thoughts... I understand I should love them all... I'd like to ask in your wisdom can these me's be integrated or what should I do with them?

: : Is there any ritual that I could do to fast track this? I'm tired of bouncing around from one to the other.
: : (i.e. One day I ask a question and I get a certain answer and the next I ask again and get a different answer. Depending on which part of me is most prevalent at that time.)

[Randall]

Hello Mystress and Ulterium!
I   sincerely apologize for the crass use of the term "skip ahead" in my recent message. The course has to be performed in a
sequential manner to assist your spiritual awakening. However, it might be helpful for you to know that Lesson 19 The Witness State, addresses the ego issues that trouble you and all of us on this course. We need to form an altered awareness of our ego state of mind which the Witness State helps to promote. I am not sure if you will be able to quieten 18 different ego states using this technique, maybe only 15, but it´s a start!!!
kind regards
Randall

: Don't tell people to skip ahead, ok? Thanks.

: : Hello Ulterium
: : I think the lesson of the Witness State would be helpful for you at the moment. If you have not already reached this lesson you could skip through some lessons until you reach it.  By vizualizing yourself as an actor on the stage and then withdrawing upwards as described in the lesson, you can disconnect yourself temporarily or permanently from some of the aspects of your ego that are troubling you. The resulting quietening of the mind will also help you with other parts of the course.
: : kind regards
: : Randall

: : : I feel there are about 18 different me's inside of me. They each have their own personality and thoughts... I understand I should love them all... I'd like to ask in your wisdom can these me's be integrated or what should I do with them?

: : : Is there any ritual that I could do to fast track this? I'm tired of bouncing around from one to the other.
: : : (i.e. One day I ask a question and I get a certain answer and the next I ask again and get a different answer. Depending on which part of me is most prevalent at that time.)

[Mystress]

 What, shortcuts? Heh. Enlightenment fast food? Chinese curse?

  Whether it is one ego or many, the process is the same. Surrender everything, send the cooties into the light. Test the guides, test the DB.

  You are all of them and none of them. Ignore voices, concentrate on the physical sensations of discernment telling you to surrender stuff.

 Get grounded. Back to basics, eh? You have been away from the lessons for too long...

 Most of us have different hats: we are different at work, than at home, or with family.

 I spent time with someone who was diagnosed Multiple persona. She cured herself briefly by simply practicing grounding, and not listening or believing in any of it until the voices fell silent... knowing, none of them was really her. She was the listener... and when her mind fell silent, she was free. She did not give the voices power.

 I had the opportunity to see the nature of the alternate personalities: I called them her ducklings, because it was the same impression effect, creating little dysfunctional egos.

 A newly hatched baby duck, will latch onto the first big thing it sees moving, as "parent" and follow it ever-after, even if it is a dog, or a person. The baby duck will assume it is also a dog, or a person. The same phenomena in a person with weak boundaries and too much empathy, was birthing alternate personalities to deal with different people or situations. Little egos.

 Each one was like a rag doll made of the karma she picked up from empathy with someone, and shaped into a defense against them, sometimes as an appearance of becoming what they wanted, but with hidden resistance. The alters did not all know about each other, so she was missing time... none of them I think, had all her life's memories... but memories would return as the voices faded.  A lot of them were attached to specific jobs or partners, people she had spent time with.., and some of those people were giant monsters in her mind.

 We planted a garden together, she said she had never gardened. I taught her.  Some months later she remembered she had been a professional landscaper tending a cemetery for several years, and actually was a better gardener than I. I cannot imagine what it would be like, to have one's linear history so fragmented that years are lost to an alternate persona.

 Karma is, ego fragments... dysfunctional bits of personality. The fragments would sort of clump together into a sock puppet of the person they came from, and she would become the sock puppet, reflecting... and become lost in it. What happens with egos anyway, childhood development but fragmented.

 Focusing on the silence, she evolved to a place where she understood it all, for a while.

The wheel turns, she fell into listening to the voices again, but some of the sock puppets wanted no part of surrender.. listening to them, she became resistant to me... she turned into someone who understood nothing of energy, empathy or surrender.

  She made a new sock puppet out of all of their resistance to me... because they felt I wanted them dead.. and they were right! Into the light with you all...!  Let Goddess sort them and integrate them.

 It was strange. She became a different person around druid than around me, we both watched the transformations. What do you do? Free Will is Goddess Law.  

 She was staying in my house, at the time. I hung in for as long as I could, I really loved her.  We weren't lovers... she was an ex-junkie, ex-mormon grandmother with a scarcity of teeth and hilarious wit... She stayed in the guest room for months at a time, helping with the gardening and housework, hanging out. She said it was like volunteering at church, caring for the temple.  

 Funny, what I later found out was the change. A year later she turned into someone who could explain it. The real woman was inside, watching the sock puppet in control of her body and unable to stop it.

 When she was here, my Shaktipat goodnight hugs blew off the day's karmic debris and she got deep quality sleep, instead of being insomniac with fears and voices... the karmic lint of the day. I guess we missed a few nights.  

 Eventually, empathy with her crazy and resistance during one paranoid episode via email thrashed my mind and my immune system yet again, worse... and I had to break from her completely to get myself back. It was messy. I was getting a post-traumatic stress reaction to seeing her name in my email for years after.  

 I just won't go to the mat for people like that, anymore... Free Will is Goddess law. I cannot make anyone love themselves enough to make practice of spiritual devotion a priority. They have to love themselves enough, love Goddess within themselves enough to know they are worth the daily effort of spiritual practice. If they don't believe they are worth it, there is nothing I can do.  

  Over and over, I see the connection between mental health and energy hygiene.  As Gustaf put so eloquently, the real "you" is that place of silence in the heart.

  Everything else, is noise but if you give it energy it becomes God for you.. or a new ego.  To be true to Goddess within yourself, and have none before... it is a strict discipline. Sometimes it takes years of surrender just to locate the silence.  

 The discipline is especially important, for those most prone to mental illness from weak boundaries: those who never grew proper healthy ego boundaries in the first place, because of child hood abuse... or those who accidentally deep-sixed the original ego with near death experience. Eh, that maybe describes a lot of my students...! Me too...

 For those, energy hygiene of surrender and practicing non-attachment is essential... you make new little egos with whatever you attach to, and they have to be surrendered every day, in every moment, to maintain a high enough vibe to be able to see them being formed, and weed them out before they have a chance to set root and become a new false you.

 Being able to see the shapes and fragments of ego, the karmic content to surrender it, is a siddhi of the higher chakras.  If you attach to something, other stuff builds up behind it like a log jam in a river.

 When the energy body gets too muddy, the upper chakras start to shut down and you lose the siddhi to see the stuff to clear it, or to even understand that it is stuff to be cleared, not attached to. The upper chakras close and you lose the wisdom perspectives and insights they offer. A fall from grace, into your personal hell... and you, stuck there, having forgotten what you did to get free, last time because the chakra closing took the information with it.  

 Slow and steady.  There are no shortcuts. That is why practice alone is often not enough. Life gets in the way of plans.

 For people with the disposition, attaching to something and having a fall from grace is inevitable, and so the importance of a supportive community of people willing to give you a reality check when you need one cannot be underestimated.

 For me, I am motivated, immersed, reminded to practice by the daily fact of teaching it. If I fall from grace even a little, then I am not fit to teach, and have to take a sabbatical.

  Blessings...

: I feel there are about 18 different me's inside of me. They each have their own personality and thoughts... I understand I should love them all... I'd like to ask in your wisdom can these me's be integrated or what should I do with them?

: Is there any ritual that I could do to fast track this? I'm tired of bouncing around from one to the other.
: (i.e. One day I ask a question and I get a certain answer and the next I ask again and get a different answer. Depending on which part of me is most prevalent at that time.)